All Comments on 'Heide and Merl and Maria'

Opening my black book

Who has a black book? Showing your age group....

You packed more stupid ethnic stereotypes in than any other story i have read. This was bad. Very bad.

Why would she bring people to the house? You would get caught. He worked in town. Too many other absurdities to name,

Glad you didn't use Gastonia's nickname. Bad enough we now will have a baseball team named THE HONEY HUNTERS.

You tried your best, but in the end anyone who takes a bite is still going to be consuming excrement. It's the same situation as all the revised February sucks attempts. Sadly the theme around here lately revolves around trying to turn horrid stories into something a majority finds palatable. Better to just let the misbegotten creations die, I say.

Love your conclusion to the original story. The story line is excellent as is your writing. Thank you.

...skipped things, often rushed, and factual errors.

One error — I have never heard of a dowry paid by the groom to the brides family. It’s always the brides dowry, i.e. the brides family pays the groom and or groom’s family. Could it go the other way? I suppose, but it’d be weird unless explained.

So all this family heirloom silver belonging to his great great grandmother? Giving it away? Really?

Rushed — finds out Heidi is cheating, calls up Maria, who he hasn’t seen in some time, and bingo-bongo-boom they’re in love. Why???

So Albert’s PA, Marjory, is a spy for Heidi? Have Albert can her ass. She’s letting some personal relationship sabotage a key employee of the company.

$20,000 for a silenced pistol, and it only had 2 bullets? .22 is THE most common round available on the planet, and cheap. And, unless Merl was a trained killer (not soldier) in the military, putting 2 bullets in the scummy Spencer’s head still would have been tough to do, yet he was as cool as a watermelon. What would have made more sense was to fuck up the first 2 shots, have Spencer’s injured, and dump the remaining 8 or so bullets peppered throughout Spencer’s body, and him still not dead as the car is dumped into the crusher, and Merl puking up all over the place.

“The thrill of sex with many men and the money are things I can't give up.” Ok, I get that, but the next sentence is, “There's this old guy who's fifty-eight, rich, and he wants me badly, JUST FOR HIMSELF. Maybe I'll try hooking up with him." Ummm... she literally just said she needed many men.

Like I said above, many interesting ideas, but also flaws. I guess that’s enough.

The first couple paragraphs had me debating whether to keep reading but I'm glad I kept at it. Solid story although the jump to Maria was a little rushed, along with her mom loving Merl right away. I'm not knocking it (you story), but I would have definitely taken the cash in Heide's hidden safe. Their conversation at the divorce signing was a little lacking in emotion or feeling. Overall, solid 4*!

that poor Sarah is going to have to wait 7 years to execute Spencer's will. With him having disappeared and the body never found he can't be declared dead for that long.

I nearly laughed myself into a coma reading this trope, "I won't fret over the notion of broken marriage vows. To me, that is an aerie-fairy thing that no one really pays much credence to. I don't even recall exactly what our vows had been. I know we used one of those more modern, less patriarchal versions that are popular in this century."

Your ridiculously stupid pretentiousness aside, it was a decent story.

Nice story

I enjoy stories that are written out of the norm. Your line with other cultures was interesting and effective. Plus I do enjoy the “bad guys” getting their “rewards”. Thanks for sharing.

DogFuzz .....

One thing I can't wrap my head around is he dumps a wife who screws for money got her start with stripping in public. So what does he do? He marries a woman who goes nude in public along with her mother.

I'm thinking maybe it may be better to opt for woman who is a little less willing to show off her goods to the world since his first wife who did same couldn't control herself.

I guess you can't fix stupid. 4*

Like many others, I feel it was rushed in some parts. I think its always hard to get into the head of a character that is someone else's creation without creating an emotional attachment for yourself first.

I did like the storyline and the revenge kept me interested until the end. I think Duong was the most interesting character here, so shady and short of words. I wanted to get to know him more than anyone else.

I just feel like some of those rushed places maybe jarred people into a WTF moment or at least a what the hell is he thinking moment lol.

Just my two cents worth, and as its Aussie cents, it's not worth much ;)

You had the phones reversed. You cannot get to an iPhone's battery. An Android's, you can.

Honestly the original story was so ridiculously bad that this wasn't needed, nor did it help it.

Not that your writing is bad but you can fix the stupid that came before this ending.

Well that was weird and fun!

4*

I don't understand the purpose of this story.

Good story except for the gentle handling of the poor, blackmailed, happy whore Heide. She was no less culpable than Spence. She enjoyed her life, and had no intention of being a wife again. The rest of the story was a little too pat, but still ok. But letting Heide ride off happily into the sunset sucked. A *4 , though, for Spence’s end , but would have been a *5 if Meryl had finished with a crush on Heide too.

I would have given this a much higher rating but you didn't Burn The Bitch. She fucked him over for over a decade & all he does is take the gold coin? NOPE! Local, State & Federal laws were broken. She should have felt the entire legal system - leave her with as little as possible & get some retribution! The bastards that had sex with her got it, why not her????

It was okay if you dismiss how ridiculous the whole story is.

On the story his wife at the meeting had no remorse and basically dismissed him. Why did he treat her much better than the other scummy people?

A well written story, although you let the whore off far too easily, she should have had some payback served upon her, after all, she could have given the fool an STD. To be honest, with the amount of different cocks she served, he would most definitely have contracted something.

I have been hoping to find a good sequel to the original story, and one that could fit in gaps in the original. So far no good sequel, and this one was as bad as any other. Really just a lot of blubbering without anything interesting.

Worse, we should not celebrate murder. Adultery is bad, but not a capital crime, and, in any event, we should not condone murder, which this story does. The best stories mete punishment without the protagonist becoming a worse person than those he punished.

Now that was a much better ending. It’ll be hard to beat.

Scores 4/5

Yeah, would’ve been a 5 but you let Heidi off. For what she did, a bullet in the head for her would have been a fitting end as well.

Well i think that capping goos ol spencer was justified, blackmailing piece of shit. Think off all the tax payers dollars not wasted on trial and incarceration .... Judge Dredd it is!!

I agree with Mordbrand. If there ever was a bitch that needed to be burned.... Both stories, Feberuary Sucks and this one, sucked too bad to revisit.

Well done and well thought out.. Thank you for sharing..

I gave it 4 stars for the writing even if the story did leave a ad taste in my mouth. All I can say is any man who would fall for this crap deserves what happens to him. He is too stupid to live on his own.

eh, didn't much like it. everybody got off way to easily in my opinion.

You can't polish a turd!!

I liked to story and the writing but I couldn’t condone the murder. Plus it was too good for him

Good one!

Running Spencer through the crusher was a nice touch. Should have left him alive and aware until the end.

Gave her half the house but didn't take your cut of her cash? Just as lame as a BlackRandl commentary....

Liked the story very much. But the ending with taking the new wife on clothing optional vacation and having a naked MIL asking the MC to give her a rub down, kind of diminish a decent effort. 4*

I disagree with the last commenter. We knew when you first hooked up sexually with Maria, that Mom was close behind, but it would be up to Maria to let it happen. I think that got cleared up when mother and daughter agreed to the go to the Sandals Adult only resort, where ever that was, you knew Mama was going to get a test-drive on that bulge she'd been eyeballing, with Maria's OK. Actually it could have been anywhere, I Agree, but a nudist camp so it would be fun, once. What I want to know, is how they handled Mom when they got home? She sure wasn't the kind of personality that would go for one and off, so you were going to have fun keeping them both happy and Maria pregnant. Well done. Keep writing.

XYZ

Well it was an attempt to work off a hideous original story. But unlike some others by this author, it jsut fell flat. Yeah he burns some people but the stuff with Heide was just non-emotional and robotic. Spencer's blackmail scheme for Heide was a nothingburger, she just wanted to slut around, get high on E and fuck other men as a high priced hooker. What a revelation! /not

GREAT story!!! Well done!!!