Headgames

Miriam stared at the document in disbelief. "Disclosure and Agreement," it said. It concisely explained that she was consenting to a form of sexual play which goes by many names but includes any or all of the following:

• obedience to orders from her Master or Mistress

• restraint with straps, belts, ropes, chains, handcuffs, etc.

• being gagged and/or blindfolded

• being touched in any part of her anatomy, by a man or a woman

• being penetrated by devices such as dildos and plugs

• humiliation, such as bowing, crawling, being caged, being leashed, and being ordered to do perform various sexual acts, with a man or a woman

• sexual penetration of any of her orifices, by her Master or Mistress

• being roughly handled, without injury

• physical discipline, including spanking with hand, paddle, belt, or whip, without injury other than temporary marks

The nature of this play does not permit asking her consent for each and every action. She acknowledges this and gives her full consent in advance to any and all of the above activities, or similar ones, chosen at the discretion of her Master and Mistress.

Her Master and Mistress are Jacob Strindberg and Kee Adams. For her own purposes and satisfaction, she has voluntarily placed herself in their power to create for her the experience she is seeking. They, in turn, agree that protection of her health and safety is their responsibility and their highest priority. She is under no inducement or promise from her Master or Mistress to cause her to engage in this play, except as stated in this document.

Her safe word is "tomato." If, while involved in play, she speaks this word, all activity will immediately cease and she will be free to leave. However, if she asks, pleads or even demands to be let go, or to stop an activity, her words will be understood as merely part of the play; they will not be understood as revoking her consent, and play will continue. Only the safe word "tomato" will signal a clear request to stop. She understands and accepts this. She is advised that there will be periods when a gag will prevent her from speaking at all; at such times she will be assumed not to wish to use her safe word. She agrees to this.

She has told her Master and Mistress that she does not suffer from any health condition, mental or physical, that she feels may be adversely affected by any of the play described above.

She is present, at 405 S. Camas Street, Seattle, Washington, 98003, at 10:00 a.m. on May 15, 20__, entirely of her own free will for the purposes of experiencing the play described. She releases Jacob Strindberg and Kee Adams from liability for any and all damages, physical or psychological, that may inadvertently result, proximately or remotely, from her voluntary participation in the play disclosed herein.

Miriam signed it, in a bit of a daze. The document was frightening in one way and ridiculous in another. She wasn't sure how she felt about people who wanted signed contracts before getting intimate. Were they more concerned about their liability than about, well, her?

Jacob was new for her. They had met only two weeks ago. They had flirted each other into a conversation about what he liked to do with women. Miriam kept asking him questions, and finally told him she had often thought she wanted that. Things had been discussed, but not in much detail. Jacob said that not knowing was part of the submissive experience. She had met Kee for the first time only just now.

Today was her initiation. She had reported to this sprawling old house on Capitol Hill at precisely 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday, dressed exactly as Jacob had told her: only white underwear; white ankle socks and plain black shoes; a navy blue A-line skirt that reached the knee; a modest belt; a long-sleeved white shirt without color or adornment of any kind; no jewelry or accessory of any kind, not even a bobby pin; no cosmetics; no scent. She was to not to bring a purse, a phone, or money, nothing but her car key and her driver's license.

After she signed, Jacob and Kee signed, and then Jacob took her key and license. He studied the license for a moment, then put them in a desk drawer. He and Kee stood side by side. Miriam was told to kneel and keep her eyes down. Jacob said that from now on she would address him only as Master and Kee only as Mistress. Unless she decided to use her safe word, she should not speak unless spoken to. His voice was deep and assured but not threatening.

Then he told her to bend over and kiss the tips of their shoes to signify her acceptance of them as her Master and Mistress. She bent and put her hands on the floor, but Master said, "No hands." She straightened up and involuntarily looked at them. They seemed to tower above her, authoritative faces looking down.

"Eyes down," Master said firmly. "Now do as you were told. Put your hands behind your back." Miriam found she could do it only if she spread her legs as wide as possible and even then she was afraid of lurching onto her face. She knew she looked ridiculous. She managed to touch each shoe with her lips. Well, she thought, here goes! I'm either gonna hate this or I'm gonna love it at lot!

Master indicated that she should go with Mistress. They went through the spacious living room and dining room, then into a large, bright, welcoming kitchen. At the back of the kitchen they headed down a steep flight of narrow, dark stairs. Miriam's stomach gave a lurch. This was a bit too much like entering a dungeon.

At the bottom there was a large well-lighted room. The floor was tile. There were various appliances scattered about. At first they might be taken for some kind of exercise equipment but, she realized, exercise equipment doesn't have straps. Mistress led her to the rear of this room, where they entered a small room, also brightly lit, with a wooden chair in the middle. The chair had straps on the arms and legs. Mistress closed the door, giving the chamber a claustrophobic feel.

Mistress told her not to move and then swiftly and deftly undressed her completely, and hung everything up. This gave Miriam a few moments to look around. Stuff hung on the walls--ropes, chains, handcuffs, hoods, masks, gags, belts, paddles, a vicious-looking whip, and still other things she didn't recognize. She began to feel quite nervous. These people were serious. Mistress then gestured to the chair, and Miriam sat, feeling misgivings. Should she just speak up now, use her safe word and get out of here? But she was uncertain and held back as Mistress buckled the straps over her wrists and her ankles.

A ball gag suddenly appeared before her face. Mistress pulled it back against her lips. She opened, the ball went in, straps were secured across both cheeks. Miriam had never been gagged before. There was a moment of panic and she realized she was cut off from her safe word. The gag was tight. Her jaws stretched uncomfortably. Her tongue wanted to move freely but couldn't. There was a rush of saliva in her mouth, but the ball made it impossible to swallow. She could only flex the back of her throat, which produced a sort of death rattle.

An elastic blindfold was pulled over her eyes. Everything was suddenly black. She was now more helpless than a newborn infant, who can at least cry and swallow and wave his arms and legs.

She heard the door open and close. She assumed Mistress had left. The room felt empty. After a few minutes she began to feel profoundly alone, in the basement of a house she'd never been in, totally in the power of people she barely knew, unable now to move or even cry out. What if they kept her this way for a very long time? What if they went shopping for the afternoon, and then out to dinner? Nobody else even knew where she was. The house could start on fire!

Terrible thoughts began to invade her mind. This had been a giant mistake. She'd come here to be sexually thrilled, but now she was starting to weep with fear. She would have sobbed but the gag only let her whimper. Her nose got stuffy and she sniffled repeatedly to breathe. Her jaws ached. She could feel saliva oozing out of the corners of her mouth. These people would terrorize her and then slowly kill her. Her bladder felt suddenly loose and she had to concentrate for a moment on not peeing. God, what if she did pee all over herself? My God, she didn't come here for that!

And she had done this to herself! Why, why? Right now she would give decades off her life to be anywhere else but here.

She kept telling herself it was nonsense, people who owned a house on Capitol Hill were affluent, other people knew who they were, they wouldn't be criminals. She tried controlling her breathing, concentrating on each breath. It helped a little but then the fear would well up again. It went on and on. It began to feel like she had always been here, wanting to be out of this chair, out of this room, safely with other people. Eventually, she was exhausted and went numb. She had stopped crying. Even her jaw didn't hurt anymore. She couldn't think. Oddly, she began to feel sleepy. What could she do, anyway? Nothing. Nothing at all. The drowsiness was overpowering. Miriam dozed off.

She snapped awake, confused. The door had opened. She tried to move her arms but they were paralyzed. For a moment she couldn't remember where she was. She felt she had been asleep for a long time, hours. She tried to talk around the gag and produced only gargling noises.

Now someone was loosening the straps. Her arms and legs were freed. The gag was gently removed, saliva dripping on her lips and chin. She didn't care, she was just so glad for it to be out. She had some difficulty closing her mouth. Then the person behind her slipped the blindfold off, and she was blinking in the bright light. She swung her head around to see who was with her. It was Master.

He first handed her a neatly folded handkerchief to wipe her mouth. Then he took her hand and asked her to stand up. "Easy," he said, "till you get your balance." His voice was level but not unfriendly. He held onto her arm while she took a few steps. It felt strangely natural to be naked in front of him. Not in the least erotic, just natural.

"How long was I there?" she asked. She had forgotten the rule. But Master only said, "An hour." Miriam was staggered. She would have guessed three or four, at least.

Master handed her each item of her clothing and waited while she put them all on. When she was dressed, he led her through the big room to a side door that was a bathroom. He told her to use it as needed, then come up to the kitchen. She had to pee rather badly. There was a washcloth and a hair brush. She freshened her face and brushed her hair. She looked a pale and her eyes were slightly puffy.

What was all this laxity about? Wasn't she supposed to be humiliated, paddled, used sexually?

She climbed the stairs to the kitchen. Mistress was making tea. Master had Miriam slide onto a window bench in a cozy breakfast nook. Two chairs faced her across the table. Master sat down in one and looked at his phone. Miriam sat there just immensely grateful to be back in the familiar world. A few minutes later, Mistress brought over a tray with a teapot and three cups. She smiled at Miriam, then poured the tea, handing one cup to her. Miriam was bemused by this suddenly egalitarian ambience.

"Well," said Master after a moment, "how was it?"

Miriam was momentarily confused. "Is that it, then?" she asked.

Master smiled. "There's a lot more than that in our repertoire. But you're a beginner. So let's go back to my question: how was it?"

Mariam took a deep breath and said, uncertainly, "I was scared."

"Can you tell me more?" Master asked.

"First I felt totally alone, totally cut off from the world, maybe even totally forgotten by both of you. Then I began to imagine... well, I'm sorry, I imagined that you would do terrible things to me. Even kill me. Those thoughts frightened me for a long time. Then, I don't know why, I got sleepy."

Master and Mistress glanced at each other. Then Master said, "That's a common reaction."

Miriam had of course known that Master had played with other women, many others. But suddenly she was hurt. She had felt, since she entered this house, that she was the focus of their attention. Now she was being lumped with other, unknown, women.

"Is everybody afraid?" she asked.

"No," said Master. "About half are. The other half say they were bored."

"Is it wrong to be afraid?"

"Nothing you feel is 'wrong'," he said, slightly emphatically. "Your feelings are always real, always right. You can't be wrong here, only me, and Kee. We're the ones in charge, so we're responsible. You're not. You're free to let go and feel whatever comes to you."

Miriam's face flushed. He had just stated, concisely, exactly what she sought in submission. But she had never been able to put it into words that way.

"Miriam," said Mistress, "what you experienced was total loss of control, total helplessness, maybe for the first time since you were a baby--and then you didn't know it. Submission is made up of moments like that, except, when you're more experienced and try different things, they are also a lot more exciting and satisfying. We wouldn't go far on your first day, without knowing more about you. We wanted you to know what it feels like to turn complete control over your body to someone else. We also wanted to know what your reaction was."

"That you were scared is important information," said Master. "It tells us that your imagination is, for you, a powerful stimulant. If you want to continue with us, you could expect us to use of your imagination for our purposes. Not that we'd ever just want to make you feel afraid. Fear, for you, is merely a key to unlocking some of the many emotions you may feel during submission."

"Will you do more today?"

"No," said Master. "We'll talk and then you should go do something relaxing and think about it."

Miriam wasn't sure how she felt about that. Yes, she had been terrified and had craved release. But having made it through that, she wondered what else could she make it through. There was a bit of a thrill to the idea. And now she knew Master and Mistress and was sure that they really would protect her from harm.

There was a short silence. Mistress asked if she would like more tea. Miriam felt so relaxed talking to these people, so interested, that she said yes.

"I, um, well... now it's much easier for me to trust you."

"Indeed," said Master. "Trust is where submissives go in their minds. Sometimes it's called 'sub-space.'"

"It's being able to let yourself go into boundless trust, no matter what is asked of you," said Mistress. "To feel that nothing except the trust is yours. Everything else, even your fear, even your orgasms, belongs to your master. That, at any rate, is what I as a sub aim for."

"You're... a submissive?" Miriam asked in slight shock.

Mistress laughed. "Oh, yeah. I swing both ways. I came to Jacob as a submissive. After we'd been together a while, he told me he believed that, down deep, I had an interest in exploring domination. I hesitated, but I came to feel he was right. I became his apprentice and assistant. Now I enjoy playing mistress. I love helping other women learn to let go and enjoy it." She gestured at Master. "He's more the bad cop. I'm the good one."

Miriam loved her for that. She wanted so much to feel Mistress sympathizing with her, encouraging her, helping her turn it all over to them. She almost choked up. There was another silence, which didn't seem to bother Master or Mistress.

Finally, Miriam asked, "What comes next?"

Master and Mistress both smiled. "It sounds like you want to go on," said Master.

"Yes," said Miriam firmly. "You've explained it so well, both of you, that I trust you to take me wherever you think I should go."

"Not today," said Master. "I meant what I said about thinking it over. Get a little distance from it."

"But how will I know when I can come back?"

"Not for two weeks," said Master, ignoring Miriam's frown of disappointment. "If, after that time, you decide you want to come back, then text me one word: "ready." That's all, just "ready." I'll give you a day we're available, and we'll go from there."

Master stood up, so the talk was over. Mistress gave Miriam a hug that Miriam wanted to go on and on. Master took her out to the living room, returned her license and key, and walked her to the door. Then he put a hand on her shoulder and said kindly, "Miriam, whatever your decision, I know you're the kind of person who'll do well. Just take it slow, use good judgment, and look out for yourself."

His words were like a father's. They made tears start in Miriam's eyes. He opened the door, and she walked out into what felt like a fresh new world.