All Comments on 'Harem Sisters Pt. 06'

I havent read it yet but i've been looking forward to this -darket

A great addition to a great series - thanks for sharing your kinky mind!

Particularly thought the Liz resolution was pretty well done

Another good chapter. Liz is number 4 to join the harem. That leaves Lucy to go. Hope the next chapter Lucy joins in on the harem.

I'll admit I checked every day to read your next chapter after your notice on the last one. I also fully understand how certain characters take a life of their own as you write them, which can take one down very different stories than one originally planned. Really enjoying how the Harem grows and defines itself, which each girl bringing something different, Liz being a great addition. Will look forward to the next chapter.

I loved the story and I really love the series so far. I hope some of the girls get pregnant soon, especially Tori. And instead of an apartment maybe he could ask his Dad to help him buy a house. I look forward to reading more and I can't wait to see what happens with Lucy.

Really enjoyed it. I always look forward to your continuation of this story. My only critique is that the 3-way with Liz and Vicky felt less impactful than all the other 1-on-1 scenes. I can't quite put my finger on it. Pacing? Dialogue? Action? Setup? All I know is it wasn't as fun as prior times w/ Vicky, didn't have the same tenderness as with Hayley, & didn't have the romance w/ Tori. I guess what I'm trying to say is it lacked identity, but I know you can improve this!

Thank you once again for the comments and rates, it's why I do this.

I usually wait till I have a few comments before replying but I wanted to get in early this time.

To anon who felt the 3way with vicky and liz was lacking, I understand what you mean.

That hook-up was originally going to be Jason introducing the twins to some lovely invest and going on his way, as it's more of a them scene, than a him scene. He will still get some quality time with both girls, especially Liz. So their relationship can develop more.

Comments for Lucy.

She is the next one (obviously) on Jason's hit list, one I've been waiting to write for awhile now. For the commentors who have mentioned they don't enjoy the rough play (choking mostly) I apologize in advance but that's going to stay (major kink of mine)

Part 7 is completed and is with my proof reader now, part 8 is half way complete. I'll be submitting them very close together (within 24 hours of each, I'd do both at once but I'm worried Lit may publish part 8 ahead of 7 by accident) because of the ending I put in part 7 (its a little of a cock tease and I wont wanna keep you waiting to long.)

I'll be submitting both parts before next weekend as I'm going camping for a week and wont have internet access while I'm away.

Part 8 will have some juicy story to it and will wrap up what I'm calling "book 1" but fear not, I'll continue writing this series and I have big plans for "book 2"

Peace out dudes.

Loved the new addition, the threesome with the twins was very fun to read. As a fan of Hayley and someone who thinks that she should be Jason's official girlfriend, I really liked the idea of the two of them moving in together.

Just found your story yesterday, but already read all the parts. Really love the special dynamic in the group. The solution with Liz was great. I agree though, that it would have been better if Vicky and Liz had their first time relatively undisturbed (with Jason watching, but not participating).

Since you managed to combine porn with romance, I think it would be a good idea not to let the harem grow too big, but instead to focus on the relationship between the cast as it is now (with the obvious addition of Lucy). I really would like to get to know them better as people. There are still many creative ways they can have sex this way.

I would also love to see more girl on girl action. Not just as "we're both / all fucking Jason and also make out between ourselves", but as sexual encounters in their own right (sort of what you originally planned for Liz and Vicky). After all, we already have to bi girls and you hinted that Tori might be bi too. Maybe the others are also? This would also go really well with the romance theme of the story.

I agree with some of the other commentators that involving his mom, dad or Lucy's brother would not fit with the story. Another thing I've seen repeatedly is that sometimes authors think they need to introduce a threat to spice things up (e.g. Mike could try to take some revenge - you set him up in a way that this is a possibility, but not a given). In general that doesn't work. It's too much at odds with the tone of the story up to that point. When I've seen it, it mostly made the story worse and even killed the story for me. It's only be handled ok-ish once for the stories I read.

Sorry, if I spam you with such a long comment, but you asked for feedback. And since I like the story and its characters so much, I'm happy to share what I can think of. Feel free to use or ignore any of this at your own discretion.

At any rate, keep up the great work. Looking forward to the next part. And have a good trip. :-)

Every good story needs to have a bit of tension in it where things could go off the rails. In Book 1, the parents coming home early, Hayley's shit of a boyfriend and others finding out about Tori & Jason's incest were the major points of tension.

Here are a few story points that need to be explored in book 2, if not explored in book 1...

1. What does Vicky & Liz's mother do for a job? Is it something mundane like being a waitress, beautician, hostess or low level secretary? Or is there a bit of kink in her job (i.e. topless waitress, does she wear lingerie or swimwear as part of her uniform?, a stripper like Liz?, does webcam porn?, minor porn actress?, a hooker or professional escort?)

2. How shaky are Vicky & Liz's family's finances?

3. What does Lucy's brother do? Are their parents wealthy? Is he a drug dealer &/or pimp? Is he a professional athlete (rugby, futbol, surfer, Olympic swimmer)? Is he generally a good guy or not? Do he also fuck his sister and hopes she dating Jason would help as cover for their own incestuous relationship?

4. Who are Lucy's brother's friends? Are they all Asian or are they of mixed races? What do they do? Are they guys Jason will get along with or not?

5. What ever happened to the chick Jason met on the the plane who he seemed to hit it off with? Will she be added to the harem?

6. Will Natalie be down with Jason and Tori committing incest? Will she join the harem?

7. Eventually the parents have to find out about Jason and Tori, when this happens what will their reaction be? Will they be into the incest and want to join in, given that Tori is on birth control? Will they instead be chill with it given Tori is on birth control, and allow it until Tori can find a man who won't be a douche bag? Or will they get all upset, with violence, threats and/or ruined lives?

These stories are great, well thought out and written mate!

VERY glad to hear about chapters 7 & 8!

When's he going to get a chance at his girl outside the group - Alina, was it? The one from the plane to Sydney. She seems hot AND interesting, and her reaction to the harem intrigues me!

I agree with totohoto in general. Harem stories are like the wonderful series like "Island Fever" be Jeremydcp. Swinger series are exemplified by "The Circle" series by

Steve Wallace. Harem stories are single male and small group of females, two or three up to six or seven. These stories home in on the emotions and feeling of the specific characters and developing there personalities as they traverse the plot rather than advancing the plot by simply adding characters as in the swinger type. Introducing more males of any kind to a harem story is disastrous. Gay sex is not really a favorite of the majority of your readers. More males can become competitive also a disaster.

You have done an excellent job with your characters development. I can become emotionally attached to many of your women as well as identifying with the male. It is this that should make this story very popular.

Now having warned you about being careful with adding characters, where is Abi!!!!!!!!!!!! As much as we know of her she would be adopted by the group of women.

Thanks for this wonderful story.

So now Jason is dreaming of Tori with a big belly.... Makes me wondering if he deep down wish for her or one of the other girls to become pregnant with his baby, and since he is filling Vicky with his seed now! Haven’t heard any of them mentioning protection, yet..

I am looking forward to see where Abi will fit into this story, but the looks of it, she is a little older than the five friends. I have rooted for her the entire time of the story.

I’m looking forward to reading more of this story from you.

I’m really liking it so far. The characters and the emotions are good. I just hope that the harem will be with just Jason. As someone said in an earlier chapter, it’s a harem not a share’em. Please don’t add any other guys, not even the father, I feel like that’ll ruin the story and go against the fathers character. I don’t see a need to add the mother either. Plenty of other women for him to play with. No need to cuckold his old man now that they’re finally starting to get along. Other than those comments, good job so far.

PS this is the first comment I’ve ever made in all the years I have read stories from this site. That’s how much I had to say something lol

I just want to assure all my awesome readers that the parents won't be making an addition to the harem, nor will any other male, your voices have been heard.

I wasn't completely sold on the idea of more males or the parents myself and hearing the comments against it just reaffirmed my decision.

And fear not, Abi will make her appearance in "book 2" once I wrap up what i want and start the next installment of Jason's life with his girls.

The love for Abi is fantastic and I cant wait to being her in.

My ideas.

Pregnancies at the very end of the story.

No cuckolding!!!

Stick to the core group of the sister, her friends.

Have the outside girls as just that, outsiders.

Maybe add a sorta little orgy, a birthday present or something.(?)

More risky situations.

More outdoor-sex.

More world building. (Getting a bit carried away but I just love the story that much.)

I have enjoyed every single part of this series, you have done an amazing job with it. I will say I was hoping mom got involved some how but I can see where that could really mess things up.

I left you a long comment last time so I'll keep it short this time. First thank you for looking to keep the story rolling & working to get part 8 published shortly behind 7 since you have a cliff hanger for us.

I think everything you did with Liz in this part was AMAZING!!! Showing us her love for her sister & how that back round played into how she acted around Jason at the beginning was on point. I was glad she isn't a lesbian, but after she admits she was attracted to Jason from the beginning followed by her ogling Jason as much as he ogled her followed by her ogling Vicki as much as Jason had me laughing. I know a few people said they wanted more from the threesome or had just wanted to see the twins together without Jason's involvement, however, I think the threesome played out perfectly. I say this because as you said it was about "them" partner this with earlier when Liz & Jason were talking about her love for Vicki she quickly realizes his motives of getting in on the action; not too mention the build up of Vicki wanting to jump Jason that started from part 5. So when everything began it was only right that Jason just start as a spectator & even though Vicki initiated his entry, Liz was quickly on board, or his lap, whichever. At that point I felt two things about Liz that I'm not sure if you meant it to be this way or not, first was that she was showing her appreciation for Jason assisting her with coming clean with her sister & second is that Liz thinks identically with Jason & the two are more alike than we may yet realize. There are so many things you put in the story to hint at it like how quickly they picked up on each other's thoughts, the ogling, & how at the beginning of the story he was shy just like she is now. I can't wait to see how Liz and Jason's relationship evolves from here.

Last thing is you leaving us with Jason thinking about Tori being pregnant? (Insert Surprised Pikachu Meme)

Mom should be drawn into the Harem absolutely! But If you do the Dad and Daughter aspect.... You should make it a separate story altogether. It just seems to be too far out of the story's progression.

Separate story related only by the Characters. Possibly even an alternate tset of events.

Nice one. I like the idea of Jason living with Hayley but dont think The dream comming true is a right decision. Anyway hope to see next chapter soon ~Darket

(Im too lazy to make an account)

I have to say that I am loving this story and how it is going so far and even how things are turning out with the family but I am in the same boat as a few others are with the dad joining in with any of the girls so far but I do think the mom needs to join in and the dad not only knowing but being cool with it all. Could possibly give the dad the receptionist he flirted with ;)

Loving the story so far, keep up the great work, I would like a mother son scene but I don’t think she’d fit into the harem, so maybe have it as a secret drunk thing that happens between the two?

Any update on when you think the next 2 parts are going to come out

This is a great story and I love having all the girls sharing. I DO NOT WANT DAD OR MOM INVOLVED! I believe that would just taint the tale and make it just another crazy incestuous family story. There are plenty of those already. Keep it simple! I love the idea of Tory pregnant. Hayley too for that matter. Jason needs to buy a house soon to house the growing harem! This whole series earns at least six stars, but I can't figure out how to get that last star in there! LOL! WAITING FOR NEXT CHAPTER!

As a girl super into big brother incest, and named Tori- I am fuckin loving this series! Can't wait to read more :)

Hey man love the work that you have done for this story it’s amazing man can’t wait for more and I love the idea of the sister being pregnant I think it would also be great if there was another girl pregnant as well great job keep going man it’s great.

Loved this chapter, the Liz and Vicky scene was well done. And I like how you keep bringing it back to Tori. Vicky needs to be considered a Girlfriend and not a friend with benefits. Hayley, Vicky and Tori should be his main focus, with Lucy and Liz close behind. All others should be a 1 time only deal.

Any idea when parts 7&8 are going to come out

Good story, i hope that the mother will know about the baby. May be the hero can talk her into incest to keep the situation secret.

Hey man love the story so far when do you think the next chapters will be up

Can’t wait for the next chapter

Wait, Liz is a stripper? Was that mentioned somewhere before? I must've completely missed that. Maybe I'm not open-minded enough, but I'd not date a stripper personally. Having her grabbed/touched by hordes of other guys who slip her money would not sit right with me.

I realise this might be too late, but he needs to come into some money - lottery win, inheritance from some distant relative, etc. - with enough to live on forever more and buy a large mansion then move all the girls in and live like Hugh Heffner surrounded by his Harem - and the kids..........

Rapier

You give each girl a name and then you keep referring to them by hair color. Blonde, redhead. It's distracting.

There are several lovers and sex scenes in it,

but favorite one is with Tori

Very intimate and sensual love making.

I like that

Not wanting to date a stripper and your reasoning for it doesn't sound hateful. You're just possessive to not people groping your lover.

this story is very nice to read so far since it has a nice storyline aswell

Very well done and in a good sequence too. Introducing Liz and Vicky's love for one another was a great part too. I like the direction that you're taking with this. Thank you!

Love the easy transitions from one chapter to the next. I also echo the use of hair color versus names, excluding Lucy, “the Asian”, which you have repeatedly acknowledged she is Japanese. Thus I say, “Onigaishi mas” - extend me a favor, by staying with her name and occasionally as Japanese. I know this is late as you have written quite a few chapters. But this necessary. Still 5*

Still missing the foreplay with any of the girls. It appears that they enjoy having him just slide on in. They all have sucked his cock but he has yet to taste any pussy. Ijs

Would definitely agree to Tori being my favorite of the girls. Can't believe he's envisioning his little sis pregnant...mmmm

Uh huh! Somebody isn't going to hear that alarm or either it's set 12 hours off. I think that mummy and daddy are going to bust their kids. I can't wait for the next installment.

Reading this is getting exhausting! To say that Jace is a super stud is an understatement!

and images of Tori with a swollen belly.

Foreshadowing???

I love this but I’d love it more if he gave oral to his lovers as much as they do to him.

I love this, the reference in the last line to Tori's swollen belly would I feel be a very large nail in Jace's coffin .

Don't even think about it. But I'll plough on through the series and see what happens .

Interesting thought, Tori with a swollen belly. Shit I hope he gives all his girlfriends a swollen belly at well. I’m quite certain it will happen at one stage with the amount is spunk he’s pumping into them that’s if he doesn’t died of exhaustion first

Hahaha! Too funny, the comment below opening with my exact first thought, 'well you can't go wrong dreaming about your sister with a swollen belly!'!

I really like how well the story is going, great personalites and most of all, a slight realm of believability/that could really happen. How long the sex lasts is realistic (been there) as well as how often... Being young was awesome! ...oh to be in my twenties again!!

Dude... who is editing /proof-reading your stories before they are uploaded?

Your line: "Vicky's eyes darted passed me to her sister".

Passed is a past tense verb - an action. You are trying to describe where Vicki is looking...

It should read, "Vicki's eyes darted past me to her sister".

Next line with an issue is: "Where you two off too?"

should be "Where you two off TO?"

This is odd as the very next line (on page 3 of part 6) you use 'too' in its grammatically proper syntax.

Are you flipping a coin to decide on spelling and grammar?

Again this series, wow, thank you

Great story, thanks....

You and your editor have a few unresolved problems, however, with word choice and some usage and punctuation.

Apostrophes are a problem, specifically possessive apostrophes.

The difference between 'TO' and 'TOO' appears not to be understood. ['TOO' usually means 'as well' or also'...] Altho' the Aussie usually teach this pretty well.

Why not use a free online service like Grammarly to look at the text?

--->grammarly.com

{Suggested in good faith in the hope of providing some useful assistance...]

Aussie Vadar.

I'm thinking this author just isn't for me. I'm not disparaging his writing, he obviously has fans, but all the sex scenes just kind of blur together. The MC doesn't have any special skills of abilities in the bedroom that would justify his harem of adoring women. He has a big dick, sure, but all the sex scenes seem to follow the same script:

1) Guy shows his dick

2) Girls gives guy a blowjob

3) Guy sticks dick in girl and pounds away

4) Orgasms

The guy just hasn't earned the sex god status the author is giving him. While he seems like a decent guy, in the bedroom he's as vanilla as they come.

Dude doesn't eat pussy... almost no foreplay other than his blowjobs and maybe some sucking of a breast... all the girls he's with are magically submissive and always wet enough for him to just stick it in (which is even dumber with the anal sex scene in a previous chapter, you need lots of lube for that not to cause pain and bleeding)... he cums inside them even if they have told him not to in the past, and doesn't even ask his new conquests at all... the list goes on.

That just kind of paints him as an inconsiderate lover and makes the fact that he has all these hotties falling all over him even more ridiculous.

As I've said, some people like that stuff, but for me you need to sell the reason a harem is willing to share a man (check out BurntRedstone's Ben Shepard series for a good example) and I'm just not buying it with this guy.

Awesome chapter! A 3some with hot young twin sisters is great. Liz in love with Vicky is an amazing mini-surprise. Jason did his good deed for the month.

The MC is weird sorry but Vicky is the second girl he should have told he loved. Vicky was the only one besides his sister to show him any affection, plus she is sweet besides gorgeous. The other girls didn't come around to liking him until Vicky bragged how good of a lover he was. I basically think the MC would be a fool to pick anyone over Vicky besides his sister of course.

Very nice. Very Hot!

Awesome job so far! The curve ball thrown in with Liz was hit out of the park, tying everything together masterfully. The idea of him living with Hayley is fantastic, giving all the girls, no questions asked, easy access. The last line was the ultimate cliffhanger. Is it perhaps foretelling? I'll read on to find out. 5⭐

I must say at this point it's getting a little same old same old.

Pathetic just because a guy has a large penis doesn't matter nor make him a sex god. Majority of women can handle only five or six inches. Anything more than that doesn't do shit for those women. Secondly you discuss no techniques he used to make the claim of a sex god. Most male escorts learn these to satisfy a wide range of women. According to this story the mc is not as experienced with multiple women so it would have been good if there was a small learning curve. Also I agree with the guy below that Vicky should have been the first he fell in love with besides his sister. It's weird she was addressed as a friend with benefits. No idea what kind of fucked up dating life this author has but Vicky sounds like the perfect girl most men would love to have the love of. She is sexy, smart, and sweet. Doesn't get any better than that. Also asking people to give you what they want to see for your story makes you look like you have no imagination or limited ideas to write a story. I will say this the story in most part is good but you need to define the reasons each woman loves him and why they are willing to share it would make it better. So many writers go crazy at the end of the story trying to impress all the readers which is a mistake because more often than not trying to please everyone will ruin the story that started off so well.

I liked it, but this is my least favorite of the stories so far in this series. I just wish you could have had MC be mostly a passive observer as Liz and Vickey explored their feelings sexually with each other. That sex scene seemed way too much about him.

Fun, sexy, exciting, stimulating, ... thank you.

This is good. AAAAAA++++++