Hearts Ablaze

The small tables, which had been hastily jammed together to accommodate all twenty-five of them on one elongated table, were wobbly beneath them as they ate. So, Ella steadied the base of the table with her foot, her leg reaching out somewhat too close to Valerie. And as her foot held the table steady, all Ella wanted was Valerie to place a hand on her thigh. It was as if between Ella and Valerie, there was a huge pressurised bubble, ready to burst, if only Valerie would lay a hand on her. But then Ella worried it was all just her, that it was all in her head.

That night, Ella writhed underneath her own furiously moving fingers for the umpteenth time, as she worked another ferocious orgasm out of herself. She visualised Valerie, her hands not her own, but her boss's. Insatiable, she rode out climax after climax, wishing that she had laid a hand on Valerie at the Christmas lunch earlier that day, or that Valerie had done something. Behind her eyes which she'd shut, snagged in a state of frustrated, sweet pleasure, she imagined that it was Valerie who had her fingers jammed tightly inside of her, instead of her own.

Her body felt as if it would nearly split in two as Ella endured the last climax her thrashing body could handle for the night. As her mind and eyesight went black, Valerie's eyes filled her vision instead, involuntarily overriding everything else. The climax shattered her conscience and sapped the last of her energy. Passing out, her existence totally spent, Ella dreamt of those eyes, and the slim, pale fingers she yearned for.

Time flew by after the Christmas lunch. With only two days left before the Christmas break Ella wondered what the future held. She knew that Christmas would be a quiet and peaceful day. She would have lunch with her father and family friends but her night looked like a simple solo dinner. Being out of the closet for years now didn't necessarily mean she'd found anyone special for a relationship, and the truth was that she hadn't. Even when she had been seeing men, they were simply dating, and with both men and women she had never had a long-term relationship. In short, Ella just made do with herself and enjoyed her own company.

Nevertheless, Ella wanted so desperately to do something about her growing feelings for Valerie. How could she do anything without getting herself into what could potentially be serious trouble? Dating within the department wasn't frowned upon, by Valerie was her senior manager, and most likely nothing other than straight to the core.

Not only that, but there were years between them and they had different lives completely. One seemed to have so much joy in a big family of her own, the other had only herself and a couple of other family members, not even any siblings. Ella was an only child and had always hoped for a bigger family unit, but that seemed like a dream reachable for others, and not her.

On the night before the last working day prior to Christmas, Ella sat at her desk at home. She thought hard about what she was about to do, the blank parchment paper lying bare and free before her. Hers for the taking, if only she had the courage. Taking a deep breath, Ella knew that if she had gone so far as to accept this idea, then she had better follow through. After all, she could always write this letter, and never let it exchange hands.

The choice was hers. And the smooth gliding movements her right wrist made with the Parker pen gifted to her just days before, sank cursive words into the paper. The minutes passed by, and as the ink dried on the parchment, Ella read over the letter to Valerie with a cautious eye, watchful for spelling or grammar errors. This would have to do, Ella thought, sighing as she folded up the parchment, placing it in an envelope.

***

The next morning, the very last day before Christmas, Ella placed the letter and a box of chocolates discreetly in Valerie's office. She was determined that no one would know about this, not before Valerie did, anyway. Ella didn't want to be appearing to brown-nose or suck up to management, especially when she didn't want anything in return. This is just a kind Christmas gesture, she told herself. Ella switched on the Christmas lights inside Valerie's office as a giveaway that someone had been inside her office. She then went about her business, dealing with emails and urgent filing.

When Valerie arrived at her usual time, she headed straight into her office as always, after saying a quick good morning to staff on the way in. Ella heard no sound from Valerie's office until Valerie had emerged into the hallway and called Ella's name. Ella turned and looked as Valerie gestured for her to follow her into her office, which Ella promptly did.

"Thank you so much!" Valerie said, before attempting to hold back tears and failing terribly. "You didn't have to do this." She must have speed-read the small note Ella had written the night before. In the letter, Ella had written how much everyone at work appreciated Valerie's hard work, and how she had made the workplace even better over the past year. She had taken the time to let her know that Valerie had brought a little light into each day, and that it hadn't gone unnoticed. Then she had bid Valerie a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

"Well you deserve it you know. And I only really thought to do this last night." Ella said, as Valerie raided the box of tissues on her desk and wiped tears from her face. Ella realised that this was the first time she had seen Valerie cry. She was seeing the vulnerable side of Valerie that she knew was there all along. The Valerie hidden beneath the armour she wore, after acquiring it through all the battles of life during the years of life that had passed her by. Ella stood before Valerie on the other side of her desk, and stepped forward to open her arms.

"Bring it in." Ella heard herself say, as Valerie moved towards her for a hug. Their embrace was solid, and though it lasted for only a few seconds, Ella wrapped her arms around Valerie and held her tight. And when Ella pulled away, she couldn't quite meet Valerie's eyes for a moment. But still she lingered with the beautiful woman, resisting the urge to make some excuse to flee back to her desk, even though her nerves were sparking energy through her body like a high voltage shock. Perhaps it was a small dose of adrenaline, Ella supposed. In the back of her mind, she wondered what Valerie was thinking at that moment, but really it didn't matter.

"Well you've put up with so much. And you helped to get rid of staff who were creating an unhealthy work environment. Plus, you've had people make things very difficult for you this year..." Ella was referring to staff members who had worked tirelessly behind Valerie's back to try to undermine her and destroy her reputation. But in the end their jealous efforts were fruitless and they were transferred to other workplaces where they would thrive instead.

Their workplace now was a perfect balance of productivity and happiness, the kind that distracted everyone from any problems they might have outside of their lives. It was a haven away from life's distractions for most, and it had provided itself as a sanctuary for Ella, somewhere where she could fully embrace the version of herself that she'd always wanted to be. The only thing that had ensnared her at this point of time was the undeniable magnetic pull towards Valerie. And Ella was afraid of harming their perfect working relationship by saying or doing something foolish, something that could never be undone or forgotten.

Ella's heart rate seemed to calm a little as they spoke, but Ella was worried for some silly reason that her pounding heart had given something away. Would Valerie have felt that, noticed that? All that she could do now was act as normal as possible in the given moment, which was hard, seeing her boss overcome with tears, albeit tears of joy. Ella herself felt the burn of her own eyes threatening to spill tears, but she managed to hold it together for the sake of allowing Valerie to regain her composure. She had cried in front of Valerie before, in her office, with stress of work. Perhaps even a couple of times because of the stress of personal issues, but this was a whole new level of vulnerability. It seemed as if they had crossed a line, breached a threshold of honesty, with a whole open and sweeping landscape of possibility before them.

Throughout the rest of that day, Ella seemed to bask in a warm glow, and she wondered if the spring in her step was visible. She couldn't help herself, she felt so glad and so thankful that she had indeed written the letter, and followed through with giving it to Valerie. And the note itself remained, she hoped, between Valerie and herself, even though no real lines had been crossed and there was nothing inappropriate written. But Ella knew that with Valerie's sharp mind and ability to read between the lines, she may well have given herself away. But she was almost glad she had, relieved even, to at least let Valerie know that she cared and appreciated her on some deeper level.

Christmas day came and went, with Ella enjoying the lunch with her father and family friends. The lunch stretched from the late morning all the way through to six o'clock, and she left shortly before her friends would commence their Christmas dinner. After bidding her friends and father farewell after the exhilarating day, she headed home to wind down for the day. A different times in the day, Ella's thoughts wandered to Valerie, and she wondered how Valerie's Christmas had been.

Did Valerie really spend it without someone special? Ella was torn. Her mind tossing her between wishing that Valerie was in a relationship so that she could let it all go and stop thinking of Valerie in this way, and wishing that she were the one to be with her. In the end, Ella distracted herself by watching a Christmas movie on her own, before falling asleep shortly after the end credits rolled.

Ella enjoyed the long weekend and returned to work feeling invigorated. But she knew that after the Christmas and New Year break, she would be slammed with a high workload as other people also returned to their work. So, when she arrived back at work for the first time after Christmas, she found herself enjoying the relative quiet. Few staff members were in at that time, with only six people floating around the office carrying on their work, without the universal hustle and bustle that reigned over the place most of the time.

Valerie and her talked every so often, maybe more or about the same as before, but whenever Ella left Valerie's office, she found that her heart didn't sink like it used to. The feeling of warmth appeared to remain through the whole day and lingered even outside of work. It was as if there was a change that had settled over the two of them also, though it was invisible to all others. That seemed to be the magic about it, it was hidden, but in plain sight for the two of them, and that's all that Ella needed.

During the afternoon of the first day back at work, as the day was drawing to a close, Valerie and Ella ended up in conversation after Ella brought a required file into Valerie's office.

"I can't believe Christmas flew by so quickly." Valerie sighed, sitting back in her seat to relax for a moment, arms stretched behind her head. Valerie watched Ella sit in the seat opposite her desk, regarding the young woman inquisitively.

"Yes, it went so fast, only another twelve months to go, at least, which is good, I suppose." Ella smiled thinly, nodding her agreement.

"What are you doing for New Year's Eve?" Valerie's question was a simple one, but in the back of Ella's mind, a little voice told her that she wished she would be spending it with Valerie, somehow.

"Oh, I might go to a friend's place for the New Year. But I really just want a quiet one this year, I think, so I might not go. Depends on how I feel on the day, I guess." Ella really didn't want to go and hang out with people who would be drinking, or with people who she couldn't really relate to on any real, deep level.

She had always tried to keep up the friendship with Kate, but these days they were just too different: Kate was engaged and living with her fiancé Marcus. They'd even asked her to be a part of a threesome with them just over a year ago, knowing she were gay and single. That had really killed Ella's interest in maintaining the friendship any further with them. Though it hadn't been the first time she had been propositioned by a so-called 'friend', it still hurt Ella just a little bit. She was tired of being a potential sex toy for other people, and wished they would just make their own fun and leave her out of it if they were already in a relationship.

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you'd like to spend New Year's with me, that is, if you're not doing anything else. But of course, I totally understand if you'll be doing something else that night." Valerie leaned forward over her desk, hands clasped thoughtfully as she observed Ella carefully, as if she was assessing her reaction to the suggestion.

Ella felt her temperature spike rapidly, and hoped her face didn't show too much, beyond a smile. The last thing she wanted was to do was to openly blush at this suggestion, before Valerie herself. But Valerie was suggesting that they meet a night-time, and that could lead to all kinds of connotations. Panicking, Ella worried she had misheard the question entirely, and wasn't sure what to say, she was totally out of her depth.

"Oh, really? I mean, I'm not sure." Ella managed to respond, fighting the urge to clutch nervously at her hands.

"Well," Valerie smiled, reassuringly. "It's just that all my kids are off with their own families for the evening, and I wouldn't mind some company-we do get along so well, after all. To be honest I really hate the idea of spending the start of a fresh year on my own."

Ella hesitated, unsure of what this even meant. Was it unprofessional to spend time with Valerie outside of work? She knew there was no ruling against her department's workers spending time with each other for whatever reason. But she was afraid that someone might find out, and New Year's was no small event; it wasn't like a work dinner or a social event held with fellow colleagues, but this would be a one on one venture. Would people assume that she and Valerie were forming some kind of friendship? And with Ella being out of the closet at work, that would most likely complicate things even further, she was afraid that Valerie would suffer false accusations from fellow staff.

"Well, mean I wouldn't want to intrude on your personal life, that's all," Ella said. She waved a hand frivolously in the air, laughing nervously, incapable to hide her discomfort. Her gut feeling was telling her to say no, but she didn't dare say it directly, for fear of being impolite.

"That's not at all a problem, I would like to spend a little time with you, and now might be a good time." Valerie chucked, her eyes softening. She seemed to be taking a gentle approach, and Ella realised she was actually attempting to persuade her to go ahead with this.

"Well, okay, that sounds good, but I'll have to confirm it in the next couple of-" Ella looked away as she spoke, thinking about what Valerie was proposing, before stopping abruptly as she came to a sudden conclusion. As she gazed thoughtfully at the stunning, yet ever so sincere woman before her, Ella changed her tune.

"You know, actually, I would like to spend New Year's Eve with you, that would be nice. Thank you for inviting me." Ella smiled graciously, vaguely aware of her heart now thumping out of control.

Had she really just accepted after all? She couldn't believe it. Ella knew that although it was her first instinct to pull away, to do her best to shield herself from the temptation of Valerie, a stronger urge had now been unleashed. The desire to fight the fear and to do it anyway. After all, this was Valerie's idea, and her request.

"Good, I'll message you my address. Let's say we meet at six o'clock that night, would that work for you?" Valerie beamed up at her as Ella stood, ready to head back to her desk.

"Yes, that's fine. Yeah, that's good actually. I-I better get back to it." Ella waved in the general direction of her workspace and smiled as she left the room, leaving a bemused Valerie who seemed very pleased.

For the rest of the day Ella attempted to bury the sense of awkwardness she had accidentally revealed to Valerie. But she knew deep down that she had recovered well, despite not knowing if she'd made the right decision, she was excited but nervous. Was she running the risk of landing herself in trouble, or could she manage to control herself and just act it out as if it were nothing at all? Those were the questions she asked herself as time rushed by.

***

By the time it was the day of New Year's Eve, the last day of work before a brand-new year commenced, Ella had a plan mapped out in her mind. She had complete faith in herself and knew that this was merely branching into an out of work friendship, or was just a once off occurrence. Either way, Ella told herself that really, it hardly mattered and it was merely a friendly invitation.

During the remaining work days before the New Year, nothing changed between Valerie and Ella, and Ella told no one about their specific plans for the evening. She just didn't feel like it, and she didn't want anyone at work to know she would be spending time with a member of management outside of work. When co-workers asked what her plans were for the special night, Ella replied that she'd be hanging out with a friend. When her father had called and asked what she would be doing for New Year's Eve, Ella replied that she would be spending time with a friend.

When the day arrived, she messaged Kate to let her know that she had made other plans and she wouldn't be there for the evening. She felt a little bad, but in the end, she decided it was for the best, as she had made her choice. Valerie had given Ella her address, she lived in another rural area roughly an hour away from work also. Ella had decided it would be easier to drive there so she could leave Valerie's place with ease, and without relying on a taxi.

As the day came to an end, Valerie left work at four, in order to get home and prepare dinner. The irony was that as she fare-welled everyone in the office, including Ella, they both shared the knowledge in the silent smiles between them, that they would be seeing each other later that night. Ella experienced a mild heart palpitation when she thought about it, but with each passing minute, the excitement grew. It continued to grow even as with a mildly shaky hand, Ella turned the key in the ignition, starting her sporty hatchback. Driving away from work, leaving the building behind with a sense of relief, Ella felt the nerves tingling in every fibre of her being. It was Ella's sense of trepidation and lust boiling to the surface, a sickly-sweet combination that had simmered and finally reached its peak.

Just under an hour later, Ella found herself pulling into the driveway of an unfamiliar house. It was a two-story, set on a somewhat steep, large hill, with several spacious bay windows. The sun had set by now, and from what she could see of the yard, Ella noticed the thick grass spanning out across the front yard below the exterior of the house. In the centre of the yard was a large oak tree, its weathered yet strong branches reaching towards the sky, as if it were reaching for the moon itself. The yard was bordered by a thick hedge and a vast array of rose bushes, which would look splendid in the warmer months, Ella knew.

As Ella traversed the driveway, she found a space to park at the end of the drive beside the black sedan, which she knew was Valerie's. As she walked into the yard, approaching the front door, the automatic lights adjoining the front of the house lit up one by one, sensing her movement. At the front door she hesitated, breathing in, then exhaling to calm her nerves. Then she glanced at her wristwatch, which showed that she was two minutes early.