All Comments on 'Greg's Awakening'

You really need an editor - so many mistakes it made it hard to wade through the dialogue.

I couldn't even finish the first page. This was just so painful to read. Seems like you might have a nice story, but it's too hard to follow.

I couldn't get past halfway through the first page! If you can't find an editor try reading them story out loud, then you'll find it doesn't make sense.

That being said it could be an interesting story with a lot of work.

Like the premise. You write like I do, which means need a proof reader editor. Well done looking forward to next instalment even with issues. Keep it up lots of promise.

I like where you are going with this, keep up the writing. I did only do 4 stars as you need a proofreader, but only for some little things.

Premise was interesting. I'd like to see you write more.

The switching back and forth from third person and first person was the hardest part for me to read. If you want to use third person, yet you wish to have him speak to another or show the thought as his own, set it aside as a quote. ex: Greg thought to himself, "I love my wife's butt so much. Hell, if it were on a man, I'd think about switching teams."

The non-capitalization of names was a bit jarring as well. It was especially jarring, because most writing programs catch it. Heck, even writing Greg as greg here, shows up as a typo on my comp.

There are few other criticisms, but taking care of basic proof reading and editing should be the first concern. Stylistic choices can wait as you write more and discover your own voice.

I appreciate your work, and hope to see more from you in the future. The best way to improve, is to continue to practice. Also, there are several great writing advice submissions on this site. You should peruse those as well.

I wanted to read your story, and I wanted to like it. However, your junior high quality grammar thwarted my efforts.

For example, let’s play ‘spot the misuse’ in the following sentence “Greg's former athletic body, had grown fat nay obese he found himself avoiding leaning over too much. Least the new ugly body he wore would come into view. However he could tell there was a pair of pants behind him.“ I got six errors.

Laziness like that is just an insult to your readers, and it shows an indifference to your work. If you value your output so little what makes you imagine anyone else will value it more highly?

I have a lot of content written. I know I need an editor but this was pretty much a dare. I'd been toying with the idea of posting and honestly expected this to be a train wreck. I'll be working on polishing this a lot. I usually prefer the first person so even though this is supposed to be third person i find myself falling into first person. Apologies but, thanks for taking the time to read through.

When will you write the next installments

Can't wait

The higher rating is due to the interesting storyline. It’s a great start. However as others have commented you need editing . Please keep riding. Panther fan.

Everything's wrong with this story. It switches for no apparent reason between third person and first person. Grammar, spelling, you name it. Aaaah. There might be a good story hiding in there, but the telling completely obscures it.