All Comments on 'Happy Hollowdays Pt. 01'

Don’t get the too many words issue. think about it from the perspective of someone digesting the situation and parsing it in their head. If they are that type of thinker it makes sense

Very wordy dialog. I can understand that he would analyze and come to a lot of these conclusions, but actually speaking all of it seems a bit much. IMHO some of that stream of consciousness should have stayed in his head instead of a very long monologue to the two. Otherwise, I liked this first chapter and look forward to the rest.

I think it’s already been said that the dialogue was…not something you would expect from a twenty something person being confronted by his now ex bf and what sounds like a second mom over his fiancé leaving him. For me, it makes it difficult to emote with the MC. It’s not a bad storyline and I am going to continue reading it. I just wonder if you have given thoughts on reworking it dialogue?

Really, really bad writing. Repeated, over and over.

Time to pack her thing and donate all of it to charity. Then write complaints to Rita’s ethics board.

FFS get an editor to cut this in half. You continually repeat the same thing over and over.

If the goal of this opening part was to make the MC a weak, whining little boy, then mission accomplished. Hopefully he gets his sea legs further into this all too wordy treatise.

Wellnwithbfriends like qho needs enemies

I was thinking I would have liked to have said something like, “If I ever find out you marry and then divorce, I will hunt one of you down and torture and kill you in front of the other, and then I will torture and kill the one that remains. And I will either die trying or kill myself when I’m finished.”

I’d bet THAT’d scare the shit out of them.

You need an editor, you make such ridiculously simple to fix mistakes (repeatedly). Finance should be Fiancée, callus should be callous, blanche should be blanch, fowl should be foul... To let your "anger reign" would be to give into the anger and let it control you, if that was what you meant that's fine but if you meant he was trying to hold it in then he should be trying to "rein his anger in". Interesting start, the MC sounds absolutely naive and clueless. Not sure where he can go from here.

Wow so much repetition! He seems kinda like a whining little boy.

Stupid story line.

I can always tell when the author is older. Theyare overly romantic in the characters thinking and overly wordy in their characters speech. The MC is 23 yo, what 23 yo speaks like this?

This story goes nowhere!

It pages and pages of

Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah, Wah.

No revenge.

No moving on.

Just standing in place repeating,

Wah, Wah, Wah.

Waste of time.

Betrayal by the soon-to-be Bride and the best Friend is so common, but it is the most devastating betrayal that there is. Why? Normally when a man is betrayed by his Love, the Best Friend is there to hold him up while he drinks away the pain. Happened to me. My #4 wife betrayed me with my best friend. Then she went and shacked up with him. I had no one to drink with thanks to her conniving. 5 stars for great writing. Great Plot. Naive MC thanks, Buster2U

⭐ I guess it's no surprise that an author named choppedliver writes pansy boy pitty party self loathing tales about 30 year old biological male wimps who's testicles still haven't dropped. That's not the worst part of these stories, it's the 4 second loop of self pity that never stops playing over and over and over and over. Oh, and by the way, the hooker was sitting there with her mouth open the whole time because she was the only one who remembered she was there to give him a blow job. She didn't give a fuck about the drama queen existence he foisted upon himself. I'll go round up a pistol so this author can end this story properly.

Spelling errors are off-putting.

Fiance not finance

Callous not callus

All the backbone of a jellyfish this guy. I can do the gist in 6 words: Beat me again I love you so much

The story was good but far too melodramatic and too much repetition, and actually wrong in some ways. Tim was acting like a little narcissistic bully. He should be grateful that he did not marry someone with mixed feelings, and should just have blessed their marriage because they did belong with each other and made better match than Tim and Brenda. If Tim had acted rationally, he would not lose his best friend and best girl.

Brenda asking Andy to return the ring was not great option, but ring should be returned and she was too discombobulated to do it herself at that point. Autor seems not to consider feelings of other people.

Rita was not acting as a professional therapist but as a mother and a friend. A mother should do what is best for her son.

Lowlife people who say they love you.

Wow. Damn straight. Thanks.

Emotions were taut. Betrayal is huge. Brenda and Andy are pond scum. Rita is a conniving bitch who has no business being a counselor. Bit overly dramatic. Will be interesting to see how the MC gets past this. But seriously. Fiancee is not finance. Callous is not callus. Please seek the serviced of an editor if at all possible. Spell check isn't hacking it. Sorry. 4 stars.

And the commenter who are apologists for Brenda, Andy and Rita, are annoying. None of then acted with a shred of honor. Andy was his best friend. He had bene in live with Brenda foe years and was marrying her in several weeks. And Rita knew the MC all those years seeing her son and him together as best friends forever. They are all despicable and only looking out for their own self interest. Maybe not surprising but certainly reprehensible. Will admit the repetition about Brenda not showing up to give the ring back was a bit much.

O większym idiocie jeszcze tutaj nie czytałem. Autor ma fantazje.

I could not even read beyond page two...an extremely stupid asinine story about a dumbass wimp.1/5

Sorry...I'd have taken that ring and literally shoved it up his asshole. I'd have beaten him and his cunt of a mother so badly that they'd have had to have convalescence care. He'd have never been capable of fathering his own children. And I would have gladly pled guilty due to temporary insanity and taken whatever the judge would have given me. And then lived happily ever after. Knowing I broke that motherfucker's face in and stomped his balls to mush. Hopefully his mom never counseled another sucker due to her brain damage. Stupid bitch.