All Comments on 'Heroine Addiction Pt. 02'

What a self entitled CUNT. All for the admiration of a few other CUNTS Kari deemed to be more important than her husband. Publish all the information gathered, and share it all with all of the families involved. Burn every one of the Cunts. They should all be divorced and stripped of their marital names for the conspiracy they perpetrated. Ship them all to a Mexican Whore House with no chance of reprieve.

The drama is too artificial and stretched. The reveal is weak.

He should've divorced her and moved on already. Not enough reasons to stay in a toxic relationship.

This chapter is for readers, who look for misery, suffering and stupid characters in a story. Hated reading this.

I agree with Dry-opinion (and other commenters from episode one) that the drama is overwrought, the angst too forced.

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It was pretty obvious in episode one that Kari was hatching some sort of scheme to bring Lewis down without being sexually unfaithful, to humiliate him, but for some inexplicable reason she couldn't tell her husband so he put two and two together to come up with five. The result was that we embarked on a story of forced innuendo, hasty conclusions based on that innuendo rather than fact, all leading to a somewhat predictable and obvious ending.

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Of course, all this could have been avoided if Kari had told hubby what was going on, and if she had then perhaps hubby and his mates could have dealt to Lewis in a different manner. I thought Kari and Barry were both written as being too naive, especially Barry who jumped to so many conclusions without any hard evidence and that detracted from the story.

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But still, I enjoyed it (while rolling my eyes and thinking that Barry must be dumb and blind not to have figured out what Kari was up to), and I look forward to reading the rest of the story. Thanks from me.

She deserves to be divorced, and all the others deserve to be divorced, too.

She’s a gullible idiot, she should not have listened to the other wives. Can’t wait for the next part!

All this drama may blow up in her face!

4

This is too forced and the actual narrative way too one sided. Nobody in that situation gets a 15 min speech without interruption…. There is no conversation or connection between your protagonists, nothing flows …. I’m sorry but this is quite poorly written.

This was obviously a plot by the wives to get Lewis out of the neighborhood gone south. Final chapter should be a real gas. Thanks. Can't wait for the final showdown.

"No. No, Barry's not happy, but I don't think he knows. He'd be a lot less happy if he knew now. No, I can't stop now, I need a little more. It will all be over soon, and I can come clean then." "It comes down to 'if I have to' or 'if I should'. And I should, so I will. I'm going to tell Barry everything, I hate having secrets from him. I'm sure I can make him understand after the fact. It'll be pretty obvious then; he'll see the matter as it truly is then. The problem is not to hurt him until it's all over. But damn, he already is! I don't want to hurt Barry! Never." It sounds like it is all over but the Divorce. 5 stars for a story where the wife can't talk to her husband. Buster2U

Still not clear what they were supposedly going to do to Lewis. What was the wives end game. I could see all of the marriages ending and all the houses go up for sale. Lewis could be the only one left in the neighborhood. As all new families move in, they would have no idea what went on there and what scum he is.

While it seems clear that Barry's concerns about Kari's action were wrong, she was seducing Lewis for a putdown, Barry VERY clearly points out how it doesn't matter. They are married. Kari's sexuality is no longer hers to give away. She pledged it to Barry. Period. Further, after being outed and seeing the depth of Barry's pain, Kari plunges ahead pursuing her ends and thinking the means, ignoring/dismissing and torturing Barry, are justified.

In a way, this speaks to a foundational piece of the Loving Wives stories, that a woman has to be either stupid, arrogant, or cruel to betray her husband as they do in these stories. Kari is all of these, even if not deliberately. Barry's well voiced soliloquy is a clear and effective statement against what Kari has done.

While I certainly agree that the drama is forced, especially Kari hiding her intentions, it plays very well into reaching Barry's summation of her failings and how it has impacted him. Barry has become the Everyman of Loving Wives stories.

However, from such a pinnacle, there is nowhere else to go. Two more parts? Barry has brilliantly voiced the issue. Kari wallowing in her guilt for two parts seems less interesting. Reconciliation would cheapen Barry's summation of problem. I have to admit that after part one, Barry's speech amazed me. It was unexpected. I will wait and see.

Storyline is interesting,but less Shakespeare and more Hemingway

Very well done. Excellent job of showing what Kari has really done to her marriage and husband.

"I'll find some way to make up any anger Barry feels over it. It's his suffering that has me beside myself. Once he sees the finished product his anger will turn to laughter. He's going to love the outcome. But now he's hurt and questioning me, my actions, and my motivations. He's never questioned me before: he's never had reason to before. He loves me, so I can say to him "trust me," except at the same time I AM keeping something from I him.

"We're not living in a balanced relationship anymore, and I'm the cause. I thought I was the only one that would be soiled and compromised. I was willing to do so for the outcome. Barry losing faith in me, and his anguish over it, is something I never ever accounted for. I'm not sure ending with a result he will like and having his wifey back home and all his again, will completely mend this. If he sees this as I wasn't completely his for some time, and additionally that he was made to suffer without his consent, then I can't imagine this being completely fixed, even when he's happy with the result. I was sure at the start of this thing with Lewis, but I'm no longer sure that Barry will look at the price he's paying and think this was a worthwhile plan. He wasn't supposed to pay a price. He was never supposed to know until it was over, then he would see it was over and see the positive effect. Those were key dominoes, with the first one gone I'm no longer sure the second will fall into place." Kari fell silent when she finished.

The wife thinks she is on some kind of Stupid Secret mission of Seduction to give Lewis BKUE BALLS? LOL the only thing left is the Divorce. She can't explain her way out of what Hubby saw. Buster2U

Nobody talks like that. . I believe you need a third part. D

Just a hopefully amusing four parter before life gets terribly busy again.

Chapter one...7300 words

Chapter two...10500 words

As of two chapters, Barry has walked away twice. Kari has been (sorta) devastated twice. You still have two chapters left, why? Divorce or reconciliation, it shouldn't take two chapters.

Although I gave you 4 stars, because it is well written, I do mostly agree with DrPope. It is too one sided and no conversation, if there is a 3rd chapter coming I hope there is more dialogue. Put your big boy pants on and confront them at the first change you have would have been a much better solution. The way he acted was childesh, he did not want his marriage to survive.

We get to hear the MC ramble for pages in this story and when we finally get to hear her explanation it’s off screen? Ludicrous.

Unlike many here I really like (and I think get) the story and the concept, and I really like it very much.

Only you shouldn't have released it in installments, or even as one long story. Others do it too, and it doesn't hurt any.

So I got from a quote in the story that they wanted to sexually humiliate this man? I get that they don't like the guy. But SEXUALLY humiliating a man is very personal and potentially one of the worst thing's you can do to destroy a man. Did I miss something? He hits on wives. He's full of himself. He thinks he's smart. Thinks he's wise and brags about having money because he makes more.....okay I'm sorry that's really fucked up if they did this to Lewis just because he's unpleasant to be around. This Lewis guy didn't actually do anything. Everyone should just avoid him. The flirting with wives thing, husband should comfort or couple should avoid depending on how macho you feel you need to be.

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These characters are mid 20's except for Lewis who is about 30. Alright so yeah the women are stupid fucking kids.

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Okay so back up for a minute. Lewis was the new guy right? And single. The sex scene has him fumbling around and it was noted by Barry. Is it possible Lewis was lonely and no social skills only trying to get them to like him? And to play devils advocate here, could it be possible that Kari told Lewis something that would lead him to believe it wouldn't be cheating and Lewis actually might have tried to shoot her down but she was too into this plan that she didn't realize it? And they're trying to get one over on this guy in a bad way and in this chapter beat the crap out of him.

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My prediction is Kari is going to leave Barry for Lewis because she actually fell for the guy. She was hanging on every word of his at that party in the beginning and still rationalizing why she should keep seeing him even thought it was destroying the marriage. Barry said one of his traits is being a commanding personality or something? Keri is very submissive to him. Keri however is the boss with Lewis it seems with the sex scene. Lewis is also richer. I think Keri might get off on having this power in a relationship for once. As per splashdown she's going to leave the protagonist to monkeybranch to a man with more money and she's in control. She's probably going to go see him because she feels sooo darn bad for how he got beat up and she's going to see the gentle soul she's missed all this time and fall in love with him.

2* Oh my! Instead of a monologing villain, we have the hero husband talking endlessly. Poor Kari must have gone catatonic from the endless plethora of righteous, accusatory words. You even outdo any Shakespearean plays. The next chapter should have a limit of 100 words. "Okay you lying, cheating slut, here are the divorce papers. I filed under adultery, you skank. Our families and friends know all about it. Now get your fat arse out of MY house!" See the difference? Direct and short delivers a clearer story message.

The scheme the wives plan needs to be spelled out clearly. What I've read so far has been so obscured by Kari's stubborn refusal to communicate that the plan could mean any number of things... from a simple misunderstanding of a prank to embarrass a creep all the way to full on sex followed by some biting insult. (As your essence swims within me, let me take this opportunity to tell you that you are a shitty lay... yeah, but I still fucked you.)

I think that refusal to communicate will make this story even more frustrating once the truth is revealed.

At least there's been hints that the lack of communication has been a mistake and has made this story more tragic than it needed to be. It's definitely been a frustrating read... waiting for something enjoyable.

highpoint: "I didn't want any of this, but all I had left was the dust of defeat and the vacuum of loss. It was being forced down my throat, I could swallow it with it my pride, and any real value I had as an individual, or I could walk away."

So far the story remains totally boring. All we have is Kari with some secret plan that she won't share with Barry. A lot a angst for nothing, and no explanation of why Kari has not talked with Barry despite the troubling consequences for her marriage.

I don't believe that story can be redeemed at this point, but author has two more chapters.

I thought you explained the plan enough to let us fill in the pieces. Pretty dopey plan. He spoke eloquently and clearly of how badly she screwed up. It’s good it’s a four part story, because the arc requires a divorce, I think. A separation is not enough. His rationale explains it very clearly. The only question is how they get back, if at all.

But that is conventional. Will this be conventional? In my view, the really interesting story is in the “cabal of friends” and what they did. And in what the husbands do in response. You have an opportunity to explore the tribal nature of humans. You set it up for this if you want to go there because of the initial idea—couples who know each other well in a semi detached part of the community with good relationships and communication between the two groups-men and the women have their own distinct cultures. “Men’s business” and Women’s business.” That would be really interesting to follow through now you opened the door. Fingers crossed, but resolving that would take more time than you allocated… thank you.

I'm sorry, but this has been dragged out badly

Righteous anger and dismay - Well Spoken.

Reveal the plan. None of this makes sense and is frustrating.

Kari has destroyed her marriage, and for what? Was she really going to fuck the worm? It appeared like it. Will the wives confess or leave Kari to wallow in her apparent stupidity? Two more chapters of endless dialogue before getting to the point. I'll read on, and I hope it's worth it.

too much overwrought monolog.

shaddup and leave already, cuck!

lol

There are the bones of a good story but it's taking too long to get to the point.

Chapter one had me looking forward to chapter 2.

Unfortunately this is chapter 2.

Almost unreadable.

Needs an editor wielding a machete.

Yada, Yada, Yada.

Another story lost in dialogue.

Is there a point to this endless dialogue?

Page 3 actually killed the story for me. So much monologue. Two people in a room and just one talking with a wall I guess. And the wall could even cringe, moan, quake and look horrified. Please never do that again. And by the way, the main character told his wife that she became two-dimensional. She was already like that. From the beginning of the story. But he isnt better. He goes through life with only assumptions and she isnt able to think or talk.

Part one was better. This did reveal two people who thought they knew each other far better than they did. Kari thinks Barry can be fixed after the reveal, only to discover you can’t “fix” what you just neutered. Barry had her on such a pedestal that she believed her own hype. Plus, when a woman starts looking backwards to fun times, it rarely turns out well. Barry’s blind spot is that he created his own monster. Anything written subsequently will have to be a masterpiece to make any undoing of the damage believable.

What the hell is wrong with this woman, Karri? She has some kind of "Secret" plan that all the women of the community put together that somehow involved Karri making out with and turning on the "leper" in the community known as Lewis. Just what she was caught doing requires a separation if NOT Divorce. Between her sharing her body, kisses, breasts and her fondling him is pretty serious. There might be a way out if he had kidnapped her Parents and that was the ransome. Baring that, there is NO SAVING that marriage. When You trust and love someone and then they take that which you value more than ANYTHING else and just give it away to the most disgusting person in the world (Lewis) her sins outweigh ANYTHING good that could come of her rendezvou with him. What are these stupid women trying to do? Give Lewis "cooties"? or check him for them and then ridicule him out of the neighborhood? Or once she has fucked him then ridicule him for having a small dick? He has still fucked her, she has dirtied herself for the neighborhood, but she still deserves to be kicked out of the house because she didn't get permission from hubby. DIVORCE is all she deserves for disrespecting her hubby, regardless of the reasons. Two more chapter? LOL next one for the divorce and the last for hubby finding a prettier and better wife with bigger boobs! LOL Buster2U

Whether Kari had full-on sex with Lewis is irrelevant. The cheating is in the betrayal. The cheating began when she acknowledged the need to hide her actions from Barry. Regardless of whether they divorce, Kari’s actions make it very unlikely that Barry could continue living in that neighborhood, or associating with the neighbors.

As the day went along and I had more time to dwell on the story, two things popped into my mind

One - if Kari intended to embarrass and blue ball Lewis, wouldn't she need an audience?

Two - what if Lewis didn't like being blue balled and decided to just take her, how was she going to find that off or explain it later on?

I suppose number three is her take from beginning to end.

Not sure what kari's plan was? Get him all ramped up and then leave him hanging? What would that do it prove? She could have done that with 1 session instead of dragging it out over weeks. See no way (and i hope you don't) they don't divorce and barry never talks to her again.

This is really a good story. I'm eager to see how it turns out.

One thing that gets to me (and could make it more devastating) is how LEWIS will now see it. The women in the story think they showed him because he never got PIV and got a dirty look. That won't matter to Lewis in the long run. After all he got to kiss and touch her intimately, he got her to betray her husband for it . . . and what's more, the men in the neighborhood were SO afraid of his prowess, they had to beat him up to keep him away from their wives. This, in his mind, and in the minds of those he later tells about it, was all a tribute to his sexual victory!!! In his revision of the truth, he played ALL of them. He wins!!

Eventually, some of the men will see it that way too. They'll start thinking they were played. There may be other damaged marriages and/or divorces as well.

Finally the women will feel guilty for their part, but in order to assuage their own guilt, they will each come the conclusion that THEY would NEVER have done what Kari did. She was the only one willing to act upon what to them, was just some idle, fun, what-if fantasy scenarios. This revision will satisfy some of the husbands, but some will see through it . . . especially those beginning to see Lewis's viewpoint that he played all of them. By beating him up, they lent true credence to his once imagined self-agrandissement as a clever, manipulative player. What once was false and delusional is now made whole and true by the women's plans and their, (and Kari's), and their husbands' subsequent actions.

Lewis wins bigger than he ever could have hoped, and all because of some horrifically unthought out plan. That's one possibility I see at least!

I'm so eager to see how Choppedliver has this play out!! Well done . . . I keep seeing all different sorts of scenarios!! Good, interesting, situational food for thought . . . and Great Title!!!

Really fun story. I wish I could put words together like he does.

Is this the end or will there be another chapter? You don't really say.

I hope part three is not a RAAC. Everything he hit her with at the end of this chapter is true and indefensible.

Something that should be concerning is how very little we've actually heard from Lewis. What was his last line he said to someone in the story?

Everyone hates Lewis but I really don't see why if you question their word. Lewis doesn't really sound that evil. At least I haven't seen anything yet. He hits on the wives which to be honest doesn't justify what's happening. Most of the faults Barry talked about could be explained. He tries way too hard to sound interesting. He moved 500 miles from his home town and no parents, this dude is trying to get his neighbors to like him. Honestly Barry sounded a bit jealous of the guy for making more.

==

Barry is a crybaby pussy. No wonder no one respects him. Boo boo, woe is me. I’m lower than the guy who a tick on a dogs textile. Someone feel sorry for me and make me feel better.

Fuck Barry. He should do the woukd a favour and get a vasectomy to prevent any more polluted DNA from entering society.

This is really bad period I mean,

bad part 2 opens up with the most idiotic meeting with conversation about fucking donuts and cups, and Recycling plastic cups that I have ever seen. Almost the entire first page is about that as if anybody gives a shit.

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The wife's action proves that she is mentally insane. In the middle of the age 2 where she has this little speech with herself was she supposedly explains her reasoning she comes to the conclusion that even though she knows she has deceived Barry and hurt him very much the best thing for her to do to save the marriage is to almost fuck Lewis in secret?

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In other words, the way to solve and repair deception in the marriage is to engage in more even though you know, it's destroying your marriage.?

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This is not just a simple case of martian slut ray,

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it's the read, it's The Martian retarded slut ray hitting the wife.

Still incongruent while your inner dialogue is interesting you leave your reader hanging

3 stars

Sorry had to stop reading no story the first page was all about salt and pepper if this is going to be four parts cut the crap and make it two parts.

A second chapter that did nothing to advance the story. We just get the same repetitious “It’s not what you think” exhortations. I’m going to circle back to this in a week or so and then skim the ending of the last chapter.

Direct action by the hubby and his cohorts was a good thing but I can for see that the offending wife might actually feel guilty and take the side of Lewis the "victim". She is a thoroughly despicable person and seemingly stupid at that. Her view of "feeling good about herself" has come at the expense of the entire neighborhood. The other husbands, who actually seem to have some balls, are going to stir things up at home. A lot. As written so far I can't see reconciliation or redemption but as you have written the cuckold here, he might just do a reverse and forgive all just to have the most attractive woman on the block. Even if only part of her because she will miss the Batman high she got from her covert actions.

Needs a follow up

Droll.

I felt the built up was too much in a negative way.

I began skimming faster than a surfer....

I didn't quite get the idea -- what did Kari really did?!

She led him on? By being kissed and breast=mashed by Lewis?

Was the plan to have Barry get jealous and so recruit the other husbands to gang up on Lewis?

If I got that right, what a diabolical scheme the women concocted.

If so I'm not surprised Barry would dump Kari, him knowing she can be an evil manipulator regardless of who gets hurt.

I'm still confuse though if I got it right or not and nope I ain't gonna read this again.

You know that you don’t get paid by the word here, right?

Too over the top!

This twits writing actually make u want to pull ur own finger nails out one by one!! If it’s not a case of verbal diarrhoea …it’s a case of stupidity begets stupidity and common sense seems to have done the proverbial disappearing act in here!!

A complete and total waste of time.

The author's task here was formidable. This would be a very difficult confrontation to depict in a way that allows a diverse group of readers to each perceive truth and realism. Few have sufficient skill with prose and dialog to achieve such goals. IMHO, the author's effort here rates well above average. The truth of the husband's assessment of his wife's actions, motivations, rationalizations, and hierarchy of needs is clearly established. His pain at discovering his relative worth and importance to his true love is tangible. His prosecution of her does carry on to the point of tedium, but this serves to convey his reluctance to accept the death of his marriage and of the future he believed certain. This chapter earns an ongoing 5 stars from me. The third and final chapter actually may require even more finesse. I'm rooting for a top score trifecta, but such achievement must be earned the hard way every time.

Women through out history always take their friends emotions over their family's and spouses. Why do women have to go to the bathroom together? to create drama that would otherwise be muted. You are a failed sex for that. Kari is a closet slut, period

A good read building on from part 1 looking forward to the promised parts 3 and 4 with anticipation as to where the story goes

Well Done

Needs a rewrite in my opinion .

The build up is long and messy . It should be a pleasure , a voyage of discovery uncovering the plot .

This was a chore , and an uncomfortable one at that .

At any point he could have denounced what he believed was going on to one or several of the groups husbands , and then left for a break somewhere and see what , if any , upheaval there was .

The denouement , when it came , was a relief .

He made all the points , ticked the boxes one by one . I particularly thought that as it seemed agreed that Kari was the most attractive wife , surely a bigger insult would have been for Lewis to be rejected by the least pretty wife .

Stupid husbands putting up with a jerk like Lewis hanging around in their group .

Wife's putting up with a man who gets too handsy ? Whatever happened to giving out a slap ?

But the story was about being a female hero . Saving her group from a predator ?

And then , abruptly , it was done .

No words from their group , nothing . Just going to walk away into the sunset .

Could have been a good story . My hope is someone picks this up and gives it a make over .

Thanks for posting . Please remember that you can't please everyone every time .

DK . 3 *

I really liked the rant on page 3, well done!

Sorry but this is all too labored for my taste.

Barry is a crying little shit, he should have already seen a divorce lawyer and gotten the process started.

He beat up Lewis, which is not entirely fair. Lewis was just enjoying what Barry’s slut wife Kari was giving away, . Barry should have tackled Kari in the wooded area, slammed her into a tree and beaten the hell outta her midsection. The dramatic rant should have been delivered in front of the other men of the neighborhood with the words “This will be last time I touch you. My lawyer will be in touch.”

Unless this end in a very destructive divorce there is no way for Barry to regain his self respect. I have a feeling that this is going to end with a one sided reconciliation and Barry being nothing but a cuckold simp the rest of his life.

Words, words, words. It is too damned drawn out. What is your point? Looking for a Pulitzer or something? It has gotten very boring. Stop going in circles. Finish the story, please.

We haven't even had half of the story and people already want to kill and maim. Have

you not heard that all are innocent until proven guilty? Once we have more of the story we can decide if all the wives should be divorced and sent to Mexican brothels, wow some have no patience or interest in getting the truth. I think the end is pretty clear anyway but lets wait and see how it pans out.

Thanks for sharing...

Trying to decipher the female prospective is equivalent to reading a newspaper in a tornado , however, the absence of rationality is insanity. hmmmm. you've made your characters to infantile for any redeeming rationality to prevail.

Not enough discussion about the donuts. That is the most interesting part of this story.

This narrative is so overdone, so stretched to a point of self-pity, I started cheering for the woman.

Ohh, she did way worse than I thought. I believed our wannabe heroine wanted to drug Lewis, not seduce and laugh at him during the act. What a cheap and silly selfish cow. He was right to leave her with his head held high. He did nothing wrong. And what she did was break literally every single wedding vow. Her reasons seem poor in the cold light of day.

I think her coven of friends are just as bad. They didn't volunteer like she did, but they planned it all. Including damage control. Their minds are in the same disrespectful headspace. And they could have confessed at any time as well. I didn't realize cheating was okay if the purpose was to humiliate someone later. I'm sure all their husbands have an opinion about that. Lol

I can't believe there's another 2 chapters! My word why say something in one sentence when you can say it in 100.

Another train wreck of a story just like splashdown. Why its drawn out to four chapters is beyond me. It could have been wrapped up in two chapters, most likely one.

114FSO is spot on! Total destruction is the only way forward in this situation!

You have a rare talent, I actually felt my eyes moisten and tears beginning to well up at Barry's empathy for the discarded paper coffee cups.

From what you have said in your biography about your writing, I can see this is going to end up with a loving couple.

I just can't cope with this turmoil. It hurts to read this, farce should be lighter bringing laughter not fear worry and heartbreak.

If you just posted your story complete, one could race forward to the end. I hope never again to catch the first day of one of your stories.

I know we pay nothing for your writing, given that, freeloaders that we are, we don't deserve cruelty from you.

I may come back to finish this tale in a few days, but I can't cope with this drip feed of misery.

This is like pulling teeth - too painful to carry on. We all know what is happening but Kari doesn't say a single word to explain herself and Barry doesn't listen or try thinking. It's a decent story but more suited to a 750 word quickie than being dragged out to four episodes. I can't wait to see how the author pads out two more episodes before finally revealing the 'big' secret. Maybe Barry commits suicide in chapter 3 - now that would make it interesting!

First off, nobody and I mean nobody, talks like in your writing. In fact, it makes it hard to follow what's going on. It seems like you are just adding this type of dialogue to make this story longer. This could have been a good story, but you made it terrible.

Why does this author waste his talent on endless pompous monologues between characters that too naive to be realistic? After so much critique in this direction under all his previous stories one should hope he learns...

I IMMEDIATELY jumped ahead to the end to see if I could guess how this chapter was going to end, as you've become an increasingly predictable "writer" who follows the same format in all of their stories.

Sure enough, it was like my eyes were drawn to it like moths to a flame: the husband apologizes to his wife for not being enough and then leaves crying.

You could copy/paste your stories and just change the names at this point. You're predictable and mediocre and love to hear yourself talk.

This derailed after the first page of this chapter. While the first chapter was a good lead-in this was really poor. The dialogues were absolutely rubbish. The explanations provided from Kari's POV were absolutely wishy washy.

The part that pisses me off the most is that you have all of the qualities to be a great writer, but you ignore criticism in favor of putting out the same slog story after story after story.

No one monologues for 15minutes without being interrupted, people aren't that naive, no one would put up with a partner who continuously won't share details about something that could potentially end their marriage if they don't share, and no man or woman would sincerely apologize to their partner for not being enough when they find out their partner cheated on them.

If you looked at the comments, took them to heart, and tried to do better, your stories would jump into the high 4*'s, but you're fine living in your mediocrity because in your mind, you're the greatest thing ever.

Grow up.

I think everyone is missing it. She wouldn’t tell him because she was going to do something. The whole well lubricated comment. The cock sucking comment made by the other wife. She may not have had sex with him but she was goi g to perform oral sex and leave him “well lubricated” This the husbands fears were correct.

A tad preachy but, hey, that's what the story called for.

It's true to life: stupid people in every corner.

This goes on and on without a reveal. Too much drama and no substance. I'm done.

As always, thank you for the work you put in.

Your problem isn’t writing, you do that well. It almost comes to you too easily. Your problem is editing. Belabored is the word that kept coming to mind. Why say something once or twice when saying the same thing 6 or 7 different ways is an option. It just went on and on over the same point, burrowing a hole into that ground.

Many times a line of dialogue would appear and then it would be long gone, scrolled away before the responding line appeared. In between would be paragraphs of interior monologue and thoughts just belaboredly spinning away.

You’ve stretched a small amount of actual story over two installments; I can’t imagine how thin it will be from here on out. It’s like a ham sandwich with the essence of ham between the slices but no actual meat to sink our teeth into.

Why does this feel like we're being set up for some ridiculous "gotcha" ending that has NOTHING to do with cheating...like Lewis actually being a stray neighborhood dog?

One narcissistic and selfish whore wife, and the usual weak, whining and idiot cuck husband. A lot of psycho chats to justify the wife whoring and make it acceptable for the brainless husband. Totally irrealistic behaviours.

Thus far, a very good story. However, I note that his wife didn't at least try to talk during his speech. That is unlikely. Also, at one point, you write that she wasn't as hurt as he was, but other lines of her actions lead to the opposite. I save my rating until it's finished. Bob

Pencarrow..."Kari was hatching some sort of scheme to bring Lewis down without being sexually unfaithful".

<>

If what Kari was doing wasn't "sexually unfaithful" what the hell was it????? You must be a devote supporter of the Clinton's definition of sex.

Wait a minute, are you serious? This was all some sort of high school prank, to give the resident Casanova blue balls? And that story requires 4 chapters, maybe a dozen pages?

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OK, its A Lot of writing and work. Kudos for your energy and enthusiasm. But the plot is juvenile and the delivery is mind numbingly tedious, dithering, and embarrassingly obtuse. Its like you've given your brain an enema. I hope you learn how to install a sphincter on that thing.

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The husband should probably just treat this stupid bitch the way you would treat a self absorbed high school deva: just give her time to grow up. If he really thinks all her antics are revelations of incurable lust and ignorance then, yeah, he should punish her. Perhaps too cruel, but for her punishment he should lock them both in a room and make her listen to him talk and read what he writes, for hours, maybe days. She'll be ready to kill herself just to escape, and then he won't have to mess with a divorce. Perfect!

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I know its already written, but if it takes a day or three to get it posted that's OK. We can wait.

great story line and execution of thought So real!!!

This thing is jumping around more than kangaroo on cocaine.

I really enjoy your use of the language.

She did something with her brains and worse, doesn't know they're missing. She knew fully that she was hurting him and refused to come clean. His tirade said it all.

Hey,don’t marry stupid…..she’s dumb as a box of rocks

Too much ramble! Tiring, boring.

Jesus, how do I get literotica to pay by the word too?

Great story so far. How stupid could a woman be. She was right when she compared her actions to a high schooler, a single person not someone who was married. She had an affair plain and simple. She can say she had the best of intentions, but she still had an affair. Why did the simply stop inviting him to get together or simply tell him that he was a scum bag and was not wanted? I look forward to the next chapter.

I too think it's too much drama. I think anyone would have gotten to the point by now on both sides. Still, very creative. Time to get to the point.

No ive given up reading just page after page of rubbish

For the first time ever, I’m posting a comment before finishing a read of a story. It’s that, or I throw my IPad out a window 😱

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Just holy shit…..Barry shows up at sister’s house in an attempt to find out what’s going on (presumably). And then readers suffer thru a way too long exchange about coffee mugs?? And when THAT inane waste of words finally ends….this IDIOT does NOT wait around to listen to what Betty and Tom say what they know about things….and those 2 DO NOT just blurt out what the fuck they know or not! And then IDIOT storms off!

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Sorry….but shades of the insipid writing this author engaged in with the interminable “Splashdown”. Ugh….

Another TV script. I enjoyed "Splashdown"; but skipped a lot of the dialogue to get to the point. I like the story but look forward to the. next two parts to get to the point! I do. hope that it doesn't end like "Splash" though!

Im lost. Barry rambles, and there are vague assumptions about Kari and Lewis, then they later hook ip in the park, only going to 2nd or 3rd base, so to speak. Why the hell is Kari's explanation not included in the story? Its nothing but Barry's dtawn out monologue. I wanna know what Kari said. Is that so damn difficult to write?

And then?

I'm hoping for a part 3. Didn't work out hwe I'd thought, kept me guessing.