All Comments on 'Hell'

Fantastic as always

Fucking amazing. I absolutely *loved* Rose, the Beast, and its sequel... But this is on a whole 'nother level. Your skills have clearly been improving, and my only complaint is that I can't already read part 2!

Thoroughly enjoyed your story, looking forward to more

A fun tale and an impressive story! What a romp! Weird but fun ending, too. Bravo!

FFS an Australian politician helping people?? Come on mate …

But 5 stars anyway - looking forward to Pt 2

@Cliquegge

Never specified he was a politician. If every member of an organisation quits except the receptionist, the receptionist is the senior member lol

Besides, he's actually doing his job, so he doesn't qualify for politics haha

I have got to say, Fantastic job. The plot is intoxicating. I can't wait for part 2. Keep em coming Monty!

Awesome first chapters! Characters are being well developed. The sex scenes are understated but lusty and sensual. Love how Ryan is stumb!ing through discovering his and his team's abilities. While Claire's talent hasn't yet been announced, it's clear that the talent is one of subtle leadership. Look forward to more chapters of this epic, enthralling story.

Okay, so, maybe unpopular opinion. But I can kind of empathize a bit with Harry's plight. Dude wakes up in Hell, works with a group, finds out he's got useful abilities, uses them to save the group/ individuals on multiple occasions, and all he wanted was some sex? ~Obviously, just saving someone's life or serving in a protectoral role is never justification for "getting" sex; but when you contrast him to the protagonist. Dude happened to rescue the right sluts and now has maybe more sex than he can reasonably be expected to keep up with. ~Sure, he's also a good person, concerned about their well-being and such, and they can read that on him. But maybe Harry was just seriously stressing out, because you know, woke up in Hell and all that. If he'd've "lucked" out and saved the right chick early on, he might've had a companion to see him through this crazy world... Or maybe he'd always be a sleazy jackass and I'm just looking for the good in people. Obviously, based on how events played out, what happened to him was righteous (as far as a Hell world is concerned, where the laws are more primitive, but *maybe* more just... on occasion).

Anyways, nice to read from you again, and ... pardon the pun... but this is a hell of a re-introductory story for the new penname.

Thank you so much for your story. Hope you and yours are well. Looking forward to the next one. ^.^

I laughed so hard at the comment from cliquegge, its true our politicians are children in adult bodies.

Cant wait to read Part 2

PLEASE. Don’t let this end here. One of the best stories I have read. Thank you!

Holy hell! I just finished reading this over the last few days about 10 minutes ago, I wasn’t going to comment until my brain, in its ever headached pain it’s giving me, put together that Mules are Wombats and I will fight anyone that tries to say otherwise.

(Fellow lit writer here speaking mostly to your writing itself. Take or leave my criticism /advice but please keep writing.)

If you're going to write first person make it more personal and less dry. I really got no sense of your protagonists personality despite seeing the world through his eyes. Other than the fact that he doesn't like rape and doesn't want to die I still have no idea who Ryan is (I'm an American and didn't realize he's Australian until the final page). This could've been written in third person and wouldn't have read very much different. I really got no sense of any of the other characters either. Even the ones I just had first person POV sex with. One of the women is athletic and another is petite. Other than that I have no idea what they even look like. And yes, there is a school of thought on Lit that says leave the lovers blank so that the reader can project their own fantasy into your story and it's a perfectly valid method. But it wastes the potential of first person perspective. In what way does the MC see these women that he loves that no one else would? That and questions like it are what you get for all the trade-offs of writing in first (you lose the ability to jump around your world and show more than the extremely limited amount of story that can be seen from one set of eyes, for non-writers reading this).

You might consider switching to third person perspective for future installments. You're a great writer but first person is not your strength.

I can’t wait to read the next chapter. Thanks

jpz007ahren - no one is owed sex or anything else, even for saving someone's life, unless the person who is saved decides they want to offer it up as a gift or reward. And Harry was written as a complete douche-canoe from the moment he was introduced.

If he had been the kind of person who was secure enough to apologize for nearly killing someone just because they surprised him, then maybe he might have earned a redemption/growth arc like Blake gets.

As it was, taking someone hostage in the middle of a well defended compound and threatening to kill her if he didn't get sex? The character earned his ending, and was lucky to get such a quick one.

Loved the story and can't wait for part 2! is it written already or do we have to wait months before we see it? Anyways ima gon read some of your other stories. Hopefuly they'l be as good as this one.

*****5 stars. Most excellent story

Where names were mixed up. And it would be great for the sake of the story to not have two characters with the same name. But otherwise it was a fantastic read.

Great story cant wait for the next installment

My first read of your work and let me say it was one hell of a rollercoaster but so much interesting,and despite that I couldn't make myself stop reading, that's just how good you are.Thanks so much 5 🌟 as always.

An amazing story so far! Well written and interesting. Adding to my list of favorite stories I've found on this site

First off, I loved this setting and the story is brilliant. Truly an enjoyable time spent reading. This story puts me in mind of the Maze Runner, Fallout, and maybe a splash of Banished (from here on literotica) all rolled into a new and glorious tale. I’m looking forward to part 2 with great anticipation!

Really enjoyable. Not the ending I expected, well done. Look forward to part 2.

He can’t miss people. Simple as that.

What a story. I was searching to find a long and well written story like this.

Really looking forward to the part 2

I'm really looking forward to the second book. Thank you for a great read, the next one can't come soon enough!

Extraordinary work. Thank you. I look forward to the continuation.

Wow, an amazing story! Well written and so much fun! I'm really looking forward to reading the next part of this story. Thank you!

Well written, interesting idea & setting, please continue!

It was such a great read I really want to continue reading about what happens!

Hey op, the story is good, the concept is good. Everything imo was great except how forced (not rape) the sex scenes were. I’m no writer or editor so feel free to take my comment with a grain of salt but the mc is contradicting himself constantly. Ryan says “I don’t care what happens to you or what you do follow me if you want” a lot or stuff like that but then turns around and kills anyone that shows hostility. The sex scenes felt forced into the plot and not so much as if they belonged

Epic tale. Looking forward to more.

Excellent story. I loved that you had him "killed" so that he could come back experience what it was to be in love.

I may be biased, as I’ve been reading your stuff since you published “Sin”, and have loved almost every single work you’ve created; but in response to the anonymous who says Ryan was contradicting himself, I say untrue. He has only been killing anyone who is either a murderer or a rapist. Everyone has showed a little hostility lol. Hope this story continues along with a few others like ‘The beast’ and ‘Kitty Rescue’!

Great story!

One thought, if a beast master’s use of animals is considered a human kill, then the woman rapist that was devoured should not have come back. Since she came back, is consistent that his action shouldn’t marginally be considered suicide.

Other than that, this was a fantastic story and i I loved it. Curious what your plans for next chapter are because it’s been a few months and I notice you’ve released other stories.

I can't wait to read more. Great work, you have hooked me to read all of your other works.

I'm hooked to this series already!!!

It's great looking forward to part II

Cannot wait for the next part, looking forward to seeing what you do with it.

I read this story when it first came out and thought it was amazing. I shared it with my partner. We are both gamers and thought it was a great story line. Please write more and continue this story. I would love to know more about the system you created.

Binge read the entire thing this evening. Just fantastic. Please keep up the great work.

Amazing, I love the point system, you have made, it is very adaptable, to many genres and stories. Thank you for your stories sofar, please keep this one going, it has tremendous potential.

Part 2! Part 2! Part 2!

Great story, well written. Looking forward to part 2

Wow. I truly love this story and very eagerly await more. You are an extremely talented writer and I cannot wait to see what else happens.

Really a fantastic story!

A little rushed in places but you did a pretty good job of closing those loops and explaining. The only exception being the guy with the bound up girls he was supposedly trying to help, nothing made sense there.

Very very much looking forward to the story continuing.

What a ripping yarn this is... The impatiently awaited second chapter can't get here soon enough.

Great story! Looking forward to the next part.

Wonderful story, can't wait to read the second episode!

Great read, really enjoyed it!

Hope there's a next episode in production?

AMAZING!!!!! would absolutely love more installments of this story..

Part II please.

Thanks.

Part 2 (Heaven) is being written right now. Check my bio for details

I can't wait, this is such an amazing story, WOW

Cracking story MQ! Original, expansive and probably more true than we care to think about, plenty of unpleasant characters out there that would be only too happy to impose their will by force on anyone who crossed their path given the chance. I’m really looking forward to reading part 2, I wasn’t quite sure where and when this was going to be located, a dystopian future with Jumanji-esque animal mutations is a great backdrop and I’ll be waiting to see what other surprises you have waiting to ambush our intrepid survivors!

Really great story so far, enjoyed it very much.

Tough I do have to admit that the end seemed a bit rushed and had me struggle with my suspension of disbelief a little bit.

Perhaps many of the questions and perceived plotholes raised by that last conversation with Edith will be adressed in 'Heaven', but currently I don't really see how.

Biggest problem seems to me: gaming the system by harvesting the 5000 credits from bodies which Edith has allocated to them herself would invalidate the experience of reality-simulatiom for everyone who is involved.

Or at the very least it makes for a very different experience than for those who do not have said advantage.

There either has to be a real-world equivalent to that mechanism or the simulated experiences are almost useless.

It still makes for a great simulation/humanisation process as a firm of political commentary, but that is also dangerous, because restarting a large-scale society with the values currently held by Ryan is also a problem.

Knowing about the nature of the simulation would also probably fundentally rearrange Ryans moral compass and I am curious to see if that was an intended consequence or how that is going to be adressed

Very great story so far looking forward to more. Kinda of similar to another authors stories I've read but that's not a dig at you. I'm just mentioning it as two of the best authors I've read have found away to producing a good story that has slightly similar lines of thought.

I just had the pleasure of rereading this story to refresh my memory before tackling Heaven, the next book in this series. What an enjoyable time I have had. Decent MC character development, and a very interesting premise and world. Definitely worth the stars and a like.

Very enjoyable, and an interesting storyline and a different take on the RPG theme.

But I'm baffled why they would put gloryholes in the shower when sex elsewhere is not restricted. Just bizarre. Also I really don't understand the gloryhole thing anyway. This is 2022, not 1950.

very enjoyable! loved the world envisioned

Really good, different and inventive.

I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I did enjoy the story. I would have liked to see less power at the beginning, it felt like Ryan already had a ton of points, clothes, a harem, and weapon experience within the first 24 hours. The distopian setting kinda set it up to be gritty and cruel, but with how easy it ended up in the beginning took away from that in a way. The concepts you introduced were really interesting with the whole points system and Edith and what not, but I wish it was a more gradual power increase.

I like Claire as a character but I wish she wouldn't just tell us exactly how every character thinks. It just feels like a cop out so it's easier to quickly develop their characters. In writing the principle of "show don't tell" applies here. You had great erotic scenes, and I enjoyed the characters, Claire especially, but just being told who they were and what they liked was underwhelming, and could be more organic.

Still great work, loved it, hope the criticism is constructive.

It's a very good read

bro this story is so amazing i would love an actual book some of these stories are just perfect if you would ever consider writing actual books i would definitely buy em

Very, very good. I agree with the commenters who say that the story moves too fast. Many characters make extremely important decisions in an instant (the wives). But you had Brian and his group wait (and presumably discuss) before joining the community, which is why I remember him, whereas I had trouble telling some of the wives apart, or remembering how and when they joined the harem. The mechanics of your world-game are very interesting, particularly 'discovering' your class; Ryan does seem to progress very quickly, but each success feels correct. I especially liked that you had him die and re-spawn. So ... too fast, but I don't see how you could have gone slower without tripling the number of pages (though I doubt your readers would complain). I'm looking forward to reading your next story!

Page 10 and this dude might be the most evil mc ever, regularly lets rapists go so that he can "rescue" more harem members, all while sniveling about morality of being an executioner

Amazing work! I impatiently await the second part.

It is a nice story with interesting mechanics, but I just can't stand all the righteousness and the "I am not deserving" of the mc. He isn't acting like a humain being should... He is always acting like judge and jury, basing his decision on his own moral code. He doesn't regret or second guess himself when he make decision and if people doesn't agree? Well they can hit the road. But he think he doesn't deserve good things, that he is just a humble guy not worthy of the girls... The Mc has the "Hollyer than thou" attitude, which make him robotic at time. Well, I liked the world building, but I could overcome the cringe of the Mc, so I had to drop it :(.

Great stuff. One or two of the points raised by commenters below about speed of changes to some aspects in the story do seem valid though as one said it may have made the whole story way too long....

Loved it anyway and am really looking forward to the next instalment.

Many thanks for sharing with us.

Your creativity is off the charts good! Your writing skills are a damn close second to those. Thank you for sharing your talents.

When will you be following up with part 2

Truly a delight to read. Was hard to put down. The story was just to damned enthralling.

Well done

Damn, I do love this story

Mike

Wow, this was so good and very intense!

Mc is the most beta male whoever lived seems almost Canadian

I love it thank you

Shapachan

Please put this and its second book into a series so we can actually see there's a second one. i nearly missed it.

Hey TekEx, I've made that request to the mods previously. They don't list books by series, only chapters

You are making my weekend! Thank you for your fabulous stories!

To the author of this story all I can say is this is one of my favorite stories on this site. Part two is good as well.