Happy Hogswatch!

"I'm going to cum," he whispered, then arched his back and came, his cock jerking, firing volley after volley into her warm pussy. As his cock softened, she came again, scuffing her clit in his pubes, then collapsed on him. The couple lay gasping in a pool of all forms of liquids they released, kissing and marveling again at the wonder of the most perfect partner either of them could have ever found. "We're going to have to clean up this place," Nick whispered.

"Done," said his Enchantress as the beds were pulled taught and the bedcovers cleaned. The whole time she was pregnant with the twins she refrained from using magic, now she uses it every chance she gets. They staggered to the kitchen and gently wiped each other clean with a washcloth, then climbed upstairs to their comfortable old bed. Virga, Octavia's jealous walking stick and Gula, Nick's jealous gargoyle, watching them every step of the way.

As they snuggled under their warm quilts, Nick asked, "What do you want most of all for Hogswatch?"

She didn't pause, this was something she's thought about for a while. "I would like to line Marlon and Hollie and Lou and Loo-Loo up in front of my mother and say, 'Look mom, look what I did.'" She sniffed a little then asked, "what about you?"

He thought about it for a long time, then said, "I would like to do that too." And as the two orphans drifted off to sleep on that snowy night, Nick was sure he heard the glingle glingle glingle of sleigh bells.

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AM&SP HR Grand Central Station, Ankh-Morpork 4:00 AM

Station master Casey James groaned as he stepped into the dispatcher's office and looked through his train orders. First out the gate - Number Seven, The Ramtops Challenger. Once the flagship passenger train of the railroad, the Challenger is now a mixed train, ten box cars full of freight, three empty flat cars, and two gondolas full of gravel followed by the Rail Post Office car, and the baggage/coach full of express freight and brakemen. Behind that were two coaches, a dinette car, two more coaches and a parlor car. He frowned; how did they put this old wreck together with so much junk? The locomotive was underpowered, the freight cars were overloaded, the passenger cars were packed full of loggers and miners with maybe a dozen "normal" travelers heading out across the Sto Plains.

As he read the train orders, a throat was cleared nearby just to let him know that a throat was nearby. "Yes?" he allowed one eye to peer above a barely legible slow order on the main line near Hamlin to see two women dressed in black looking at him with expectant smiles. One was small and compact, the other a bit taller with a figure that would cause an hourglass to turn green with envy.

"Mister James, I'm Jutta Aldana and this is Catrin Lenz. We are to be car matrons on Number 7 this morning."

Casey looked at the workorder Jutta handed him and their employee cards with callous indifference. "Follow me," he grumbled and led the women out onto the platform. It was a chilly, damp morning and locomotive #24 was backing onto their train. He watched the yardmen couple #24 onto the train and frowned. #24 is old. It doesn't have steam heat connections to warm the passenger cars. That's why he has matrons. "Are ye familiar with parlor stoves?" he said as they walked past the ancient baggage/coach car that was also acting as caboose for the freight section of the train. The crew inside were gathered around the stove waiting for their brew-up of tea.

"I should say so, both wood fueled and coal," said Jutta. Catrin nodded in agreement.

"Follow me," and he climbed aboard. "For passenger service we have two coaches, followed by a dinette, followed by a two more coaches, then followed by a parlor car. There is no smoking in the coaches, only in the parlor cars and dinette." He pointed at Jutta. "You get the first two coaches, and you with the glasses..."

"Catrin, yer lordship."

"Yeah, Catrin, you get the second two coaches. Don't worry about any other car on the train, just the two cars you've been assigned. When you're done with the run, see your conductor for your pay."

"What do we do?" asked Catrin.

"It's fairly simple. Keep the heaters working, it's going to be a cold one today. Answer any questions, direct any smokers to the parlor car. If you have any problems with the passengers refer the problem to the conductor, that's his job. That's it, do you have questions for me??"

Catrin said, "No sir. We have people waiting for us already, I see."

"Well then, you best start firing up your heaters. Take your scuttles to the locomotive for coal." For the next half hour, Catrin and Jutta walked back and forth between the locomotive and their cars with scuttles full of coal. The train was so long, the trip to the locomotive and back for Catrin was nearly a half mile. Once they got the little stoves burning, they met in the dinette and studied the schedule. People were going to want to know times and locations, but neither woman had a watch.

"You come see me at every station stop," said a grumpy-looking man in a railroad uniform. He sat in a corner booth of the dinette, drinking coffee and eating breakfast. "I'll let you know if we're running on time."

"And you are...?"

"Ergi Stoat, I'm da conductor an' dis is my train. I want choo two walking up an' down da aisles da whole trip, answerin' questions, chasing smokers off da open vestibules, and when we come into a station, call out loud and clear what station we are coming into."

"What if we don't know what station we're coming into?" asked a nervous Jutta.

"Come ask me. I'll be right here. NEVER refer a passenger to me, handle it. And keep da stoves warm, but not TOO warm, coal ain't free, ya know." He got up, put a gold "RESERVED" sign on his table, then said, "Follow me," and led them to a vestibule, the open area between cars. The only thing that kept a passenger from falling under the train when crossing from one car to the next were two safety chains. "Dis here is da brake wheel. When you hear da locomotive blow one long whistle, you comes out onto da vestibule like dis and turn da wheel clockwise. When it blows two whistles turn da brake wheel counterclockwise. Got dat?" and without waiting for a response, he swung off the train, smiling and nodding to the travelers who began to crowd onto the train.

"I guess we get to our cars," said Jutta. She noticed that Catrin looked like she was going to cry. "Don't worry, we'll soon see the Duke and he'll point us in the right direction. We'll find Corin and then we'll find Pommy." Catrin smiled weakly and nodded, then headed off to her coaches.

"BOOOOOARD!" shouted Conductor Ergi and with a toot-toot and a slam of cars that nearly threw both Matrons off their feet they were underway. Ergi worked his way through the train, punching tickets as they snaked their way through the confusion of yard tracks out of the station and out to the main line. Slowly they built up speed, this first leg of the run was The Ramtops Challenger's bread and butter. Most passengers were traveling between Ankh-Morpork and Sto Helit or Sto Lat for the holiday. Their transit will pay for this train.

They found the job of train matron was fairly easy at first. Every question both women encountered was easily answered by reading the passenger's ticket carefully. Unfortunately, for the first leg of the run, there were a lot of SRO, Standing Room Only tickets and the aisles were crowded, as were the vestibules and they spent most of their time chasing passengers off the open area between cars. The passengers were hoping that they could stand in the dinette and sip tea, but that was not to be, the dinette was too crowded. Turning the brake wheel was going to be hard because it was frigid outside and they weren't dressed for outside work.

They eased into Sto Helit in one hour, three minutes early! The same trip on horseback was half a day. Holiday travel via the train was a marvel and cheerful holiday travelers piled off the train thanking Jutta and Catrin for their help.

The Ramtops Challenger didn't wait long. The train crew added two more box cars then "BOOOOOOARD!" called Ergi again and once again they were underway. The bare cabbage fields of the Sto Plains flashed by in the pre-dawn gloom as the matrons walked up and down the aisle, smiling, nodding, prodding a little more heat out of the stoves. Crossing from one car to the next was icy and dangerous, and there was only one ice scraper on the train, so Jutta and Catrin shuffled it back and forth as they traveled.

"Next Station Sto Lat, get your bags together if you are getting off at Sto Lat." Jutta was getting into the swing of the job. Catrin was a little nervous, but she too fell into the rhythm of the rails. They've already traveled sixty miles, and the sun hasn't come up yet.

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Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

Nick's eyes fluttered open. He smiled with that feeling you get after a night of sex, blissful and dozy. "I don't want to get up," he groaned, but then he felt a nose press against his nose. Just as he reached to give Octavia the good morning kiss of her dreams, he realized it wasn't Octavia.

"I'm hungry daddy," said Hollie, smiling. Her eyes crossed as she looked into her daddy's eye. She folded up his eyepatch to reveal the gold artificial eye that a grateful Prime Minister of the Agatean Empire gave him. {Nick did the Prime Minister and the people of the Empire a huge favor by accidentally killing their mad emperor} "I like your gold eye," as she drew close and studied it. Nick never told his kids that his gold eye magically works.

"Thank you, I'll let you look at it again on your wedding day." Nick was sensitive about his missing eye.

"Can you make pam cakes?"

"PaN cakes, paN cakes. Say your N."

"I like pam better." The tyke slid out of bed and he saw Octavia looking at him with a smile of amusement.

"Good morning Sir."

"She has your eyes," Nick smiled. "Good morning Ma'am," and they drew close for a kiss, but their exchange was interrupted by the twin wail of the twins. "Rock paper scissors, winner gets Lou."

"You're on daddy," and Octavia crushed Nick's scissors with a rock, giving Nick the honor of changing Loo-Loo.

"Aww, she always poops first thing in the morning."

"Sorrreeee," grinned Octavia as they got up and attended to the twins. "Ughh, I got a winner too," groaned Octavia as she inspected her youngest son's diaper. "And you look pretty happy about it, you little stinker." Llywellyn gave his mother a huge toothless grin and kicked happily as his mother changed his diaper. Then the family gathered around the breakfast table, except for Nick. "Where to?"

"Duchy offices, I need to balance the books for the king's auditor tomorrow."

"They're going to audit the books on Hogswatch Day?" asked Octavia as she gave Nick a breakfast pastry that wasn't there a moment ago.

"No, the day after, they want the books turned over tomorrow so there's none missing when the audit starts at sunrise." Nick pulled on his knee high mukluks and headed out with a promise to be back for lunch.

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Sky Dancer Pass, AM&SP Hygienic Railway

The Ramtop Challenger was clawing its way through the Ramtops Mountains. This was some of the most beautiful mountain railroading on the discworld. Rocky canyon walls lined the narrow ledge that the train crawled along and plunging canyons into depths marked this territory. The small wedge plow on the pilot of the locomotive shoved snow off the rails and over the side of the cliff. It was a long struggle to get to the top of Sky Dancer Pass and sometimes the heavy train was barely moving at a walking pace. The barks of the straining locomotive echoed off the mountainsides, eventually gaining speed as they finally made it to the crest of the pass. The exhausted engineer spotted the locomotive at the summit tank and they paused at the top of the pass to take on water and coal. The passengers stepped off the train to take in the breath-taking mountain scenery as Catrin and Jutta dashed to the locomotive for more coal as their scuttles were empty and their heaters were nearly extinguished.

"Howya doin little lady?" a strange little man peered at Catrin from the top of a boxcar. He was filthy, and he waved to her with a hand that only had two fingers. Terrified, she shuffled back to her coach faster, hauling her two scuttles. Hopefully, this will be the last time she has to drag coal all the way back to her coach. They're nearly two-thirds of the way to Hot Dang and soon she'll be seeing the Duke!

"Hiya, ma'am," he called out to Jutta as she walked past with her coal.

"Good morning to you Mr. Bemis, and a Happy Hogswatch," called Jutta. She met Lancaster Bemis at the last stop when she ran for coal. He was a brakeman on the train, he had to climb on top of the freight cars to tighten down the brake wheels when the engineer called for brakes. He was missing fingers because the couplers between the cars were so dangerous to operate.

"Happy Hogswatch," he called. Shortly after, the engineer blew two short crows on the whistle, the signal for brakes up and Conductor Stoat began to bellow "BOARD!" and he herded the passengers back on to the train. It was still a fairly full train, not as crowded as the first few stops, but if the diner and parlor emptied into the coaches, there'd be few empty seats.

Catrin and Jutta cranked the brake wheels on their cars and soon the train began to move. Heading downhill, it followed a narrow ledge that was carved into the solid rock as they made their way down the pass. The locomotive was almost silent as they coasted downhill.

Soon, the trip was not as serene as the first mile of descent on Sky Dancer Pass. The grade began to get steeper and the heavy train picked up speed as gravity pulled it downhill toward the sharp curves and narrow ledges ahead. The engineer on #24 whistled desperately for brakes. The locomotive brake alone wasn't going to hold back this heavy train. The brakemen "decorated" the train in the driving snow, up on top of the twelve box cars three brakemen clung to their brake wheels, cranking them down tightly then running along the roof walk to the next car where the brake wheel waits for them. On the vestibules, Jutta and Catrin turned down their brake wheels with freezing fingers, the wind cutting through their light shawls.

The Ramtop Challenger shot out across the Amala Creek Canyon Trestle, over two hundred feet high, made of lumber and prayers. The wind came roaring up Amala Creek Canyon, blowing broadside on the train, driving the wet snow into the brakemen's eyes and rocking the cars. Having cranked down their brake wheels, Jutta and Catrin huddled around the parlor heaters in their cars while thoughtful passengers helped them urge a few more degrees of warmth out of the tiny stoves.

When the train headed out into the flat mountain meadows marking the end of Sky Dancer Pass, the engineer whistled to release the brakes, and the men on the box cars found themselves one man short, Lancaster Bemis could not be found anywhere on the train.

Lancaster Bemis was standing at the bottom of the Amala Creek Canyon looking at a person shaped hole in the snow. "Poor old guy, do ya think he suffered?"

Next to him a skeletal figure in a black shroud swung his scythe and severed the blue glowing line between the hole in the snow and the spirit of Lancaster Bemis. "YOU DIDN'T FEEL A THING" said the anthropomorphic personification of Death as he folded up his scythe. He truly hates working on a holiday.

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Partridge Cottage, Creel Springs, Lancre

"Yes, I have to go back to work," said Nick as he put his lunch dishes in the sink and kissed a sad Hollie. "I'm almost done and will be home for supper. Why don't you get dressed and maybe Marlon will let you ride Bongo?

Hollie lit up, "Can I, can I, can I please? Please?" she begged her older brother.

"Ok," sighed Marlon. Actually watching Hollie ride Bongo is fun. They're just about the right size for each other, a tiny girl on a tiny donkey. They dressed in their snowy day clothes and headed outside in the snow and Marlon walked into the barn and proudly led Bongo out. Bongo normally carries packs for camping, lunches for picnics and tackle boxes for fishing, and occasionally Annette Preston, but today Marlon threw a blanket on him and Nick lifted Holly in place.

As they walked down the hill, Marlon asked his father, "What did you do for Hogswatch eve when you were a kid?"

The right answer was "beg for food," but Nick didn't want to say that. In fact, he didn't want to think about it ever again, and he couldn't talk about it with Hollie hanging on his every word. She sat smiling on her tiny mount, waiting to hear the answer. "I'd get with the guys and we'd play, usually stick ball or conkers. We didn't have snow in the city. It was usually cold and rainy." Those games are something they would do if they had the chance, but the primary job of an abandoned child was to beg for food or pennies.

As they got down to the bookstore, they saw Mr. and Mrs. Metsker in their sleigh getting ready to head up to Lancre Town to spend the Holiday with their son and his wife. "Have a safe trip, Trei," Nick called. "See you at the palace tomorrow?"

"We'd never miss a chance to see you in your costume," laughed the blacksmith and they were off.

"Ok you two," Nick pulled two sticks of penny candy out of his pocket, "I have to finish this work. You guys head back and I'll be up when I'm done, ok?"

"Ok," the kids said reluctantly, but they took the candy bribe and headed back up the mountain. Meanwhile, Nick ducked back into the bookstore. The battle of the budget was almost over.

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2:00 PM. Hot Dang, Lancre

The Ramtops Challenger rolled into Hot Dang thirteen minutes early and all who witnessed that feat agreed that it was a Hogswatch miracle. The Ramtops Challenger is normally one or two hours late so people who were expecting family to pick them up at the station will have to walk over to Gunnar's Café where their ride is tucking into a late lunch. People piled off the train headed for home in the nearby community and the train waited for the day coach from Lancre to pull up with passengers for the outbound train to Ankh-Morpork.

Jutta and Catrin hopped off the train and the ground that wasn't moving felt strange. It took a few steps to get used to a solid disc. The train rocked and rolled them for the past nine hours as they walked up and down the aisles for the entire trip. They were hungry, tired, and freezing, and they spent most of the mountain passage out on the vestibules cranking the brake wheels back and forth. They just wanted to get to Lancre Town and see the Duke of Wægn.

"Good woik girls," growled Ergi Stoat, "you're naturals, here you go," and he handed each woman a shiny new ten-dollar coin.

"What is this?" said Jutta, her jaw trembling.

"Your wages, and you earned every cent!"

"Wha...?" her eyes started to tear up. This can't be true. "We were promised thirty-seven dollars..."

"I told you dat da coal wasn't free," grinned Ergi as he lit a home rolled.