Heroine Addiction Pt. 04

Part 4 of 4.

Heroine Addiction

Part 4

Barry and Kari and Susan

"Barry," Kari's voice was practically a hiss, she wasn't capable of giving full voice, "I left the party early and went home. B-But only to make it look good. Then I went over to Lewis' house."

I got the impression Kari's head was bowed, but I couldn't look at her. I was looking at Susan, who was shocked and angered.

"The ladies knew where I was going and knew to look out for me. I thought that once I turned the tables on him, my being at his place would give him bad memories that invaded his house, meaning one more good reason for him to move."

Her voice took on more urgency.

"I only went into his kitchen or bathroom. I wanted to be outside where I could be heard if things went sidewards and had to scream. We, uh, he played soft music and we danced; slow danced on his patio, a-and the grass ... barefoot. And we drank, I made sure to pour some of mine out when he looked away. I said complementary things to him. I didn't give him the full treatment like you heard. I was nice this time, not making fun of him like I wish you'd heard. I-I said nice things to him ... about him."

Head popping up, Kari looked directly at me, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Yes Barry, I went too far. That's where most of the bad behavior happened. He groped and stroked me, over the clothes. And he held me, and we ground on each other. And I made him believe ... I could be had." Kari's voice became a whisper, "I was there two hours. The first thirty minutes staying just out of reach. Then I let him reach me, then about each thirty minutes I let him get away with a bit more. I became, damn, more interested in him and more complimentary to set the hook."

Kari broke down. Susan's scornful eyes drilled bullets in the back of Kari's head, before she turned them on me in ... longing sympathy. The way a woman looks at you letting her eyes say, "I can make you feel better, I can heal you. I want to heal you," in a way that seduces herself as well as you.

Kari's voice broke the moment, "Barry, I planned everything. I didn't let it get out of control. I certainly didn't let him have what he wanted, well not fully. I was flying high; I guess my ego was fully engorged. I pushed it because ... I was enjoying it. Not his touch and not him but wrapping him around my little finger. So, I let myself set the hook a little deeper and then again, and horribly one last time. I'm thinking it's worse that while I was the one controlling the tempo that it went so far.

"I should have left at least thirty minutes earlier if not an hour. While I had Lewis fully under control, I was a little out of control. I wanted to make up for time I'd squandered on the plan earlier. But I didn't let it go because I was intoxicated on, damn me, seducing him. I dreamed some of my daydreams while dancing with him. That's when I would come out of it to find he was trying to push his tongue in my mouth. I really don't ever remember letting him put his lips on mine. He did it while I was dreaming of Caribbean beaches and Monaco."

Kari stopped. Her face buried in her hands her shoulders heaving. She fought admirably until she spoke again with a croak, "Barry, I know you need to hear this. The first thirty minutes if he got a touch, it was glancing and fleeting. I stayed out of reach like a matador. H-He got more than that sometimes as we passed at parties.

"We danced the next thirty minutes. We started fast dancing, but I danced close a couple times. No slow dancing. But he was holding my hand or hip as we danced.

The next thirty minutes we slow danced. We were very close, touching pretty constantly. I-I ground him and let him grind me. He tried to kiss me. I don't think he succeeded, but you would think he did. His hands roamed -- over my clothes. My arms were around his neck - a lot, which left me ... open to his hands. Only over my clothes. I had him panting. He wanted me very badly. I'd shut him down only to let him think he had a chance to take me to his room or, forgive me, that maybe he had a chance right there in his fenced backyard.

The last thirty minutes I was running on an ego high, what you described as a "heroine addiction". I was high on power and letting my mind go to those exotic places. A couple of times it got really hot. I backed off coming back from a sea grape covered Jamaican beach. I'm not sure how far he got while I was traveling in my head, but he never got under my clothes."

Kari stalled, looking very drawn and very worried.

"Barry, I'm remembering some things that maybe I didn't want to remember. But I came back from my daydreaming where I'd been in your arms on the beach. You were seducing me; you have the power over me I used to have over men."

Kari looked away, "I'm pretty sure now his tongue was in my mouth. That's when I decided to leave. I know. It's hazy. I wanted the fantasy movie in my head, I sure didn't want Lewis in his backyard. I'd set the hook so I could leave. I stayed too long, I consoled myself focusing on how it would make the eventual take down that much more devastating. I'm so sorry."

I felt their eyes on me. I took it slow and controlled my rising tides of bile and anger. "So that night I spend crying at your loss because you were likely cheating on me was dead-on accurate and real."

Tears streamed down my wife's cheeks as she looked into my eyes. She was forlorn, and I saw she had more she had to tell me.

"Barry, there's more. No, I never let him have complete or unfettered access to me. He never stroked my private parts flesh on flesh." She exhaled with labor, "I made some pretty provocative moves though. Ones you wouldn't be happy about."

She looked up at me worried as hell determined to tell me something more.

"I swear I never screwed him. I slept alone in our bed that night. But once I got home, I drank: two tall margaritas. I had the mix made up in the fridge, I do that time of year. I drank one downstairs, but I was already drunk on power. I was laughing aloud, almost skipping through the house. I took the second drink upstairs and took it right inside the shower. I had a long hot steamy one. I-I masturbated in the shower. I came out more primed than sated. I downed the rest of the drink and dug out one of my vibrators and I pleasured myself thoroughly. I got off huge a few times, and a whole slew of small ones."

Kari still looked away, swallowing hard and gasping for breath as sobs wracked her for a short while.

"Barry, in my fantasies I was never with Lewis! I did exactly what you thought. I was in a sports car and then a limo. I was masturbated in the sports car as we drove. I was had bent over its tail later. I was eaten and screwed in the limo. I was screwed slowly and thoroughly on a deserted tropical beach. I was the woman in a sarong and bikini that all the men, and women, couldn't tear their eyes from on the club beach. And yes, I was taken in the surf of a private lagoon. Each time it was a different guy and never once did he have a face. Not once."

Now Kari came apart, "N-Never once did he have your face either, Barry! I was exhausted when I was done. I slept the sleep of the dead. I woke up Sunday morning sore and guilty. Then I remembered what I did the night before. Too much to drink, too much ego, too much sex, too much me!

"Barry, this will sound crazy, but I want and need you to know everything that happened. I was so guilty there was no way I was going to church; hell, I wasn't leaving the house!" Kari shook for a while gulping air as she cried.

Kari got ahold of herself. She cringed looking over at her friend. Kari wasn't crazy about saying these things in front of Susan. She shook her head, "This will sound crazy, though I hope it sounds good to you. The guilt drove me to do something. I got another toy out, a realistic one. One that didn't vibrate. I had to use lube to start because between my guilt, my upset stomach, and general dehydration I couldn't make enough myself. Think about that. I've never had that problem with you.

"You may think this strange, but I made myself replay each of those hot scenarios but with you this time. I felt like I'd cheated on you the night before. Not with Lewis but in my head after I got home. I had wanton satisfying sex, but without you for the first time since we met! I never gave one thought to Lewis and what we did that night, except it was wrong but would eventually bring him down.

"I still got so high in my fantasies it was startling. The way you put it was perfect. I was that femme fatal, that "IT" girl, that golden media diva in real life. I had a plan, I was undercover, I was bringing down a bad guy and it was all working. And damn it, he couldn't resist me.

That I got so high on my ego rush, then got myself off so enthusiastically without imagining it was you seemed ... like I cheated on you. The guilt of the whole thing was crushing. So, I pounded out each scene again with you. I wasn't easy on myself, and I insisted that I cum to even out my debauchery of the previous evening. It's a lot harder when done that way. I simply had to write you into my fantasies, I never should have had them without you!

"Barry have you ever heard someone try to justify an affair saying something like "We only did it when my husband was away. Since he couldn't have my body at that particular time anyway, I felt he didn't lose anything"? The woman will then say that proves she was actually thinking well of her husband as she took a lover. What a crock!

"I never had a thought like that. I never used that sort of justification. I knew right when I woke up that I'd done you wrong. Also, that I'd done you dirty. That's why I had to redo all that masturbation this time being with you! A-After a while I got into it. It was, you were, explosive. You left me an exhausting panting mess. Afterwards, I drank water right out of the faucet. I slept a big chunk of the day. I got up the second time famished and chastened. I thought I was going crazy.

"I had to find a way to stop this. I was leaning towards stopping with Lewis completely. I spoke to some of the gals, they were disappointed I wanted to stop. Unfortunately, that reinforced the mission was something that needed doing. Though I was still leaning against doing anything further, I over thought it as I was over thinking everything by then. If I stopped there, it was only a tale of cheating with nothing to balance it at all!.

"Although I was back on my feet when you came home. The first thing you asked me was whether I'd seen Lewis, in a tone that indicated if I had, that I'd cheated. Damn it, I had seen Lewis and I had cheated, just not together. Still, it was like you saw me and knew! It blew me away; you sunk my battleship! I'd done two things to hurt you, and you hit both; you just didn't know the details or that we were discussing two separate things.

"From that night there was never a thought that I hadn't hurt you. I knew I could never sublet my body, I felt like I'd taken it back from you. That's why I had to relive that hot masturbation session with you in the fantasies with me. I had to share that memory with you. You had to be a part of it. Hell, if I'd come home and done what I did while thinking of you and recorded it, I could have sent it to you, and you would've loved it! It would have put you at ease and entertained you! Except that's not what happened. And I felt every bit I'd cheated on you. I didn't do it with Lewis, I did it with me. I knew it had to end, and that it could never be repeated. This would be escaping an encounter with a tiger or bear: a thing you never wanted to relive.

"Now I find I hurt you far worse than I dreamed." Kari cried harder.

I asked quietly, "Do you have any idea how badly you've hurt me, Kari?"

"I do now, yes sir, yes sir I do."

I sat back. I needed to process what she'd said. I thought it encouraging compared to an ongoing affair with Lewis. But there was still a lot to be upset about. I wanted time to think, I wasn't sure I could make it hurt her worse, or that she didn't understand. There were a few finer points though that needed attention.

"Kari, what about when you were talking to your gal pals when they were beginning to plan this out? I don't know if one of them came up with using you for their revenge or if you thought of it. But someone had the idea that you were just so beautiful that you were the perfect thing for him; him not me. Someone thought you were the perfect woman to take him down and show him the error of his ways. It makes a big difference if you came up with it on your own. I think that idea really appealed to you, stroked your ego, and eventually your libido. I don't think you were thinking of me then."

"Barry, this is important. You can confirm it with any one of them. You have to listen hard because I'll say it poorly. They did think I was perfect for Lewis, the perfect tool for cutting him down to size. Yes, I'm feminine and pretty well built. But you've said it: he's dog nuts, the particular girl doesn't matter. But I had the ultimate weapon to use on him: I was immune to him. Why? Because we are the perfect couple, we're made for each other. We belong together."

I was having trouble breathing.

"Barry, you and I just fit. We're the neighborhood power couple."

Oh man! When Kari said "we" I thought she meant her and Lewis. Thank God, she meant her and me! I blew out a long slow breath as the constriction in my chest eased. Susan chewed her lip understanding what I'd just been through.

"They actually included you in their comprehensive made-up-on-the-fly plan." Kari tried to smile, "The point is they thought of you from the get-go. I was used to guys hitting on me, I was sort of an expert on how to take them down."

Kari started to panic, "No, wait, I said that wrong. H-How to cut them down to size! And I was into you. VERY into you. And Lewis has always been scared of you. Once I cut him off at the ankles there was no way he would pursue me, he'd have to take no for an answer because if not he'd have to deal with you. I'm perfect with you and that was supposed to be perfect kryptonite for Lewis."

I hadn't realized Lewis was scared of me. I wasn't sure I was buying what she was saying. I didn't think she was lying; I just hadn't thought of that angle.

"Kari, I don't think I came up until much later in your plan to take down Lewis, and when I did, I was only an impediment to what everyone wanted."

"No Barry, the ladies did think of you, as part of me. I'd only be doing the leg work." That expression made her blush. Kari kept painting pictures she didn't want anyone to see, "But you were the weapons system behind the negotiations that kept the opposition in line."

"Kari, you didn't decide to stop what you were doing when you realized it would hurt me. Damaging me became an acceptable prospect, not something you would never consider. Isn't that how you could lie to me?"

Kari was desperate and flustered, "No Barry, not a lie, no. I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you what I was doing. You said yourself I didn't promise not to see Lewis. You mistook why I wanted to see him. I know it hurt you that I didn't explain, I thought lying would be worse. I couldn't lie to you. I didn't. I did something you wouldn't like, but I never lied about it. You can believe what I tell you past, present, and future. I-I didn't want to derail the plan. I felt I was the girl to take him down."

Her lips smacked together like someone who had recently thrown up or a cow chewing its cud.

"Barry, I see where my pride entered the picture now. I should've told you then. It had gotten so complicated, and I was so near the end." Kari hissed at herself through clenched teeth, "I've no credibility now. I was always going to tell you. I just wanted to wait until there was a mountain of evidence to prove my words. I swear I wasn't trying to hide inappropriate behavior from you, but to shield the ugly side of me from you. I was trying to protect you ... and your image of me, for both of us." She put the edges of her teeth together. Her expression was that of an inventor of aircraft watching if the prototype could actually take the wind.

I sighed, "What would you have told me, Kari, a sanitized version? Or that you went to great lengths to bait him in, but never fess up to your cheating actions? In your case "not lying" is completely different from being honest.

"How far would your truthful report have gone? Would you have told me what liberties you granted him or the acts you performed on him, or any of the other not so innocent things you did to burn him with your flame? You already had that fire turned too high. Even if we omit the context that you shouldn't have shared anything, you'd already shared way too much with him. Would you have told me anything if I didn't catch you grinding on him, one of his hands on your hip with his thumb beside your mons, and the other hand cupping your breast? Your hand on his ass pulling his hardness into your privates, while you sucked on his ear and used your tongue to lick it while jacking him off with your other hand? Or would you have just said you flirted with him? How honest would you have been? How honest are you being now?"

"Oh God. Oh God, I'm sorry!" Kari brought her hands to her face hiding herself from me.

"Where do we start Kari? You don't tell me the truth but protest you don't lie. You say you didn't grind when you let him grind you. If you lay there like a dead fish and let him have you, would you say you didn't have sex because only he moved?

"From what I saw you sure as hell were grinding on him, it's all the worse if you think letting him cup your ass and grind your privates into his doesn't count because you didn't grind back. We won't even have a common frame of reference from which to discuss our already obvious differences in appropriate behavior if we can't agree on the definition of the terms.

"I'm willing to bet that if people saw some of the flirting you engaged in, they'd be shocked to find you were married to another man. Lewis was coming to the party to see you. He knew where to meet you, which indicates mutual planning. You probably told him I was out of town too. I'm pretty sure from just those factors and maybe more, Lewis thought he was going on a date with you. If this was just a build him up a little then pull the rug out deal, why take it that far? That seems to exceed the parameters you've tried to sell me."

She sobbed, "The closer to the flame the worse the burn. I'm so sorr..." she stopped and changed direction, "I-I wanted everything in public, at least with our friends, because when I explained it to you, I needed corroborators. E-Except for the worst behavior, when I set the hook and burned him down. I didn't want that on record. I didn't want that out there for you to ever stumble across. Your wife's perceived regard for you should not be subject to context or interpretation. I just wanted you to know I burned him down."

"But I get burned worse than him ... every single time you're with him! Each increment you ratcheted up with him, you ratcheted up my humiliation, each ratchet was a farther distance you threw me away."

"Barry, it's ironic that I went to great lengths to keep you from seeing my ... flirting with Lewis, yet you did. I went to even greater lengths so you would never have to know the worst of it. Yet you sailed right in and saw it all play out right in front of you. You got a command performance of The Cheating Wife Show for an audience of one. You saw it, you heard it, but you never got to see the final act. All my precautions were blown to hell. And here we are dealing with the ramifications. You're hurt. Your faith in me is shattered. Everything we're living through today is what I was working so hard to avoid. This is precisely what I didn't want."