Good Neighbors Ch. 108

There's a secret that I hide that only one other person knows. It's a secret that my late wife knew before she passed. Only my business partner knows the full extent of it. When I was little, my parents knew about my angry outbursts. They bought me a punching bag that was hung in the garage while I was growing up. My dad taught me that whenever I felt the urge to destroy something out of anger, I was to go to that punching bag and allow myself to exhaust myself hitting it instead of anything else. My hands would be hurting by the time I stopped, but there would be no more property damage.

When I first bought my house, I told Missy about it. We hung the bag in our garage just like my parents did in theirs. Missy knew that when I went into the garage, she was to allow me to be alone until the noise stopped. There would be a few moments before she would enter. Her arms would be around me and allow me to release any tears that were stored up.

My hands have been hitting the bag a bunch lately. Thoughts of Missy have been in my mind a bunch. The usual grief symptoms have a habit of sneaking in when I least desire them to. Contrary to what I thought would have happened, I never knew if my neighbor was let in on the secret. It was one thing I never mentioned to her and hoped to have never let her experience.

As a failsafe, Matt has a bag hiding in our building. We have a supply closet where he and I have the only keys. It was yesterday that I felt the need to take the elevator down there. I unlocked the door and slipped in before locking the door behind me. I took off my dress shirt, so I didn't sweat it out too much and I started hitting the bag. I just started to pour my heart into every punch until I felt it pass. I looked at the room as I sat to recover and started to feel how much I still missed her. No one could replace her in my heart, and it still felt a bit raw even though it was almost eight months still her passing.

The good news was that I felt better for the rest of the day. I sprayed on some deodorant until I reached my office and slipped into my shower there to hide the evidence. It's nice to have a private office with one in case of moments like that. As I retied my tie, I heard Aubrey entering the room.

"Did you have a good workout?"

I turned to look at her before smiling.

"It does help sometimes. What's going on?"

"Your neighbor was calling on your cell while you were occupied. She called me after to make sure you were okay."

My smile ebbed a little before I reached for my phone.

"Did she say why?"

"No, she didn't sound like she was in danger or anything."

I dialed her number and was happy to hear her voice.

"Hi Romeo, are you okay?"

"I'm good, why do you ask?"

"It's rare that you don't answer. But then again, you're at the office so you could have been in a meeting or something. Are you free for dinner tonight?"

"Of course. What are you thinking for dinner? Do I need to bring anything?"

"I think I have everything I'll need but a beautiful business guy to eat dinner with. Think you can bring that?"

"I'll be home as soon as I can after we lock up. Thank you for being a good girl for me."

"Just see what I have cooked up when you get home."

It was that last line that made me smile wider. I turned in my chair and saw Aubrey standing there with a grin on her face.

"Looks like I need to make sure you are clear this afternoon," she said before turning and heading towards her desk.

The rest of the day was quiet as I grabbed my briefcase and headed home. It wasn't until I was on the highway when Matt calls.

"You were hitting the bag again, huh?" he asked me.

"You are the only one who knows about why. It beats exploding again."

"You know all you have to do is call and I got you."

'The downside is that it was one of those things it would be hard to put into words. It's been almost eight months and it's still difficult sometimes."

"Make sure the spot you go to in Costa Rica has a gym just in case. Unless she knows."

"I never told her. I'm kind of scared to."

"She needs to know, Bro. Better to let her know ahead of time."

"Yeah, just haven't figured out how."

"You're a smart guy. You'll think of something."

It was after dinner as I was holding her that she started rubbing my hands.

"Rough day today?"

"Kind of."

"Your hands are super rough today, especially around the knuckles. You were hitting the bag today again?"

I looked at her in shock. Then I paused before I thought about my answer. She was scanning my face the whole time while I held her. The truth seemed a bit easier at that point.

"Yeah. I get those sometimes. I was thinking about Missy this morning and how unfair it was to lose her. She was my entire world and cancer took her away from me. I figured the bag could suffer the abuse better than anything else."

I felt her hug me tighter as I turned to look at her.

"How long have you known?"

"Missy told me. We were getting some things out of your garage, and I saw the bag. Then I saw Missy's face when I saw it. She broke down and explained it to me. I looked at her funny and asked how bad it was. She warned me that you do have your moments. She also explained that you never raised your hands in anger towards her, that you had enough control never to hit her or anything. She also said it was one reason you were super careful when spanking her or choking her. So I knew. I just figured you would tell me when you were ready."

I was stunned for a moment, but realized I had nothing to worry about.

"Mitchell was a boxer in high school. I could always tell when he was trying to relive those days whenever his hands felt like this. It always led to some deep talks afterwards and some cuddling after that. One reason I am hugging you so tightly."

I relaxed for the first time that day at that moment as I turned and kissed her on the forehead. Why is it that she always knew what I needed? I thought it was one of those questions that would have to wait for another day.