Grumpy Old Ladies

The best part was in the middle, when Gibby's boss sat on her face, backwards, and played with Gibby's boobs, and Donna was using the remote to step up the speed of the fuck machine to match her racing heart, feeling that moment of perfect pleasure start to wash over her, when she heard a sound behind her at the door.

Magda stood there, smirking at her, with her arms folded, leaning against the door frame. "Good choice," she said.

Donna had already passed the point of no return, and all she could do was clench to try and hide what was happening inside of her. To try to hide an orgasm. She bit her lip, and squeezed down on the toy, and raked her fingers across the bedsheet beneath her. Her face felt ridiculously hot, and her ears were pounding with the sound of her own heart beat. She's watching me come, she thought. Oh God, she can see everything.

When she could finally get her fingers to answer her brain, she reached for the remote, but instead of turning it off she turned it up by accident, and she let out a long wail as the veiny rubber dong railed her with gusto. Magda cackled beside her, and by the time Donna got the machine under control she could hear Magda's heels clacking back down the hallway and down the stairs.

"Don't stop on my account," she called, as she hit the landing. "I just forgot to bring my lunch. Do you want me to warm you up some soup? I've got chicken noodle."

Donna's jaw fell slack, and she propped herself up on her elbows. "I... I already ate," she yelled back, which was technically true.

"Okay," Magda called back. "Hey, I got a new one last week that has the same girl in it. Gilly, or... G something. What was her name?"

"Gibby," Donna said, voice quavering.

"Yeah, her. I don't watch the plot scenes in these, so I don't really know what that one is about. I always just skip to the fucking. The disk for that new one might still be in the closet, but check it out. She's got her hair dyed red in that one. I think you'll like it."

"You don't... mind if I keep going?"

"We're gonna be gone almost a week," Magda yelled back, laughing. "I did the same thing last night. Knocked out four of them and felt a whole lot better." The sound of keys jangling. "I'm gonna pick up lunch instead, give you a little privacy, so you keep going for as long as you like."

"Th...thanks?" Donna said, just as the front door closed shut. She laid there for a moment, still catching her breath. She could hear Magda laughing outside as she got into her car and drove off, which was a good sign that Magda hadn't been lying and that it was, in fact, okay for her to be there, and that she really didn't mind.

Donna fell back on the bed, closed her eyes, and turned the machine back on, but this time she didn't turn the DVD back on. She just let the feeling feel as good as it did, and retreated into her mind.

***

Early the following morning Magda walked into Donna's kitchen. Donna, harrowed by a poorly slept night agonizing over getting caught in action, scurried around and tried to get her thoughts in order.

"Do you want ham or turkey in your sandwiches? I've got coffee in the thermos, and..." She made a sound in her throat as she rifled through her refrigerator.

Magda raised her eyebrows. "You're packing food?"

"Well... I thought... it's a long drive, and Ollie always wanted to drive str..." She trailed off when she saw Magda smiling. "What?"

"I thought we'd stop for lunch at this lakeside diner on the way. I always stop there. It's the best."

Donna nodded, then looked at her half-made sandwiches and didn't know what to do. Her cheeks were burning, and even when Magda seemed completely natural she felt anything but. "I'll just... dump these then."

"Hey, please don't," Magda said. "How about you finish them and we can eat them for breakfast on the way?"

In a hushed voice, Donna said, "Ollie never let anyone eat in the car. I still don't."

Magda smiled when Donna stopped long enough to look in her direction. "I'm not Ollie. My car is a yes-eat-zone and most definitely a yes-drink-coffee-zone."

"Okay, okay then," Donna managed and finished the sandwiches.

Ten minutes later, the country road stretched in front of them. Donna held a mug of coffee, very careful not to spill it, and marveled at the ridiculous naughtiness of eating in the car. Magda drove with one hand and nibbled on the sandwich in her other hand.

"Mm. You make the best sandwiches."

Donna sipped her coffee. She was too nervous to eat.

Magda cast glances at her and the package of sandwiches in her lap. When she'd finished the first one, she wiped her mouth with a paper napkin and reached for her coffee cup, which was in the cupholder on the center console, dropping the sandwich wrapper carelessly on the floor.

Donna gasped and reached for it. "You'll spread the crumbs all over!"

"And?" she said, with a grin that begged for Donna to answer her. "It's okay, really. I'll clean it later. It'll be fine, and that was insanely good. What were the others you made? Turkey? You know, I'm not even hungry but please give me another one."

Donna unwrapped one with shaking fingers and handed it over. Magda bit in and let out an exaggerated moan of delight.

"Why aren't you eating?" Magda asked, her voice garbled from chewing.

"I'm just... I think..."

"You're thinking about yesterday?"

"Mm-hm," Donna said, and busied herself with unwrapping her sandwich. Suddenly, eating seemed like a good way to get out of answering. She could feel her cheeks burning and knew she had bright red patches on her cheeks.

"Hey," Magda said, and when Donna didn't look at her, nudged her shoulder with her sandwich arm. They locked eyes for a few seconds, and then Magda turned her eyes back on the road. "I did know you were using it, didn't I? What are you so flustered about?"

Donna shrugged and took a tiny bite. The sandwich tasted like cardboard and she washed it down with coffee. She usually had her coffee black, but Magda drank hers with cream, and she had filled the thermos with creamy latte. It tasted decadently greasy and smooth in her mouth.

"Hey, Donna, you need to own that shit. So you masturbate. So what? It is a happy thing! Did you know that some percentage of women never masturbate in their lives?"

"What? Really?"

"Yeah! I read this article once. Forgot the number though."

"But... never as in never?"

"Yes."

Donna considered this and took another bite, slightly bigger. "Never?"

"That's what the article said. It was some kind of questionnaire survey if I remember correctly."

Donna chewed and sipped her coffee. She could get used to coffee with cream. "Actually, if asked a few years ago, I would have been in that category too. I mean, I did when I was young, but with Ollie... I don't even remember the last time. Before he... you know."

"Uh huh?"

Magda glanced sideways at Donna, then finished her second sandwich and let the wrapper float to the floor. Donna thought she probably did it on purpose. Magda reached for her cup, and Donna almost reached to hand it to her, but her gestures were so well accustomed that it gave the impression of doing this daily. Ollie had always been the kind of driver who kept his eyes on the road and his hands at ten and two. There was no mucking about.

"Okay," Magda said happily. "Maybe I'm just a wanker, then, because I always did. Even when Leo was still around." She stopped to wipe at her lips with the back of her hand. "Look, what I'm trying to say is that it's very much okay for you to do that, and I know you do, and I even know you use my equipment. I've told you to be my guest. There's no need to be all worried, okay?"

Donna managed a small smile and took another bite. The food had regained some of its flavor.

"Now, be a doll and put on some music, will ya? I've got a playlist for driving. See if you can find it in my iTunes, and just put it on shuffle."

Magda nodded towards her phone. Donna reached for it and found the playlist. Magda started to sing along, and Donna felt her mood lighten as she finished her sandwich. Sun was shining, the highway opened before them, and everything felt like an adventure.

***

Magda was right; the diner was delightful. It was small and homey and all its windows gave a pretty view of a small lake. On the other shore a few houses could be seen, and Magda explained the small village extended beyond that. They had salads, having binged on Donna's sandwiches on the way, but couldn't resist cheesecake with coffees. Their server, a cheerful older woman named Delilah who Magda said was actually the owner of the place, even sat down to chat with them for a few minutes when she had nothing coming out of the kitchen.

"Mm," Magda said with the same exaggerated moan of ecstasy she had used with Donna's sandwiches. "This cheesecake is to die for. Isn't it? Almost as good as yours," she said and smirked to Donna.

Donna tasted her raspberry flavored cheesecake and nodded enthusiastically. "Really, really good! But I usually add just a hint of mint, I think it brings out the flavor even better!"

Delilah laughed. "Too bad Sandra isn't here to hear that. She's my granddaughter, she bakes everything we serve. Me, I love the cooking, although Tom usually handles that when I'm out front, but I can't bake to save my life. In a few months you'll have to do with store-bought cookies."

"Oh?" Magda stopped with a spoon halfway to her mouth. "She's opting out?"

"She's moving out," Delilah said. "It's a shame but it is what it is. Her husband got work in Detroit and they have to go where the bread is. Small places like these have so little to offer."

An old man, a few booths down, gestured at Delilah, and she got up to go. Donna reached over to sneak a spoonful of Magda's lemon cake, and Magda did the same with hers.

"So good," Magda moaned. "But I'm serious that yours are better. You're an amazing baker, Donna."

"The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker," Donna said, and looked evaluatively at their plates. "Want a refill?"

"Dinner at Henry's, remember?" Magda looked off into the distance and smiled faintly. "I bet Deirdre made some dessert. She usually does."

***

Two hours later they stopped at Henry's. Henry and Deirdre were both at work, but Magda fished for a spare key with seasoned touch from a fake rock it was hidden in, and let them inside. Donna raised her eyebrows.

Magda said, "You didn't know where the key was?"

"Well, no," Donna said. "I... they usually visit us. I mean... me."

"Uh huh," Magda said. "I go by here once or twice a month since I have to come to the home office anyway. I don't always stop to visit, but I do often enough that Dierdre showed me where it was." She let them inside, replaced the key, and shut the door behind them. "Listen, I need to make a few phone calls so I'm gonna use their office. Will you be okay out here?"

"Of course," she replied, heading toward the living room. "I can entertain myself. I'm not five."

Magda gave her an unimpressed smirk. "Henry and Deirdre should be home in a few hours."

Donna sat on the sofa and leafed through a few magazines. She felt oddly unsettled. How come Magda visited her son more often than she did? And why, indeed, was it that Henry was the one who almost always drove to meet her? It was the same with all the kids, once she thought about it. She eyed around in the neat living room and it felt new, even when she had visited before.

Were they all afraid of her judging them?

***

Donna woke up with a start. She jolted again, when she realized she wasn't alone in the bed. The room was dark, and for a moment she was wildly disoriented.

"Ssh," said Magda, sleepily, and pulled her closer. "Mm o-kay."

She pulled Donna back, more tightly into her arms and spooning her from behind, and from the way she relaxed Donna was pretty sure she fell right back to sleep. Donna felt her breath on her upper back, how Magda's arm was heavy around her, holding Donna's wrist with a loose grip. Magda's body pressed along her back, following her all the way around her ass and to the crook of her knees. She was warm and comforting, and Donna let out a long sigh.

They had arrived at the hotel the previous night. It had been quite late, because they'd had such fun at Henry's that they had called ahead and asked for a late check in. When they'd arrived at the room, they were surprised to find only a single bed in a room large enough to fit the two queens they had requested, but as it was very wide they had decided not to make a fuss and just share the bed. By the feel of it, they had drifted closer together in the night, and now they were huddled together in the middle of the bed. Donna touched the sheet and it was cool in front of her. She must have slept close to Magda for a while now.

Magda let out a little snore. It made Donna smile.

Magda's proximity felt amazing. Donna felt safe and calm, and it took her a while to understand that the wonderful feeling was close to what she had once upon a time felt with Ollie. Mostly in the moments when they'd spent cuddling after sex. Ollie wasn't much of a cuddler. He was a heavy set man and got hot easily, and as they'd gotten older he had refused to sleep close to Donna anymore. But sometimes, right after sex, they had shared this kind of intimacy for a moment or two.

Donna lay in blissful peace and drifted in and out of sleep. All her concerns diminished, the world shrunk around them until all she focused on was Magda's heavy breathing. Maybe this was the mindfulness Christina was always going on about.

Magda's alarm went off and both of them startled. Magda let out a low rumble of curses and rolled over to get her phone from the nightstand. Donna turned on her back and watched Magda fumble with the snooze button. She put the phone down again and yawned the biggest yawn Donna had ever seen. Then she stretched, thoroughly, in a manner that reminded Donna of big cats: panthers maybe.

Magda turned towards Donna and smiled. She extended her arms tentatively, and without thinking Donna crawled closer and let Magda hold her. Magda pulled Donna's head against her neck, held her body with her other arm and yawned again.

"Good morning," Magda said. "Did you sleep well?"

"I... I think I've gravitated closer to you in my sleep."

"Oh, no, that was me. You were restless. I thought it might help."

"I was?"

"Mm-hm," Magda said and stroked Donna's hair. It felt so good that Donna almost purred. "I thought that maybe you're not used to sleeping in strange places. When the kids were small, it always soothed them to be held. Well, Lennox, anyway. Laurie kicked something awful, and no one wanted to sleep in the same bed with her."

Donna snorted. "Henry was like that, too."

Magda rubbed her cheek against Donna's hair, and let out a long breath that washed over her skin. "Don't wanna get up."

"But you need to get up?"

"Mm. I need to get to the office, but... I have a few more minutes."

"Are you always this slow to get up?"

Magda just hummed and relaxed again. Donna basked in her warmth, savoring each passing minute. Magda's alarm went off again, and she cursed and reached for the phone. She didn't let go of Donna.

"Breakfast, shower, and then we should get going," Magda said sleepily. "You want to shower first or second?"

"I can go first," Donna promised, guessing that Magda wanted to sleep for a few more minutes. "Should I order breakfast from room service?"

"Mmh, that's a good idea."

Reluctantly, Donna detached herself and got up. Magda curled up as soon as she was alone, and fell asleep again.

Donna ordered two different breakfast trays, because she wasn't sure what Magda would have preferred and didn't want to wake her up again. Turned out coffee was the only essential, and Magda perked up considerably after her first cup.

When they were leaving, Magda for the office and Donna to spend the day with Laurie and Rhea, Magda stopped her as they stepped outside. "Should we ask for a new room? With separate beds?"

Donna looked toward the reception, then shrugged. "I don't think we need to? Unless you want to?"

Magda looked at her, then smiled.

***

Laurie was a nervous wreck, bouncing back and forth between the table and the kitchen. Refilling glasses after one sip. Making sure everyone knew there were extras, because she'd cooked enough for a battalion.

"Babe," Rhea said, "It's fine. Sit down."

It was the first time Donna had heard another woman use a pet name for her little Laurie, and even though she'd prepared herself for it, and even though she'd had no reason feel any kind of way about who Laurie loved, or was attracted to, or who loved Laurie, it was still a little jarring. She realized, immediately after, that that was her problem, and not anyone else's, and made a mental note to do a better job of acclimating herself.

This all happened in the span of a second, but Donna still felt like she'd missed a part of the conversation.

"I've got plenty," Magda said, "and this is all really delicious."

"We've had such good food since we left," Donna said, nodding and digging into her plate. "I can't remember the last time I had such good cooking that wasn't mine."

"I mean," Laurie said, laughing nervously, "it sort of is. Yours. You were the one who taught me to cook fish."

Donna shook her head, and pointed with her fork. "I didn't teach you to season like this. There's a little bit of heat to this, but it's not a pepper-y spice, and I love it. Not black pepper, anyway."

Laurie beamed. "I sorta got the recipe from Iron Chef."

"You still watch that?" Donna said, gasping and laughing.

Laurie clapped gleefully, and said, "It was an old one. Rokusaburo Michiba, because of course. He was the best."

"Watch it," Donna said, wielding her fork. "I will hear no disrespect to Iron Chef Sakai!"

Laurie rolled her eyes and continued, saying, "I forget what battle it was, but he had octopus going as a side. I forget why. I think he was doing, like, a bunch of proteins with some dipping sauces in, like a bunch of little tiny square bowls. Why am I telling you about the bowls?" She shook herself and laughed. "Anyway, he had these Japanese chili peppers that are kind of mild, and the way they were describing it mixing with the texture of the octopus I just thought well octopus is gross, but, what about cod?"

In the corner of her eye, Donna saw Rhea and Magda sharing an eyeroll. Neither one of them shared her and Laurie's love of food, but at the same time, there was a kind of... pairing off that happened that made her happy. From the sound of their conversation, Rhea was some kind of engineer, and she and Magda had some common ground in their careers that made conversation easy, but Donna was so excited to talk food that she and Laurie just babbled to each other for what felt like hours.

It was good. Really good. Comfortable, which was all Donna could have hoped for.

"I want to say something," Donna said, some time later. She'd lost track of her glasses of wine, which was a bad sign, but it didn't matter. She needed to say it.

Next to her, Magda looked over, and her eyes grew wider with every second. "Noooo."

"Yes."

"We talked about this," she said, tilting her head. "In the car. We agreed it was a bad idea."

"No," Donna said, barrelling forward. "You said it was a bad idea, and I didn't argue with you, because it didn't matter. I was always going to say it anyway."

Rhea and Laurie shared a brief, sideways glance, and it looked like they might have been holding hands under the table. Donna couldn't be sure, but she kind of hoped that they were. Magda drained her mostly full wine glass, and stared up at the ceiling.