Gooning 101

Other masturbation techniques which I have tried but have since discarded include the following: (1) wearing black thigh nylon stockings with red stripper style open toed high heels (2) matching red crotchless panties (3) painting my toenails red. The anticipation of wearing the sexy nylons, high heels and painting my toenails red exceeded the experience itself. I enjoy the physical contact of my nude torso and legs against my leather chair - which was somewhat negated by both the nylons as well as the crotchless panties. I also found that I was significantly more comfortable lying barefooted in my chair rather than having the 4-inch shoes attached to my feet. The toenail painting was simply too much of a hassle (the cost/benefit ratio was unfavorable). However, on occasion I enjoy wearing the crotchless panties and the silky blouse as I am lounging around the house. I can play with my nipples through the fabric and then watch my love muscle salute the flag.

I have added yet another unique escapade to the gooning. I use my smart phone to tape my screams, moans, and squeals. I then move these to my computer and use editing software to only keep the super intense erotic noises. I now have almost 14 minutes of my most enjoyable edging moans and grunts; I listen to these at some point in time during my masturbation adventures.

I have also created another audio gem to place my bloated blue balls in a pornographic pressure cooker. Using the scrolling screensaver app, I program the software to only show the "video and animation" segments of my porn portfolio. This removes the nude pictures leaving only the porn video clips. As I launch the video clips on my PC, I activate the voice memos on my smart phone and begin recording both the male and female orgasmic screams, moans and downright filthy obscenities. I taped three consecutive hours of these naughty outbursts. I moved these back to my PC and sliced the three hours into nine separate twenty-minute segments. I now have nine playlists which I simply named Sex Sounds #1, Sex Sounds #2, etc. I will occasionally play these in the car on extended drives or on road trip vacations.

At times I will also supplement my gooning sessions with this audio erotic entertainment. If I swallow an n erection enhancing tablet before a trip, I can maintain almost one quarter of an erection for a least a portion of the trip (assuming I have refrained from ejaculating for at least the previous 2-3 weeks).

As you might guess, I keep a record of each masturbation session as to its length and date and time of the gooning. Last year I recorded 151 gooning sessions lasting a total of 465 hours. This equates to an average of 2.9 times per week which includes my post orgasm week(s) off. This also equates to an average of 8.9 hours/week of unadulterated sexual bliss - viewing the most attractive young females gleaned from hundreds of adult magazines, nude models, internet videos, VHS tapes, DVDs, adult web sites and video streaming from the early 1960s too today. I most likely have a photo or a video of almost every drop-dead gorgeous girl that has ever posed nude or bounced up and down on a cock (on film).

Yet another experience I have added to my gooning repertoire is an excel spreadsheet sitting on the end table adjacent to my leather chair. The spreadsheet contains the names of my top 320 Playboy Playmates, Penthouse Pets, other adult magazine models, nude internet models and porn stars. I have included beside each of their names their measurements, bra size, weight, place of birth and their breast size in cc (cubic centimeters). As I alluded to earlier, I find that the cubic centimeter measurement more accurately depicts a girl's breast size than the traditional 34C, 36D, 38C, etc. As a delicious nude cutie scrolls in front of me on one of my screens, I occasionally reference her in the spreadsheet to remind me how big her tatas are. I have memorized approximately half the cc size of each of my 320 favorites. Geographically speaking, California and Europe (including Great Britain) are disproportionately represented among my buxom showstopping vixens.

If you google "Gabriella Hunter", you will find the girl with the biggest melons in my porn collection. She clocks in at an enormous 1,580 cubic centimeters. As a point of reference, Sofia Vergara, current star of "America's Got Talent" and former star of "Modern Family" sports 850 cc of hooters. The model Kate Upton is probably tied with Sofia Vergara as the most famous celebrity with the largest breasts at 34D or 34E - depending on the internet source. 34E is equivalent to 850cc. Charlotte McKinney, a somewhat obscure but buxom glamour model, boasts 38F (1370 cc) twins. Taylor Swift, who is obviously a very attractive and talented young woman, has 310 cc boobies. Gwen Stefani, another famous singer, is even smaller at 275 cc.

My 320 porn girlfriends average 705 cc which is almost 2.3 times as large as Taylor Swift's. Based on my research, the majority of attractive young American female entertainers (TV, movies, music, etc.) contain 480 cc (or less) of air bags. My subjective opinion is that the average bra size of young twentysomething women (with narrow 24-inch waists) generally are 32B/34A (310 ccs). My nude model/porn girlfriends are again 2.3x larger than your typical thin young woman.

Remember on an 8th grade test when the question was to compare and contrast subject X versus subject Y. I wanted to go even further and compare my voluptuous babes to Victoria's Secret (VS) models. I discovered a web site which lists the size of a staggering twenty-eight VS models. After tabulating the results, these models posted an average of 339 cc of boob. In layman's terms, this is almost halfway between a 32B and 34B. The smallest was 30A (180 cc) and the largest was 36C (590 cc). Nonetheless, my sexy porn girlfriends boast 108% (705/339) larger bazoombas than the popular VS girls.

Part of my gooning experience is meditating on the fact that my girls on my screens have tits twice as large as the hottest girls seen on TV, the movies, Victoria's Secret or simply strolling the mall. This thought is an absolute huge turn on for me. As I had mentioned earlier, my first girlfriend, Melanie, carried 180 cc of hooters. While I was dating Melanie, boob deprivation played a major role in my life. Gabriella Hunter, my most bosomy porn girlfriend, has boobs 877% larger than Melanie's! (and yes, I have delightfully popped my cork on at least two or three occasions while gazing intently at a collage of Gabriella's photos on my TV). One could lose a small kitten between Gabriella's cleavage. For informational purposes, Gabriella is a nude brunette glamour model from the Czech Republic and is not a porn star.

Two other Eastern European glamour models which will give your cock a purple engorged hissy fit are Raylene Richards and Tchikita (or aka Cikita). There are literally thousands of nude or topless photos on the web showcasing these two beauties. Unfortunately, neither performed in hard-core movies, but they are both worthy of gooning investigation.

It is important to note that the gooning experience (particularly after at least 3 weeks of abstinence from cumming - plus an additional 3-4 hours deep in a mind-altering marathon masturbation session) is beyond description. The experience becomes as much mental as physical. The enormous intensity and pressure mounting on my genitals becomes almost unbearable. Not only am I moaning, screaming, squealing, shouting loud obscenities, hollering unintelligible gibberish and making deep guttural sounds, one eye sometimes begins to slowly tear as I experience what I would describe as hallucinogenic blue balls pain. This is usually the occasion that my feet start flying into the air and small drops of drool are dripping from the right side of my mouth. At this point in time my entire goal and purpose in life is not allowing my dam to burst in orgasmic delight.

Some porn critics are advocates of "no fap"; my motto is "fap but do not cum." I set a record last year for the fewest orgasms - 11 for the entire year. This does not include a couple of "accidents" last year when my girls prematurely launched me over the orgasmic cliff. The word edging was not coined inadvertently. If you get too close to the edge, my high protein prick liquid spurts forth and slides over/down the cliff. Statistically, l define these as "outliers" and purposefully do not include them in my data set (count). The previous year was sixteen (not including two or three accidents as well); prior to that I did not keep track. My goal for this year is 10 (one every 5.2 weeks).

I was concerned that my low ejaculation frequency would increase my risk of prostate cancer, and some research has indicated as such. However, more recent research has not conclusively found a link between ejaculation frequency and prostate cancer. Before beginning gooning two years ago, I averaged 2-4 orgasms per week; therefore, I have cleaned my pipes quite frequently (at least until two years ago). My recommendation is to consult your physician if you wish to create a mind-blowing blue ball experience and reduce your ejaculation frequency. My doctor is cool with my scarcity of orgasms.

Although my collection of porn is not the largest in the world, I am very choosy in my selection of my nude centerfolds/models and porn stars. None of my sexy hotties are below the 98% percentile in attractiveness and the overwhelming majority of them are at or above 99.5% percentile (this comparison is based upon the attractiveness of my girls versus the attractiveness of American girls between the ages of 18-29 in the general population). I have watched a boatload of porn (particularly internet porn now), and there is a paucity of nude attractive women on the internet.

For those who remember the 1980s-1990s, Playboy Playmates (and to some extent Penthouse Pets) were the gold standard for attractive women. Very few of the nude women on the internet can match their good looks. Over the next 10 years this may change as AI technology becomes more and more effective and efficient in creating women that are more beautiful than even the hottest women on the planet. Another development that I and other porn fans will immensely enjoy will be AI video. Imagine downloading or creating an adult video of your fantasy girl -- not the girl placed in the scene by a porn production company, but your own personal sexual fantasy.

By the year 2040, there will be 10s of thousands of adult videos containing the most jaw dropping AI generated young starlets in ball bustin' sex scenes filmed in 4K, 8K or most likely 16K video resolution. The new scenes may also incorporate some advanced technology above and beyond the VR (virtual reality) porn found in some of today's erotic films. My personal favorite would be an AI created boy/girl (or perhaps an orgy) sex scene filmed completely in zero gravity with the hot young couple (or couples) bouncing off the walls, the ceiling and the floor. Can you imagine the new and adventurous sex positions discovered in this environment?

I can spend a couple or three hours at a local mall and not see one girl that looks even remotely close to the gorgeous knockouts on my computer. Having said that, I can confess that about every 9 months or so I will publicly see a girl that can match (the good looks) of the vixens on my PC. The exception to this rule is obviously the strip (topless) clubs which can have several 98-100% percentile babes dancing on busy Friday and Saturday nights.

By the numbers, I have 268 GB (gigabytes) of photos and video clips plus an additional 2.43 TB (terabytes) of full-length adult movies. This sums to 2.7 TB which is an enormous amount but most likely nowhere near the world's largest collection. My data backup process is extensive in that I have 2 large external hard drives in my home plus one in the glove compartment of my car and another in a safe deposit box. Obviously, each of the backup drives is not 100% "backed up" at a single snapshot in time, but one of the drives does provide a daily backup, and I routinely (about every 3 months) will copy new data to the other external hard drives. In football terminology, I have a starting quarterback plus a QB2, QB3 and a QB4. A separate hard drive in my PC has a partial (60%) backup. This is my QB4.5.

Based upon my goon platform (TVs, displays, computers, media room, silk scarf, silk blouse, satiny pajama pants, talcum powder, sexy audio recordings, etc.) as well as the enormous amount of time I spend in a highly elevated level of erotic arousal, I would argue that I am one of the most sexually satisfied guys in the world - who does not have a physical relationship with a spouse or partner.

Having said all that, the counter argument is that this is simply a middle-aged guy without a girlfriend or wife who throughout his life pursued unrealistic expectations. This is not only a valid argument but is most likely true. When I was consistently looking at perfect 10 girls in magazines, videos, DVDs or the internet, I found it virtually impossible to chase women whom I did not find physically attractive. From my college years to today, I viewed women through a lens based completely on their looks. This fact is not something to be proud of. Do I have any regrets -- none as of yet. Who knows what the future holds, but sensual pleasure plays an overwhelming and enjoyable role at this juncture in my life.