All Comments on 'Half the Man Ch. 04'

He can't catch a Break

Still very strong irony.....

Great writing and story. Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

I loved this chapter!

I don't care what others are saying to you, but continue your good work!

Love your stories!

now has become a full fledged home wrecking. TK U MLJ LV NV

4 years is a big gap to jump the story forward; you know this, and so then you use flashback. The flashbacks are ok, as a device, but they weren't as well executed in this chapter as they COULD have been. Timeline struggles are always challenging. It wasn't that I couldn't figure out what was going on, but it was nailing it down on the "when?" that was problematic. The relationship with his boss, for example, really could have benefited by a much broader introduction in earlier chapters. The idea that this story has evolved into his trials and tribulations of post divorce dating is fine, but then the reader wonders why so much detail was invested in the marriage part of this story? You still are doing a very capable job in keeping the tension high with these characters, and it is fine to present this as a journey down a long and winding road. However, to meander too long stylistically can be viewed as a weakness. And populating the story with too many characters becomes tiresome for the reader. Who is this woman now? is she someone we have to remeber? No she is just a another bitch. Ok, but then why did we spend so much time telling the story of her almost seduction? Oh yeah, so that we can excuse Dylan for being miffed that Harper spilled mustard on his shirt. Hmm.... All of these exchanges took many paragraphs, and they didn't have to. My point is that you are losing the economy you achieved in the early part of this story's telling. You definately floundered a bit in this chapter. And going forward, I really hope the timeline issues start to iron themselves out.

All of this is trying to be constructive criticism. Don't think that I am not enjoying it. And I have been tuning in daily to read every word and will continue to do so. All in all, this is still a much better effort than most found around here. I was actually surprised to see some of the aforementioned issues surface here in this chapter. But the writing is more than worth it to stay commited to finishing. Thanks very much!

I just read the ending on another site, and all I can say is what a wonderful finish.

You did an outstanding job of tying all the pieces together, and these buffoons on Literotica who vote without reading the entire story are pieces of shit.

I think to use your words the unique concept for your plot scared a lot of the men. But your emotional characterizations, and the tragedy and triumph was fantastic.

You are right you should have posted it in it's entirety.

Such a different romance.

Great Job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is a fantastic story. I love your poetic descriptions and the way you phrase. In my book it puts you right up there with the best writers on this site.

I also love your plots. You never cease to amaze with you innovative imagination. Thank you for taking the care and time to put something like this together for our enjoyment.

If I have a criticism about the writing the best word to describe it is:

"Hyperbole: obvious and intentional exaggeration."

Every scene is over-the-top exaggerated emotions and explosions. Imagine an actor standing on stage screaming for an hour or a kid whose parent yells all the time. After a while you tune it out or leave!

And every character does not need a major complication of their own. Do I worry about Peters heart or the lawyers divorce from last week. It detracts!

While I understand that exaggerating things can bring the effect of drama to a story the constant diet of it in scene after scene just loses me.

Gordo that's what makes the story good, it is real!!!! These aren't actors on a stage, these are characters in a story conveying human emotions. This writer has set the bar high with a very emotional story, about an almost taboo subject.

Well done, I look forward to more.

Sounds like an excellent argument in favor of legalized prostitution.

finally a good woman. Thanks.

This has gone completely overboard. I mean what else could go wrong for this guy? Could something fall on him from a passing airplane? Way too far overboard.

i rather think he should have cranked up his little fella and boned rita till she couldnt sit down for days and then left.

Who talks like that.