All Comments on 'Her Everything Ch. 01'

Can‘t wait :-)))

For a first story, it is very good. I am looking forward to the next chapter. The development of the characters is very good and not rushing into sex, is an excellent choice. Please don’t take a long time between chapters.

Your story line snd characters have promise. But your grammar, sentence construction and tense are really distracting, you need an editor badly. If this was any longer i would give up and that is a shame.

Loved every bit of it! Can’t wait to read the rest of their story! <33

A good start. Perhaps a little too much discourse with the audience. Some editing work here in there for the typos and spelling, and a bit short, but it shows promise.

I'm afraid I have to agree with sandy_paris. Potentially this is a good story but it does need some serious editing. But don't give up---there is promise there.

I think the dialogue between the two characters is really exciting! I felt the chemistry between them and it was super cute.

An area you might consider working on is the beginning when you introduce the characters. It seems to focus quite closely on their physical appearance and some bits about the narrator. My advice would be to blend the first few paragraphs before the main characters start talking. Interweave details about their appearance and their characters together. The narrator seems really cool and I got that she's a bit goofy and shy; I think you did a great job using her past as an athlete to show she has a fiercer hidden side. Flesh out the moment in time right before they talk it will really take an interesting story to the next level.

I can’t wait for the rest! Vivid character sketch of Amber and I'm sure Julia will develop as well as you proceed. Very nice set up - you’ve set the hook deep. 😋👍

Thanks everyone for your feedback. I have contacted an editor. Hopefully they can help me. I never wrote anything before which is clearly obvious, but I am gonna work on it :) thank you again :)

Nice Introduction.

I feel this is quite a good start for your first story submission. The 2-primary characters certainly mesh well, and this could become a quite lovely multi-chapter romance story. Most of the minor layout and grammar issues can be easily resolved by having an experienced writer assist you in editing the next chapter.

I agree that your first effort wasn’t as polished as it could be, but the innocent tone sorta matched the character. Thank you for sharing this!

I love the story setup and I am waiting for new chapters as you post. Good Job.

A very nice start.

When it gets to the sex, take it nice and slow, and describe every magical moment of their first time together, every detail of what amber sees and feels.

And check through for any words missed out, etc.