All Comments on 'Hallway Heaven Ch. 01'

Cool idea! Keep it up

Good concept, keep developing it.

Here are some things you need to think through before writing the next chapter...

1. Do the girls know who fucked them and do they fall in lust with them?

2. Does everyone else in the hallway see what just happened or did time slow way down at least for Joe. (e.g. Did time only stopped for Joe, so that all of a sudden did Maya just experience a mind shattering orgasm and fell on the ground with rips in her leggings and cum pouring out of her ass and onto her leggings.)

3. Did the hallway have any cameras that caught the action or did Joe's rape and sodomy of Maya go unnoticed with the only evidence of her rape and sodomy being her falling on the ground asking to be fucked harder.

4. Does he have hot relatives, teachers, and other women he uses his power on.

5. Will he pull pranks on these women and girls leaving them naked or does he try to restore them back to roughly how he finds them in order to keep from raising too much suspicion.

Reads like it was written by a teenage virgin with english as a second language

This isn't mind control, its timestop; which is scifi/fantasy.

don't give up your day job!

you failed to let him view her tits and use her mouth, lmao also as other reader said, was she aware of who was raping her and were the other people around able to see what was going on? this should been posted in sci fi / fantasy, not mind control. could be a good story with more details added. I gave it 3 stars for lack of details. the idea of time stop is good.

add some public humiliation!

This is more freezing time, not actual mind control. I afree with the previous anon. This probably goes more with sci fi

Not mind control as the other people have just been frozen thus allowing this asshat the only opportunity he'll ever have to get laid. This should go under either sci fi or non-reluctance as essentially he raped her twice.

Nice, fun story. Canot wait for chapter 2 ;-)

...no more! Ever.

This was truly awful. (Note to those making favorable comments: you are all dickwads)

It's a fun little story. I hope you keep writing them

Can't wait for part 2.

Accidentally hit two, instead of 3 stars. Not great, but decent and waiting for the next chapter.

Have him do that to a teacher.

Passable, needs more detail about the sex.

PLEASE ADD MORE CHAPTERS

Continue with chapter 2. Only make the girls with tiny titties!B