Grumpy Old Ladies

Three hours and one trip to the grocery store later, Donna smiled proudly as she slid the tray of homemade eclairs into the refrigerator. "Now we just need to make the glaize."

"That's enough eclairs to stop the French Revolution," Magda said, as she leaned on the kitchen island.

"You know, she never actually said that. The cake thing. Or, wait..." Donna stood up and frowned. "She said something similar, but the actual quote was from when she was like ten. Or nine, and, you know, didn't understand dietary needs."

"Really?"

Donna nodded. "The French Revolution did a really good job of assassinating Marie Antoinette's character. I read a book about her, years ago, and... yeah. Interesting. Lovely woman." She pointed at a brick of baking chocolate, and said, "Melt that, would you dear?"

"Dear?"

"Melt the damn chocolate," Donna said.

"That's more like it."

While Magda was watching over the microwave like a hawk, the front door opened, and Donna's heart leapt into her throat; the moment of truth.

"Hey mom," Lennox called. "Happy birthday!"

"In here," Magda replied.

Donna pulled the foil off the tray of pigs in a blanket that she'd made, and smiled at Lennox as he came around the corner with his girlfriend. "Hello!"

"Oh, uh, Mmmm... uh..."

"Oh my God," Magda said, straightening and staring at him. "Do you call her mom too?!"

"This is surreal," he said.

"You didn't tell her?" Donna said, extending her neck for maximum height.

"Wha...I... ah..."

His girlfriend's eyes sparkled, but she was standing behind him so he didn't see her smiling when she added, "Oh my God, Babe, have you been cheating on your mom with your other mom?"

Lennox whipped around, looking mortified.

"Oh," Donna said, smiling slyly, "I like her."

"Hang on," Magda said, still scowling. "We're not done with that first part. You call her mom?"

"You're gonna burn the chocolate," Donna said, softly.

"Ah fuck!" she said, whipping back around.

Behind her back, Donna shooed them back out into the living room and winked.

"Hot, hot, hot," Magda whimpered, as she held the bowl with the tips of her fingers. Then she picked her head up and looked around. "Did they run away?"

Donna pulled out the eclairs and gave her a flat stare.

"Fine," Magda said, after about one full second of direct eye contact. "It's fine."

"Of course it's fine," Donna said. "Now, glaize."

Twenty minutes later, when Henry arrived, they had the same fight albeit this time about him using the term with Magda. Donna got such a rush out of being in on the bit, and using a little bit of annoyance at having the tables turned on her to fuel her fake outrage, that by the time Laurie arrived, fashionably late as always, they had the whole performance down to a science.

Except...

"Oh! Hi," Laurie said. Magda had gone to meet her at the door, and the second Donna came around next to her, Laurie's eyes bulged wide. "I... wasn't expecting to see you here!"

Magda stepped aside and gave Donna an unreadable look just as the door moved behind Laurie.

"Rhea!" Laurie jumped and turned, stepping slightly to the side to reveal one of the most butch women Donna had ever met in real life. She had all the hair on the side of her head shorn very close to the skull, and what was left on top curled over and around to the side of her face like a wave. She was broad in a way that Laurie wasn't: in the jaw, and the shoulders, and the chest. "Rhea, this is Donna, Chrissy and Henry's mom?" Then, turning back to Donna, she said, "This is my... friend. Rhea."

Rhea looked very hard at Laurie, just for a moment, and then smiled and extended a hand toward Donna for shaking. "Nice to meet you," she said.

Donna shook her hand, smiling openly, and after they had headed into the living room to convene with the rest of the kids Donna whipped her hand back and forth in the air and mouthed ow to Magda.

Magda just rolled her eyes, and the two of them headed back into the kitchen.

***

Once things got going, Donna stepped into the background, and that gave her some room to think. She was proud of Laurie for having a gay friend, but that opened up all kinds of really strange thoughts. On the one hand, that seemed like the sort of thing that ought to be perfectly normal behavior, and should simply be expected. Just from a statistical standpoint, literally everyone should have some gay friends. On the other hand, having a gay friend probably meant that Laurie wasn't one of those awful homophobic nuts, and that seemed like a fact worth praising.

She had to know, right? Donna thought. It didn't look like Rhea was wearing anything rainbow colored, but there was no way Laurie could be so dense as to not notice. Donna had terrible gaydar, and even she knew Rhea was gay.

A few different times throughout the evening, Donna noticed that her kids were having a really good time at Magda's birthday party. On the one hand, she was elated to be able to share that with them, and a little bit guilty that, on at least a few occasions, this had been something she would have made them choose to do in such a way that they were also choosing not to do something with her. She wasn't beating herself up too bad about it, because in the moment she was just glad to see it, but it was there. On the other hand, she also couldn't stop repeating the conversation she'd had with Henry the year before, and how small she'd thought Magda's influence on them had been.

Clearly, along the way, the woman had played a part in their becoming functional, well-adjusted adults, and she made a mental note to express her gratitude for that later.

***

Later that evening, Donna was alone with Magda. The kids had left for the motel they were staying at, and Magda had invited Donna to stay for a few more drinks. Donna had accepted, both reluctantly and excitedly, and followed Magda up the stairs in mid-conversation to the taller woman's spa-like bathroom. At some point, Magda had filled her huge tub, that was maybe large enough to be a full on hot tub, but Donna hadn't noticed. The taller woman tried the water with her hand and turned the bubbles on. "All set," she said. "Just climb in."

"Right," Donna said, slowly, turning her gaze from a big window facing the forestry side of Magda's lot to the inviting, swirling water. "I didn't bring my bathing suit, so I'll just—."

"I usually go naked." Magda looked at her, flicking her wrist to get the rest of the water off. "We can do that, if you don't mind."

Magda didn't wait for her answer but started to unbutton her blouse. Donna looked around, undecided, but the water looked very inviting and it would have been prissy to leave the house for her swimwear when Magda was already half naked. She took in Magda's pearly white bra, the kind of pretty and sexy flimsy little thing she had never worn in her life. Bra manufacturers seemed to lose faith before they upscaled to her cup sizes and opted for simpler, sturdier designs. Industrial strength support. Magda's dark nipples peeked through the laced upper half of the cup, and Donna turned her back and started to unzip her jeans.

Donna's heart thumped when she folded her clothes to a bench beside the wall. She was acutely aware of her wide hips and wobbly, round tummy. She didn't even want to think about her breasts. She couldn't wait to hide under the water. Magda sighed when she climbed into the tub, and Donna hurried to follow her. She felt clumsy and too short by far when reaching to step over the edge, but managed to climb over.

The tub was circular and had four vaguely bum-shaped seats all facing the middle. Donna searched for the edges of hers with her hands before sitting, and as she positioned her posterior a forceful and warm current of water swept along her vulva, causing her to shudder. Images of her bathtime masturbation technique flashed through her mind, and she blushed a little. She hadn't known about the hot tub at all; it was the only room in this house she hadn't searched thoroughly in her break-in sessions. Part of it sat behind a shower stall, and Donna had never really come into the bathroom during her snooping excursions except to note that it was the bathroom. Now she felt tempted, but thought that sneaking in to use the hot tub was somehow even more suspicious than using the sex machine. That seemed backwards somehow, but while she was contemplating the idea, Magda noticed they had forgotten to take their champagne glasses along and rose to get them.

Donna stared shamelessly at Magda's figure as it emerged from the bubbling, swirling water, sleek and streamlined, drops of water clinging to her skin in the most beautiful and enticing way. Her breasts were perfect for her frame, round and just the tiniest bit saggy with nipples the exact size to suit them, giving her a wonderful, mature look. Donna admired her long, slim legs, when she effortlessly stepped out of the tub, and noticed her toenails were painted the same shade as her fingernails. Magda positioned the champagne cooler next to her spot in the tub. She stepped closer, offering Donna her glass, and belatedly Donna realized she had just been caught admiring Magda's neatly trimmed pubic hair.

Magda looked down at her, one eyebrow arched. "Like what you see?"

Donna slumped lower in the water, and was horrified by how her boobs didn't slump with her. They stayed on the surface, floating like a pair of buoys. She tried it out, flexing her back, but sure enough, her boobs didn't leave the surface if she didn't go so far down they were forced to follow.

Magda had climbed back on her seat while she marveled at her floaty body parts. She grinned at Donna when their eyes met. "Fun, isn't it?"

Magda's smaller tits floated, too, but the effect was nowhere near as dramatic as Donna's. Donna realized her tummy floated, as well. For once it didn't press on her upper thighs when she sat, but hovered around her middle in a very unfamiliar way.

"I... I haven't..."

Magda leaned back and sighed, closing her eyes. "Ah, this is life."

Donna looked at her hideous, massive boobs bouncing in the water, then towards her more stylish and well-proportioned friend. "I... I think I hate this."

"Hate what?" Magda opened her eyes again and looked at her. "Too much bubbles? I can turn them down."

"This, I... I look awful," Donna blurted out.

"What?" Magda looked at her with an expression of genuine disbelief.

Donna gestured to her boobs and swallowed hard. She felt like crying, and didn't want to get all emotional. She couldn't find the right words.

"Hey, I can turn the lights down if you want," Magda said in a conciliatory tone and stood up again. "The controls are on that side... excuse me."

She leaned over Donna, her slick body brushing lightly against hers, and fumbled on the side of the tub. Donna held her breath. The water was warm and in constant motion, but she felt the other woman's closeness very strongly. The lights in the bathroom dimmed to pleasant dusk, small lights illuminated the swirling water from below, and when Magda settled back opposite to her it was more difficult to make out her expression.

"Donna," Magda said. "Your breasts are magnificent." Her tone of voice was serious and quiet.

Donna shrugged. "You don't need to do that."

"Do what?"

"Try to make me feel better about it."

"Better about what?"

"My body! I know what I look like, okay? I'm short and fat. You don't need to sugarcoat it for me."

"What? No! You were always the pretty one!"

Donna snorted. She started to get agitated. "Don't be stupid! You're perfect! Your body is perfect and it always was! Mine is... obscene. Too much boob, too much ass, too much everything! It's supposed to be a good thing but too much is too much! I'd need to be at least a foot taller to have enough frame to spread all this... femininity! I know what I am!"

"No! Listen to me!" Magda's voice was so tense Donna shut up out of sheer astonishment. They stared at each other across the dusky gloom.

"I was so envious of your body when we were young!" Magda continued, more quietly but just as intensely. "I wanted your curves. I felt so boyish and-and stupidly tall at your side. Clumsy. Bony. Graceless. I was always so conscious of whether the boys I was dating were shorter than me. I turned down a few dates because of that, and I've regretted it so much afterwards. I really liked some of those guys."

"Really?" Donna's mind raced. "Well... I... I certainly never was taller than any of my dates, but I was constantly afraid I'd be heavier than they were. I... I turned down a few dates because of that, and... I've regretted that. A lot."

They looked at each other.

"Wow," said Magda

"Yeah," said Donna. "Wow."

"To body issues," Magda said and raised her glass. Donna clinked hers against it. A delightful, clear, crystally sound echoed from the tiles.

"Seriously, I didn't know," Magda said after they'd sipped. "I wouldn't have suggested nude bathing if I didn't think you were okay with it. I'm sorry."

"I could've declined, " Donna said. "It's stupid, anyway. I'm too old to be hung up on stupid things like this."

"Hey, no, it's okay," Magda said. "You can tell me these things. Honestly. I got over my body issues somewhere after having kids. You know, I just... I finally felt comfortable, and I just... thought you had, too. I would've been more sensitive if I'd known."

Donna shrugged, eyeing over the beautiful, dimly lit bathroom and letting the silence stretch out for a few moments. She didn't want to continue with this discussion, and searched for another topic. "What do you think it means that our kids were always friends? I mean, it's been years since we got along but it seems like they always kept in touch."

"It means they knew better than us."

"Fuck," Donna said, rolling her eyes and sliding a little lower into the water. "I was hoping you wouldn't say that."

"It's true though, isn't it?"

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I might incriminate myself."

Magda snorted and reached for the bottle of champagne from beside the hot tub. "Refill?"

Donna nodded and extended her glass. Magda filled it almost to the brim, and Donna giggled. "Careful, or I'm gonna spill it!"

"Nah, just sip, it'll be fine. These glasses are so stupidly small."

"They're big enough to get the job done," she said, raising her glass. "Happy birthday."

Magda rolled her eyes, but clinked her glass all the same.

"Do you use the tub often?" Donna asked. "This is so nice. I can feel my muscles unclenching, even the ones I didn't know I had."

"I usually don't," Magda said. "It seems like too much trouble just for me, so I usually wash it and prepare it only if the kids are coming over. Like now."

"But... they didn't stay?"

Magda bit her lip. Her expression was difficult to interpret. "No, they didn't."

"Were they supposed to?"

"Laurie and Rhea were going to stay here overnight. They had a change of heart and decided to join the others at the motel."

"Because... of me?" Donna was puzzled. "But why would they change their plans because of me? Isn't that kind of rude, it being your birthday and all? They came all this way."

Magda just looked at her. Donna frowned, sipping her champagne. Thinking of the kids made her forget all about her body and how it behaved in the water.

"Do you think they'll be sharing a room? I mean, Laurie must know her friend is gay, right?"

Magda pressed her champagne glass against her forehead, and her shoulders were shaking suspiciously.

Donna splashed a little water towards her. "What?"

"Donna, they've been together for two years."

Donna didn't understand. She just stared at her friend, cogs slowly turning in her head. "They're... a couple? But..."

"Yes, they are a couple. And Laurie does know her girlfriend is gay, if you can believe that."

"Her girlfriend? So.. she's gay? Laurie's gay? Little Laurie? But she's never told me!"

Magda sighed deeply. "Yes, she's never told you. She moved to Chicago where things aren't quite as backwards as here, and the gay community is larger, and she's never told you."

"But I'm the kind of mom my kids tell everything to!"

Magda just looked at her. Donna's mind was spinning in circles. She had honestly believed her kids —which extended to Laurie and Lennox— could tell her anything, at any time. She had prided herself on her availability, on how she was always there to listen to them, always there to answer the phone; she had comforted them during their teenage heartaches, always ready to listen and understand. She'd been always ready to help them even after they'd moved away, ready to lend them money for rent or deposits, ready to give advice on any field of life.

And yet...

Laurie hadn't trusted Donna with her sexual orientation. Obviously, she had told Magda. Her real mother. Donna had a sinking feeling that maybe this wasn't all of it; maybe the rest of them also held secrets they hadn't confided in her? She remembered the easy, relaxed atmosphere Magda's party had, and thought that maybe the vibe at her house wasn't exactly like that. She couldn't really pin down the difference, though. It was much less... formal under Magda's roof. If she was being uncharitable, she'd have said that things were much stiffer under her own roof.

Something in Magda's choice of words made Donna defensive. "Backwards? This is a small town, sure, but backwards? And you're here! This is her hometown! If this is so backwards, why have you stayed?"

Donna paused and thought about all the people she knew. She could kind of see what Magda had meant. She thought about discussing Laurie's partner at the coffee table at the book club and she had to admit there was some truth to this assessment. But she had never thought she was backwards. She was quite modern and tolerant, wasn't she? Wasn't she?

She tried a different approach. "But... but... why wouldn't she tell me something like that? I'm not gayphobic!"

Magda sighed. "No, maybe not. But you're so focused on... how should I put this now... appearances. And Laurie just... didn't feel like rocking the boat."

"And you... and the other kids... and nobody told me?"

"It's Laurie's decision. Well, except that now I made it for her, it seems, but only because you were so close to figuring it out anyway. You shouldn't hold it against the others that they honored her wish, because that's what they... we... were doing."

Donna blinked and looked at the small lights flickering from the bottom of the tub. "But... I'm the kind of mom my kids can tell everything to."

***

Later that evening, Donna sat on her back porch in near dark, and sipped at a decaf coffee. It was her favorite after-dinner drink. Warm, and with that coffee bite that she loved, but without the caffeine that would keep her up for hours. She sat in the dark, and she thought lots of big thoughts until her brain hurt. She turned Laurie's sexuality, and her own obliviousness/being kept out of the loop, over and over and over until she was blaming everyone including herself. She was hurt, but it was more a mark on her pride than anything else.

Pride could be swallowed. She had fences to mend, and clearly some part of Laurie's trust in her had been damaged somewhere along the way. She couldn't imagine when it had happened, but it was on her to-do list now and no task escaped Donna's keen eye once it was on a to-do list.

It was past midnight when she went inside, cleaned her mug and set it to dry, and headed to the bathroom to wash up. As she moved through her bedroom, she saw, just for a moment, that the light was on in Magda's play room.