Happy New Year's Patty

This is the third part to a series of flash stories. The first chapter was "Merry Christmas, Patty." The second was "Happy Father's Day, Patty."

These flash stories are just single scenes in a larger picture. They are loosely based on real people, so the saga is ongoing. I honestly never planned to write any sequels to the original "Merry Christmas Patty", but the story evolved into a series of short, flash stories. It's still growing, evolving, changing. I tried to see if there were a way to put them all together, but there isn't.

I was planning to release this story between Christmas and New Year's Eve 2021, as that's the timeframe this took place. Unfortunately, I lost motivation. I found out that someone had stolen a few of my stories from this site and published them on Amazon. To be honest, that was kind of heartbreaking. I write from my heart, so that was a blow that was too close to home.

I put the pen and pad down for a while, but I've received quite a few emails asking about this series. So here we are, back at it again.

Lastly, many of you commented on my mistake in Patrick's nickname, Patty. I've read several comments and emails telling me that it's "Paddy" not "Patty." Thank you for the correction. However, it's been Patty thus far, and changing it now is irrelevant. So, for continuity's sake, his nickname will remain Patty. Just know that I heard you, even if I'm continuing with the faux pas.

Thank you all for reading. And for your patience. Here is the latest from "Kendra and Patrick."

"Hey Mom?"

"Yeah, Sweetie." Kendra answered her daughter.

The two of them were driving home from Patrick's apartment. Jessi had just spent the weekend with her dad. She was normally somber when it was time to leave her dad, but today seemed different. There was something else clouding her demeanor besides missing the time when her dad was always the next room away. Kendra couldn't put her finger on it, but her mother's intuition was pinging with alerts.

She'd already asked Jessi twice if she was okay. She received the perfunctory, "I'm fine" but they both knew that wasn't a hundred percent honest. Still, Kendra was learning to respect her daughter's boundaries and not push so much, so she didn't force it.

Their relationship had been in a fragile state for a while now, and she was trying to be more open with Jessi. Her hope was that Jessi would eventually feel comfortable enough to reciprocate, like she did with her dad.

Patrick always made it look so easy. He'd always been a good listener and responded well to unexpected news. Kendra wished she were more like that. She hated the "women are emotional" trope, but that was normally her first reaction.

It was obvious that he was the favorite parent. Jessi was a daddy's girl through and through. Kendra envied their relationship, which only added to her anxiety. Being the less than favorite parent is one of those pitfalls to navigate when going through a Spousal Separation.

There was a slight pause in Jessi before she asked, "What ever happened to Mr. Sean?"

That made Kendra do a doubletake, briefly taking her eyes off the road. Jessi quickly cut away from her mom's surprised glance. She wanted to make the question sound casual and aloof. Kendra's reaction showed she failed.

Kendra's two-and-a-half-year affair with Sean ended almost 6 months ago. It was right before Father's Day. He didn't take it well, but he respected her decision, albeit a bit begrudgingly. She couldn't fault him that. She had essentially wasted over two years of his life chasing a woman he had no prayer of catching.

Jessi had never really taken to Sean. Who could possibly expect her to? Even in her young, 10-year-old mind, she knew that his intrusion into her mom's life was directly connected to her father's exit. She heard the arguments. She caught the barbed comments they threw at each other, often assuming she wouldn't catch them because of her age. But most of all, she heard the deep sobs of pain in the middle of the night. Her mom cried in the bathroom when she was showering. Her dad cried as he slept on the couch, covering his sobs with his pillow.

No matter how much her parents tried to shield her from the sadness and anger, they couldn't hide the pain that lurked beneath. Even when they told her, "I love you" she felt like something was missing. Something that was once there but now gone.

And honestly, that made her not only sad, but angry. She was angry with Sean for breaking up her family. She was angry with her mom for being with him. And she was angry with her dad for letting it happen in the first place.

The truth was, Sean was a symptom of an even bigger disease of Kendra's and Patrick's marriage. He was a cough in the face of the Cancer that was killing them from the inside. But for Jessi, it was as simple as Dad leaves as Sean enters. And despite how young she was, she smelled bullshit on the claim that Sean was just Mommy's Friend.

So, to have Jessi randomly ask about the whereabouts of a man that she held no warm feelings for (at best) piqued Kendra's interest.

Curiously, she asked, "Why are you asking about him, Sweetheart?"

Still avoiding her gaze, Jessi shrugged and answered. "I dunno. Just curious, I guess. Haven't seen him in a while."

Kendra had to momentarily return to the road to make sure the two of them didn't end up in a ditch, but she said, "Well...I guess you can say that he and I decided that it was best for us not to be friends any longer."

Jessi let out an annoyed sigh at the word "friends". A part of her wanted to scream at that, but she wasn't raised to outright disrespect her mother. Instead, she just rolled with it and asked, "Sooooo...he's not gonna...you know...keep you company anymore?"

"Keep me company?" Kendra asked with a chuckle that was both nervous and amused, realizing that Jessi may know more than she let on.

"Yeah. You know...hang out and stuff. Do that artsy stuff you guys used to do."

Kendra was slightly taken aback. Jessi definitely knew things. One of Kendra's and Sean's common interests was art. It was one of the things she could do with him that she couldn't do with Patrick.

Adults often forget that kids pick up a lot more than we give them credit for. They are like silent observers, watching our actions to one day mimic.

That thought scared Kendra. A lot. She'd been doing a bit of soul searching lately. Talks with her therapist via Zoom had been very illuminating. Most of the time, she explored her affair with Sean, and the conflicting feelings she had involving it.

On the one hand, she considered it the worst decision of her life. It cost too much. Not just her marriage and her family, but who she wanted to be as a person. She was no longer proud of the woman she'd become.

On the other hand, she felt something for Sean. Love? Maybe, but not the kind she had for Patrick. What she had with Sean was a kindred spirit of sorts. His youthful vigor gave her something that she needed at that time. Yes, it was wrong, but it felt right. If she'd met him in a different lifetime, things could've been much different for them.

Her affair with Sean wasn't the only thing she and her therapist explored together. Sean was just the tip of the iceberg. There was so much more inside of her that she hadn't even realized was there. How she got to the place where she felt the need to cheat on her husband was a long road mired in codependency.

"No. We won't be spending any more time together." Kendra answered. For some reason, she felt the need to add, "I think it's for the best. You know?"

Jessi nodded with a thin smile before turning her attention to the passenger window. A few moments of silence passed between them, the only sound being the low humming of the car's engine. Then, very carefully, almost delicately, Jessi asked, "Do you think Daddy will ever come back to live with us again?"

If there were ever a group of words that could bring Kendra to her knees, it was those. It was a question she'd been asking for months now. She'd asked herself whenever there was a still moment in her day. Could they get past this and find their way back to each other?

She didn't have an answer for Jessi, or herself. Instead, she answered her question with some of her own.

"What's going on Sweetheart? Why are you asking about Sean all of a sudden?"

Jessi visibly tensed up at her mom's light interrogation. Then, unexpectedly, tears began to stream down her cheeks.

"Jess?"

Hearing her mom's worried voice say her name only broke the dam. The tears turned into a torrent, and then her body was suddenly shaking with sobs.

"Oh my god! Baby! What's going on?"

It got so bad that Kendra had to pull over. Her daughter needed attention, and she couldn't do that while trying to navigate traffic. So, the very next parking lot, which appeared to be a medical center of some sort, became the spot she stopped at.

When she finally put the car in park, she unbuckled her seatbelt, swiveled in her seat, and swept her weeping daughter into her arms. Jessi pressed her cheek up against her mother's comforting bosom and continued to sob.

Kendra waited patiently as she lovingly rocked her daughter back and forth. A wave of guilt rushed over her. This obviously had something to do with the broken state of her family. Jessi was so young, yet her emotions had been put through more than any kid should ever experience. Losing an uncle that she looked up to, watching her parents' marriage disintegrate, and then witnessing the nuclear explosion of her mom's...ahem...entanglement with a younger man.

So much had happened.

Kendra wished she could go back. Every day she did. But all she could do at this point was manage the fallout.

Kissing the top of her head, Kendra's voice turned soft and comforting as she said, "You can tell me anything, Sweetie. Anything you need to say, you can say it to me."

"No...I can't!" Jessi said brokenly between wails.

"Yes, you can. I promise. I'm here to listen."

Jessi hiccupped, and then her breathing stuttered. Finally, she looked up at her mom with sad eyes.

"Promise not to get mad?"

"Yes, Baby. I promise."

Little did Kendra know, that promise was one of the hardest she'd ever have to keep. Sometimes, blissful ignorance is better than absolute knowledge.

***

"Hey you."

"Hey Ken." Patrick casually returned the greeting. "What's up?"

Kendra sighed sadly. That got Patrick's attention. With worry creeping in his voice, he asked, "What's going on? Is something wrong with Jessi?"

What a loaded question! It'd been about two hours since the car ride, and Kendra was still reeling from it. Right now, Jessi had locked herself away in her room, and Kendra was left sitting on her own bed with her head swimming.

"Yes, Patty." She said, her irritation rising. "There's a lot wrong with Jessi."

Kendra expected Patrick to barrage her with a slew of worried questions, but he didn't. He just quietly accepted that statement, like he already knew. That, in itself, was truly telling.

"She told you, didn't she?" he finally said. That was less a question and more of a I knew this would happen statement.

Kendra huffed sardonically. "Told me what, Patty? What could she possibly tell me?" Patrick didn't answer right away, so Kendra added, "Maybe you have something you should tell me."

On the other end of the phone, Patrick shook his head sadly. His mind rewound to earlier in the evening.

He had just finished preparing dinner for him and Jessi. She loved spaghetti, so he thought it would be nice to cook it for her. He'd just finished setting the table when he called for her to join him. There was no answer. Assuming she didn't hear him, he called again. Still silence. Slightly annoyed, he took his apron off and went in search of her.

He found her in his bedroom, sitting on his bed. She appeared to be reading something. A single sheet of paper. At first, he thought nothing of it, assuming it was homework or something. But then she looked up at him with a haunted expression. Her eyes shimmered with tears.

It was then that the paper in her hands became frighteningly familiar. It was an old, crinkled, worn out sheet of college ruled notebook paper that had been repeatedly unfolded and refolded. He couldn't see what was written on it, but he didn't have to. He knew what it said, almost verbatim. He was the one who'd written the words his daughter was reading, almost a year ago on New Year's Eve 2020. Just a mere hours before 2021, he was sitting in this very bedroom, drunkenly scribbling with tears in his eyes.

Jessi was reading his suicide note.

Patrick's first reaction was anger. He quickly closed the space between them and snatched the paper from her hands before bellowing, "What have I told you about going through my things?!"

That anger melted away when he looked into her frightened eyes. Her lip quivered with emotion he'd never seen before.

"Did...you really...try to kill yourself?"

Jessi just looked at him expectedly, hoping he could say something that would take this sick feeling away from her. An explanation, a justification; hell, she'd even take him yelling out, "April Fools!" But he had nothing. The only feeble thing he could muster to say was, "That was a long time ago."

"DAD, IT WAS JUST LAST YEAR!"

"I know, but..."

"BUT WHAT?"

He didn't know what to say. What could he say? What was there to say? This was something he never planned on her knowing.

"Oh my god." Jessi said to herself, her voice just above a whisper. Her body trembled as full realization set in. This wasn't some horrible nightmare; this was real. Her father could really be dead right now. Gone. Never to be seen again.

Her mind swam with all that had happened since that night. She graduated sixth grade. She played the flute in her recital. Of course, Covid made certain restrictions necessary. There was no audience except the parents of the students performing and a small camera crew of two. Virtually though, it was being broadcast on Facebook live for everyone else to see. Nevertheless, Jessi wasn't performing for the cameras. She was playing her heart out for the two people watching proudly from the seats. To add to her glee, they were sitting together, as if her family were whole again.

There were other memories from 2021. Her dad took her out on a "daddy daughter date" for Father's Day. Just a few days ago, they had a nice Christmas dinner together; all three of them. This was special because last year, the discovery of Kendra's affair was fresh. Emotions were high. The two of them couldn't even be in the same room together without devolving into personal attacks. But this year, Kendra had invited Patrick over for a Christmas dinner. Patrick graciously accepted. The three of them sat around the table, laughing and talking, just as they'd done before the ugliness.

2021 was littered with moments like that. And now, with only a few days left in the year, Jessi learned that none of that would've happened had her dad gone through with his plans.

"Why did I keep that stupid letter?" Patrick admonished himself. Hindsight was a bitch. However, he knew why he kept it. It was a reminder.

Since his brother's death, he'd been living like a zombie. Dead. Barely living. Wandering aimlessly through his days.

But that night was an awakening. Right at the cusp of leaving this world, life became clearer than it'd ever been. He found a reason to stay; to keep fighting.

He stayed for Jessi. She was the one who saved his life.

Unfortunately, Patrick couldn't explain all that to her. Her world was shattered right now. All he could do was wrap his arms around his little girl. Her face pressed into his stomach as her arms locked around his waist

"I'm so sorry, Jessi." He said as he squeezed her with all the love he could. "I wish you didn't have to see that."

"But...why?" She asked, her voice slightly muffled from being pressed into his stomach. "Why would you...do that?"

"I didn't do it. I'm still here."

She looked up at him, her eyes locking with his. "But you almost did."

"But I didn't."

That provided little reassurance to her. Fear of losing him gripped her. Having him leave the house was traumatizing enough. This was...something else.

"Please daddy, don't do that. Don't leave me again! Ever! I need you."

"I promise sweet pea." Patrick said with a nod as a lone tear escaped his eye. "You have my word that I will never do that to you."

The two of them held each other like that for what seemed like an eternity. Then, they went and ate a silent dinner.

When Kendra came to pick her up a couple of hours later, he and his daughter exchanged sad smiles. Patrick hoped that her fears were allayed. He hoped that his promise was enough to wash over her worries. But there was still something in her eyes.

Honestly, he half expected this phone call. Despite everything she's done as a wife, Kendra was a good mother. She'd notice something being off about their daughter.

And alas, here he was, and here she was.

"Look Ken..." he said in an even tone that he hoped would be deescalating. He could tell her anger was piqued, and he didn't want to dissolve into an argument. "There's no need to blow things up unnecessarily. Jessi found something that she wasn't supposed to see. I explained to her that it was just a mistake."

His blasé attitude didn't calm her. In fact, it did the opposite. Incredulously, Kendra scoffed.

"A MISTAKE?" she said with angry sarcasm dripping from her voice. "A mistake! Just a minor little...lapse...in judgement?"

"Kendra..."

Ignoring him while continuing her cynical rant, she said, "Kinda like leaving dinner cooking too long. Or...I don't know...losing the car keys. Nothing too serious."

"If you would just listen..."

"Listen to what? You try to justify KILLING YOURSELF? FUCK YOU!"

Patrick let out a frustrated breath. Knowing his estranged wife like he did, he knew when she was past the point of reasoning. At this point, conversation is just a series of sarcastic jabs and condescending remarks.

He could give in and sink to her level. He could remind her that part of the reason he was at that point in the first place was because she betrayed him in the worst way. He could tell her that while she was off galivanting with her boyfriend, he was left all alone to deal with the lowest point of his life. He could say all of that, get it off his chest, and throw her shit right back at her.

It would be so satisfying...for a second. But that second's satisfaction would have them arguing all night. And quite honestly, he was tired of arguing.

After taking a breath to gather himself, he simply said, "Are you done, or do you have any more in the tank?"

"Don't be a smart ass." She snarled back.

"I'm not. I'm just wondering if you want to have a conversation, or simply yell at me. If you wanna yell, then by all means, keep going. We won't get anything solved, and nothing productive will happen. But if you wanna have a real conversation, then you're gonna have to listen just as much as you talk."

There was a slight pause, and he could practically hear the wheels turning in her head. He added, "The choice is yours, Kendra."

She blew out a breath before finally conceding. "Fine. You have the floor."

"Thank you." He said genuinely. Then, still using his rational voice, he said, "I get it. You're upset."

"UPSET??" She interrupted, blanching at his understatement. A groan from him made her remember that it was his turn to speak. With a sigh, she said, "I'm sorry. Continue."

As best he could, he explained the nature of that night. He told her how alone he felt, how hopeless and desperate his world looked. He didn't want to suffer another year like the one that had just passed. He lost his brother. He lost his wife. He lost his daughter. And he lost his mind.