All Comments on 'Hellie Ch. 01: House Party'

I liked that. I like bad girls!

I like Jane's can do attitude. Great character, well written, deserves a lot more stories exploring her natural insouciance. Perhaps a character who hooks up at party after party because she is deathly afraid of long term intimacy, making it real?

One thing I would like to share is a flaw I have in my writing. For example "Although, it was way more fun" - it isn't way more fun anymore? Past tense, was, were, etc. writing as if something happened long ago when in fact it is supposed to be happening right now. Keep the story in the present and it will have more punch.

You are a good writer. Don't let a comment on technique distract you from the truth that you are great at portraying passion and developing characters far more rapidly than I can. Keep writing, and please share them with us!

You need a way to tell people what order to read the stories in. I had to go through several "this story takes place after..." before I located this story

You can always look at the dates on my stories! I try to post them in order.

But also, if anyone knows how to go back and edit stories once they're publish let me know and I'll fix the title/top of the story.

Hellie is a hungry girl! These stories have me wanting several party snacks!