All Comments on 'Happy Hollowdays Pt. 01'

This was the cringiest, most pathetic “I’m a nice guy” bullshit I have ever read.

No fucking wonder Brenda left him, he’s an idiot. Self important, self righteous, self promoting: it’s all about him and how nice he is and how much he loves them and how wonderful he is. Hell, he even rented a whore just so he could tell her how wonderful he is and if that isn’t a sign of a mental illness, I don’t know what is.

Damn !

But if the story is finished - WHY THE FUCK DO YOU BREAK IT APART?!?

STUPID!

Are u seriously a mentally regarded writer? Then why are u making ur MCs behave like one???

You write like a

Moron…ditto for the actions of your characters.are u on some drugs?

With friends like that, who needs enemies!

5

You seem to want to go round and round and round the same issue, until we're all tearing our hair out. You can make your point in half the time and half the words.

Tim is pathetic, Brenda needed a real man. Tim is a crying cuckold. The guy is almost on his knees begging them.

1*

That was depressing, well written but depressing. I hope the other chapters are slightly less heavy.

The only thing that I agree with is that chopped liver wrote this.

Pt2 let him become wealthy and have a better life than them

Really good story.

Please keep writing!

Oh dear, I do like your writing but have to agree with others, Tim is a self-righteous whinger, yes he's been shat on, yes he didn't expect his stupidity to have the effect on his bitch & friend that it 100% invited, Yes he has a right to feel like shit but .....oh well, I'll read subsequent parts.

Oooh. I’d spend some coin ensuring that after they married Brenda would be professionally seduced in a year or two and the betrayal exposed to Andy and his family in the most heartbreaking way.

Your moniker accurately describes the story. Your first story sucked, this one literally stinks.

Geez, what a over dramatized account of the ending of a relationship.

I feel pity towards a man that would bare his soul in such a pathetic manner in front of anyone except perhaps an independent qualified shrink.

Thank You.

I will not criticize on a part one. Your setup of destroying the good guy with a betrayal by fiancée and best friend of long standing is actually put together well. To this point , the main character has set the betrayers including the mom up with a horrendous guilt trip if they have a shred of humanity. Is he really that “good” and therefore weak (at least to the btb crowd) or just extremely ingenious in the destruction of the betrayers? That is what will make or break this story in the subsequent chapters.

Good story about loyalty and betrayal. Obviously, Andy and Brenda don't know shit about what either of the two words mean let alone have an ounce of loyalty in either of the two's makeup. Both Any and Brenda are typical of people these days..they're selfish and life's all about themselves and fuck anyone else. Rita's an obvious "quack" councilor with no sense of personal or professional ethics. Personally, if I was Tim, I would have made Andy eat the fucking ring and then made sure he wouldn't be fucking Brenda any time soon. If Andy's man enough to fuck his best friends woman then he'd better be man enough to take his beating like a man and leave the cops out of their business. Andy and Brenda are a couple shitty people that deserve each other.

Too confusing. Tried to get thru it, but couldn’t finish it. Pretty well written though

Good start. The word is "callous", btw. Other than that, I liked it.

Just trying to figure out how a guy who pushes his fiancée and best friend together because they are better suited for each other, then falls completely apart when they do? Maybe I’ll try to read again later to understand. Not sure it needs additional chapters though.

Can't believe that I've just read a story that sets the all time world record for saying the same thing 10 times in a row, just using different ways of saying it. Over and over and over (10 times) without moving on in any direction. You had something here, but beat it to death. PLEASE! every word that comes to mind does NOT need to be put down on paper. And, it's not finance- it's fiancee. Not callus- callous. Obvious writing talent, but find a safe place and LAND the dadgum airplane.

I am so curious where this story will lead. And contrary to what the anonymous commenters say, you can write! Good job , keep at it!

The younger female character would have been the FIANCE, not the FINANCE!!

Boyd Percy - how can you give this story a 5??? It's not even mediocre!! A 3* at best

Well written. A subtitle might be "The Highroad to Hell". A worthy effort. Thank you.

Sadly, this was bloody awful.

Your MC was the biggest looser I've ever read about. This whole story is a croc of SHIT. You wasted my time, you have made my do not read list. Neg 5 stars if I could.

This is part 1. Part 2 darn well better hold some good news for Tim or things are really going to get ugly in the comment section! That he didn't rearrange Andy's face is not believable. When two friends are that supposedly close, they are like brothers. Even brothers fight. Tim is panning out to be a wuss.

This is world-class stupid.

Good story. Perhaps a little wordy, but a good job of expressing the MC’s frustration as he realizes how he feels about the betrayal as it hits him. When you are completely in love with someone, and trusting, it doesnt all become obvious at once, you certainly don’t go into it with foreknowledge that your life is a betrayal story.

Looking forward to future installments.

-KM

Really? Whats up with this guy. He had good arguments but still loving them even though they his heart out? The fuck is wrong with him? Just gifting them 19k as a reward for their betrayal. This guy needs some mental help...

Wow, awesome writing. I felt every thing the MC was feeling. Can’t wait for the next chapter. Based on other reviews I just have to suppose there are readers out there that don’t realize that feeling pain doesn’t make you less of a man.

Your long winded explanations seriously need editing. Just the conversation of his 'buddy' telling him how they sent him for takeout and then ghosted him was exhausting to read. Yeah, he saw,the attraction, put them together but they still treated him poorly. Cut the long winded crap down.

Your finance is fowl.

Good start to a new story.

Unfortunately this chapter should have been about 1/3 as long as it ended up being. Having the MC repeat the same things over and over for 4 pages doesn't improve the story. Just makes it tedious and tiresome.

Looking forward to future chapters. Hoping they will be more condensed and streamlined.

Actually I liked it. Did go on a bit, but you were able to demonstrate the anguish of being abandoned by his two best friends.

The MC is written as tedious, whiney, weak, needy, grossly repetitive, detached from reality, and wallowing in emotions like a 14 year-old girl. This installment is more than twice as long as it should be. The plot idea is good, but the execution needs to far less "wrought" and shorter. Given how the MC is written, it makes "Brenda" sympathetic....she wants to marry a man....Andy....not her best "girlfriend ".

Wow! Just wow!

Very well written and extremely articulate in author expressing the MC's feelings of betrayal. All the anonymous comments obviously couldn't see a well written short story if you slammed the book in their face!

The MC's diatribe against Rita and Andy was long winded and excessive for this short of story. I think the story would have been better if the MC response was shortened and more emotion (anger) was directed to the offending parties. Nobody is that noble as MC was portrayed.

Overall I did enjoy it and look forward to Pt 2.

I loooooooved this line (and the story in general):

"...they don't even want to take the fucking sofa, which, damn them, is a literal term now."

I agree with previous commenters. The scene just went on and on. He should have told them to leave early on.

He probably couldn’t do it, but the ideal ending would be for him to give his blessing to Andy and Brenda, remain best friends.

Not going to rate this,I'll wait to see what happens

The idea/ plot is okay, but the writing is just too overwrought and repetitive. He is obviously heartbroken but he also is very unsympathetic. I am sorry,but a guy fucked over by his best friend and fiancee is not going to give them a 19k ring and so forth. In a normal person that love would turn to hate, especially since Brenda sends her lothario to see him with the ring? That is cuck story material, that is rubbing his nose in it.

As far as Rita goes Tim could easily get whatever license she had taken away. Her actions are unethical, she got in the middle of something that was personal to her, I mean counseling her son& Brenda,then trying to work on Tim? Conflict of interest is a big deal.

Tim also isn't too bright, if Brenda&Andy had that kind of attraction he should have realized it was impossible.

I got to the place when he begs the mother not to tell Brenda how bad he is doing bc she would be hurt that I wanted to poor gas on him and light it. Talk about a spineless worm, when someone ditches you like that you want them to hurt, in reciprocal to how much he loved her.

What really scares me is how this finishes, I can see it ending with Brenda and Andy together and Tim just being there beaming best friend like some idiotic BBC serial, that old British jolly good chap shag my girl,jolly good sport and all that.

Outstanding!!

Some great emotion here! Very interested in hearing how it will end.

What a punk bitch

Perhaps already said, but Best Friend Andy is there. To the extent he is still the best friend Never Gonna Be Brenda’s Hubby (NGBBH) has, at this time, tell BFA “So, you’re gonna marry a woman who has done this to the man she lived with and claimed to love! Thank you for saving my ass and my future! But, don’t ever do anything for me again except stay outta my life!”

Good story, but the whiney and long comments are right on!

4* Coulda been a great one, maybe it finishes there!

Addendum

Fiance’ is a guy.

Fiancee’ is a gal.

Great story, ****, but I repeat the comment I made on your 1st story: you could have had an even better result with less words.

That was dramatic and painful. Decent writing, but needs an editor. There were missing words which took away from the overall quality of the story.

I think one thing he could have told Rita was remember the origin of the relationship between Andy and Brenda. It took an act of betrayal of someone close to them. Relationships based on evil behavior is not on a firm foundation. Here's hoping karma will be a bitch to them.

Sorry, but how stupid must a man be if he gives his rival and the slut the engagement ring he paid for to give them a good start in life?

You draw your protagonist as a real wimp who can hardly save himself from all the emotions. What does he want with a slut cheating on him with his best friend? And what does his best friend want with a slut cheating on her fiancé with his best friend?

The plot is interesting, but the implementation wasn't clear enough for me!

That's one either cold or weak bitch to send the guy who cucked him, and was supposedly his friend, back with the ring. Either way she's no loss. Better he find out her character now rather than after they are married. Hopefully in the next part you don't take the path of least resistance and have Jill spin out some sorrowful tale of her own and then bring her and Tim together in a pity party that turns into true love. As for this part, Tim was written far too wordily. In a stressed situation like that you which have created it is doubtful there would be so much talk. A "fuck off asshole", with or without a punch would be more likely. Still, you are quite a talented writer, and the above is just one reader's opinion. In the end you must write to satisfy yourself.

Gave you 5 stars because of your demonstrated writing skill. Please let us read more from your pen. Thank you for the effort put into writing for us!

I think the story itself is quite good though you need to do yourself a favor and proofread before posting. There are so many simple mistakes that detract horribly from the flow and turn readers away. Please accept that as constructive criticism as I look forward to the next installment and hope to be able to give a better rating next time around.

WAY toooooooo many WORDS

Wat too wordy. Couldn't even finish it.

Bit too wordy and introspective - but will see what the next part brings.

Brenda is So Much Better Off without this whiny weak ignorant ass. Instead of this tirade of pain and remorse he should be thanking his former best friend for playing the roll of seducing asshole BEFORE they were married, because if it hadn't of been him then it would have been some other seducing asshole later, and maybe after the kids were born. No, the dumb shit dodged a marriage time bomb. But he's too small minded and short sighted to see his ass has been saved. Its like being pissed off that you had a car wreck on the way to the airport, and thereby missed a plane flight that later crashed. Well, you've got a second part to redeem this dimwit cuck, so we'll see.

What was equally pathetic is the pretense that the counselor/mother gives a shit about the cuck, or gives a shit what the cuck thinks of her. Who The Fuck Raised The Asshole Who Seduced His Wife To Be? You want us to think she has a conscience? She doesn't even have a brain. Her son is a cheating deceitful bastard, and he is going to marry a weak pathetic cheating whore. And she thinks these are characteristics of ethical virtuous marriage partners? Ridiculous.

So give it a second swing. This first hit was a foul. Good luck with the next try. And thanks for the effort.

I didn't think it was too long at all.

Each new paragraph highlighted a new idea, a new insight, and shone the light of truth even further on the situation.

Even though it was dialogue, and explored deep concepts, underlying moral questions and motives, it did so without sounding too 'preachy'.

This is more like literature than the vast majority of works here... and all from an amateur author. It's more than one should reasonably expect here. That may be exactly why there are comments about it being too long.

To reduce the length would have been to sacrifice content, and it was all worth saying.

The only thing I feel is a stretch, is that such a young man... in today's society especially... would have such a wide command of language, and also be able to articulate all of his thoughts so concisely, especially given the time he'd had to process the situation and the trauma he was experiencing.

He would have to have been an accomplished English major to do that, or just blindingly intelligent, an absolute exception to the status quo. That's not the type of intellect and education being produced in higher education nowadays. Indeed, not for a long time. The purpose of education now is not independent thought, it's dumbing down; making compliant, politicised, and in the main, morally bankrupt 'citizens'.

If only this character were real, I would have more hope for future generations.

As to those who felt it was too long... maybe you too belong to the 'new style' of people yourselves?

Well done. Keep going. You can't please everyone, you Won't please everyone here that's for sure.

Your wording and descriptive writing are excellent. Ignore the folks bitching about having to read too much. The MC worked marvelously to repeatedly chip away at those who betrayed him until they had no doubt about the horrible actions they each performed against them. I understood what you were doing and why you laid it out the way you did. G4eat job.

Why would you write a story about a mentally retarded moron who doesn't live in reality and can't see what's in front of his nose? Not only that but he can't handle money either. He "saves" $19,000 after only working for two years... and blows it on an engagement ring? Then tells the mother of his "best friend" that she can sell it and give the money to them as a wedding present. Jeez, exactly how stupid and divorced from reality is this fuckwit?

Plus, he is telling this story to a hooker (Escort). As if she really is going to care. The poor pathetic dickhead just want someone else to tell his pathetic story to so he could humiliate himself some more. Humiliation fetish, eh?

Yes, well done with the early writing. Trying to describe how a mentally impaired person doesn't understand what his dickhead BFF is telling him, is quite difficult.

I can't wait until part two. I hope this character gets revenge by "living well".

Being a pussy and a doormat is not noble; it is weak and pathetic. I have difficulty even picturing the wimpy acceptance by Tim. Uninteresting story, poorly told.

At least you need to reread the story out loud and throw in some commas. If you are not sure of a word’s correct spelling, look it up. Or at least get a reader that is good with words to correct the spelling.

Not a pleasant story

You definitely set us up for a nasty series of stories. There is no going back, and no excuses for the friend and ex-fiance. Same goes for the mach maker mother. The only way forward is for this man to realize that since these people felt so little for him, he truly deserves a better circle of friends.

I'd say that this story is more or less over and resolved. Bridges were burned. And by author's needless repetition (I understand the point was to destroy the cognitive dissonance/excuses for the friend's mother) we the audience now understand how they not only did something evil and with sober thoughts, but did in a very selfish way.

The only real need to continue the story is to delve deeper into the angst the betrayers will feel in subtle and increasing waves as time marches on. And how the victim slowly picks himself up and lives a better life with better people. Maybe explore POVs of the different players in this little tragedy.

Unpleasant situation, but very well articulated. I’m very curious to see where you go from here.

The MC is a total wimp. I don't like any of the characters in this story.

His words to Rita are a good start at punishing them all. They will feel guilty (although, I'm not sure Branda will really). Andy will get huge heartbreak in the future when Brenda does the same thing to him. Tim needs to brush them all off and find a better woman. Treat them as if they are dead. Living well is the best revenge.

I like the story so far, but there was a lot of unenlightening repetition. Once you have made an argument, don't repeat it. Just refer back to it and get on with the story. The repetition ... makes ... the ... story ... drag. Take the pledge: every sentence in the story either advances the narrative or reveals new information.

Wow great.

Real erotica (not)..... sincerely hope this is not just a set up for a finding a better girl story. Bone-cutting cruelty.

Great. Hopefully he will recover, and they will self destruct from their deceit and guilt.

Powerful dialogue, but too unrealistic that he didn't see what was going on. Similarly, All their actions after screwing on his couch don't match the relationship you presented the reader going into the "big event". Final thoughts, what happened to the call girl and how did he come to meet with her. Big jump from lonely to her being there. I "get" lonely so why not pay for companionship, but as you stated, he wasn't missing the physical aspect. Too many gaps for top rating, but strongly worded narrative deserves 4*. PS - Wrong category unless he's going to get fucked again in later chapters by his actual wife...

Uber wimp.

I’m having a hard time deciding if I like your story or not yet, I think I’m going to need to read the next chapter to decide. Constructively, I think you went a little to far in writing about Tim’s heartbreak. I realize you were trying to make a strong point of how hurt Tim was, but you made that point many times over, you could have taken the best parts of it, and dumped some of it, it was so much description of heart ache, and betrayal, that at times from a readers perspective it became a little overwhelming.

I don’t know how you’re going to proceed with this story, but I’m anxious to see where this goes. You’ve made the start of this story so powerful that just having Tim fall in love with a supper model, or having Andy, and Brenda die in a fiery car wreck, would be the easy way out, and cheapen the story, I’m worried you’ve written yourself into a corner, and it’s going to be hard to put a proper, believable ending for this. Please prove me wrong, and none of my comments were meant to be negative, I’m trying to give thoughtful constructive criticism only.

Thank you for your time and effort. KS.

Started out ... okay. Hard to swallow somebody that stupid, but okay. Then of course you make him the ultimate white knight. That's an even harder ask.

Then when it finally looked like he was getting some sort of backbone and dignity, it vanishes into the aether.

I can only hope part 2 is better.

Your Main Character reminds me of Prince Herbert in Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Need Klif notes.

I really understand how a situation like this would destroy a mind. I can feel the pain as it cruises through the mind. I don't know why this story is in this category, there is no wife and certainly no loving.

I want to like this guy but it's tough. He goes between standing up for himself and being a fool about the people who betrayed him. Would like to see a bit more backbone even if he's in deep pain. But so far you have my attention so I'll check out part two.

Too talky. But okay. D

In my many years of life, I have known 3 beautiful, very busty blondes that cheated on their husbands. Just to have the said husbands commit suicide. Let me tell you, that really fucks them up with guilt. Don't do that. It is just sex, everybody is horny. Don't kill yourself over it! There are more pretty women out there. The better looking your woman is, the more people are going to try to fuck her. So don't shoot yourself in the head. Much better to just flirt with every woman you interact with and build up some "backups" for when your wife leaves you. Don't worry so much if she is getting "strange" when she goes out for "girls night out" since a strange dick isn't going to ruin her pussy. If you treat your spouse good, that is all you can do. Don't cheat on her to break her heart. 5 stars. Good Story, Good Writing. Thanks for your effort!

I can say with authority and experience, that to heal a broken heart a bottle of Jack Daniels and listening to the Stones Album that include "Heart of Stone" seems to help the most in the short run.

I love how articulative you make the character, how honest and hurt by the actions of others and the morals and convictions that he carries within himself and how he treats those around him. That being said its hard to read as the blows keep coming as the pain mounts more and more how he still keeps wearing his heart on his sleeve and keeps sacrificing for those that hurt him. I'm not saying BTB as that is not the personality makeup of Tim. But falling on your own sword just to spare the feelings and emotions of a cheating backstabbing fiancé. Just to save her from her own contemptuous actions by pledging for her accessories to not talk about it. That should not be his concern. His concern should only be to take up the pieces of his shattered soul and begin the long arduous process of moving on.

What a messy word salad. Trying to like the MC but jeez dude they fucked you over. My response would be to look Andy in the eye and tell him she cheated on me as soon as I left the room, what makes you think she won't do the same to you?

This story is exceedingly redundant. It is repetitive to the max. In fact, all the characters simply keep saying the same thing over and over. The use different words to keep saying the same thing. Did I mention this story reiterates its primary plot point ad infinitum? The ideas are vomited out over and over and over, redundantly repeating themselves over and over and over. BTW, the MC is a naive - nay, stupid - ass. Hard to feel bad for such a childish, immature fool.

The MC is a complete tosser! How he man’s up a bit in the rest of the series.

So, the overall premise is decent, but the MC is just.. unlikeable, no self respect, no back bone, no... Anything? He got cucked in his own house by his best friend and he.. shook his hand with a "lmaooo good job my guy, take care of her yeah? Oh yeah and here's 20 grand, love ya!"

You almost root for the fiance and the best friend because being around the MC must be absolutely miserable.

Couple typos and wrong word usage, but like I said, shore up your character design and it would be decent.

Amazing and powerful. It seems repetitive to some, but experiencing a similar situation myself, this is how your brain and heart processes such a situation.

1 star - 3 pages to explain how he got shafted by his fiance and best friend - should have been less than one.

You have created a simply detestable insipid MC. There is no real way to inspire empathy with the MC’s situation b cause it is so utterly absurd. I cannot even conceive of any male acting in such a spineless self effacing manner. Thus nothing in this mess works for me.

2 stars

OK…. I blew it and commented on a 1st part of a episodic story as I read it. Yes he MC in this s first episode is way more over the top sensitive up to and beyond saccharin… but that is a necessary plot device to frame the action in the 4 th episode. Still. Absolutely nobody in the male species is this sensitive and self sacrificing… but that’s the point made in the concluding love resolution in the 4 th episode.

That said a rather workman level job.

5 stars now and an outstanding first effort

I got it the first few times but how many redundant repeats do we need to get Tim was wronged and pissed, rightfully so, butttttt?

\

3*** hooyah

God you do write a lot , a lot of words, I liked the plot but you over word it you repeat the same thing time after time

Just no way he gave them the damned ring. This just ruined any chance of this being a good story.

In the immortal words of the great Jsesse Lee Peterson: BETA! Beta male!

Daily reminder: nice guys finish last precisely because the world is full of "people" like Andy and Brenda.

Nature ain't nice and you shouldn't be either.

What a puss. He deserves to lose the girl, although from her actions she was no great prize.

Too much unnatural talkies

Just what a whining little sad sack pathetic L-O-S-E-R. Yes Brenda and Andy's actions are detestable and her refusal to come over and hand the ring back to this sad sack whiny little turd of a man is of course a terrible hurtful thing to do to anyone.

.

..."My refusal to betray either of them could now cost me both of them. It was my concern for them that led them to betray me, now my love for both of them may lead them to abandon me utterly.".... should be read..." MY REFUSAL TO CONFRONT THEM MAKES ME THE VICTIME. I loved to be the pathetic VICTIM. Will someone please give me a pity fuck?"

.

The fact is that Tim's actions before the breakup showed a pathetically weak man for example when Tim says

.

“I saw myself as the bridge over the chasm; that was sort of my function with our entire circle of friends. “

Why? why is it Tim's job to make everybody feel good about each other?

.

Why is Tim so afraid of conflict and Confrontation and demanding people act morally and ethically? But thats the problem… that is NOT Tim’s concern. His concern is that everybody SHOULD have a good time and that he helps everybody be their best friend. That is not a sign of strength -that is a sign of pathetic weakness . No wonder Brenda ran off with andy.

.

Even worse is what happens after they fuck each other in his couch while Tim went to get dinner. At that point in the story Tim doesn't know that they fucked but he knows that they are now dealing with strong emotional psychological feelings of love towards each other. So in the phone call Tim says this pathetic nonsense:

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“Becuase the two most important people in my life can't be completely awkward around each other. I won't let you guys go through that! I figured we could talk it all out, make sure we are on the same page with no secrets and nothing to hide, because that's no way to live. Then we could figure if we could all be together, if not then when you could see me over the holidays, since you two won't be together in one place together. “

.

again WHY WHY WHY does Tim think it's his job to manage the situation? why isn't Tim concerned about TIM?? He won't let them go through that alone?.

.

That is not his fucking job. It is really quite absurd. Even allowing for the fact that Tim doesn't know that they have already fucked each other on HIS couch… TIM does know they took off while he went out to get dinner and they don't want to come back.

.

But Tim wants to figure out a way to manage the situation.?

.

wow

wow, the jilted friend had some powerful insights into what happened. It is understandable that he cannot understand what happened, or why? That will take time to get perspective. But they saved him future heartache.

Was this an exercise in how many times you can say the exact same thing in different ways? Good grief this should be at most two pages.