All Comments on 'Heroine Addiction Pt. 03'

I was really hoping this installment would end with Kari killing herself after finally realizing what a POS she was.

Can you imagine being in conversation with either of these two nimrods, after a minute or two your eyes would glaze over and you’d probably be trying to figure out any one of life’s great mysteries (for there are many) such as the baffling paradox of buying hotdogs in packs of eight and hotdog buns in packs of six…I say it’s the work of the devil.

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What can be said of the story? Well it’s only four chapters so that’s something, compared to Splashdown rolling in at ten chapters this is more like a brisk 750 word project.

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But ultimately the characters have very little emotional meat on their bones so their future holds only a passing interest and frankly they’re too full of themselves to care.

Overall interesting story that could've been made both better & shorter than the 5 pages by using an editor- or simply reading what you wrote; I've confidence in how you tell the story that you could've done this by yourself. I also mean much shorter, starting at the beginning of this story.

In essence, I believe that Keri wanted the experience of the extra-marital experience but didn't expect for hubby to arrive home. So she made the scenario that she hoped would work. She's probably tired of Barry, at least somewhat, & his trips. So here's that party he won't be attending with the object of her affection. Barry, on the other hand, seemed to want to torment his wife longer than necessary. As the story played out thus far, he wasn't about to forgive or work anything out. I both thought his going "Perry Mason" was cute in a way of bringing things to a close, also absurd as Mason took only a few minutes, not a forever in constantly repeating himself. The reference to any James Bond type character was beyond ridiculous.

The dialogue was repetitious to an annoying degree on both Keri's & Barry's side. I give 3 stars for the attempt for this story while hoping that the last part is both short & better written. Although I'm not really needing it that much at this point. Bob

Gave the first two parts five stars. But this as has been repeatedly stated was repetition upon repetition. This could have been done in two pages tops. Probably less. I can only hope part 5 is more like 1 and 2.

I get that this is supposed to be melodrama. Perhaps melodrama is best left to the visual media. Each paragraph makes minimal progress in the plot, while trying to explain the character’s rationale behind their arguments. It feels like there’s a twist coming at the end that the characters all know exists, but they're only waiting to expose it once their argument has exhausted. The problem is that the reader has lost interest in the plot, judged and condemned the perpetrator(s) and moved on.

This story doesn’t set women in no a good light, not Katie, not the other wives either.

This guy was an asshole nobody liked, puffed up in his own importance, telling tale tales of his wealth, adventures and exotic locations. He make suggestive remarks to other men’s wives and everybody disliked him.

Why did they continue to invite him? If they all disliked him, why did the r were omen hang round for his stories and even give him the time of day and why did the husbands not pull them up for it? All easily fixed to anyone with common sense.

But these married ladies hatched a plan to have one of them seduce him, play up to him and get him interested so they could destroy him and sexually humiliate him. Isn’t that pretty damn evil? I mean he was an arsehole bit wasn’t forcing himself on them or groping them. Simply being suggestive and telling tale takes.

I know women have pretty mean nasty streaks in them but really it’s a little psychotic and evil. Just loudly tell him to go away or has I said earlier - stop inviting him.

Has Barry said, one word to the husbands and they’d have shot him out - problem solved.

But no we need a cunning plan, one wife sets off to lead him on and play up to him. Making him think she’s interested, her husband notices and tries to stop it but he’s kept in the dark about the plot (not the other wives or even Kris sister who seems to have know about it )

Kristen thought if telling the other husbands so they’d ease Barry’s worry’s (??) bit she doesn’t want the men involved making it worse? Who could make this plot worse, men would have told them they were off their grass with the bizarre plot)

It makes you wonder how women’s minds work really if they can think this sort of thing makes good sense. Have Kris messing around behind her husbands back, their friends back to burn someone they dislike.

This guys getting attention, kissing, fondling while husbands running around gutted at the behaviour of the wife, she’s having fun and telling him to trust her and he’ll be late going once he knows what it’s really about?

Only one losing out or a looser in this situation is the husband.

How would anyone think a husband would laugh and be proud of his wife after she’s been sexual and emotionally involved with this sneeze.

And Kristen says if the shoe had been on the other foot and the husband had did has she did she would forgive him?? Really, no woman’s ever would do anything but take him to the cleaners and burn him.

She’s too how women manipulate and play men for their own amusement. Sick little minds

Your tendency to over-analyse worked really well for 'Happy Hollowdays', but it's not working for this one.

It's too repetitive for me. The point had been made, move on. You could improve the quality of your work by reducing it

I still appreciate your efforts, your perspectives and your analysis.

Bloody hell. There's no way I would want to be an acquaintance or friend of yours. You have the ability to twist anything into a negative and ensure no good deed goes unpunished. Your verbosity drains the desire and will to resist your flawed logic. The other characters can't wait to be rod of the MC and the divorce to go ahead so they can be free of these pompous blowhards and find a reasonable new partner. Being married to an axe murderer would be preferable than spending another minute with these pompous self centred fools.

This it like reading an essay that repeats the same thought and word till it makes you sick....

As I was reading this, all I could think about is, will this never end. You have five pages, that could have been one. You have a four part story that could have been one. Furthermore, you seem like a good writer, but you need to figure out how to get to the end. Good writing is not going over the same things over and over again. I'm not sure if I want to invest the time to read the final part. As a writer, verbose, is not a good thing.

Now that you are finished with this, how about you rewrite it, and bring it down to one part. It would be a good project. Or, maybe others could give it a shot, like the never ending "February Sucks".

Round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows. I just want to skip to the end!

Why all the drama? She cheated; hubby has correctly analyzed her actions and she has confirmed them. She is selfish,self-centered and wilful to the point that her wishes and desires came first, even if they directly contradicted what her husband had requested. Her "mission" was her reliving being the hot girl who could make fools out of guys. She wanted to make a fool out of Lewis and succeeded in making a fool out of her husband.

Why would he trust her ever again. She does what she wants even if it hurts her husband and goes against his very reasonable requests. Enough. Dump her and stop with all the agonizing.

P.S. This author's writing is both pretentious and embarrassingly ignorant. He uses unusual words, often incorrectly, that would never be part of an actual conversation; his diction is pompous, showy, but artificial,like a very precocious 11 year old showing off for his parents' friends. Enough.

Having waded through that verbal diarrhoea of dialogue for five pages I will not be subjecting myself to wade through any more. Seriously you need an editor, your dialogue is repetitive and implausible. Not to mention you have this scene set in a restaurant, and they would have been asked to leave one minute after Kari leapt into the monologue. If you want to write an overwrought repetitive novel put it in the novel section.

Too verbose to slog thru anymore, just became work instead of fun.

Ugh - 3.3*

Okay!

3

Absolutely BORING

Interested in your continuing story, but damn, let’s get to it.

My god! Just tell him you fucked the dirt bag and move on. Every chapter is a rehash of the same stuff.

You have a future writing for soap operas.

I still don't understand the idea of the plan of all the ladies and Kari in particular. Was she supposed to laugh at the size of his penis and refuse him? And this, supposedly, was supposed to turn him into a stinking, wormy corpse? Ha, for a character who thinks of himself as a god for women, it's like a pebble on the path... Simply, he would assume that the husband of this particular wife has a bigger penis... But he almost got into her panties, which means he's cool! It's an accident, nothing more... And how would Kari have been able to demonstrate the complete fiasco and humiliation of Lewis in front of her girlfriends-neighbors, if there were no video cameras and witnesses, as I understood, there was no provision?

And further... And Kari didn't consider the possibility that Lewis would get too excited and, taking advantage of his superiority in physical strength, simply rape her? Or, realizing what she was up to - one blow to Kari's jaw and she would go out like a light. And he will use her body in an unconscious state... Or what? According to militant feminists, they say: "Even if a woman jumps on top of a man's penis and repeats in a whisper - no, no, no. Does this make it clear that she did not consent to sexual intercourse with this man and the man is obliged to stop?" By the way, in court and under oath - all the neighbors (if they didn't want to perjure themselves) - would have to admit that Kari flirted and got close to Lewis and that all this was very similar to seduction and interest in sex on Kari's part...

It reminded me very much of a story (I don't remember the name and author), where a loving wife, out of the best and kindest intentions, decided to meet and talk to a boss who undeservedly underestimated, bullied and schemed her husband... From a cup of coffee to lunch, from dinner together to dancing, from a kiss on the cheek and a night in a motel... And when the discouraged husband found out about her "help" in his career, his wife also made big eyes and was surprised and indignant: "But, dear! I did it all for you, for us... So that you never come home so tired and annoyed again..."

Still not sure what or how her elaborate plan was going to hurt Lewis so much

"As far as I'm concerned this DOES count as cheating! Feeling each other up, sharing kisses, chewing on each other in a passionate embrace; that's adultery. You'd done it before in varying degrees. You went out of your way to do it when you knew I'd be away. That's conspiring to do it, which is no accident. All of those are defining elements of cheating. Of an ongoing affair actually."

Yeah, yeah..

And tell me, dear Kari, did he just caress your earlobe or did his fucking disgusting little finger penetrate your auditory canal? And how deep? Did you come when he touched your virgin eardrum? Or maybe he's so good that you whirled in a string of orgasms when he reached for your cerebellum?

Well, nonsense... With such a degree of jealousy and arrogance, this man should walk with two Colts on his belt and shoot every male who dared to look at his precious wife... Well, what about it? Did you look at the tits? Get a bullet between your eyes, you libertine!

Please don't ever consider writing anything again.

"Feeling each other up, sharing kisses, chewing on each other in a passionate embrace; that's adultery.."

====> certainly cheating but as described, not adultery as that requires sexual intercourse.

Despite that this story has gone off the rails with long dialog chains repetition, and overkill analysis.

And now we get the reveal she went to Lewis' house. Seems like the whole chapter was to pontificate and then get to that tidbit. Seems there is no way she can prove she didn't go agrther than the night he caught them. Whatever. I did like the James Bond analogy though.

Part of ur description says bring in Perry Mason. Perry wouldn’t have taken this long to figure things out.

Endless self-aggrandizing speeches…

Jesus, why'd I read that? This could have been dummed up in two paragraphs or less.

You cheated. You kissed each other... Stop with the bullshit u didn't kiss back... You didn't stop it so you were ok with it so you were kissing together. Groping each other together. Touching Private parts of each other... Together. You jacked him off. You whispered seductively to each other and made plans of running off whether real or pretend. The reason makes no difference if you weren't somehow forced. You did those things and that's cheating.

If she wants to say not true, the simple answer is bullshit, see above. Why does that take 5 pages especially when it's already been covered n previous chapters....

And I agree with highbrow in terms of the speech... Not speeches it read practically like a soliloquy where no one got a word in edgewise...

5 more pages of blah, blah, blah. I quit reading. must be written by a marriage consular, lawyer or a politician. LOL