Harmless Fantasies

After that, we all rested for a while and had a glass of wine before starting round two. We didn't stop until both of the guys had cum three or four times. Finally, I looked over at the clock and realized that it was after 8:00. Knowing that Matt would call at 9:00, I told everyone that I had to go before I got into trouble at home. So, we all dressed and I tried my best to wipe up as much cum as possible so that I wouldn't have it leaking out of me all the way home.

Then I watched as Jim emailed the video and saved a copy on his hard drive before deleting the original from the camera's memory stick. Satisfied that the video was safe and secure, I kissed everyone goodnight and headed home with a very sore pussy.

I got home and headed straight to the shower to clean all of the cum residue off of me before changing clothes and getting ready for bed. As I stood in the bathroom, waiting for the water to warm, I saw myself in the mirror for the first time. My God, I was a mess. There was cum residue in my hair and all over my skin, from my chin, down to my chest, smeared all over my tummy, and ending with a mess of matted hair on my pussy.

I then noticed all the bite marks around my nipples and the hand prints on my thighs that would surely turn to bruises by tomorrow. Damn! How the fuck was I going to hide this from Matt? I finally decided that I would just have to pretend to be sick for a few days until all the marks healed.

Suddenly, the weight of what I had just done hit me like a ton of bricks and I collapsed onto the cold tile floor, sobbing, racked with guilt over what I had just done to Matt. This man had done nothing to deserve what I had just done. He was always good to me and faithful to me and took care of my every need. And what did I do? I had fucked him over like he was a piece of garbage. I had just given a part of me that belonged only to Matt to two men who only saw me as a cum receptacle.

I laid in the floor, curled up and sobbing, unable to get up for a really long time. Finally, I pulled myself together and stepped into the shower to try and scrub the filth from my body. But, no matter how hard I scrubbed, and I scrubbed until my skin was raw, I couldn't get rid of that dirty feeling. When I was finished, I noticed that it was about 8:55, so I poured a glass of wine and crawled into bed to try and collect myself before Matt called. By 9:30, he hadn't called and I was beginning to worry before I finally got a text from him. "Sorry, I got tied up and can't call. Don't wait up, I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, baby. I hope everything's going well with your meeting. I miss you a bunch and can't wait for you to get home. Good night." I texted back.

I must have been exhausted, because that was the last thing I remembered before waking up the next morning with the tv still playing. I noticed that it was after 7:00, so I jumped up to get dressed so that I wouldn't be late for work. All I could think about on the drive into the office was, "what am I going to say when I see Annie?" I was still angry with myself and angry with Annie about setting everything up. But hell, it wasn't her fault. She had just done what I asked her to do. No, this was all on me.

It was a busy morning and I didn't get a chance to talk with her until lunch. As soon as we sat down, she started talking about how amazing last night was for her and Jim. She kept saying that she couldn't wait until Matt was out of town again so that the four of us could get together for another adventure.

When I finally got a word in, I tried to explain to her that last night was a huge mistake for me and that I just couldn't do anything like that again. I felt so guilty about what I had done to Matt and I knew that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he ever found out about how I had betrayed him. Annie was obviously disappointed, but she assured me that she understood and that this lifestyle wasn't for everyone.

I thought it was strange that evening when 9:00 came again and I hadn't heard from Matt yet. He always calls me at 9:00 when he's out of town and now he had missed our usual call two nights in a row. I tried to call a couple of times, but my calls all went straight to voicemail. I hoped there was not a problem at the job site. Hopefully, he had just had a busy day and fell asleep earlier.

Friday was a repeat of Thursday with no word from Matt again. I was really starting to get worried. He should be coming home today and he always sent me a text when he left to let me know what time to expect him. But, by the time I got home, there was still no word from him and he wasn't at home. His car was not in the garage and his bags weren't by the door where he always left them when he came in.

I was starting to panic. What if something had happened to him. I tried to call the boys, but neither one of them answered their phone. I then tried his parents, but no one answered there either. I was almost frantic when I walked by the bottom of the stairs and heard some noise from upstairs. Suddenly, I was relieved, thinking that he must have had car problems or something and gotten a ride home with his brother. I bet he was waiting for me upstairs, so I started up the steps excited to see him.

I couldn't make out what it was, but as I reached the top step, I realized that it was coming from our bedroom. When I opened the door, the tv was playing with the volume turned all the way up. That was as far as I got before I collapsed onto the floor. I laid there sobbing as the video from Annie's basement played on an endless loop on the tv.

"Oh my God! How did he find out? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! This can't be happening." I tried my best to compose myself as I searched for the remote to turn that damn video off, but it was nowhere to be found. Finally, in desperation, I jerked the cord out of the wall to just stop it before walking over and collapsing onto the bed.

"Oh God, I have to talk to him. I have to try to explain." But, after trying his cell over and over for the next ten minutes, I finally realized that he wasn't going to answer. Then another thought popped into my head. "Oh shit! Is that why the boys won't answer me either." So, I tried them again and after three or four attempts with no answer, I knew deep down that Matt had already talked to them and told them about what I had done.

It was almost dark by the time I worked up the strength to get off the bed. I walked over and turned on the light to look around and see if he had left any clue as to where he was going or maybe if he had left a note. It was then that I saw that all of his clothes were missing from his closet. I then quickly jerked open the drawers of his dresser only to find that it had been emptied also. I was standing in the middle of the bedroom sobbing, in a panic, trying to figure out how I could find him when I saw it. On the table by his side of the bed was a lone object, his wedding ring.

I drank two bottles of wine that night and took two sleeping pills to try to get some relief. But the pain just wouldn't go away. I ended up crying myself to sleep and between the wine and the pills, I didn't wake up until almost 10:00 the next morning. The first thing I did was grab my phone to see if, by some miracle, Matt had called. But the only calls on my phone were four calls from Annie. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone so I went downstairs and made a cup of coffee to clear the cobwebs from my brain.

I was sipping my coffee when the phone rang again. It was Annie. "Hello Annie, sorry for not returning your calls, but I just woke up."

"No problem Honey. I was just calling to see how things went with Matt last night. I know you were nervous after what we all did on Wednesday. Were you able to avoid him seeing all of those marks on you?"

"Shit Annie, those marks are the least of my problems. Listen, I don't want to be rude, but I don't feel much like talking right now. Somehow, Matt got his hands on that video from Wednesday and when I came home yesterday, he had packed up all of his things and disappeared."

"Damn Nikki! I'm so sorry honey. I feel like this is partly my fault. I should have never set things up knowing how Matt felt about sharing you with others."

"Don't worry about it. It's not your fault. This is all on me. I'm the one who betrayed him."

"Okay, well please let me know if you need to talk or anything. Bye."

The rest of Saturday was quiet. I tried to call Matt and the boys numerous times, but every time, my calls went straight to voicemail. I didn't know what else to do or who to talk to. My parents had both passed away years ago and the only family I had left was my sister. I couldn't bare to tell her what I had done, so I just stayed at home by myself, obsessing about the pain I had caused, drinking wine and crying for most of the day.

I did take the time to look through my email for that damn video so that I could erase it for good. But there was no sign of it there. I knew Matt's password, so I logged in to check his to see if the video was there. I found it almost immediately and it suddenly hit me what had happened. Our emails were only one letter different. Mine was nthomas0623 and his was mthomas0623. Jim had obviously made a typo when he sent the video and with an "n" and "m" looking very similar at a glance, we had all missed his error.

By noon on Sunday, I couldn't take the solitude any longer so I broke down and called my sister. I didn't tell her all the details, I just told her that Matt had left me and that I needed someone to talk to. She promised to come by as soon as she could take a shower and get dressed. When she got to the house, I began to tell her about what I had done but she stopped me to let me know that Matt had forwarded the email to her so she had already seen exactly what I had done.

The next hour was spent with her telling me what an idiot I was and that she didn't blame Matt for leaving. Eventually though, she got the venom out of her system and realized what a bad state I was in and set about trying to make me feel better. She made me eat something and promised to get her husband to call Matt and see if he would answer him. She also convinced me to call into work and take the week off so that I could focus on me and Matt. By the time she left, it was getting late so I took a couple of sleeping pills again and headed to bed in our guest room. I just couldn't sleep in our marital bed without Matt.

The next morning, I was awoken by the ringing of the doorbell. I don't know what time it was, but it must have been mid-morning because the sun was shining brightly through the bedroom windows. I quickly grabbed my robe and headed downstairs to see who was ringing the bell. I wasn't expecting anyone today and I certainly didn't feel like talking to anyone. When I looked through the glass, I saw two serious looking men in suits. My first thought was that Matt had done something stupid and this was the police to inform me that he was dead. So, I took a deep breath and unlocked the deadbolt before opening the door.

"May I help you gentlemen?"

"Are you Nicole Thomas?"

"Yes! I'm Nicole Thomas," I answered nervously.

He then reached over and handed me an 8x10 envelope. "Good morning. Nicole Thomas, you have been served. Have a nice day."

I just stood there in shock and watched as they walked away thinking, "how can they be so pleasant while they destroy my entire life?"

Later that afternoon, Annie called again. "Hey, have you talked to Matt yet?"

"No, not a word. But I did get served with divorce papers this morning. Why?"

"Nikki, I don't know how to say this, but I think you need to take a look at your Facebook page. I'll hold while you pull it up."

As soon as I opened my page, I saw what she was talking about. Matt had logged into my account and posted a link to the video with a message that read, "Matt and I are no longer together. I decided that one man just wasn't enough for me." It didn't take but a few seconds to delete the post, but I could see that most of my friends had already read it.

On Monday morning, I tried calling his office, but Debra, his secretary would only say that he didn't wish to speak to me but that she would be glad to take a message. By Wednesday, I was tired of being avoided, so I marched myself to his office. "Let's see him avoid me now. If he wants to be an ass, I'll show him that I can be one too."

When I got there, I walked straight up to Debra's desk and demanded that she let me speak to Matt immediately, but Debra was having nothing to do with that. "I'm sorry Nikki, I wish I could help, but Mr. Thomas left strict instructions that I was to call security immediately if you showed up and have you removed, by any force necessary. So please just go. I've always liked you and I really don't want to have to see them dragging you out of here." She was already dialing security, so I decided that it was best to just leave.

For the rest of the week, I was an emotional mess. I still had no idea where Matt was staying. Plus, I hadn't been able to talk to him or my boys. In fact, both boys texted me to leave them alone, they had no intention of talking to me after what I had done to their Dad. Twice during the week, the stress had given me such a bad headache that I couldn't even get out of bed.

Over the next month, I finally arranged to meet with an attorney about the divorce papers I was served and had met with him a few times to review our response. He strongly encouraged me to sign the papers and move on. Apparently, in spite of what I did, Matt was being very generous in his offer. He was offering to split everything 50/50 including the proceeds from the sale of the house and twelve months of spousal support in the amount of $5000 per month. My attorney was confident that if we went to court and Matt presented that video as evidence of my adultery that I would be lucky to get a settlement as good as what he was offering. Plus, if we went to court, I ran the risk of that video being played in front of my entire family.

A divorce was the last thing I wanted, but I couldn't get past the thought that I had already hurt him enough and it wouldn't be unfair for me to drag this out. So, after a few days, I finally agreed to sign the papers with the condition that he had to meet with me before I would sign. It had been a couple of months since he left and I had not spoken to him even once. My attorney called me back a few days later and told me that Matt had agreed to meet with me for fifteen minutes at his lawyer's office the following Monday. But he made it clear that if I didn't sign the papers after the meeting that he would have no other option but to rescind the offer and go to court.

So, the following Monday, I arrived at his attorney's office ten minutes before our scheduled meeting, anxiously practicing in my mind what I planned to say. A few minutes later, the door opened and Matt walked in and went straight to the reception desk, never even turning to acknowledge that I was in the room. All I could think of was that the cold, hard look on his face was my fault. I was the one who made him this way. My sweet, outgoing, fun-loving husband had turned into the shell that I saw walk past me and it was all because of my betrayal.

I was soon called back and seated in a small conference room alone to wait for Matt. I probably waited for another five or ten minutes before the door opened and he walked in and sat across from me. He didn't speak a word, he just stared at me with a blank expression on his face and a look in his eyes that could only be described as contempt. For the first time ever, I was actually scared of him. I tried to gather my thoughts before I spoke, but I was suddenly flustered and couldn't think.

"Well Nikki, this is your meeting so let's get on with it. I agreed to fifteen minutes and the clock is ticking," He said.

"Okay. I, uh, had this whole speech planned where I would apologize for what I did and beg you to forgive me and give us just one more chance. But I can tell from your demeanor that I would be wasting your time and probably just piss you off more."

"Well, thank you, I guess. So, is there anything else?" He asked.

I paused a second to collect my thoughts and said, "only that I beg you to please forgive me. I know you will never take me back, but can you at least forgive me. I am soooo sorry for what I did. I could give you a bunch of reasons why I gave in to those horrible fantasies, but the bottom line is that I betrayed you and I hurt you and it's just killing me inside to you like this."

The tension in his face eased a little before he responded, "Nikki, I've already forgiven you. But that doesn't mean that we can stay married or even that we can stay friends. I have no problem forgiving you, but I can never forget what you did to me and to our family. So, now that you're forgiven, I guess you can sign those papers and we can move on. You had to know before you did it that cheating was a deal breaker. Hell, I've only told you that a million times!"

"I know. You've always been very clear that cheating was the only thing that you couldn't get past. If it makes you feel any better, I swear to you that it was only that one time and by the time I got home, I felt so dirty and ashamed that I cried for the rest of the night. To this day, I don't know why I did it!"

"Well, unfortunately it doesn't really make it any better. Hell Nikki, as much as I want to believe that it was only that one time, I find it hard to believe that you could go from a faithful, loving wife to the whore I saw on that video that quickly. For all I know, you've been cheating on me for the past twenty years and my whole life is a lie!"

"Oh my God Matt! No! I swear that it was only the one time. You know that we had been fantasizing about things like that for months and I guess it got me so turned on that I was obsessing about what it would be like to experience the real thing. I knew when I got there that night that I needed to run away but I didn't. I know it was a horrible thing to do and I'll be sorry about it for the rest of my life."

"I'm sorry too Nikki, but I really can't believe anything you say at this point. You've stolen all of the trust I've had in you for the past twenty-five years. But, from this point forward, I'm going to CHOOSE to believe that it was only this one time. I'm going to do that for me because I don't want to believe that my entire adult life has been a lie. I want to remember this amazing life that I thought we had together with no regrets. Dammit Nikki! I have loved you with all of my heart since the day I met you and I will probably always love you. I'm just sorry that I can't spend the rest of my life with you."

By this point, I was sitting there blubbering like a baby. The only thing I could get out through the sobs was, "I'm just so sorry. I love you too and I'm sorry that I hurt you. Please give me one more chance? Please?"

He came around the table and pulled me up from my chair, wrapped his big arms around me, and just held me close to him while I cried. It felt so good to feel him close to me. I don't know how long I cried, but by the time I pulled myself together, I had managed to leave a huge wet spot on his shirt. He hugged me close one last time before he left and told me, "I'm sorry that it has to end like this. But I'll talk to the boys and encourage them to talk with you." So, with nothing left to say, I did as I promised and signed the papers. The divorce wouldn't be final for a few more months, but it was essentially done.

So, I went about trying to get on with my life. But it was just empty and lonely without Matt. I tried to work and focus on other things, but it was like I was living in this mental haze. I was making mistakes at work, I was losing things around the house, I was having these horrible headaches two or three times a week.