All Comments on 'Having Sister after the Holiday'

What a FANTASTIC story.

Hope they stayed another night

You did introduce Cindy at the door as a Blonde and then after said she was a "pretty redhead". Small detail but, noticeable.

Very good.....but you went from Cindy being a blonde when she arrived wirh the pizza to a redhead in two very short paragraphs

you didn't bother to spend any time at all in proof reading your story.

As someone else mentioned, the Cindy blonde/redhead goof is one of the errors but in addition to those, your writing style doesn't flow very smoothly.

Example - "I had the beer, while Sis and Cindy both shared the rum. "

Better as "I had the beer, while the two girls shared the rum."

Get someone to advise you on writing, Proof Reading and editing.

I really wanted to get into this story, but you rushed through the whole thing. A good story, like good sex, is as much about the foreplay and anticipation as it is the actual act. Felt like you rushed the intro of the friend as well as the introduction to “I’m fucking my brother.” Take your time and let the story build in a natural flow. Ask yourself if it seems likely... “Hi, here is your pizza, and by the way I have no issues with incest” really, then why? Establish the back story. As readers, we don’t know these characters or their history. As the author, you have the responsibility to introduce them to us. Great idea, just felt like it was rushed.

but this needs some grey matter "grease" to help those cells do the miracle! All comments were given to you in good faith and are to the point. You have good ideas and a background in the story to help you explore ALL kinky stuff Literotica caters. Don't rush it and work more on the story aspect; like in real life wham-bam-thank-you-ma'ams may work once or twice, not for the long run though. Will not rate the story to avoid giving you a bad "story" score!

Liked the story with regard to its being erotic but, the author needs to have edited it or have someone else edit it for them. And there needs to be multiple proof readings by the author to make sure that the story all hangs together like the blond / redhead conflict and any other conflicts that may pop up. Chronology is equally as important, too, that is to say events must occur in their natural time frame. To the author best of luck in your future efforts. Don’t give up! There are those who will tell you otherwise.

Olin motellissa siskon ja siskon naisystävän kanssa. Ei mennyt kauan, kun nussimme kimpassa. Olimme kirjautuneet avioparina ja siskon ystävä oli kirjautunut eri huoneeseen, mutta ei haitannut, vaikka hän olisikin samassa huoneessa ja sängyssä kolmen kimpassa.