Gooning 101

Gooning 101

Porn. Virtually every guy in the world loves to watch porn. Men are extremely visually oriented whether they are looking at nude photos of drop dead sexy young women or watching a ball bustin' sex scene featuring their favorite porn star. As I progressed thru my twenties, my porn collection grew with numerous adult magazines plus the renting of x rated movies. Since I still did not have a VCR in my room, I was limited in time to schedule a proper masturbation session. I had to work around my college studies, my part-time job and the availability of the living room for access to the VCR (translation: Mom, Dad and Clay are not in the house). I learned in college that I was not particularly attractive nor was I ugly either. I had a semi-cute face, but my major disadvantage was my pale complexion. I discovered that women desired men that were tall, dark and handsome. I stood 5' 11" which is certainly far from short, but I was always the whitest kid/person/guy in any class or work environment. As a young adult, I found it rather difficult in obtaining dates with women (particularly attractive women).

My dating history was rather spotty until my mid 20s (yes, I was still a virgin in my mid-20s.) when I met a thin 5' 4" brunette named Melanie at my workplace. On a scale of 1-10, she scored around a 5 or 6 particularly with a somewhat pretty face. We were soon doing the wild thing 2 or 3 nights a week. The sex was fun but when she was nude, I was always measuring her looks against the girls I was viewing in Playboy (Jenny McCarthy particularly), Penthouse or the hot 1990s porn stars (Celeste, Jenna Jameson, Racquel Darrian, Stacy Valentine and Ashlyn Gere).

I previously mentioned that Melanie was thin, but unfortunately this translated into a very flat chested young woman. When she was in the bathroom at my apartment after an exciting hour of sexual activity. I looked at her bra and checked her bra size -- 30A. This is not only flat, but it is very, very flat. At this size I could obviously not grab a handful of tit, but I could not even grab a finger full of boob. I loved watching my favorite porn stars on the receiving end of major league tit fucking sessions with the spurting cum providing a creamy white necklace on the girl's upper chest and neck. My tit play with Melanie was limited to sucking, licking and pinching her nipples because there was no boob to play with. It became very frustrating. For the best visual representation of Melanie's pancake tits, google the porn star, Rachel James.

With 2 degrees in engineering, I am very quantitative and mathematical in analysis of various subjects. This extended to my analysis of breast size. After much research, I discovered a chart converting a woman's breast size to cubic centimeters (cc). My sweet Melanie's breast size (30A) converted to 180 cc. As a point of comparison, Jenny McCarthy's bra size (as per Playboy Magazine October 1993) was 38C. This equates to 710 cc. Utilizing my unique division skills which I learned in the fourth grade, Jenny's boobs were 3.94X larger than my girlfriend Melanie's. Jenny's boobs were basically 300% larger. According to Wikipedia, Jenny was selected out of 10,000 applicants. So apparently my baseline for dating partners is ideally in the 99.99% percentile. Do the words "out of your league" come to mind?

After about 2 1/2 years, Melanie and I eventually broke up. By this time, I was now working at another location where I met another brunette named Evelyn. Evelyn's pretty face coupled with a cute dimple on her right cheek drew my attention. Her black hair spilled down slightly past her shoulder. After several months working with her, we began dating. Soon we were hot and heavy in the bedroom. She stood about 5' 3" but with her ever so slightly plumb body of 135 pounds she sported a decent pair of boobs (33C) equating to 435cc. 33C is not a conventional bra size; Evelyn conveyed to me that a 32C bra was too small for her and a 34C bra was too large. An easy interpolation yields a 33C breast size. On the Jenny McCarthy scale, Jenny was only 1.63 times larger. 435cc was also 2.41X larger than Melanie's boobs (Yes.... I am a math geek).

Evelyn and I enjoyed a great relationship, and I the tit fucking was phenomenal. I even began considering marriage. However, Evelyn's looks began to somewhat deteriorate. After 18 months of dating, her weight had ballooned to 155 pounds (approximately). After another 9 months, she added another 20 pounds (approximately). Five foot three and 175 pounds on a thirty-year-old woman (or any woman) is not a good look. She was 20 pounds heavier than me as well as 8 inches shorter. Another 20-30 pounds and I would be dating a bowling ball. The additional 40 pounds was too much (pun intended), and I broke up with her. Why she would gain so much weight while we were in a serious relationship is still a mystery to me.

Now in my early thirties, I did not have any steady relationships with women; however, I was dating occasionally. My looks (particularly my extremely pale complexion) were somewhat limiting my selection of dating partners. Obtaining a date with a girl that was higher than a seven was virtually impossible. At one of my places of employment, I developed a huge crush on a beautiful brunette named Gwen who bore a striking resemblance to a young Sara Evans, the country music star. I asked for her phone number on three separate occasions knowing all the while she was dating Greg, a tall, dark and handsome guy on the second floor who had played strong safety (football) at a Big 12 school.

From my careful observation, she had at least another 6-8 other suitors at our place of employment all of whom were objectively physically more attractive than myself. Rumors circulated that she had dated the star quarterback while she was in college at a then Division II school. Even after two years of fantasizing about fondling and kissing her 36C chest (my subjective approximation) while she was riding me cowgirl style, I knew I still had a chance to date her -- it was 1 in 1,000,000.

While we are on the subject of attractive female recording artists (such as country music star Sara Evans), what female singer revs your erotic engines? My vote for the hottest female singer of all time is Samantha Fox, a British blond bombshell, who recorded several hit singles in the late 1980s and early 1990s. The one song which is burned into my memory was "Touch Me (I Want Your Body)". When it played on MTV in February 1987, either me or Clay recorded the video on our VCR. I must have watched this 3-minute video several dozen times throughout 1987 and 1988. I remember masturbating to an orgasm in the living room at least once while watching the video when no one else was home. You can easily find nude pics on the internet of this buxom British sex goddess.

Although I graduated from college with two engineering degrees along with a minor in math, I was never able to accept the realities of the economics of dating: the supply of super attractive young women (99% percentile+) is extremely low while the demand for super attractive young women is extremely high. Girls at these lofty percentiles can command high prices thus dating pretty much whomever they wish. From an automobile perspective, these young hotties are brand new Ferraris. Can you afford a Ferrari? When I was in my twenties, I was driving a sexy four door baby blue Buick Skylark sedan. Is that a babe magnet or what?

Gwen eventually broke up with Greg and changed careers; she entered the lucrative home real estate market. She eventually parlayed her good looks and married a commercial real estate developer. Gwen is now 48 and has 2 children and lives in a $1.85 Million dollar mini mansion in North Carolina.

All of my dates were girls which I would rate as 4, 5 or 6 on the 10-point scale. Evelyn was a 7/10 (before the weight gain), and I dated one other girl about six times in the early 2000s who was a 7/10. All the while, I am watching DVDs of porn stars such as Sylvia Saint, who was nothing short of a Czech Republic sex doll. Her angelic face and "36C-23-25" five-foot five-inch 110-pound body was absolutely mesmerizing. Her proclivity for reverse cowgirl anal scenes is burned in my memory. Now I had another huge crush on another girl (Sylvia Saint) in the 99.99% percentile.

For all the mathematicians in the audience: Sylvia's 36C breasts were equivalent to 590cc (only 20% smaller than Jenny McCarthy) but 36% larger than the largest boobs that I had ever handled. My other porn girlfriends around the turn of the century were Michelle Wilde, Stacy Silver and Jane Darling all of whom are Eastern European hotties who also enjoyed reverse cowgirl anal fucking. I have virtually all of their movies on my PC; unfortunately, all of their videos are in the 360 or 480p resolution format.

At the turn of the century, my main sources of porn entertainment were the men's magazines like Playboy and Penthouse as well as renting and buying X-rated DVDs. I purchased my first computer containing 256 GB of memory in 2000. After setting it up and playing with it for a couple of days, I found a photo of one of my favorite Penthouse Pets (KC Williams) on the internet. I followed some instructions and stumbled my way to downloading her picture. The next day I turned my PC on and eventually it progressed to the screensaver mode. I then saw KC Williams appearing on my PC over and over. As a newbie home PC user, I was somewhat puzzled, but I then downloaded about 15 more photos which included 2 more Penthouse Pets (Stacy Moran and Elizabeth Ann Hilden). I then waited. My screensaver soon kicked in and I was now watching a loop of KC, Stacy and Elizabeth on my 19" big box monitor. I completely understood the gold mine that I had just discovered.

The gold rush was on as I began downloading pictures of every attractive female on the internet. Online paid subscriptions to Playboy and Penthouse soon followed. Down-load speeds were insanely slow, but I had no baseline to judge their speed. At that time, I was perfectly content for a Playboy Playmate photo to completely download in about 45-60 seconds. Within 3 years, my sexy photo collection grew to between 4 and 5 thousand. I still conducted my intense masturbation sessions sitting on a very thick blanket on the carpet while 10 or 11 soft porn and hardcore porn magazines lie in front of me or propped up against my coffee table. My PC and monitor were 7 ft behind me in my small 750 square foot apartment.

Good fortune was my friend as I was taking my trash to the dumpster. Someone left an 18" by 24" mirror by the dumpster (as trash). A eureka moment flashed before my eyes; I hurried back to my apartment and propped the mirror against my coffee table. I then twisted the hefty monitor almost 180 degrees such that it was pointed toward the mirror. After sitting down in my masturbation spot on the floor, I proceeded to tweak and adjust the exact proper angle to maximum the viewing experience from my monitor to my eyes via the mirror.

Saturday night I sat on the floor with my magazines and a rather decent view of the stream of nude women streaming one by one across the monitor (and then reflected on the mirror). I adjusted the speed for about 8 seconds with a 2 second transition between photos. I was viewing 6 nude girls per minute on the monitor plus the bevy of girls spread out on the floor in front of me in the magazines. This was in addition to the DVD movies on my TV via the DVD player.

Within about a year or so, I purchased a small inexpensive 15-inch flat screen monitor which I placed on the floor in front of me. I now no longer needed the mirror. My goon cave had taken a baby step. The remainder of the 2000s had no major upgrades other than a larger flat monitor for my floor (connected to the PC) and thousands more photo downloads. The magazines and DVDs remained crucial components of my gooning experience.

As the new decade of the teens (2010-2019) began, I purchased an extremely advanced computer when compared to my ancient 10-year-old PC. My gooning experiences than took another step as I discovered I could not only down-load photos of sexy women, but I also could now down-load videos (mostly 480 and 720 psi). The second gold rush had now begun as I spent numerous hours downloading the scenes from my favorite and hottest porn stars. For me, it was all about the attractiveness of the girl, the picture quality of the videos, the picturesque location of the video ((bedroom, laundry room, couch, bathroom, shower, kitchen, beach, pool, office, mountain scene or even in a meadow, etc.) and the scene distribution). In other words, my favorite porn angle is watching a girl with a smokin' hot body pointed directly at the camera performing the reverse cowgirl position whether she is taking it in the pussy or ass or both (if it is a double penetration). My eyes are transfixed on the screen as her melons are bouncing up and down as a 7-inch mushroom shaped pecker rapidly thrusts upward into her now wet and dripping honey pot or into her tight back door.

On the flip side, my least favorite scene is watching a doggy-style sex scene. Therefore, the videos I down-loaded maximized the time spent in reverse cowgirl and minimized time spent with doggy-style. I also enjoyed watching new and unique sex positions. Cunnilingus and fellatio scenes were fun but did not push my buttons like the reverse cowgirl position. I am also fond of massive female ejaculation scenes where the guy is rapidly shoving two or three of his fingers in her pussy while streams of pussy juice fly thru the air (sometimes hitting the camera!).

Paid subscriptions soon followed to include premium adult web sites which included the downloading of full-length videos as well as stills (photos) taken from the on-location video shoots. 720p and then 1080p video resolution were soon on the scene so that my videos were now a mixture of the old 360/480p screen resolutions and the much improved 720 and 1080. Gianna Michaels, Mandy Dee, Tasha Reign, Hanna Hilton and Britney Beth were my favorite porn stars during the late 2000s into the early to mid- 2010s with Gianna appearing earlier and Tasha, Mandy, Hanna and Britney arriving around 2011 or 2012. Mandy Dee, a blond Russian bombshell, is the most spectacular looking porn star that I have ever laid eyes upon. If you google "Mandy Dee + lollipop", you will undoubtedly be viewing the hottest porn scene ever produced; ensure that you are watching the full length 36-minute version, which includes anal gaping and anal fucking. I recommend that you do not go straight away to the hardcore sex action; allow the scene to develop as Mandy peels off her winter clothes before the naughty last 2/3rds of the scene unfolds. Gianna, Tasha, Mandy, Hanna and Britney have chest measurements of 38F, 34D,34E, 34E and 34D, respectively.

My gooning cave experience took another step forward with the purchase (download) of a slideshow screensaver. This software was a complete gamechanger. Prior to purchasing this software, my viewing of nude photos was using the aforementioned basic Windows screensaver where one girl at a time would careen across my desktop every 8 seconds or so. The screensaver application allows the user to select a folder or folders on your computer. Once selected, the app displays all of your portrait and landscape photos WALL TO WALL on your screen all the while scrolling through all the images (in other words -- a scrolling photo wall). I have the speed selected so that I can view 15 photos per minute on 1 computer screen.

Another nifty device is a gyro which allows me to control my PC while comfortably sitting in my recliner. A dongle is attached to the PC which wirelessly connects the remote with the PC. I can then pause the screensaver at any point; if one of my favorite Playboy Playmates, Penthouse Pets, porn stars or hot Eastern European nude models is on the screen, I simply hit pause to gaze at her for as long as I wish (actually the screensaver begins rolling again after about 5-6 minutes, but I get a really good look - for significantly more time than the 14-15 seconds she would be on the screen without a pause). My PC is connected via HDMI cable to my 55-inch Sony TV creating an amazing viewing experience.

My downloading of nude photos and adult movies continued through the late 2010s into the early 2020s. I then bought an additional 40 Inch TV and placed it on a universal TV stand 5 ft in front of me and to the left of my 55 Inch Sony - which was directly 12 ft in front of me. An HDMI cable from an additional HDMI port on my PC connected to the 40 Inch TV. This smaller TV then became the source of my video porn while the 55-inch continued to serve up the continuous rolling photo wall screensaver of nude photos. A 15-inch laptop, which also contained the slideshow screensaver app provided a third video source. The goon cave was expanding. The next evolution was to begin snapping screenshots of the movies. As a movie plays on the screen, a simple [ Windows + Print Screen] push on my keyboard immediately delivers a screenshot of a scene embedded within one of my porn movies. Thousands of more nude photos were developed in this fashion.

As I discovered more technology and applications on the internet, I discovered a software application enabling the user to edit videos by slicing and dicing the videos to any segment or length desired. I began developing video clips from my full-length adult movies. I intentionally created 8 second, 15-second and 1-minute clips. The previously referenced slideshow screensaver also has a capability for "Video and Animation." After adding the video clips to the screensaver, my screensaver now intersperses the nude pictures, X-rated screenshots with the various video clips on my 55-inch TV. When the small 4-10 second GIFs (Graphics Interchange Format) arrived on the scene in or around 2020, I began downloading hundreds of these as well.

Another software application which I downloaded allows the user to watch as many as 16 separate video screens on your PC at the same time. The capability is more complex than it first appears; one can open one video after another that is in a particular folder or folders on your computer. The app will play the videos one after another in non-stop fashion. 16 scenes are too many for me; I prefer the four-screen format. With my thousands of eight second clips, I use this app to play these on the four quadrants of my PC. The app rolls thru one clip after another providing continuous four screen action of hard-core porn.

Utilizing yet another app (an on-screen recording application) which I purchased, I subsequently record the rolling 4 screen porn on my PC. I record about 2 hours or so and then I use this recording app to slice these into 15 second segments. Each of the four quadrants of the screen rolls to another video until the 15 seconds expires. I have hundreds of these 15 second clips. Using this recording app, I also record one-minute clips of the latest and greatest top-rated porn scenes of my now favorite girls (Gabbie Carter, Lana Rhodes, Lena Paul and Brandi Love). With the arrival of the mid to late 2010s, most of my video porn collection is now in 720 or 1080p. If you are into MILFs, Brandi Love is most likely the hottest 40 something woman on the planet.

Another useful app for me has been a collage maker. The collage maker provides the user the ability to create a photo collage of several photos. I usually combine either 3 or 4 portrait pictures as one collage and then combine four landscape photos to create another singular collage. I have created thousands of collages in both formats. I create collages of different women as well as collages of the same girl in different poses. Another unique feature for my photos is the name identification of the photos. Over 95% of my pictures have the girl's name visible on the image ("saved as" -- typed girl's name) on the saved picture myself; thus, as my photo wall scrolls, I have more than just a nude or topless beauty but an "emotional identification" with the young attractive female.