All Comments on 'Heir of Albretion Ch. 04'

Since you mention that you have not received feedback, here is a little for you. Good story so far, what I feel you should do is to develope more of Ryan and his understanding of magic. He has not had any real discourse about any of the negative aspects of his new abilities.

i agree with the first comment and must say that more magical understandin is needed in the story, also if u want a person to check for grammar im up for it, but hope u have fun on holiday.

Waiting with bated breath for Ch. 5, 6 and 7

The only reason I can say that Ryan hasn't experienced any major "backlash" from his new abilities is that he hasn't used any magic that has major effects on the world or people. He has mostly used subtle magic and magic on himself. But you are right, I will add some of Ryan's background and some guidelines of magic in the coming chapters.

First off I must say, this is shaping up to be quite the interesting tale. That being said it is, currently, far heavier on sex than plot. And while the sex is both hot and well done. It is the plot that gets comments. Therefore if you want more comments, add more plot, such as how his magic, which is currently run more by instinct and what amounts to an A.I. over any actual know how, is able to simply create something so incredibly technologically advanced as nanites, which even today is more fiction than science.

Dont get me wrong it's a fascinating merger but, if you want plot, it could stand to be explained. For example, are his nanites are actually the microscopic machines we all think of, and not a magical construct designed to function the same. IE do they follow the rules of science, or those of magic (you could probably squeeze some really nice plot out of that question alone., and the experiments done to find out.).

In context, he could have the nanites enter the bounty hunter via some orifice (ears, nose, etc.). Once inside her, if run by magic, they would presumably be countered by her own magic in some way, not unlike an autoimmune response. That is to say, her "white blood cells" would remove the "foreign contaminant". In what ever way works really.

Alternately, if run by science, they could make their way to the bounty hunters brain, latch on, and effectively "reprogram" her. This concept would allow for a great deal of plot to go with, whichever path is chosen.

it is a very good story i enjoy it very much if i may i would suggest that he adds the bounty hunter and she can teach him magic although i have a feeling you were probably already thinking this

Its a good story. I don't know I think it could have been fleshed out slightly. Nice scenes and fun plot.

MORE MORE MORE MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this series. The only thing I would suggest is for you to flesh out the story more. There's a lot of sex who's great, but more storyline would be even better. Please don't this up though. We need more chapters.