All Comments on 'He Never Saw That Coming'

Um..... WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.?

Dialogue without quotes is hard to read. You need a proofreader. Too much backstory detail about Robert, but that's more of a personal preference. Damn good story with a timely moral. 5/5!!

Okay story but he should have divorced the bitch and moved far, far away.

That was different. 5*

What a nice twist

one star

last paragraph is why

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Robert sat next to Rebecca as they were sitting with Constance for support.

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{Why would Constance need support?}

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Constance explained her mother's side of the family.

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{Why would Constance need to explain her mother side of the family to her parents?}

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And Rebecca's role in a rift between Robert and her earlier in their marriage.

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{Why would Constance need to explain to her parents how the mother\wife caused a rift between Robert and Constance early during the parents marriage?}

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Robert's eyes got huge as Rebecca stared in embarrassment, turning red.

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{Why would the fathers eyes get huge and the mother turn red in embarrassment as the daughter talked to them about things they already knew about having already lived thru them?}

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Robert spoke after Constance finished. "Robert, you have our blessings to marry Constance. But if you find you can't, there will be no repercussions if you refuse. So why don't you go outside and spend time with Constance, and she will answer any questions."

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{Why would Robert tell himself he can marry his own daughter, but should Robert choose not to marry Roberts daughter Robert will not punish Robert?}

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Six months later, Tom and Constance were married.

{So . . . . I guess Robert chose not to marry his own daughter?}

Wow, a twist I actually didn't see coming! I feel like I just saw Bigfoot.

Er...is it me. I didn't understand the closing paragraphs at all....so I can't offer a score as I have no idea what happened.

Clever. I liked it.

I won't bother pointing out your Typo-Glaucoma errors, except for the last one: Robert spoke after Constance finished. "Robert, you have our blessings to marry Constance..."

Dude!

5 all the same.

Should have been in the satire section.

Good story!

4

confusing and boring, so you expose the wife for whoring

Love the story. A different slant on "We need to talk". AAAAAA++++++

A typical wife/boss planned tryst, but then the TWIST!!!! Went from 3⭐s to 4⭐s. Nice flash story. Thank-you

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Pasqual

I liked this story but it sure went quick after the dinner.

You confuse names more than once - you call Ali Amy, you call Tom Robert, and the last three paragraphs are utterly confusing.

It was a great story until the last 2 paragraphs. It was like opening a door and falling 3 stories.

Too abrupt, no buildup or anything. Leaves one hanging. You need a better finish or followup.

Nice twist but huge plot hole I think. His wife toom credits for his work by implementing his changes ...but she was a salesperson according to the fact that one company was paying 20% more due to sleeping with a salesperson...her. .

Working in sales area myself...sales people don't implement change ....her husband was an industrial engineer.....what was she doing in sales? She took a job he was qualified for. So obviously an engineering job. .TC Ireland.

Pretty standard stuff, but okay. But pay more attention to names. You repeatedly messed up, using the wrong name. Example: "Robert, you have our blessings to marry Constance...". Six months later, Tom and Constance were married.

Obviously, it should have been "Tom, you have our blessings to marry Constance."

You saved my day. Thanks for that! 5*!!!

Yeah, l liked it. Good enough story.

4/5

Interesting plot twist on a standard formula. The wife's boss turns out to be a decent guy. That's one I haven't seen before.

Good story, but I preferred the Glock ending.

I like the concept. Didn't see it coming that her boss had his own agenda that had nothing to do with her dirty plan.

It's too bad the writing was so bad it completely distracted me from the actual story. If this was reviewed and edited I would hate to see what kind of a mess it was originally.

Interesting premise. Please FTDS!

Different take on an old story line.

Story was a bit jumpy and hard to follow. Thanks for posting this.

You missed explaining one important aspect of the story in the last paragraph.

Good story. I got lost on the last 2 paragraphs. Reread them multiple times and couldn't figure out what was being said. Wrong names perhaps? Or maybe it's just me.

Also does ""No, Tom, she's not perfect. But, boy, could I tell you a story. It caused a lot of trouble in our marriage about 15 years ago" reference another story or maybe a future story?

Though it was a nice story.

The writer tried to have a different twist to an already re-treaded story.

But really, even the writer's editors still missed some mixed-up of the names of characters.

Not your best effort Omegaman56.

But I am still quite happy it is not a cuck story. Thanks

You have an ending that is too short and has no explanation. You could have made this story a little longer with more balance.

I don’t understand the epilogue

Is there another story I’m supposed to know to reference?

No one told me there’d be homework

OK "We need to talk" tale with a little twist but it came across as fairly ho-hum. Let's hear what the rift was between Robert and Rebecca 15 years before.

Mmmm, kind of a fizzle. Sort of like getting a sparkler when you were expecting a firecracker.

Huh?

Cliches

A good plot in a story that feels rushed and incomplete. I gave it 3 stars for the plot but not the full 5 due to the aforementioned issues. That said, thank you for a few enjoyable minutes :)

It started as many others but wow the twist threw me for a loop. Thanks.

nice twist, love seeing the shallow selfish bitch burned by her own evil.

The two editing misses had me cringing. The "Amy" reference had me scurrying up the page looking for an "Amy". Alas, she didn't exist. Then at the end, Robert gave himself permission to marry his daughter? LOL! Loved the plot twist - didn't see it coming. 4*

Nice twist. Something new! Thanks

OMFG that got so laughably bad and cliched, with the usual so far over the top wife (yes its aimed for the knuckle dragging misogynists, so you can get some reader to say "See how bad women really are" in that south of M/D line idiocy they have) that by the time I hit the real stupidity of "Im going to give him my virgin ass" I knew that A) you've never met a woman and B) you couldnt write a decent, even close to, reality based story to save your wobbly writing career.

I did not see that coming! And I do like Rebecca a lot. Interesting story, but that ending with Constance is a bit forced.

A really good story until the "Forward...". It was as confusing as anything. "Explained her mother's side of the family" ??? "Robert's eyes got huge", why, he was there at the time it happened ??? " Constance will answer any questions " ??? What questions? It changed a 5 star story to a 3 star story. Please explain.

1 star for a sub-standard BTB with no new twists, or any feelings, or emotions, or heart in this story.

It is completely and utterly unbelievable.

Fellow readers - do not waste time reading this one.

To the writer - you can delete my comments, BUT you cannot change the score and I think it will not be above 3.0 within a week.

Got to give credit where credit is due. Yes, a different result with the flip by Robert. Have to say that's a fantasy.

well told and loved the flip. no nitpicking here

When Robert told Robert to marry Constance

Not bad. Not great. Clueless Tom sure had a great protector in his new boss, Robert 😎

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The lack of insight into Robert’s “story” in the last 2 paragraphs detracted from the tale — not necessarily because you left readers hanging….but because you implied that the “story” was salient to who and what Robert and Rebecca AND Constance were.

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So….barely 3 ***

Nice change of pace story line. A good honest boss vs a cheap whore wife. Happy ending like this was totally unexpected.

Very different from the usual...so 5.

Nice novel turn of events with boss being a good guy. Tom’s initial impulse is probably what every guy would feel like doing, glad it wasn’t real. I am a bit confused by the ending and the events concerning Robert and Rebecca and the problems Rebecca caused early in their marriage. You mixed names once, but not a big deal. Overall, another good read from OM56.

I will say I liked it. Thanks for another enjoyable story.

Rubbish

EXCEPTIONAL STORY!. Ali was a selfish HO and was going to take Tom to the cleaners. She kind of got hers when the tables got reversed. Too bad his wife Constance couldn't meet her somewhere private and kick the shit out of her, for trying to hurt the man that became her husband! I've been telling you how good your stories are. This goes for all, most have some grammar or spelling errors, but if this stops you from understanding ANY story, MOVE ON, don't read it! Proud of you Omegaman!

Nice cliche set up and then the twist which made for a better story.

So did Robert really have a huge cock?

The story was going very well until the events of a year later. What story did Constance relate? What did Rebecca do to Robert? Why did Robert give Tim an "out" to marrying Constance? These unanswered questions dropped my score from a 5 to a 4, as there was no indication of a follow-up story.

Unusual; I like unusual. 5*

This is so outrageous it's funny and entertaining.

Have you ever talked to a woman before?

Didn’t think so.

She isn’t going to tell him the truth. She isn’t going to rub his nose in her infidelity because she knows he won’t take it and if he does, she won’t respect him.

She is going to lie to him. She is going to tell him a story to cover her adultery and she will run circles around him because she loves him and doesn’t want to hurt him.

What you have her saying is cruel and intolerable and her actions don’t match her words. It’s the verbal equivalent of a wife beater telling his wife that he loves her while running her head through the drywall.

I know why you did it; but it makes no sense and is inconsistent with her words. This will lead to divorce, so why not divorce him and take half his shot first? Dont say she loves him and then treat him like shit, this WILL lead to divorce so why not just do that first?

Because it doesnt give you the happy ending you want. You write the characters to give you the hapoy ending but life sucks and doesnt work like that.

Vague - lacks too much background detail.

Did I miss something? Is Robert and Rebecca's story somewhere to clue me in?

Another Mr. Potato Head character. Here's where you unplug Ali's loyal faithful ethical character traits and plug in the greedy, selfish, immoral bitch; presto changeo. But you forgot to tell us or describe any sudden or traumatic reason for Ali's drastic decline in virtue and ethics. Martian Slut Ray or mental dysfunction? Or just maybe Ali was Always a selfish unscrupulous materialistic bitch, and the dumb shit cuck was too deaf dumb and blind to see and admit what he had married? In fact it sounds like he was an enabler, suppressing his own ambitions and career to further Ali's, not as a mutual plan and partnership, but as a surrender to her desires. So in the end the cuck got what he married, what he tolerated, and therefor what he deserved. Oh, but then we see the Mr. Potato Head switch with the husband as well, when he's goes from codependent cuck to contemplating murder of Ali and her proposed lover. Yeah, now he's suddenly not going to put up with her shit, even though he's been eating yards of it, for years, just so he can see where it comes from.

A great plot idea, but a weak execution and character portrayal. Ali is beautiful, a great fuck, has no morals or ethics, and wants a man with money. Ali will do just fine, as there appear to be an unlimited supply of prosperous fools who she can pluck like a chicken. By the time she enters her cheese phase she'll have cashed in on several marriages and live a comfortable if lonely life. It happens all the time. Thanks for the effort.

Okay. I overlooked it. 5*.

Some stories get so unbelievable as to lose any interest despite what could have been an interesting storyline.

Good "We Have To Talk" story. I feel something is missing however. Some additional needs to be made to the tale for it to be complete. I liked it though, and enjoyed it. LP

I love the new twist of a old,worn out story line. Great job. 5 stars

A refreshing twist on an old theme.

Also, the Robert character was refreshing. After spending 30+ years in the corporate world, I’ve found there’s not many Robert’s out there.

5/5

The end made no sense?

Names kept getting mixed up

A shame the wife had no morals or scruples.

The story was pretty good until you fast-forwarded to a year later and didn't even finish the story. One commonality I find in these stories is that the author chooses to short-cut to the end and not finish the story. I would like to have given in more, but all I see is 3-stars at this point.

Story was ok but you need someone to check this before you post, the names keep changing; Ali is Amy, Tom is Robert etc. It detracts from an otherwise acceptable little story. Apologies if that comes over as pedantic btw :-j

Needs more foreshadowing... way too choppy and logic train does not flow...thus you seem to rely too much on Deux ex Machina to cover the plot holes...

Still interesting spin on an old theme..4 stars

Reads like Chinese assembly instructions. 1* sorry

Started off pretty good but ended up in the last couple paragraphs stupid. As for Ali well that’s what happens to women who choose career over family. Doesn’t end well.

The story jumped around too much in characters; Mr. Bradshaw, who was also Robert, who was also his/him was often hard to differentiate from Tom/Ton.

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I got that Constance was Robert/Rebecca's daughter, but unknown what the age relationship was between Constance & Tom. Constance could have been a 13/15/17yr old helping daddy filling in for her sick mother as hostess. Often the story lacked context.

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Overall I really liked Robert and what he did being a man of honor, burning Ali so completely for not just being a whore but a thief/charlatan against his company. Then to give Tom the backing to dump the entitled snobby slut.

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4.1*, Hooyah

Well played O’56. Very clever! Enjoyed the story! 5*

Liked the story, but found the mix up with a couple of names confusing. 4 stars though.

Convoluted, hard to follow, not particularly good character development and essentially no erotic content. 2*

PLEASE EXPLAIN.?

I really liked the twist, but...

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You introduced several plot points near the end that you failed to flesh out. IMO, the details you left unexplained confused the story more than helping it. So in spite of really liking the twist on the cheater, I can only go 4*

A nice twist, but there are several mistakes that could have been fixed by either having someone else read it before posting or take a few days and re-read it yourself.

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1) At one point you suddenly call Ali Amy.

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2) For the most part you start each paragraph of one character talking with the opening quotation marks, but miss them at the end of Page 1 and start of Page 2.

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3) Those are rather minor. However, the penultimate paragraph starts with

Robert spoke after Constance finished. "Robert, you have our blessings to marry Constance. "

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Robert was talking to Robert?

"They're a pretty good company, and they treat their people fairly. I can't tell you who they are. I have told you more than I should, Tom, because I like you. And your saved my company with your revolutionary ideas. So please don't throw me under the bus." whats that? its the boss that is throwing tom under the buss how would tom throw his boss under the buss? probably didnt catch this in ur pre-read

oh that was a bit diff wish it was polished a bit more but at least got got something out of it. felt like that story was more in ur head than on the page. try writing like ur writing for ur boss or employee.

5/5, really liked it but it needed the ending to be a less rushed ending and more filled out with an explanation of the Rebecca/Robert issue and more of Tom's relationship development with Constance. Maybe Chapter 2?

Story was confusing: does Tom work for Max Manu or Superior Manu? Ali is Amy at one point. Rebecca and Constance get mixed up in the middle and Robert and Tom get jumbled up at the end. And who us Ben? Could this be Cooper? And the Max/Superior boss got 15 million extra for his company because of Tom’s input and all he gave him was a head’s up which under the NDS he wasn’t supposed to give him, yet was timed to match Ali/Amy’s ultimatum.

The concept of the story, with Robert testing both married partners was interesting but the delivery was a mess, not just through the confusion of names of characters, but the general composition was anything but smooth. The dream sequence that was made to look as if it was part of the action, until it wasn’t, was completely unnecessary, a simple thought of what Tom would have liked to have done if this was back in the days when Robert’s family made their fortune would have sufficed.

If you have a problem with editing your own writing, then you really need an editor you can work with. I assure you that readers would appreciate much more what you were trying to convey.

This was an interesting concept but man did the resolution suck. Did you just post without rereading a final time? The end made no sense whatsoever.

What a surprise. It finally happened. A cheating wife that got caught by the "boss" she was going to cheat with and the husband comes out on top. Thank you

The Robert character made for an interesting curve to this type story. That was the best part. The plot read mostly like a lazy man's version of writing, just an outline and the reader can fill in those pesky fact about everyone. 4* for the creativity but that might be a little high.

Needed a bit more depth. IRL if his company was being bought out Tom would not lose his job, when the other company did due diligence they would know what he had done and work to keep him. The old owner is as evil as Ali is, in the story would love Tom doing something so the old fart died of a heart attack and couldn't enjoy his I'll gotten gains.

Need more of an ending as well

A perfect BTB wetdream

Cheater in business, cheater in marriage

Even without the twist, with her salary and him laid off, he'd be taking HER to the cleaners!

This was one of the most convoluted plots. No owner of a company would go through this type of charade to hire someone and burn their own employee. Hell, for all he knew Tom really could have pulled a Glock on him. This was just dumb.

So…..what happened to the “erotic” part of Literotica? This damn sure isn’t.

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope

As many have said, the last few paragraphs are obviously rushed and make no sense.

It's as if you'd finished, then thought "oh, I know what I can add!" typed it and clicked publish without bothering to actually read what you just wrote.

Shame, it took away from the good slant on the 'honey we need to talk' premise

Good one Omega! I thought it was going to be just another wife wants to spend a weekend of sex with the boss story. You faked with the Glock, double pumped, and scored with the boss being a man of principle who set up and burned the cheating wife completely. Don't think I've seen a LW story with this particular plot before. Nice work.

Story doesn’t have flow. Jump here then jump there.