Guilt & Redemption Ch. 02

Stripping away my adult identity was, in some ways, a comfort. Suckling on Randa's tit was not so much sexual as comforting; she seemed to understand that, as she stroked my hair. What was arousing me was the role reversal.

"Good little Pix, such a good girl for me. Now are you going to suck another part of me and be a really good girl?"

Nodding I slid down, between her thighs, as she raised her skirt and lowered her knickers. Moving between her thighs, I pushed her public hair away to reveal her slit, and using my fingers to part her lips, I applied myself to being the best girl I could be. I loved the taste of her. She was the first women other than Ruth and Di I had ever tasted, and by far the youngest. Her cunt was sweet and quite tight, and it excited me to feel her arousal at my hands and tongue.

"Ohh, such a good little girl, such a good girl," she moaned, over and over again as I licked her, first around her clit, and then, pushing it up, sucking it while penetrating her with my fingers. She moaned loudly. I pushed further, my fingers entering her wetness and being engulfed by it, as my tongue flicked her clit. I sucked on her clit some more, using my teeth to scratch her gently but firmly.

"Oh, oh, fuck, Pix, fuck, I can't ... ."

And with that, she came.

I licked and sucked the extra juice, lapping it up, and keeping my face between her thighs as she came, shaking and shivering. She was gripping my hair and making little moaning sounds.

She pulled me away from her cunt and looked down at me red and wet faced.

"Fuck, Pix, whatever you learned at school you learned how to suck pussy. Better keep you away from my Mum."

She giggled, I didn't, wondering whether that would be another part of Ruth's plan? She pulled me to her.

"Now wipe your face little one, and we'd best get you ready for bed."

The matter of fact way she bossed me about got to me, and I did as I was told. I liked doing as she told me. I went to my bedroom after cleaning my teeth, and I changed into my shorts and Disney teeshirt. I then went back to be inspected.

"Oh Pix, you really are so cute. I couldn't resist that. I'm not a lezzer you know, but the effect of you on my tits meant I needed to cum. Now, you look nice and clean, so, to bed with you."

She came into my room, tucked me in and kissed me goodnight.

I could hear her talking on her phone to friends from my room, and I was still awake when Ruth and Beth got back. I could hear some talking, and then the door shutting. Then my door opened.

"She's a great fuck Pixie. How was it for you? Did Randa take you, you little tart?"

I was sucking my thumb. I needed to break out of this, but couldn't.

"Yes Ma, I licked her pussy and she came for me."

"Good girl, you can do the same for me now, strip."

I stripped, and while I did, Ruth removed her lower garments. As I crouched between her thighs I could see her cunt was red and used, but I licked it all the same. Almost mechanically, I applied myself to the task in hand. I knew how to give Ruth what she needed, and by application and experience, did so. She came, gushing as ever, soaking my face and dripping down onto my tiny tits.

"You're a good girl for me Pixie. Do you like being mine?"

I nodded, increasingly unsure of the answer.

As Di was expected later, I slept alone in my bed. I heard Di come in around midnight, and the sounds of love-making from Ruth's room.

In the morning I rose early and, making some tea and toast for Ruth and Di, took it into them before going to work. They looked comfortable and in love. All of which shows how wrong you can be.

The next few days passed as usual.

On the third day I had my interview. I didn't get offered the job. I asked why, by way of seeking "feedback," but got only some nonsense about "fit." I knew the man they offered the job to, and he was neither as well-published as me, nor did he have my teaching experience. I asked Ruth about it. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Appointment boards are unaccountable, Pixie."

"But you know Professor Kirkland, can't you ask her?"

"That wouldn't be ethical, Pixie."

And there it was left.

The next day I was summoned to her publisher and interviewed for a job I had not applied for, that of publicist for their academic and lesbian fiction lists; I got it. Ruth was delighted and advised me to accept.

"It's a job, Pixie, it pays £30k a year, and you live here rent-free, what's not to like. And, what's more, you'll be able to go with me on my book tours quite legitimately now."

That was a plus, as she had a new novel coming out in the autumn. I stopped applying for academic jobs; as Ruth said, there was no point.

Ruth did not see Beth for nearly two weeks, apparently she and Randa were on holiday in Spain. A few days before they returned, she dropped a bombshell.

"Di and I have separated darling."

I obviously looked as shocked as I felt.

"Is that a surprise darling? I thought you'd seen it coming."

"Was it Beth?" I asked.

"No, silly girl, it was my new PhD student, Milly."

I went numb.

"New PhD student?" Was all I could mutter.

"Well, you've given me a taste for the younger woman, and she is very sweet. It changes nothing with us."

Changes nothing?

I thought it, but as usual, said nothing.

If I had, she's have accused me of not trusting her and of being jealous. Of course both those things were true, but for me, being a good girl and pleasing her were paramount, so I said nothing.

Saturday night came, and so did Beth and Randa.

Ruth and Beth went off hand in hand, and Randa and I talked. She told me about her holiday, and confessed she had "got off" with a Spanish lad who had had his way with her.

"Oh God Pix, he had me on all fours, from behind, so fucking exciting."

I agreed.

We talked a lot about her and about boys, and there was no repeat of the sexual activities which had marked her first sitting of me. That turned into a pattern. It was clear that the first session had been an aberration for her.

But each time Ruth came home, she made me eat her out, despite the fact she'd clearly been fucked already.

After a few months I began to wonder when I would get an orgasm from her. They were never frequent, and I knew I had a low libido compared to her, she'd told me often enough, but I did begin to wonder whether I should just bring myself off.

The "Book Tour" was a huge success.

Within a week the novel was riding high in the best-sellers list, and the readings around the country were sell-outs. My job was to organise the logistics and the interviews, and even Ruth, whose standards in such matters were extremely high, said I did a superb job.

"Now Pixie," she said, the week before our trip to Oxford on the Thursday, "book yourself a room at the Randolph and a double for me. You won't be sleeping with me that night, Milly is coming."

Lucky fucking Milly I thought. But I did as I was told.

Milly was everything I feared. Tall, nearly six foot, finely sculpted cheek-bones which could have cut paper, long legs and a good set of breasts, what was there for Ruth not to like.

Ruth introduced me.

Milly looked down from more than a foot above.

"Ruth is right, you are very cute. Nice to meet you, and thanks for arranging everything for us."

Ruth gave the reading, and afterwards signed a few dozen books for waiting fans. After the event was over and I was packing things away, Milly turned up, kissed Ruth full on the lips, and said:

"Now, you clever, clever lady, dinner and hot sex, but not necessarily in the order."

Ruth smiled, kissed her and then, turning to me said:

"See you in the morning, charge dinner to the firm darling, Milly and I are dining out."

I am not sure I ate a more lonely meal. I felt wretched.

Later Ruth explained to me how silly that was. She loved me, but Milly was new, she was at Oxford, and she wanted to take the opportunity to treat her, surely I could not object?

Well, I had objected, but she made me feel like a jealous girl, so I explained that of course I understood.

Suddenly, around Advent, Beth stopped coming. I had a text from Randa saying she was sorry she wouldn't be seeing me again, but that our Mums had fallen out. It was all news to me.

Ruth announced she would be spending Christmas in France and asked what I had planned?

As I had thought we'd be spending it together, I had nothing planned, but not wanting to admit that and sound desperate, I said I'd go back to Norfolk to stay with my parents.

That was what I did.

As usual, we went to the "Cottage" which would have done as a house to those not used to our normal house. Ma seemed pleased to see me, and Ella and Rich likewise. Ella was in such a good frame of mind that she went out of her way to be nice to me, and Rich was such a sweetheart, that had I not been gay, I could have fallen for him. As usual, Dad joined us, and we had a good time, with walks along the shingle beaches. My feet and ankles held up well, and all in all, a good time was had.

I had a "Happy Christmas" text from Ruth, and from Randa.

The New Year was seen in, as so often with Ma and some of her friends at a big Norfolk mansion. I did my bit as the dutiful daughter, and no mention was made of my sexuality.

Work was due to start on 3 January, so I went back to the London house Ruth shared with me. It seemed cold and dank, so I put the heating on. I cooked a nice meal for myself, and occupied my time with cleaning things. No word from Ruth.

She came back on the Saturday. She was loving, and gave me my present, which was an early edition of The Four Quartets one of my favourite poems. I gave her my present, which was a signed first edition of Angela Carter's A Night at the Circus.

We resumed our love-making, and in the absence of Di, I spent most nights in her bed.

In late January I had to organise an event in Oxford for one of the other novelists on the publisher's list. They'd said I could stay overnight, but thinking of Ruth, I thought I could catch a late train back, and so did.

As with all late night British trains, it was slow and full of drunks, but I was glad that publishers were footing the bill, as I caught a cab at Paddington.

I let myself into the house just after midnight.

From the street I had seen there was a light on in Ruth's room. So, looking to surprise her, I was silent as a cat burglar. Doffing my coat, I crept upstairs. There were noises from the room. I assumed Ruth was listening to something as she often did.

Slowly I opened the door.

I was confronted by a very beautiful and naked back, and one of the peachiest arses I had ever seen. Underneath the woman was Ruth.

"Eat me out bitch, eat me."

It was Milly, I realised.

I could not help myself.

"Erm, should I go?"

Milly shifted, turning to expose her tits, her nipples swollen, her face full of lust.

"You said she wouldn't be here!"

Stirring herself from underneath, Ruth pulled out, wet-faced, and looked at me.

"Darling, would you care to join us?"