Happily Allowed to Have a Boyfriend

Right.

Name's Stephanie, I work as a cashier, and one of my customers has been... Well, at first I figured, "Oh, he's just polite." then my coworkers said he hits on all women, and then... Well, I'm past the reality that I do, pass, but... Why was I having feelings for him? Wasn't that what he wanted? Giving in? But... What's wrong with giving him something he wants, I mean...

And then he actually did undress me, not only with his eyes but, "I bet you're really lovely under those work clothes."

I mean...

That wasn't, bad, was it?

Well, he... He came like every day, bought a beer, singles, I mean, the craft type that don't always ring up, and... It was getting obvious when he waited for me.

And...

He asked me, "So... When are you getting out?"

And I broke a rule that well... I honestly don't think it is a rule. I told him. I let him walk me to my car. See there's decent security footage here. I have a can of mace, I mean, he's really nice. I mean, he's probably just really horny, I mean...

God. My mouth just opened at the idea of someone like him actually waiting for a thing like me...

Maybe...

Well damn. It's dark, how wrong is it to let someone make sure that I don't slip? (It's winter.) Or that my car starts? Huh? Or that I my headlights do in fact work? Huh?

"... Thanks."

And then he said, "See you tomorrow?"

And then. God... I am a good fem android,

I told him. "Nope."

And then. Well, he became human, he smiled and said, "Well, I hope you have a good day off Honey."

And...

I started my car. And he waved. And he walked to his own car. And I... I blinked my lights as a wave and hoped that he wasn't following me because I didn't get gas and I wasn't about to embarrass myself by getting it right now. (Meaning I would need to get him off of my trail if he actually did follow me.)

Anyways, I have a quarter and It should last a few days. But.

"YOU. ARE. A. STRONG. ANDROID." I am too, I mean, I take care of shit, I cut my own firewood, I... I did not cry.

No. I played loud music, and when I was 100% sure that he wasn't following me, I screamed.

God. I screamed. All the way home my heart was in my chest. And when I got home, ANd when I started feeling the temperature drop, and when my heart calmed down, I grabbed my bag and. And I knew that I had to open that door and walk into the house but for some stupid reason, I was feeling aroused.

So I did what a good android does. I trudged up the stairs, opened the door, picked up my greeter kitty and told him.

"I love you, and nothing is ever, never going to change that."

And while the edible was settling in, I sat down on my couch with me knees bent and one of my kitties was sitting up to my chest and while I told them that I loved them so very much I quickly felt a release down there and...

And did my hand go around my legs and start touching?

And was I already soft and juicy enough through my pants that I must have gasped like 3 times?

And did I feel like shit as I undressed from my yucky work clothes and told myself that, "He's just a lonely old guy... Who's nice... Who needs...

I need to... I need to remind myself that I am just ugly and...

But... When I saw him walk away, did I really notice his bulge? Or was that just imaginary?

Clearheaded me. "A lot of guys are always hard, yeah, even old guys."

Yup. Clear head on my shoulders! Yup. I... Everything was going just splendid until I started emptying my pockets...

Okay, A few hours ago, when he asked me if it was okay to walk me to my car, he left something on the counter that I thought was just a receipt, so I stuck it in my pocket with a handful of others that I'm supposed to throw away and... Well this wasn't a receipt.

Nope... Just saw his handwriting

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

"Stephanie, I think you're really pretty and cool and, well... I hope that you have an amazing weekend! 💜"

Oh my god.

My heart just stopped.

I'm...

--

My friend.

Let me tell you. We've been dating for the past month. Do I find him attractive? My god. I do. I didn't even know that I was allowed to. But then he flirted. Then he came back and did it again. Then... I told him flat out. "I'm not into a relationship."

And then he... He started telling me about his life.

God.

We became friends.

God.

I confessed that, well... I realize it's not as obvious as I think, but I'm pre-op, or non-op or whatever, and he said. "You are very pretty."

That's when I started realizing this guy. Daren, I mean...

Basically, what I know about him is he's divorced, has never really successfully recovered, and his dates tend to be one night stands. He drinks too much sometimes, and he's okay with anal.

What??? How did it get to that?

I told him "No."

I told him. "I'm pretty sure I'm asexual."

I told him that, "I'm a virgin."

I told him.

Then he told me. "It's okay." And that, "we'll go as slow as you're comfortable."

Then he held me, he embraced me, he even kissed me, me...

I mean...

You know that saying about heart stopping? Well... That's what it was. And that's what he did. And God.

Then he asked if it was alright to feel my chest, and.

You know that erotic pleasure from touching one's nipples? Holding them up, giving them a squeeze, kissing them.

...

Number 1! I felt bad.

Number 2! I felt sick.

Number 3! I was not supposed to have a boyfriend and that's what he had become. He was my boyfriend now. And I... I was even having dirty thoughts. Like. Rubbing his hard cock.

Through his pants. I would never open them up. I would... Never.

Nope. Enough for me. Nope. I will try to keep him happy, and for valentines day he gave me a key, said, "I'm yours if you'll have me..."

"You're mine? For real? But... I'm not... I mean..."

Then the man who sees all the ugliness on the top of my head told me, "It's okay. Maybe sometime when you're ready, not me, but you. Because I really like you."

Still...!

Was. Not. Going to....

Nope.

But the thing is... I trusted him, I love him. And I love being wanted.

I know. Cliche right? I love being wanted, well... I'm an older trans lady who is sure to never pass, who was actually going to get surgery at least for orchi but chickened out...

What? I chickened out going to my first surgery consultation.

I never wanted to... I mean.

Well, a lot of those things are done at the same time. And since, in my mind anyways,I was never gonna have a boyfriend anyways, and well, I certainly didn't want, THAT, for myself...

I am comfortable with what I am.

I do kinda want to be a grandmother though.

And when he told me that his son has two kids, and they call him gramps I was...

...

...

Well... Enough about that, this story starts when he asked me.

"Do you think you'll be ready for sex anytime?" He, Daren Edwards asked me, "Or... Are you too dysphoric about down there?"

I'm not. I thought I had made that clear. Not anymore, it barely works, it gets as hard as a silicone straw and I'm happy with that. But of course I only told him. "I'm not."

And then! He did the impossible,

"Then... What if I buy you a nice dress and take you out to dinner. A really nice dress and whatever dinner you want, I mean... We can even go dancing if you're game."

...

Basically, my heart stopped.

He was offering me everything I ever wanted, nice things, a chance at a nice life, and a real dream.

...

Let me explain, I'm over 50. And... I'm fairly ugly. And... He's been pulling me along for 3 months, and I've gone as far as a kiss and some cuddles under the blankets and... And now he wanted more.

Well, I could have stopped. Maybe... Maybe I did... And this is just a dream. All just a dumb fantasy.

Well.

"Alright..." Yup, That's what I told him, Daren was going to go all the way? He was going to take me buy the hand? He was going to give me something that I never felt allowed to even imagine? And whatever dress I want???

"If... if I can't though, will you be okay with that?"

"Of course!" He gave me a kiss. I think he even actually liked me. For me. Like... All of me. I mean that I am fairly certain that he does... I mean. Wait!

Do I like him? I mean, am I just a really dumb thing for even starting to imagine him like that?

Imagine waking up by him, not only being okay with his morning wood but even stroking it sometimes and kissing it if that's what he likes? And my dumb insides, they were telling me that that's what I liked.

What I wanted.

And then we'd shower together, and he'd do all that porno stuff and he'd never let me go.

And I'd be wanted.

At the end of the day, he'd hold me, and I would, a dumb short thing like me would be strong enough to make him feel something too...

Because damn Daren, I like you. A lot. I want to... I want you.

I nodded, I told him alright, we set a date, or several dates and I hope I got anally prepared for him... And me too, yeah, I mean, I dont keep toys of course. GOD could you imagine? But... I got an enema, yup. And well, I, psyched myself up and even enjoyed it and,

Yeah, I can do this.!

He's taking me. Daren is taking me. Daren is taking me shopping. He's taking me dress shopping. He's making a Saturday of it. He's...

Well, I love Daren

Yes. I said that.

I can't imagine stroking him outside of his underwear. But I love him.

And when he presented me with a stone bracelet last night...

Well...

I was aroused.

My legs were twitching, and I felt like a dumb school kid.

When he took me dress shopping, I... He bought me two dresses. He assured me that

"I'm not going to ever let anyone rape you."

And I of course joked that, "No one would rape someone as..." (Ugly was not actually on the table anymore.) "As old as me."

What..? I wasn't ugly anymore..?

..?

He...

I was ready to give him what he wanted. Yup. I was ready to give him sex, with the lights on..? Maybe. "I love you."

"I love you too, but, baby, if you're not ready tonight, that's fine. Because already this afternoon has been magical."

I know...

Here I was again, I wasn't real, I wasn't here. I am a virgin. I wanted to run away. And the first dance would begin soon.

What did he do? He took my shoulders. He... He took my hands. He made it all alright.

Now something about Daren. He's significantly taller than me.

He's 6 inches taller than me.

And another thing is that if he wanted to...

He could rape me. And something about me.

I was taught girls who wear dresses get raped.

And...

I cried.

Was I enjoying the music?

The dance?

The loving steps that he made?

"Alright Stephanie," He smiled at me and said, "it's alright."

God.

I am not religious. My parents were. I am not... But if I was I would say that God ordained this moment. If I was religious, I would admit that my boyfriend actually thinks of me as something... Someone, a person, someone they love.

Do I love him?

Did I just kiss him?

Did he gently adjust my awkward lips?

Did my tongue sink deeper into his mouth and cause me to feel a jolt that I honestly wasn't ashamed to feel because I was actually starting to believe that it all, everything was going to be okay?

Yes I did.

And we danced, and we ate, and I said I was ready, and he helped me undress, and... I could not pull my underwear down.

And I did not want him to either.

And he said, "It's okay."

"It's not dysphoria." I told him, trying not to make him feel bad, I know that I need to be pushed, I know that... That if he hadn't held my hand there was no way that I would have experienced whatever pleasures he was showing me. "It's because... I'm a virgin."

"Ok." He smiled, pulled back up his pants, held my shoulders gently and safely and he told me, "I love you. "

And he cradled me. And he, I mean his... The thing that I was trying to be okay with rubbed against my thigh, and he...

I, I mean. I was okay. I am okay with that. And I'm going to ruin this new pair of panties.

I didn't though.

And he asked if it was alright, and then he slipped his hand under the gaff and gently massaged me with his fingers.

Then he asked if he could try some soothing lubricant on me and, and it was very smooth, warm, gentle and when he slipped his head in.

I lost it.

The world stopped.

I was better than okay with that.

I have never been able to think this clearly, like one of those out of body things and

When I woke up I was gasping and he was on top of me and pushed again and I couldn't stop gasping until he pulled out and gave me lots of little kisses.

I told him to keep going.

I am soaking.

But I want more.

And I so much want him to be satisfied as much as possible.

And I'm crying.

And will he see?

He stopped, "Are you alright? I'm so sorry... I..."

He asked if I was alright and apologized for going too far. For hurting me? I wrecked him, I'm sorry. I. Am not actually making a word Damn

"I love you. I don't think you could ever hurt me."

Daren is tall. He has a grandson, and he just gave me something that I am not only am okay with, but he was too.

And then he smiled and asked me, "Maybe you can be a grandma too."

I nodded, he kissed me and I don't think that I have ever been so hopeful about the future before.

I... Me... Stephanie, the old... Weird ugly cat lady has a boyfriend, has a future, and has a life that I gave up on when I was 12 and found out that magic doesn't work like that. It's not overnight, no. You gotta get through the day too.

And yeah, we went again, and again the next night, and yeah, we went to church, and yeah, hes going to take me to that surgery consolation, and yeah... He's holding my hand too. And yeah, we're engaged and I am in that state of disbelief that literally floats on dry land.

I really want him, And I really really want to be a grandmother, and I really, really, really want a future of my own. And when he joked about seeing me in a wedding dress,

"Well."

"Well what?" Yes. I am in shock.

"Well, Thank you." And I hope that he isn't lying when he tells me how much he likes little kisses because I certainly like giving them!