Haunted

"Dad is the same. I think he'd love living back here, actually. I don't feel like giving him the satisfaction." I suspected there was more to it than he was sharing, but I didn't push.

"I don't blame you," I said and smiled. Beau stared at my lips. "What's his wife like? And our half-brothers? So weird to have siblings I've never even met."

"His wife is just into his money. The kids are cute, but you know." Beau's other hand drifted to my thigh. I could sense the warmth of his hand through my jeans. Memories of how his rough hands had felt on my body flooded back, and it took everything in me not to succumb.

"Beau."

"Are we really going to sit here and talk about everything but us?"

"Yes, I'm sorry. I'm not ready yet."

My brother took his touch away and sighed. "How long are you staying?"

"I don't know. Three weeks, probably. I want to find an apartment nearby."

His entire body came alert. "An apartment?"

"I'm thinking of moving here."

He reached over and kissed me. He ignored my hands that had weakly lifted weakly to push his chest back. The kiss was gentle but warm, and there was no tongue. That didn't stop my body from responding.

Shockingly, he moved away and stood up. "That makes me happier than I can say, Addy. There has been a hole in my heart since you went away and left me here."

"Beau," I whispered, tears filling my eyes.

"I love you, Addison. Goodnight."

He walked away, and I shuddered from fear and lust. My fingers went unbidden to my lips, and I fought the urge to call him back.

*****

I tossed and turned all night, wishing I had chains to keep me where I was. It didn't escape me that we were in nearly the same situation from ten years before. That night, I got out of bed and went to him. I refused to do it again.

Beau and I were going to get over this attraction. We were both going to find proper partners and move on. That was my mission, and I couldn't let my stupid traitorous body fuck it up.

I didn't sleep much, but I was due at Victoria's apartment the next morning. She had my dress there and the seamstress was going to do the last fitting. I was running late, but knew I needed to stop for coffee before heading over or I would be completely useless. Beau had thankfully been out when I came out of my room. I didn't think I would have been able to resist him as drowsy as I was.

I went to the nearest cafe and ordered a black coffee. As I waited, I sensed someone's eyes on me. At first, I tried to ignore it; I had been ultra paranoid lately. The longer I stood there, however, the more convinced I was someone was staring at me.

Glancing around, I realized I was right. A man sat at a table, not even trying to hide his attention. He didn't look away when I stared back, and didn't seem to be at all embarrassed that he was caught. He was familiar to me, and I didn't like the sickening feeling pooling in my stomach as his icy blue eyes assessed me.

Then he smiled and it clicked. It was Gavin Holmes, sitting there like a king. I had heard from Victoria that he had married an equally wealthy girl and the two ruled our little town. Victoria and Gavin broke up when we went to college. She saw the blackness inside him and didn't want to be involved anymore.

He held his mug up as a greeting. I didn't react. When my coffee was ready, I took it and tried not to rush out of there. I didn't want him to think I was afraid of him, and I didn't want to think about the way he had seemed to know what was going on that night at his party.

Victoria was up to a million when I got to her place, and it didn't feel right to tell her about seeing Gavin just yet.

Her mother, Alexandra, was also there and I was thrilled to see her. Growing up, I had desperately wished for her to be my mother. She was kind and loving, and it was obvious how much she cared about her daughter. To me, they were the ideal family, and their relationship was the complete opposite of the one I had with my mother. Alexandra knew all about Mama, but never spoke ill of her. She just informed me I was welcome to come over anytime I wanted, an offer I took advantage of whenever I could.

The dress Victoria picked out for me was blue, of course. She knew about my affinity for the color. It was form-fitting; held up with dainty straps. It showed a fair amount of cleavage and just kissed my calves. There didn't need to be many alterations.

"This is a sexy dress, Vic," I laughed. "Are they going to let me into the church with this thing on?"

Victoria grinned wickedly and held out a pair of silver fuck-me pumps. "Just wait 'til you put these on."

Alexandra shook her head from the corner of the room, but she had a big smile on her face. "Victoria is obviously trying to set you up with someone."

I looked between Victoria and her mother. They were trying not to laugh. "No way. Victoria, tell me it's not true."

Victoria shrugged. "There are a few options."

I groaned and went to put on my clothes. "Forget about it, Vic!" I called from the bathroom.

I heard them laughing on the other side of the door. When I came out, Victoria's cousin, Cathy, was there. Cathy was the other bridesmaid. She was a little older than us, and we had idolized her growing up. She was a beautiful ballerina who used to travel around the world before retiring to start a family.

She smiled at me and gave me a hug. "Addison, it's been too long. You look beautiful."

"So do you! How is the family?"

She patted her stomach. "Growing. This is the last one. I keep telling Luke."

"Congratulations. I'm so happy for you."

Cathy went to try on her dress and Victoria stood by to see how it looked. Alexandra approached me and gave me a playful nudge.

"You know Victoria is only worried about you."

I smiled. "I know. She always is."

"She said you're considering moving back here."

"I am. I'll miss New York, but it wasn't the place for me and I want to settle down."

She squeezed my arm and handed me a mimosa. "Good. We've missed you here. And sometimes it's just time to come home."

"It's strange being back. So many things are different, but so many are the same."

"Mm. How is Beau doing? I haven't seen that handsome face in too long."

I blushed thinking of my brother and took a sip of mimosa to cool down. "He's fine. You know Beau. Calm and steady, no matter the storm."

"Victoria has a few options for him at the wedding, too. It would be nice to see you both settled down here." There was a twinkle in her eye. "Maybe start a family. Be happy. I would like to see that very much."

Jealousy and a whole mess of other conflicted emotions tangled in my chest. Options for Beau, too? It's what I wanted for him, but it didn't feel right.

"I hope I didn't say something wrong," Alexandra said.

I shook my head. "What do you mean?"

"You got all solemn. I'm not trying to push anything on you, honey, but you know I always thought of you as another daughter. I hate all of the unhappiness you've gone through."

"Thank you, Alexandra. I'm okay." I kissed her cheek and picked up my bag. "I need to head out. Will you tell Vic?"

She didn't press. "Okay, Addy. I'll tell Victoria. See you soon, okay?"

I forced a smile. "Definitely."

"And Addison? Whatever's bothering you will work out. I promise."

"I don't know what you mean," I lied.

Her lips lifted in a small smile. "Mothers always know. Something's bugging you. You don't have to tell me, but I'm just letting you know I'm here for you if and when you need me."

*****

When I got back to the mansion, a car was parked besides Beau's. I wondered who was visiting him, and a small twinge of dread thrummed in my stomach. Hopefully it wasn't a woman. I couldn't take that just yet.

I entered the hall and heard two male voices coming from the living room. Thankfulness spread throughout my body.

I couldn't be entirely thankful, however, when I saw the man next to my brother.

Gavin Holmes stood tall and dignified beside my brother, laughing too hard at something Beau must've said. Then they both became aware of my presence. Beau's expression didn't give too much away, but I had the vibe he was upset.

"Addison, hello. I can't believe you're here, back home. How are you doing?"

I tried not to fidget. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"Good, good. I was just telling your brother that I saw you earlier today but didn't get a chance to say hi before you left. I wasn't sure it was you, at first." He looked me over, again. I felt like I was back in high school. "You look great."

I didn't realize I was backing away until the backs of my calves hit the coffee table. "Thank you. So do you. I heard you're married with a bunch of kids now. Congratulations."

"Thank you. I appreciate that," he drawled. "You know, it's so nice that you're living here. With your brother." He paused and I could have sworn his eyes glowed with some kind of preternatural knowledge that could very well be my damnation.

He knows, a voice deep inside of me whined, much like the night he nearly caught Beau and me kissing in the bathroom at his party. Perhaps I was being overly suspicious and unreasonable, but the gleam in those eyes sent a shiver down my spine.

Awkwardness groaned between us. I waited for Beau to say something, but he just watched Gavin with a flat expression.

Finally, Gavin cleared his throat. "Anyway, it's time for me to leave. I just wanted to stop by and welcome you back home. My wife will probably be by with a pie. She loves doing that sort of thing."

"That's great," Beau said, his voice pulling me out of my frozen panic.

Gavin left shortly after, but not without giving me a hug. I wanted to gag.

Once he was gone, I turned to Beau. "What was that about?"

Beau shook his head with disgust. "Gavin thinks he runs this town, is all."

"I think he knows something." When Beau looked at me with confusion, I added, "About us."

Beau looked toward the driveway and his eyes narrowed. "What makes you think that?" he asked, his voice slow and thoughtful.

"Don't you remember?"
 I didn't need to elucidate; the flash in his eyes told me he remembered that, among other things that night.

"Don't worry about Gavin Holmes, Addy."

"How can I not?"

"Because even if he did suspect, I know a thing or two about him that he would hate gettin' out. Trust me."

"I do," I whispered, but Beau had gone back upstairs.

*****

Beau was gone all afternoon, meeting with one of his clients about their new house. I hated being left alone, but I didn't want to complain to him. We both had enough going on without me making it worse.

Around 3, a fancy car pulled up outside and honked. I had been reading Jane Eyre, and the jump back to reality was startling.

I watched from the window as Daddy stepped out of the car with a woman dressed as if she were going to a cocktail party. Their driver shut the door after them, and the couple progressed to the front door. The somber doorbell rang and I wondered if I could get away with not answering it, but figured it was best to get our reunion out of the way.

I opened the heavy door and put on my best smile. "Hi, Daddy."

"Addison, you look great, honey." He beamed at me, which was surprising, but didn't hug me. He gestured at the woman beside him. "This is my wife, Alicia. We wanted to stop by and say hello. We would have called, but it was spur of the moment and I didn't have your cell number with me."

"It's fine. I'm happy to see you." I looked at Alicia and took her in. She was tall and bony with black hair that reached her waist. Her dress showed too much cleavage for the daytime, and her heels could gouge a person's eyes out. She shifted on her feet, looking tremendously nervous. "Hi, Alicia. It's nice to finally meet you. I'm sorry I couldn't attend your wedding."

Her smile was tremulous but genuine. "I was sorry, too."

I invited them in, and thankfully Beau had some sweet tea made in the fridge. Daddy's eyes roamed over Beau's home improvements with a predatory look that I didn't appreciate. Alicia looked at Daddy as if she worshipped him, and it seemed she was waiting for him to say something so that she could speak, too. She was definitely meek, which was surprising.

There was a sweetness about her I didn't expect and Beau obviously hadn't picked up on. He told me the night before she was just after Dad's money, but I wasn't so sure.

"Alicia, that's a beautiful dress," I said after a moment.

She fingered the bottom of the skirt self-consciously. "Really? You think so? Your dad picked it out."

"I like my honey to be dressed up." He kissed Alicia on the cheek, then looked at me. "So, how have you been doing, baby girl?"

"I'm well, Daddy. Thanks for asking. How are the twins?"

Alicia brightened up. "Joseph and Michael are just excellent, thanks for asking. They're only three but they can do so much already."

"You'll have to come over for dinner one day," Dad said. Then his expression changed and he became very serious. "Did Beau tell you I want to buy the house from him?"

"No." But I wasn't surprised. I had suspected my brother was holding something back from me about Dad.

Daddy toyed with his wedding ring and leaned back on the sofa. "Oh, yes, but he's being stubborn as all hell about it."

"Richard," Alicia whispered. She was uncomfortable.

"Well, he is. Won't give me a price, doesn't respond to my offers. I'd pay him twice what this place is worth." Daddy swirled the ice around in his glass, then looked up at me with hopeful eyes that looked so much like Beau's. "You'll talk to him about it, won't you, baby girl?"

It was disappointing to see how little my father changed. He didn't care about seeing me, or reconnecting. He didn't seem to even care much about his wife and other children. It was just about him and what he wanted.

"Sure," I said, because what difference did it make? He got up and kissed me, his stubble irritating against my cheek.

They left shortly after that with promises of dinner invitations I knew would never come.

*****

I fixed dinner that night, figuring I owed Beau for letting me stay there. I made my special chicken piccata over rice and drank wine while I waited for him to come home.

When he did, he stopped short at the sight of me in the kitchen. He glanced around and saw the pan simmering, the wine open, and the table set. His face took on a wistful expression I couldn't understand. "I've often dreamt of you standing right there, cooking me dinner."

Oh, how my heart hurt at those words.

Beau complimented my cooking during dinner. "Far cry from the burnt toast and ramen you used to make me," he laughed, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

I waited until we were cleaning up to tell him about Daddy. He paused while scrubbing a dish, then shrugged and went back to it. "That's Dad," he sighed.

"He hasn't changed at all. It's amazing."

Beau handed me a dish to dry and shook his head at me. "I hope you haven't come back here for an apology from him, because you'll never get it. Believe me."

"I know."

"Good."

We sat together in the living room after dinner again, this time sipping wine and sitting as far apart as we could. Beau was in a mood and I was tired. I wished all of this wasn't so difficult, but I hadn't expected anything else.

When Beau opened another bottle, I figured I better find out what was up. "You okay, big brother?"

It was probably the wrong thing to call him, for when he turned back to look at me, his eyes were lit up and his body was tense. "Just exhausted. Today was a long day."

"Mm." I kicked off my shoes and tucked my feet beneath me. Beau joined me on the sofa and turned on the TV. He put on some mindless show and we sat there, pretending to be invested in it.

The wine softened me, and as shameful as it was, aroused me. I could feel every particle of my being vibrating in suspense, hoping something was going to happen. All of the misgivings I had were tucked away somewhere in my brain, and all I could really think about was what it would be like to hold Beau's rough hand.

As if he could sense my thoughts, my brother glanced at me. "Why are you staring at me?"

"I have no idea," I whispered.

He looked away and gulped his wine. "You're just upset about Dad."

"It bothered you, didn't it? Me cooking you dinner."

I couldn't make out the emotion in his face when he stared back at me. "What do you mean?"

"You said you dreamt about it. It bothered you. Messed you up."

He sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair, "Yeah, it put some pretty bad thoughts into my head, that's for sure."

"Bad thoughts?"

"Fuck, Addy. Don't do this to me."

"Do what?"

"Toy with me. You know what kind of thoughts I'm thinking." He reached over and caressed my lips with his fingers. His hand drifted down the column of my throat and I swallowed hard. "I'm not sorry about that, but you are."

"You're my brother, Beau."

"We could move somewhere," he whispered. His face was painted with desperate longing. "No one would have to know."

"I'd know. I'm tired of running."

The backs of his fingers did one last pass over my cheeks, then he pulled away. He stood and groaned, taking the rest of the bottle with him. "Okay. I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Addison."

*****

I dreamt of Mama that night. She was in my blue bedroom, staring at the walls.

"What an ugly color."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up in bed. "Mama?"

Her head slowly turned in my direction. Her eyes were blazing as she took me in. "I see you're still living your sinful ways."

"No, I'm not." Tears sprang from my eyes. "I'm not a sinner."

"Aren't you? Don't you crave your brother's touch?"

"No," I lied. "Mama, you have to believe me."

She sat on the edge of my bed. Her grin was ugly and cruel. "You should have come to see me when I called for you."

"I t-tried... Mama, I would have but I just couldn't."

"You should have come." Her hand snaked around my wrist. The grip hurt, but I didn't pull away. I deserved the pain. "You should have come to repent. Now you'll never be at rest. Silly, horrible girl."

Then I woke up sobbing with Beau's hands on my shoulders, shaking me hard. "Wake up. It's just a nightmare."

"It was Mama," I gasped. "She's here."

"It was a nightmare," Beau said firmly. "She's dead and she can't hurt you anymore."

He was wrong. She hurt me every day.

Beau pushed my hair back from my sweaty face. "Want to tell me about it?"

"She was... she was telling me I was a sinner."

"Her favorite saying." Beau rolled his eyes. "I could have guessed."

"She said I should have come to see her in the end when she asked for me. I should have repented to her. Now, she'll haunt me forever."

"Okay," Beau sighed, pushing me back into bed so he could climb in next to me. I was too stunned to protest. "This has to stop. Mama is dead, Addison. Dead. She isn't haunting you. You're doing this to yourself. You look like shit, you know that? You're still as beautiful as ever, but I nearly passed out when I saw you at the bus station. You're not taking care of yourself. You're not sleeping, you're barely eating, and you almost never smile. You're still punishing yourself, damn it, and I said it's fucking enough. You're a good person and you did nothing wrong. Do you understand me? You can't let her continue to ruin your life from the grave. It's over, now." By the end of Beau's words, he was shaking me again. He realized he was holding onto me too hard and released his fingers, stroking me where my skin turned red.

Then, he was kissing me. I was too swept up in it all to stop him. He needed me, and I needed him even more. His mouth was persistent and hungry against my own. His hips thrust against me and I cried out when I felt how hard he was. He was only wearing boxers, and I had on a long t-shirt and panties. We were in a perilous situation and I didn't know if I would be able to stop us.