All Comments on 'Hen party'

Good one.

People do stupid things because they think they won't get caught!

5

Boyd Percy got it right. Usually they see their actions as excusable, as if involved in a lark, while they do thing’s completely out of character. However the texts revealed the brides true nature, completely untrustworthy. He dodged a bullet.

Pretty good read. Little heavy on narrative, but you kept the story moving. 4.4*

"A bit out of hand with the younger crowd.", I'd say more than a BIT out of hand!!!!!

I could say I feel sorry for the almost-in-laws BUT they created this Princess. Now she has more peas under her fantasy mattress.

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Dodges that bullet of self-entitlement and untrustworthiness.

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5*****, Hooyah, Salutes....

Good story, makes you wonder what does go on at Hen Nights.

As Boyd Percy said people do stupid things because they don't think they will get found out.

5 stars from me.

Nicely done. We still don’t know why Julia was uncomfortable throughout Graham’s speech….

Good little tale.

> I felt some shit and fan interface was about to happen.

Loved this line.

Thanks for your writing

So was Jeff who Kelsey slept with? It says nothing about him afterwards, just that he was avoiding the MC, but nothing further nor his whereabouts.

Once again the lovers were badly beaten while the slut cheating wives ... maybe just counseling ? Almost no information about the due payback the cheaters deserved, but good details about the almost innocents paid lovers: who were the betrayers, the lovers or the wives ?

Nice story, I think this could be taken from a real story! Haha you can’t fix stupid. Thanks for writing.

3 stars - bachelor & bachelorette parties have been pretty well beaten to death on this website and it would probably take something fantastic to surprise/interest any of the readers here.

Alcohol or recreational drug use is never a great excuse for crossing the line and we all know that going into situations like this. However, there is ALWAYS some idiot crossing the line, that makes it into the local news media every year.

Too many characters for this short story to keep sorted.

Grammar seemed off and the whole story was told in a too clinical manner. I did like it overall.

A little hard to follow in spots but overall very well done

Nothing new. Still good. 5.

You are better than this.....

People do drink too much (foolish thing #1) and then do other foolish things. That might be forgiven, but the texts reveal a hope to do it again, which sort of calls the marriage vows into question.

I don’t think I’ve read the series of stories that this is marginally related to (or perhaps not read them in some time), so that may be my problem. But I couldn’t figure out who Jeff was, what work has been done for him, or why it mattered. It seemed completely unrelated to the events in the story. It would also have helped if Adam and others who eventually turned out to be coworkers had been identified when first mentioned. I never was clear if either were perhaps married to Jane or Anne, or whether that mattered.

A btb "hen" version of an all-too-common aspect of stag parties. Critique aspects, positive; well-constructed plot which developed at a natural pace from beginning to end, designed to be almost a summary of events, brief but sufficient description of the main and supporting players, familiar but easily followed wander down a well-trod path.

Critique aspects, negative--which is almost inapplicable; given that this is almost a "flash" story there wasn't much depth to the main characters' "general" states of mind regarding marriage and fidelity. I especially would have liked to have had more analysis of the bride-to-be's overall outlook on life as her little excerpted phone messages painted her as literally a scheming superficial bimbo; if that were actually the case why would the groom have fallen in love with her in the first place?

Well done. Please keep writing.

MLJ

A slut is a slut till the end

Good story I liked how the groom to be handled it.

Lucky guy ! No alimony no divorce,no marriage. End of story

I enjoyed your efforts enough to give you a *5 for an excellent story. I liked the whole thing, except for having to shoehorn in the stereotypical big black clown to make sure the cheating white trash was properly degraded. That’s a cheap over used LW trope, and your story didn’t need the race of the dancers emphasized to make it’s point.

WGAS asked why was Julia nervous. Purely speculation, but the beginning of the story hinted that that she was under scrutiny by Alan. So with what went down, she was concerned she would be guilty by association.

Of course, there's the assumption that Julia left with the other women when the party got raunchy.

A bit confused - did the wife cheat or not? Did he forgive her? Or just not realize?

Be careful with hens parties... you see.. HAHAHA

So . . . . . why was Jeff avoiding the narrator?

You went out of your way to mention it five times

It wasn't until I came on Literotica that I heard of hen parties. It wasn't until I started reading Literotica that I heard about women fucking other men during their Bachelorette party as a last hooray.. I don't get it... if you aren't over getting fuck'd by different people, why accept the proposal? Why even date?. Just stay single and fuck whoever you want without having to betray anyone. I would think once they started dating, she was done fucking other's. I always thought a Bachelorette party was about hanging with the girls. Talking about the wedding and getting shit faced drunk. A stripper is fine but why do you have to fuck him?. Why do you have to fuck a stranger one last time? What do you think you'll be missing once married?. The fact that they actually were making plans to do this again in the future tells me they're still cheating.. if you'll do it a day before the wedding I'm not putting it past them to continue their sluttiness after marriage. I'm glad the other women were smart enough to leave when they saw what was happening.. no need to ruin your own marriage just cause these sluts pussies are throbbing. Just cause they don't care about their marriage or spouse, doesn't mean you need to follow. I would've did the same and called my husband to come get me. Dude should be praising gawd he didn't marry kelsy. He would've made the BIGGEST mistake of his life. If she can't even be faithful days away from the wedding, no fucking way in hell she would've been faithful during the marriage.. no sir/no ma'am. Not the slut that's fucking dirty dick strippers in vans😭😭😭😭😭

God bless surveillance video! Graham just dodged a bullet! 5 stars.

Oh god dammit. Jeff and Julia fucked. Jeff would know about the cameras and where to avoid them since they're actually recording. Julia had her husband pick up her 2 friends but it sounds like she stayed. She did this to make sure he was driving her friends and absolutely no chance that he would show up. After this night it was crystal clear Jeff was very uncomfortable around him.

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I think Adam was trying to drop a hint to the narrator about finding panties stuffed down the back of a chair. Adam might have been tipped off by Dawn his girlfriend. She might have seen the panties come off and is what caused her to freak out and immediately want to leave. Also note that she's not talking to the narrator possibly because Julia was slutting it up. Julia was nervous as fuck the entire time because she had no idea if her exploits were caught on camera.

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Also Julia I'm assuming is part of that group chat as well. That's enough for him to get pissed off over.

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Even if I'm wrong SOMETHING is wrong. Maybe she fucked the stripper in the bathroom, that would work. Maybe she fucked Jeff or bribed him to get rid of her evidence. I don't know but shit ain't right. And it's actually pretty depressing because he's making a serious effort to be trusting after something that had happened before. Not sure what but sounds like she cheated already. He's trying so hard you can easily get fooled into thinking he's a moron. And she would be taking advantage of this. That's next level fucked up.

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I want to be hopeful so I'll just focus on Adam and Dawn and assume they were decent people the entire time.

what about Jeff? Why was he mentioned as distant and absent? Is there a connection with what happened?

Did I miss something here? I've read this a couple of times and there seems to be either a plot error or an intentional character direction. WTF was the deal with Julia? Why was she so nervous during the practice session when the big reveal took place. Did she fuck the strippers? What did she do after her hubby picked up the three hens night attendees? What? All she did was to observe her friends' sexual antics?

Yeah, Youami, I noticed that too. but the rest of the story was good. 5 stars, the Bea approves. In the States, firearms would probably have been involved. But that's okay. The end result is the deciding factor More, please.

The BEAR

I’m going to try to answer several people's concerns. When I wrote ‘they didn’t want to stay either’ sort of tells you that Julia left with Alan and the others. However several people have commented on it so I obviously did not get the message across, I will try harder.

Several people were wondering why Julia was worried at the rehearsal. She was witnessing the destruction of a relationship and families for a silly mistake, like she almost made in their earlier story ‘Reflections’.

Jeff did not want to talk to Alan because he did check the video after every one had left the hen night and saw what happened. He told Graham, but did not want to get the club anymore involved. I tried to give an air of mystery about the whole thing and not spoil the plot too soon. If you take these three incidents together it is easy to see how readers can come up with the conclusion they did. Again I will try and learn from that.

Julia did not stray ever again after her mistake in ‘Reflections.’ But she and Alan do have other adventures together.

Yours

Les

[I got the phone call at about 9:30, a bit earlier than I expected. Julia asked if I could take Anne and Jane home because they weren't keen to stay either, things were getting a bit out of hand with the younger crowd. I got there quite quickly and went inside to collect them.]

====> note thr use of the word "either". Pretty clear that Alan went to pick up all three of them, Jane, Ann, and Julia. This is confirmed by the author.

A1 retribution to the cheating women! Lmao!

Short and brutal. Glad he found out before he got married.

3 stars. Funny, originally I was going to give it 4.5 or 5 stars, till I read the author's comment stating "She was witnessing the destruction of a relationship and families for a silly mistake".

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Right, glad we all think that cheating on your "loved" one is a "***silly*** mistake".

Confusing,still trying to work out who was who and if Julia was involved.

I could only give this a 3/5 because it was too difficult to follow and seemed to have red herrings in it, but maybe they were just unfired chekov guns? I don't know. The story didn't feel complete, like I was missing something.

Oh nice confrontation, nice idea

So the male strippers received severe beatings. What punishment did the women receive? Not divorce, that’s not punishment, it’s just letting the government know that the marriage contract was broken.

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The women betrayed their husbands and partners. The other men were only opportunists. Should the women receive a severe beating 4 times? Stoned to death in the ancient way?

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What say you, readers? Should women be punished when they’re traitors, or are they just brainless idiots who don’t have free will, and therefore get away with anything?

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ZK

Both in the story, and in the commentary, the term “mistake” is used. Anyone who uses that word is making lite of gross betrayal. Forgetting to buy milk is a mistake. Adultery is deliberately putting your selfish desires above the interests of the person you committed yourself to.

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If a spouse chooses to forgive this heinous sin, second only to murder, so be it. They should do so with both the perpetrator and the victim fully acknowledging the marital crimes, and not attempting to minimize the impact by calling it a mistake!

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ZK

I have like reading your story

Hen/stag parties are an interesting folkway. Ostensibly for a last blast of "freedom" before accepting the shackles of marriage, they also seem to serve as a filter. Those that do not really want to get married (for whatever reason) are filtered out as are those who cannot commit to a relationship, those who are easily controlled by urges, and those who are all too susceptible to peer pressure. Seems like an odd practice, really. It is more valuable to the partners of the attendees than it is for the bride or groom.

@ZK: All of the clamor regarding "equality" of the sexes notwithstanding, the female motto for female behavior is: "When in doubt, dissemble". It is genetic. Meanwhile, males are genetically coded and expected to assume responsibility for all matters regarding the impact of their families upon society as a whole, so why not let them assume responsibility for everything else as well? Their motto is "Man up". It's not so much that females are "brainless idiots that don't have free will", it's just that they are genetically disposed to hiding behind males during times of threat and danger. Feminism is an attempt to cast these behaviors in an historic context as though they can be significantly altered with proper training, ideological purity, and laws. However, as in all things human, instinct is quicker than the brain.