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Click hereKatie just looked at her, only slowly was she beginning to believe what Nikki was saying. Gradually a smile was starting to shine on her face, saying - "Really, you d-do?"
Nikki happily returned her smile and nodded - "I want to be with you, forever."
- COMMENTS
Anonymousover 5 years agoGood but it seemed the ages were charged for literotica but not the way they acted
grismanover 6 years agoI like the structure of your story I also like the description at the beginning it is nice to have a mental picture before even reading the story looking forward to read the next chapter!
JeanneSisover 9 years agoI like getting to know the girls the way you describe them and their feelings, you let us get inside their minds and it's like being in the room with them. Thank you
JessicaSalmost 11 years agoAuthorKatie's contrasting behavior was sort of intentional, although I wouldn't go so far as to call her bipolar. The active, energetic Katie is more of a public persona of hers. It's only when you get to her core personality when you notice how sensitive she is about some issues. At least that was my intent. It's possible I took it too far in the story and I can see how the result might seem incoherent. Your observation may be spot-on.
Thank you for a thought provoking comment, I love those :).
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoIt's okay, but there are several flaws. One, what's with the random breakdowns of Katie? She seems to break down over simple things, which makes me wonder if you were making her bipolaur on purpose. Another thing is that Katie's characteristics contradict each other. Katie is energetic at some points, and yet sensitive to the touch? Other than that, I have no other problems, and it was a good exposition.
JessicaSover 11 years agoAuthorHi everyone, thanks for your kind and sometimes not-so-kind words :).
I submitted the second chapter, in which the sisters experience their first time together. If it is approved, hopefully the staff will put it up within a week.
The third chapter is also written already, but still needs some minor editing.
Anonymousover 11 years agoLiked the initial ground work of this story. Sets up the potential for future chapters involving the sisters and the older sisters girlfriend. Needs to really get spicy now with the sisters and maybe with the girlfriend. But not a threesome, maybe only with the younger sister. So the writer can go on or just leave this story as written and move on to another. Whichever, add juicy sex to the story.
Anonymousover 11 years agoHow old is the writer of this garbage? Reads like it was written by a 9yo!
