Heel and Toe

Her tears were running freely now. "I didn't mean to be surly to you, I didn't mean to push you away. But I knew you wouldn't be happy with me. I knew I had something to hide. I hated hiding things from you. I kept trying to deescalate my own behavior, yet each week I got in deeper. Suddenly I had a number of things of things I kept from you and painted myself in a corner. Things kept getting worse, farther and farther out of hand. I'd made it so I couldn't go to you for help, which is where I always turn. I didn't know what to do!"

It came out much softer than I intended, that however, gave some sort of boost to the gravity of what I was saying. "Well Devon, it appears what you couldn't do was be my wife or friend, nor defend your marriage."

She was shocked at my portrayal, and the depth of trouble I thought we were in.

"You either didn't tell me because you don't want me anyway, or you feel guilty. Either way I have a lousy wife and friend, which is the reason my marriage is failing. Did it ever occur to you the answer was not to do lousy things in the first place?"

Marta started to insert herself again.

I put an end to her intervention before it began, "No, no don't. We're coming to you."

She started in again.

"Just shut up, Suzy homewrecker."

She tried again to object.

"Listen Marta, you materially changed my life to where my marriage is so shot, I'm deciding right now, listen to the words, RIGHT NOW whether to keep it."

Both women's mouths fell open further.

"And understand... "Mom" I can escalate too. If you succeed in wrecking my life, you should be very worried what I will do to yours. Especially as I won't have anything better to do if I've lost my wife, than plot against the person who took her from me."

I heard my wife yell earnestly, "Honey I love you!" It sounded genuine. "I'm in trouble and can't figure out what to do. I want to be married to you! There's no debate on that. Things are even worse than I thought. It's out of control. Apparently, I'm out of control. I-I know we aren't having... relations... as much. I tried to make it hot when we did. And I swear to you it is not because I'm having relations with anyone else. You're right though, I have tremendous guilt and it's growing. I was trying to put you off until I could figure a way out. Instead, the situation - and my behavior - kept getting worse."

"Dev, you say I wasn't cut off because you were giving the love due me to someone else. You say you weren't screwing him. Well, you hugged him, you kissed him, you made out with him. It looks like you got off on his fingers. You didn't do any of those things with me."

Dev was alternating between blushing beat red and going pale white, she conjured images of an old-fashioned barber shop pole.

"Reggie, you're right. I knew we weren't talking, I was scared to death," she waved her hand over the pictures on the table, "I was scared what's in these pictures would somehow come up and I haven't known what to tell you. I'm completely sorry! I didn't realize how little we were together, or how badly it was affecting you. I want what we had, I-I just..."

"The guilt stopped you."

"Yes." Devon said before she thought.

"The guilt of knowing I'd be better off single and dating?"

"No!"

"Oh, the guilt that you are married and dating?"

She felt like she'd been slapped.

"Are the two of you having sex yet?"

"What? No." It was not an indignant denial, rather she was desperate for me to believe.

"Oral then?"

Now feeling caught she blurted out, "No."

"Have you had or given an orgasm?"

"No. And the picture does not show me having one."

"Made out?"

Tears flowed, "God help me, yes."

She now looked at me trying to show me she wasn't going to withhold information from me, "Twice now. I-I stop him when I get close. He-He, oh fuck, he's had his hands all over me! God help me, please help me. He's, he's tried to make me cum. H-He just couldn't, i-it wasn't like he wasn't trying. I made it sound that way a minute ago, h-he's had his hands all over me. B-Baby I-I let him put his hands all over me. I'm so sorry! I-I really am truly sorry." Devon put her face in her hands and came apart.

Devon's mother looked shocked and sick.

I didn't like the act, "Oh, come on Mom. What did you think she was doing on those trips to the parking lot?" Marta looked blank, like she did when her husband died, like she just didn't know what to do. "What are you trying to tell me, that you didn't know Dev was going to his car? Are you a homewrecker and a lousy wingman? Shit, what are you good for? Oh yeah, those condoms in your purse, you can lend those to my wife."

"They were for me." She said it almost flatline. Her face was still pallid, though her eyes began to take on some emotion; mostly sadness. "I feared there would be a price to be paid."

"Yup. You go cruising for sex and you pull my wife out to be your wingman. You deliberately put yourselves in romantic sexual situations that need hiding from your daughter's husband. Both the behavior and the hiding negate my marriage. The resulting guilt from my wife getting her emotional rocks off and denying me, now sexually too, and soon completely, has already wiped her out as a friend and even as a decent companion. Yep, it looks like I can pretty much toss this marriage in the garbage right now."

Now both their eyes alit with the over stimulated brilliance of a shopping mall Christmas tree.

"No, Reg, no! I don't want him."

"Is there only one?"

You would think she couldn't be any more stunned, "Yes. Only the one." Devon looked down unable to look me in the face. She knew her answer was also an admission that there was a problem, merely that it centered on one man.

"Devon, do you know how disgusting it is for a husband to ask his wife if she has only one lover? And also to know that your partner in crime has Trojans in her purse and a wedding ring on her finger."

"I'm widowed not divorced," Marta answered still quiet.

"But you encourage getting hit on, so the guys already know you don't respect the ring."

My wife looked shocked at her mom. How the hell had Devon not figured that out before?

"They just see the ring, Marta; all they know is you don't give a rat's fanny about it as far as maintaining the vows it represents. They don't know your hubby isn't suffering at home instead of spinning in his grave."

That got her.

I added, "And he is. James would not begrudge you a guy or two now if they treated you right. He's dead, he gets it, but to sacrifice your daughter for some cock of your own - is disturbingly ugly."

Once again, the line slapped her in her nasty plans, but this time she wanted to counter punch. She was smart enough to not attempt it.

"Marta, if you're training guys to ignore your ring, do you really think they'll still respect your daughters?!"

My wife looked shocked at her mother again.

"Marta, you tell the men you're a mom and daughter team to tantalize them, don't you?"

Marta looked down.

"Mom!!" Devon was aghast. It was good she didn't know. Though I didn't understand how she could be so clueless.

"And you know for a fact the guys are going to take the younger woman before they turn to you. So, you didn't want them to respect her ring. You used your daughter as bait!"

She looked away now, her face darkening.

My wife fell back in her chair undone as she finally understood what had been going on.

"You whored out your daughter in order for you to get a man. To hell with her marriage, and her, as long as you got what you wanted."

Devon was very upset now. I thought there might be some hope.

"Mom?" It was a plea. There were a thousand questions her daughter asked in that singular word.

I continued to press, "Marta, you knew Devon was in the parking lot. I bet you even helped the guy get her there."

"He was a nice guy."

I was glad that defense came from my mother-in-law and not my wife, who looked distressed in the extreme.

"A nice guy whose one tiny little character flaw is he fucks married women! He's slime."

''Mom??!" Devon yelled searching for anything, confirmation or denial.

"Okay. Okay Reggie. He is a nice guy. He's not serious. Devon might have a case of inertia going on, but she doesn't want him. Reggie, he has no chance of keeping her. You're right, if he took Devon off the shelf, then I'm next. As soon as it was my turn it would be no time at all before Devon was back on the shelf where she belongs. He's no threat to you!"

"My marriage is shot, but you're right; not from him - from you. He didn't need to keep Devon to deny her to me forever. The short-term rental accomplishes the same goal of my losing her, without his having to make an on-going commitment. If he wasn't serious, he was already becoming serial, and that's already way too far."

I was incredulous at Marta, so was my wife, another good sign. That she was very upset was good, that she was guilty as hell was not.

Perplexed I had to ask, there was no hostility now, no accusation. I was dealing from a losing hand now. My question was genuine, "What was your end plan?"

Marta looked up at me with e hopeless look of a person who can't swim as the waves finally crash across the deck of the sinking ship, "I'm not done with life, Reg. I don't want to give up. Half of me wants to be in the ground with my husband. Half wants to go on, in spite of not having what it needs. The half of my life without James still wants to live. I hoped I wouldn't have to take Devon out often. If I moved fast and "monopolized" my daughters time and energy, I hoped I could move us to the next phase quickly."

My wife gasped, "Next phase? What's that?"

I can't blame her apprehension; in effect she had been prostituted by her mother and her marriage was one short step away from over. And her mother had just admitted there was more to her plan.

"Reg, I hoped to get her back to your marriage more quickly than it's gone. I admit having had to take her from you more than I ever thought. I never planned on long term harm. I knew I might dent your marriage; except I never thought the damage would be severe. I never expected a total. You want wrecked? Try living when your spouse is dead!"

"Oh Mom," There was sympathy and censure in Devon's tone.

Marta broke a little, she wasn't defiant, she was trying to put thing aright. "Reggie, I'm sorry! I know this situation is bad, but it IS only a dent. Please forgive her, I did manipulate her. I never wanted to take her away from you! I had to use a crowbar just to get time with her. I hated taking her away from you; Devon still wanted her alone time with you. I couldn't help it that the same time in the evening I needed a wingman as you put it, was the same time you two would normally be together. She is so into you, I never conceived of actual damage to your union. I also admit, I focused on her, I didn't think about damage to you. The whole process was supposed to be faster; you were barely supposed to notice her absence. It was her devotion to you that actually made it take longer, which is how you took notice of her more frequent absences. I thought if I could get a beau myself, we could double date. The four of us: my guy and me and you and Devon."

"Unless she was seeing the other guy instead of me that week. Because regardless of your plans, that was what was happening: you WERE double dating, just not with me, you were out with your daughter and her boyfriend. The only problem is she's married to me, perhaps a temporary technicality, but one that's important to me."

Eyeing her distraught daughter, Marta didn't try to hide her own desperation, "Reg listen, you have every right to be mad, but listen please. The next phase erased... the other guy. These initial dates setting me up, would not be serious on my daughter's part, I only needed enough time for me to develop a male friend of my own. Then, and this was end game, I could take my beau and the two couples could double date. We would be having fun together, not you two keeping a watch over me, which is what had become the case. We could all hang out and it would be more acceptable for me to be around. Since James ... died, when I'm around it puts damper on everything. I know you two are amorous and having me around was a wet blanket and a fifth wheel messing up your lives."

Marta looked at me pleading for my understanding. I was focused on what happened, not what the initial harebrained scheme was. Her face dropped as she realized I was not moved.

"Marta, I get that you wanted to double date. I truly didn't catch who comprised the couples. Who exactly is my wife's preferred date? Who is she supposed to go out with most of the time? Him or me?" She floored me with her response.

"I would have preferred you, but either or both. Maybe an occasional romp with him would be her reward for causing the dent in your marriage."

The thing that saved my mother-in-law was the way she spat out the words in contempt as she said them. For as much as I had uncovered, I was now certain there was more to it. I was at a loss as to where to look because I wasn't sure what I was looking for.

Marta kept explaining, "I only thought of her Reggie. I'm sorry. I truly didn't think of you getting hurt; you're like James: indestructible. I guess an extra guy fawning over your wife wouldn't be much reward for you, huh? I-It would be an anti-reward wouldn't it? Even if they never consummated. Damn, I don't know. I didn't plan on your noticing the dent. I knew my daughter would be all too aware of it once she saw it. S-So I wanted something to make up for it. Our double dates, the ones with you that is, I would make sure we all had fun. A-And the ones w-with him, dammit, he wasn't supposed to get anywhere with her! He was just supposed to try. Just compliment and cajole, the only thing I wanted him to caress was her ego. Yes, I can see it has caused a bunch of dents now."

All I could do was listen ad hope for a nugget giving me some direction.

Marta looked a little sick now herself.

"Reg, when Davon and I went out, I didn't want her dating several guys, just one to show that we are willing."

That last word hung in the air like a lead zeppelin. My wife expelled a small gasp surreptitiously cutting her eyes over to see my reaction. She cringed seeing I was already watching for her reaction. Thank God it was clear my wife didn't realize she was supposed to be "willing".

Marta noticed it too, "I'm saying it poorly. Reggie, I had to procure a man for me on a consistent basis. I didn't want a series of flings. I wanted a beau that I could bring to your house. I had to forge a relationship, initially that meant your wife had to be around my guy's buddy too. It only needed to be until my relationship with my guy solidified. By "willing" I mean we wanted to have fun, have a few drinks, dance, be good company, and that the guys didn't have to wine and dine us. That's all, that's sounds like a great time to me. I guess those guys wanted something more." She looked down. "After I set the hook, hopefully we could stop the club scene. Then she and you, and me and mine, start doing things... together."

"Reggie, I was only counting on Devon to lure my guy's buddy away to give me time to cultivate my relationship. I see all too clearly now my guy was there to stall me from interfering in his friend's seduction of Devon. That's about as bass-ackwards as I can imagine."

My lips formed a disapproving pucker, "Your dent is my totaled. I guess I was never supposed to enquire where you met "your guy" or discover my wife was with you during your relationship building outings. The massive problem is you wanted my wife to have "her guy" too, so you could get one. From what I see, you don't have one and my wife has a very serious beau. Devon has seen him several times now: that's dating. They've exchanged messages planning to meet. I've read a good number of them.

I swear both women groaned, and Marta seemed to be the more surprised.

I continued slowly, "She dresses to impress him. Even worse, Devon undresses to impress him, at least partially. Further she gives him the milk, while I have to get water for myself, and I'm still stuck all alone paying for goddam cow! Regardless of your plans and endgame Marta, in the interim you've made my wife into a cheating slut. A married woman dating and having sex is an affair. Marta, what if Devon liked him enough to want to keep him after you had your guy?"

"That's why I steered her towards that milquetoast. He couldn't compete with you."

I was incredulous, "He's already stolen her!"

They both looked slapped.

"I've already lost my wife and best friend," now I was just plain depressed. "He's been with her having fun more than I have, he's made out with her a lot more than I have. She hasn't made herself up for me, she hasn't flirted with me, she hasn't made herself attractive to me. Dammit, Devon hasn't wanted me!"

Both women shook their heads in giant arcs to dissuade me, it was a great example of cellular memory being passed generationally.

"Let's follow the progression: talking to men, drinking with them, not telling me, clubbing, talking to more guys, flirting, dancing, culling the herd to prospective dates, then auditioning them in the parking lot, exhibitionism, making out, mutual masturbation, oral sex, sex, who knows what follows from there. Pregnancy? You sure seemed to think through most of the list don't tell me you didn't see how it would play out.

"Marta, what exactly, were your conversations about matters if they went to the extreme? "Don't tell hubs, it might not be your boyfriend's baby. Who knows, maybe it belongs to the dumb, cuck? You did have sex with your husband once this month, for plausible deniability, right?"

Marta's eyes were wide with horror. Devon had both her hands clamped over her mouth.

"In that case, does my wife get an abortion to hide her affair even though the baby might be mine? Or does she shrug off the possibility of deliberately making me a full-fledged cuckold? Those aren't dents. That's not just a total, that's parking the car on the train tracks on purpose!" I was on a roll.

"You seem to want to exonerate as long as there isn't a break in the chain. Dousing the behavior that did happen with enough water to make it no threat, is also enough to wash away our marriage. I'm there already! You had to make it work for me too; and didn't. You couldn't with your plan. You didn't want to break the chain of progression, just limit that progression. I doubt that can be done. It seems it went farther on my wife's behalf than you knew. For me the mere existence of a link of another chain breaks our own. I'm never going to like any break in our chain at any level, no matter for how long. It breaks our chain to forge a new chain at all!"

Devon sobbed, "No, no I don't want that. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want Daddy to die. I didn't want Mom so terribly sick with grief and loneliness. I didn't want what happened with... me. Tell me what to do. Please Reggie, I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I love my Mom. I just wanted to help her. She was pushing in odd directions, I just wanted her to come back to the land of the living. I-I never realized there was any sort of plan playing out."

"Sorry Dev, your mom laid out a poison apple, but you decided to bite, and then kept eating. You had several chances to haul your ass away from what you were doing."

"I couldn't leave Mom alone. I didn't know why she was pursuing this guy. I really didn't like it, but she was down so low that even this seemed better. I was stuck with his wingman. I wanted to get him away so Mom could have her shot. Of course, the guys wanted us to fly solo, they didn't realize they were playing into our plans." Devon realized what she had just intimated and rushed to head off my imagination at the pass. "Plans which were entirely unspoken and very different from what I thought they were! I swear honey, this conversation has been a revelation for me tonight. I promise you my intention was not to have a guy on the side."