All Comments on 'Halloween Party Reunion'

Again excellent story

Yet another shitty RAAC story of a wimpy cuck and a cheating slut. It's not worth rating but I am stuck with 1 star.

Five stars. I was not really impressed with this story for most of the first page, but then at the bottom of that page I realized how imaginative this story really is. It's like reading a "Murder, She Wrote" from the POV of the bad guy -- who is Columbo! When I realized that it became a very compelling read. Spelling, grammar, and paragraph structure are very good. The "dark and stormy night" and "Joe Friday" references indicate a rhetorical sense of humour on the part of the author, and possibly indicating that he is part of, or aiming at, an older demographic. I especially like that "naïve" was spelled correctly with the diacritic. The following criticisms are intended to be helpful, but I may be putting a little more salt in your tea than I intended. The biggest problem with stories written in the "my innocent wife hopped on my college friend's dick" genre is that you almost always have to take the "innocent wife" character out of character to do it. In this story it was explained fairly well, but too late and not in a believable way. Megan should have had some kind of negative character arc which brought her to that point. The expositional dialog between Megan and Dean in the funeral parlor was awkward: "I wish Anna and her friends had never told me about..." The problem isn't that she's saying it, but why she's saying it and to whom: she's telling Dean something he already knows. She explains it later to Joe, but you should probably have handled it between Dean and Megan with subtext: do it in such a way that allows the reader to infer coercion, or something else as yet unexplained. Or even just have Joe tell the reader about it right there! "Show, don't tell" is the universal knee-jerk mantra of those who love to give writing advice, but there's nothing wrong with just simply "telling" if it's done right. "I didn't know it at the time, but Megan had found out about my extensive college escapades from Anna and her friends..." or something like that, then let Megan explain later how angry/insecure that made her feel. Even so, there were still a number of "character out-of-character" issues with Megan, especially considering that she would know about Joe's aversion to liars which, again, should have been established much earlier in the story; it just seems awkward the way it was put in. It feels like Joe is hypocritically over-judging Megan considering what a man-slut he was in college, as well as with his trepidation about Megan associating with Dean in the first place. Dean's douchie character was not explained early enough either, and he seems to suddenly turn into Chester The Molester for no apparent reason. Some information should have been told about Dean during his introduction early in the story to prepare us for that. I agree that putting "he told me years ago he was going to fuck my wife" too early in the story would have been too obvious a device, even though we already knew it was going to happen before reading the story, but I feel that Joe could have exposed that detail in a different way; possibly through regretful rumination. I was very disappointed to find that this story had been edited by another user. The conflation of "disks" with "tapes" in the same paragraph is an obvious problem and draws the reader out of the story. It should have been caught by the editor. "Joe Friday" was obviously named "John" during an early draft of the story and that should also have been caught. After having said all this you're probably wondering why I gave this story five stars. Honestly, with this list of issues I would normally rate it as average and give this kind of story three-stars at best. But imagination is worth a lot and you get an extra star for the imaginative, almost unique, Jessica Fletcher alternate POV treatment. And I've decided to give an extra star to make up for those Reddit rejects who make a point of unfairly sabotaging your rating by awarding only a single star because they've got their ballsack in a twist over reading a story about extra-marital sex. You were a very prolific writer between 2005 and 2015 and I look forward to reading some of your other stories.

Just a story about a wimpy cuck and his cheating whore of a wife. Not even a 1 star story.

Dean got exactly what he deserved. The only other thing that his killer might have done was to cut off Dean's dick to give the detectives some form of lead or orientation for their investigation. Does the whore Anna deserve a similar treatment? With friends like Anna, who needs enemies?

Megan is the most disappointing character and she will mentally feel the pain for her poor judgement and decisions for the rest of her life (until she get Alzheimer) ... and all of this for a used car?. She will suffer from the loss of trust that she initiated; her husband is acting like a total wimp-wuss with her. He has been hurt and he will carry a permanent scar in him.

No more than 2 stars.

BJ

I like most of your stories, except for one weakness. You spend so much time "telling instead of showing" that the writing comes across as somewhat amateurish. You really should research how to improve the readability of your writing. Always, as much as possible, "show instead of tell." I give most of your stories 3 stars for this reason.

Stupid story- just can't tell his wife (who he loves so much) about his past, but can stand there and watch her screw Dean. Takes the videos from the camera, sends them one at a time to his loving wife, but never mentions that a murder being committed is on them. Not one mention......

Cucky boy masterbation material, that's all this story is....

Fran66, try reading the bottom of page 1, where he erased the incriminating part of the video.

It really wasn't clear why the wife did it a second time with Dean. Maybe I am missing something.

Excellent story. 5/5

Great story

Just another Cuck story!

Crap!

Vraiment de l'amateurisme...encore une mauviette qui aurait dû parler de son passer à sa femme. Ce qu'il a fait avant de connaître sa femme ne peut pas le gêner. Par contre Megan qui va sucer le connard pour 600$, ensuite se faire baiser et se laisse faire mérite d'être jetée hors de la maison surtout qu'elle lui avait menti sur l'origine de l'argent. Il ne peut plus avoir confiance en elle. Très déçu par cette histoire : 2*

Try writing dialogue between people instead of just saying "I told them" and "they told me" so much. Crap story, and not because it's RAAC, it's just because it's not good.

Stupid. Dude doesn't tell wife about his past, wife gets caught up in his stories prior to their marriage and fucks a dude for 600 dollars for a down payment on a used car, husband who is a detective murders dude, then there's a totally irrelevant party that resulted in an investigation, and the husband and wife have upset arguments and move on. That about covers it. 9 lines, not 3 pages. And it's comical because I sound like an asshole.

To one of the previous commenters: she didn't go back a second time. Anna set her up. Then Dean made it clear he would blackmail her. She agreed to do it once, despite her guilt, and threatened to kill Dean if he said anything or asked for more. Hubby took care of the rest.

I have not read all the author' stories, but there is not a hero to be seen. All the husbands are assholes.

Further, any one who justifies and glorifies murder should not be allowed to write.

Dean was an asshole, through and through. I'm not the violent type but he would have seriously tempted me. someoneother needs to read more than one DG tale before passing judgement. Thanks!

somewhere east of Omaha

You can tell a weak cuck story when the only reason he hasn't abandoned his lying cheating slut wife is because "he loves her so damn much." They deserve each other. Cuck & slut. Match made in heaven.

Meh. Chaotic and weird. Wife was vapid. MC committed murder. Dean was evil. Anna was a bitch. Uggh.