Haunted

When Gavin climbed on top of me again, I made a decision. I kissed him, shocking him. His entire body spasmed, and the hand holding the gun lowered to the mattress beside me. He moaned into the kiss. He tasted like smoke and whiskey; I fought the compulsion to gag.

He started undressing me and I let him. That meant the gun was next to me, forgotten. If I could just distract him enough, I could maybe grab it and shoot him. I'd shoot him right in his ugly face.

Lightning crackled outside, making us both jump. The windows shot open again, this time casting buckets of rain to the room and over our bodies. Gavin cursed and stood again, running over to the windows to close them again.

I grabbed the gun and scrambled off the bed, pointing it at his back. He must've realized his folly, because he abruptly turned around and charged at me.

"Go fuck yourself," I screamed, then pulled the trigger.

He fell back, just as a lightning bolt shot through the sky. Desperately, he clutched onto the curtains. His eyes were wide and fearful. Good. I shot him again and he fell backwards, stumbling over the sill and out into the darkness.

*****

Beau was alive, but barely. I called 911 and hysterically explained the situation. Then I called Daddy.

"You'll be all right, Beau. You will," I wept. I was afraid to touch him because he looked so terrible, but I had to hold his hand.

The paramedics arrived and pushed me aside. I watched their grave expressions as they tended to him. Then they hoisted him up into the ambulance, but there was no room for me. I said I would follow. One of the paramedics eyed me up and down like I was crazy, and I realized then that I wasn't wearing a top and was slick with blood and rain.

Quickly, I found a shirt and got into our packed car, praying and praying and praying.

*****

Daddy arrived at the hospital shortly after me. Beau was in surgery, I told him, and I hadn't received any updates.

"Why would Gavin Holmes do this?" Daddy asked, looking so confused I almost pitied him.

"Because he's sick. Was sick." Daddy's eyes widened at the implication of my words. "He tried to rape me because he always thought he should have had me back in high school. It drove him over the edge when he found out about Beau and me."

Dad looked away. He knew. He picked up a magazine and fiddled with it.

"How long have you known?"

He couldn't look at me. "Your mama told me right before she died. She was furious you wouldn't come."

"Everyone knows now. He told them at Victoria's wedding. Are you... Are you disgusted, Daddy?"

He stared at me with eyes so much like Beau's. "It doesn't matter how I feel about it. You two were pushed together by your mother and me. It's our fault."

I thought about what he said. I was about to tell him he was wrong when the police showed up.

"We have questions," was all they said.

They asked me about Gavin, about why he would come and attack me. They didn't believe a word I said until I confessed about Beau. I guessed that even though our town was small, they hadn't heard about the wedding yet.

"It drove Gavin crazy. Plus, he took a picture of us kissing and planned to use it as blackmail for getting our mansion."

The cops exchanged a glance that seemed to say, "If a girl admits to fucking her brother, she must be somewhat telling the truth."

"How do we know you didn't kill him 'cause he was blackmailing you two?"

"Everyone knows now. Ask anyone who was at Victoria Lorenzo's wedding last night. He couldn't blackmail us anymore. He was beyond that. He'd moved on to punishment."

They told me not to go anywhere, that an official investigation had to be launched. I wasn't arrested.

"Yet," one somber-faced cop muttered.

Daddy was gone when I got back to the visitors' room.

*****

Beau was still in surgery when Victoria came to see me. She stalked into the waiting room and took the farthest chair away from me. Her hair was still in the updo from her wedding.

"I didn't want to come but... I'm just here to find out why, I guess," she said, repulsion evident in her eyes. "We've been best friends all our lives and I never knew."

"How could I have told you?"

She was silent. Then, "Are you staying in town? You'll be outcasts."

"No. We're leaving as soon as Beau gets better."

"Good. I hope he gets better." She stood and looked down at me. It was sad that just like that, we were strangers. Tears were in her voice, but her eyes remained dry. "You ruined my wedding."

"I'm sorry."

She stared at me for a minute. "I don't even know who you are."

I lacked her composure. Tears filled my eyes and I crumbled in my seat. "I'm still me. Still your friend."

"He's your brother, Addison," she said, emphasizing "brother".

"I know. I tried, but I can't stop. Ten years away and it's still there. That desire."

Victoria shuddered. "I'll never understand it."

"I know."

"I feel like I never knew you," she whispered.

My heart broke. "I'm sorry."

She moved to go, but then rushed back and gave me a half-hug. A tear dripped from her eye as she kissed my cheek. "I'm glad you're alive."

Then she was gone, and only her perfume and the sensation of her lips on my cheek remained.

*****

The police cleared me right around the same time Beau woke up. I was grateful; Beau didn't need to worry about me heading off to prison while trying to heal.

He was sleeping when the nurse said I could finally go in to see him. I sat there for hours with his rough hand in mine, and tried not to cry. We were both alive. We both made it through. I was done with the tears.

There was a lot of time for me to reflect while I waited for Beau. There was a certainty deep inside my heart that my feelings would never go away. Beau was right. I would always want Beau and I would never be happy unless I had him. Living in close proximity to him, being friends again, being able to see his smiling, handsome face made the thirst grow, but it had never gone away to begin with, no matter how far away I dragged myself. I loved my brother, and whether it was sinful or wrong or disgusting to some, it was the kind of love some people never had the chance to feel. And I had almost lost it. Him.

When he was well enough, I would tell him I had finally made up my mind. I loved Beau and there was no going back. Not ever.

My brother's eyes finally fluttered open and a smile blossomed on his face when he saw me.

I told him about the police investigation, and about Victoria's visit. He frowned when I told him that Daddy said our love was his fault.

"I'm beyond thinking it's anything but natural," Beau said, his voice scratchy. I shushed him and made him drink some water.

He drifted to sleep again shortly after and I kissed him, letting the reassurance of his heartbeat fill my heart.

*****

Alicia's face flushed and she let out a little squeak when she saw me standing at her doorstep. She didn't greet me; she backed away and called for my dad.

He came to the door and pushed her inside, then stepped out to talk with me. He closed the door behind him. I thought with a little amusement that the dinner invite was rescinded now.

"What are you doing here?"

"I know that the agreement was that you would move into the mansion soon, but Beau is going to be in the hospital for a while. Can I stay at the mansion until he's ready to be discharged? It should only be a few weeks. We have an apartment we are already renting a few hours away, and I can't afford a hotel or another apartment right now. It would mean a lot to me."

My father considered it, then looked behind him at his house. A curtain moved from where Alicia must have been watching. He turned back to me and shook his head. "We already made dozens of plans. We are moving in this weekend, like we agreed. I'm sorry, Addy." He even looked like he meant it.

I smiled ruefully. "Can't have your wife thinking you're sympathetic to our plight, can you?"

He didn't answer, but I figured I was pretty accurate.

"I understand," I told him.

"I'm sorry. For everything."

"I've been thinking a lot about how you said it was your fault that Beau and I... for what happened."

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet. His eyes were on the ground.

"Beau doesn't agree with that, but that's because he's kinder than I am." I glared at my father, fighting the urge to smack him until he looked at me. "I absolutely believe it's your fault. I'm not sorry about loving Beau, not anymore, but you were the worst father. You were worse than Mama." At that, his eyes lifted. "Yes, that's right, because she was a mean sociopath. You knew better and you left us there with her. We had no one but each other in that giant, empty place, and you knew that. It didn't matter to you because all you've ever cared about is yourself. You can't fathom the love Beau and I have for each other, and I feel sorry for you." I fought the urge to cry as I said my last words. "This will be the last time you see me, and the sad thing is I know that's probably a relief to you."

I didn't wait for him to respond, mostly because I knew he wasn't going to. I cried the whole way back to the hospital, mourning his loss, even if I lost him years before.

*****

Beau got better faster than the doctors expected. He was released on a Thursday morning, and thankfully most of the inhabitants of our little town were at work. Beau joked they would be waiting outside with pitchforks, but the hospital's parking lot was empty of rioters and would-be stone throwers.

We decided to drive to the mansion for one final goodbye and saw that it was still empty. Daddy hadn't moved in yet, after all. Maybe he was afraid of the ghosts there.

We snuck in and had a last look around. Beau pointed to the bottom of the stairs with a grin. "Holy shit. I almost died there!"

"Shut up," I hissed. "It's not funny."

"Believe me, I know."

I stepped closer to him and put my hands on either side of your face. "You almost left me. Never do that again."

Something flickered in his eyes, but he said nothing. I pulled away and went upstairs.

"Where are you going?" he called.

"To say goodbye."

My room was as I left it the night Gavin attacked us. Things I hadn't wanted to take with me were strewn around the room, and there was still blood on the floor where it had dripped from us. I shuddered and sat on the bed, wondering what the hell I was doing up there.

I thought about Beau downstairs, waiting for me. He was going to be surprised when I finally talked to him about making up my mind, that I wanted to live with him forever. As lovers.

The wind blew forebodingly against the windows. I shut the curtains, no longer afraid. This was what I'd been waiting for.

"Mama? If you're here, you can kiss my ass. Goodbye."

*****

We drove three hours north to where we'd found a cheap month-to-month lease. We planned on staying there until we had things figured out.

Beau sat on the couch when we arrived. He looked pale.

"You tired?" I asked him.

He smiled. "A little, but there's no way I'm going to sleep. I've slept enough."

I sat next to him, inexplicably nervous. "Beau, we need to talk."

"I know we do."

I was petrified, but not of him. Not anymore. I got down on my knees and rested my hands on his legs, looking up at him with all the love I left. "I will never love another living soul but you. You're my brother, but you're more than that. You are and always have been my salvation."

My brother stroked my cheek with trepidation as if I might abruptly change my mind and attack him. "I feel the same way."

He shook as he leaned over and kissed me where I knelt. When the desire became too strong, he tugged me up until I was seated on his lap. His mouth dragged against mine with dizzying kisses, over and over again until the rest of the world was shut out and it was just us, just Beau and me.

His mouth was swollen when he was finished. "I must be dreaming."

"I'm real. This is real."

We floated to one of the bedrooms together, running our hands over exposed pieces of flesh. He cupped my ass and told me all the things he'd dreamt of doing to me over the years, and even as I blushed and slightly feared him, I ached with want.

Beau spread me out on the unmade bed and nervously hovered over me. "There's no going back after this."

I caressed my brother's back. "I know. Good."

He sank onto me. I was hardly aware of being undressed, nor was I conscious of taking off Beau's clothes, but soon we were a shimmering pile of love and lust. I made room for him between my thighs and he thrust inside me, his eagerness to reclaim me evident on his beautiful face. He pinched my nipples and sighed against my neck, all the while pushing and pushing until it was unclear where he began and I ended.

His cock was so hard and insistent inside of me. He was seeking something inside of me, and what he sought, he found. He came before me and I was glad. I was able to watch the expression on his face change from heated desire to agonized pleasure.

"Finally," he sighed. I touched his chest over his heart and felt its frantic beat.

Then his mouth moved lower and lower until it was over my pussy. "I'm going to lick you until you come," he promised.

"Oh, God."

Beau always made good on his promises. He lapped and sucked and tongued until I was a weeping, shuddering mess. The orgasm was intense, and thick tears rolled down my cheeks until he soothed them away.

It was over, just like that. All of the angst, the ghosts, and the years of unfulfilled emotion, gone and irrelevant.

And all that was left was Beau and me, clinging to one another.

"Are you sure?" he asked me a little while later, a finger trailing up my arm.

"I told you. This is what I want. I'm not sorry about that anymore."

He kissed me. "I'll build you a new house with an even better bedroom. And it will be blue, too."

"I know you will."

"And we'll leave everything that happened behind us."

"Yes."

"And you'll be my wife."

My heart thundered in my chest as I stared in Beau's eyes. "Yes," I whispered.

"I never wanted a big ceremony, anyway," he joked. Then he kissed my ring finger. "I'm yours forever."

I kissed his lips, then smiled against his cheek. "Forever."

*****

The early morning sun glittered into the room, rousing us both from a deep, restorative sleep. Beau recovered first and quietly moved me to my knees on the bare mattress. It hadn't occurred to us to make the bed yet, and we hadn't had the energy to do it the night before. His mouth worked against mine, initiating a kiss that left me gasping, and then he was behind me, his cock nudging against my ass. It slid across my cheeks, determined and eager to find my pussy. He guided it with his hand and pressed into me until we were again one. It was quiet and desperate sex; he didn't tease or play. My brother's need filled the room as completely as it filled me, until with one last throaty moan, he came inside me. The warm sensation coupled with his hot breath against my neck brought me to the same unavoidable conclusion: I came hard on him, making him curse and clutch at my hips. I felt him surge deeper for one last push.

We finally got out of bed when we could no longer go without eating. We munched on some crackers and stared at one another, both in pleased disbelief that in the end, our love had won out.

We made the bed and got inside, just to hold one another.

"Mama forgave us, you know," he said sometime later.

I blinked. "What?"

"Right before she died. That's why she was calling for you."

"Hmm. What did she say?"

Beau brushed my hair from my neck and planted a kiss on the side of my throat. "That she wasn't perfect and shouldn't have been a mother, but that she loved us as much as she could and she pardoned our sins."

"Sounds like Mama."

"Thought you should know. I meant to tell you after but it just never felt like the right time. I know a big part of the hurt you were feeling was Mama's reaction."

"She told Daddy, you know."

Beau's hands stilled where they were rubbing my stomach. "I know. She was angry when you wouldn't come, at first. Then she said she understood." He looked deep in my eyes. "I know how haunted you were by it. By everything."

I traced his eyebrows. "Not anymore."