All Comments on 'Heroine Addiction Pt. 03'

by Choppedliver

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  • 131 Comments
Oatmeal1969Oatmeal19698 months ago

Was this created by AI? It's like a hamster wheel with no real progression in story. It could have been a lot shorter.

I don't want to further criticize this story because my points will sound insulting.

CharetteCharette8 months ago

I agree per se , but one thing to keep in mind:

1. it is not a wank story

2. the problem of Kari is more real than some may think. Displacement always works both ways.

Barry loves his wife , he doesn't know 100% if she has had physical sex , yes she has .... more or less an affair with Lewis , was not with amorous desire , but the fanasy was there.

As long as Kari does not realize and accept the truth, there will be no solution to the issue, so her suspicion must be lifted/broken so she can face the reality of her actions.

Otherwise Barry will be confronted over and over again either by her or "well-meaning" friends/acquaintances ect with the story and a healing will not really take place.

3. yes she has done several actions that would not pass the spouse test.

Many will now scream: Burn the Bitch, salt the earth and build a skyscraper on it.

Others will know that feelings are never really that simple and straight, sometimes yes, sometimes no, it always depends on the people involved.

JoeBetterBNiceJoeBetterBNice8 months ago

Awful. Doesn't make any sense that any wife would think this was okay or that any husband would put up w/ the betrayal. On the other hand, you could have just labeled this "cuckold content" and saved those of us not interested in those stories some time.

DrPopeDrPope8 months ago

Omg I was reading this utterly long winded thing …,with a rather interesting narrative ( getting to the actual narrative is difficult as you have to wade through literally the most repetitive and boring annoying characters in lit history… gives Xleglover a run for his money) thief it hit me …. This was written by AI ! Yep for sure it was. Now it was obviously heavily prompted and edited in patches but …. And this is the Perry Mason moment…. There are paragraphs and even sentences within some where the generally perfect grammar simply disappears only to return immediately. A telltale sign of heavy AI writing…. Nothing wrong with the human part of the take … the narrative is good however it’s kind of like the story really…. This Ian Fleming doesn’t pass the reader test.

AardieAardie8 months ago

She went to his house!?! What time did she get home? This was an affair where she was doing things despite being warned not to. She would have to be insane to think he would see her as a heroine later.

schulz777schulz7778 months ago

You've had a good idea but you've made it unnecessary way too long and somehow annoying

3 starrs is the best you can hope

114FSO114FSO8 months ago

What a FUCKING ENTITLED CUNT. Kick her into the middle of the street, and enact Sharia Law. Stone the Adulterous Bitch.

I am upset by her actions because society condones slutty actions, rewarding females for their faithless actions. Females can do no wrong according to the legal system. Men on the other hand are guilty until stripped of everything, and all that is given to the female.

Dont_miss_meDont_miss_me8 months ago

Perry Mason would be pissed off about how long winded you are. Three stars for what started out as a five star series.

HarddaysknightHarddaysknight8 months ago

You have made this almost impossible to read. Kari says she was not cheating. Barry says she was. They restate their positions over and over and...

someoneothersomeoneother8 months ago

After the very long and uneventful Parts 1 and2, this is an unnecessarily long attempt to get to the main event. Author started with an interesting premise, but then sabotaged the story by pages of angst and secrecy in Parts 1 and 2 which are now supplemented with this Part 3 that is very long and repetitive. The length and repetition renders the story barely readable.

numbnutz49numbnutz498 months ago

HDK and someoneother say it perfectly - what was said in parts 1 and 2 were then repeated over and over again. All the readers got was the introduction of a new character. Some repetition is needed in some stories - this was a waste of a five page chapter just to get to the 'shoe drop' on the last line. Was that a shock? Not at all!

onlythelonelyloveonlythelonelylove8 months ago

Oh well,

It’s a train wreck. But you want a hero who is addicted to being a hero, so why not!

Buster2UBuster2U8 months ago

So Kari finally admits that she went to Lewis's house. How many times? How many times did they fuck? Was she there all night? Barry's opinion is accurate, she acted like a whorel There is NO redemption for Kari, she fucked Lewis over and over many times. She really enjoyed it and maybe fell in love with Lewis. What a POS cheater. Kari completely deludes herself. Her marriage is over like Barry thought. Buster2U

groaningbumpgroaningbump8 months ago

The only saving grace here is that this is a four part story rather than the dumpster fire that Splashdown became. You have a good story that could have been a one or two parter. Why do you insist on dragging things out? You just repeat things over and over again. Brevity is the soul of wit. Cut out the needless repetition and I think you've got some really good stories here. 3 stars, thanks for sharing - gb

Sloburn38Sloburn388 months ago

Good idea, but you use 100 words when you could say it in 10. The other problem is that you take those 100 words and say them over and over again.

Just too much

phill1cphill1c8 months ago

She wanted fucked. She maybe got fucked.

Her lying/explaining it and him whining about it really hasn't changed.

It's a ridiculous premise anyway. None of these women have been anywhere?! Seen anything?! Why is dipshit even there, if he could be in "exotic" places? And if you don't like someone, you ignore him. you don't fuck them. This is junior high stuff.

Turning502019Turning5020198 months ago

Way too much like the astronaut story for me. Gotta sit through 4 or 10 chapters to hear 1 chapter worth of story. Scrolled through a lot of this for repetition.

dragonmann72dragonmann728 months ago

She claims she didn't have sex with Lewis (same as she didn't kiss him when she did) yet you end the chapter with

"I left the party early and went home. B-But only to make it look good. Forgive me Barry, then I went to Lewis' house."

I know, they went there to bake cookies. If she had been to his house once, why the big set up in the bushes unless she wanted Barry to catch them?

Buster2UBuster2U8 months ago

Kari finally faces the fact that she became a willing slut for Lewis. That she went over to his house for an all night fuck session every time her husband left town. Finally here at the last paragraph of this chapter she admits she went to his house and next chapter will reveal many times she went for unbridled lust, a total fuck and suck session over and over again. Kari may be a very hot woman, but I have personally known many hot women that are crazier than bat shit. Kari, is probably a duel personality or "Bi-Polar" whatever that is. She can't admit that she is a cheater and a liar, but we all know that she is, and her Husband is doing a wonderful job of making her she what she has done to their marriage. Great Writing. 10 stars. Thanks, Buster2U

gatorhermitgatorhermit8 months ago
As somebody else noted, “tedious”

Way too much repetition (as HDK noted). Difficult to care about any of these characters.

StoneyWebbStoneyWebb8 months ago

I don't think you could have drawn this story out any more than you have already, and you supposedly have one more installment. A word of advice if you intend to continue writing - lesss is more.

andyinozandyinoz8 months ago

Kari is a brain-dead bimbo, and this story is pure drivel.

RePhilRePhil8 months ago

Ok already. How many times do we need hear/read the same arguments over and over. Move on for heavens sake.

FireFox59FireFox598 months ago

You have really good ideas for stories but the incessant repeating of things really ruins your stories. As someone else mentioned some times less is more and that is certainly the case here.

t8ntliklyt8ntlikly8 months ago

Wrap it already. Add me to the list of 'sometimes less is more' believers.

ibbunkibbunk8 months ago

I believe that a story has a problem when you can skip an entire page and not miss anything.

Same setting, same characters making the same arguments.

This story is a small rowboat lost on an ocean of words.

Wildbill314Wildbill3148 months ago

Is there ever an ending? Hopefully in less than 10,000 more words

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Never write anything your readers will quickly skim through. This story, so far breaks that rule.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

This is to long and drawn out. My score for each chapter keeps getting lower because Kari and Barry are more pathetic the longer this goes on.

Kari is a self serving wannabe slut that regardless of her intentions or how far the physical and intimate acts went with Lewis cheated on Barry.

Barry is a crying simp that loves Kari more than he respects himself.

At this point the conversations are just too much both Kari and Barry would be better off married to other people or at least single.

Part 4 is definitely going to turn into some ridiculous acrobatics to them to reconcile with the LW cliche set of twins a year later and be happily married for the rest of their lives.

Maybe I will be wrong and Barry will kill himself, it is about the only way for him to save face since he moved out for month and still didn’t have the balls to at least contact a divorce lawyer.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Don't bother writing another, it's crap. No progress at all. Waste of everyone's time

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

He said she said. What have you proven with this number of pages of dribble. Nothing!

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Please, find another hobby

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

I thought this dreck was over and I suffered through it. But it appears there is a part 4. God help me.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Following Chapter 2 of this series, I attempted to recognize the worthwhile challenges the author set for himself in the story line and to point out the successes he had achieved by that time. Sadly, my view of this work has changed significantly after reading Chapter 3. The incessantly perseverative nature of the interactions between the MC and his wife (the sexual vigilante wannabe) has begun to be earily reminiscent of an obsessional mental illness. There is no art in watching the ill suffer, and no justification for being a voyeur to their pain. I no longer see a valid purpose that can be served by this endeavor. Continuing would not exemplify grit or determination, but instead would demonstrate an inability to acknowledge and take responsibility for a mistake in judgement. Unfortunately, there can be no successful recovery in this circumstance, and the detritus is not worth the cost of salvage.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Just divorce the stupid bitch and be done with it.

lujon2019lujon20198 months ago

three chapters on and yet no explanation on how sucking Lewis tonge while he tweaked her nipples and got a hand job was supposed to be a "bad thing" for Lewis

mndhanson017mndhanson0178 months ago

I agree with Oatmeal and Joe, this is all over the place and just feels like a forced reconciliation or cuckold because that convoluted messed up plan was something that she didn't need to do and they all could have discussed with their husbands as it was clear that none of the husbands liked Lewis.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Not more different from the long NASA tale: an unbelievable weak cuck husband, a "smart" narcissistic slut wife and a lot of psycho-chat to make the cheating-cuck events acceptable.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

A very slow-building fetish-cuck tale in progress.

lujon2019lujon20198 months ago

I was never going to touch him there, where you saw my hand, not skin on skin!

.

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Great, so if I dont take off my pants and wear a condom I can fuck your wife and it wont be cheating?

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

How many times can you say the same thing and call it a story?

JensensloverJensenslover8 months ago

"Kari gasped at having her heroic plan referred to as an affair. She fought to keep her emotions in check so she could hear the rest of what Jack was telling her."

I got this far, I'm done, how many more pathethic gasps does she need before she wakes up to herself? Her HUSBAND has told her she's cheating repeatedly in the previous chapter! Yet she gasps AGAIN with 'friends'? You got your user name right, Choppedliver fits, liver is sickening, so is this longwinded, boringly repeatitive, dragged out RUBBISH!

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Okay, forget what I said about learning from Splashdown feedback. You need a good editor. Compelling story is weakened by the excessive rehashing of actions and feelings previously shared with the reader.

neilnblowme2neilnblowme28 months ago

sorry sorry kiss kiss make up and live happily ever after

the pain and suffering is his own fault

not the wife not the friends his own

he let it go too far

if nobody liked the sleaze ball why was he always invited?

my words to my so called friends would have been ... you invite him i won t be there

if the wife goes anyway leave her too .... nothing is worth all the pain suffering humiliation not even the golden pussy

one sided love in a marriage is no marriage so cut your loses and leave and don t come back

if you go back stop whining and lead the life of a cuckold ... because she ll do it again and again

good luck to the husband .... he ll need it

great writing though by a talented author

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

2 stars and lucky to get it. What arrogant supercilious writing.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

God awful. Just long winded and very pointless. Hard to follow. If you had an editor. They would have cleaned out the bullshit.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

She's an addict, and they can't have stable relationships with anyone. Not until the addiction is gone. He deserves more than her. I hope she has the ability to realize that. I don't care if she gets better and reconciles with him, or they split as friends. She NEEDS help, and she should absolutely realize he deserves better than what she currently offers. That's baseline for a healthy outcome.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

So for what it's worth, this is what you created: I read part one, and... just no. I skimmed part two in about three minutes for morbid curiosity and thought I was just reading part one again. Because I like a good train wreck, I jumped immediately to the last page of this one... and MISSED NOTHING. I understood exactly what's going on because you have just about zero actual content. This is maybe the worst waste of a mechanically good writing skill I've ever even heard of.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Amazing - I can't believe how its possible to spin what should be a 100 word discussion into a 2000 word diatribe. It takes a real skill and obviously a lot of effort to write so many words that say nothing.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Pointless. I really don’t care how it ends anymore.

SunnyU2SunnyU28 months ago

Going in circles

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

OK, I don't like your writing. But this is a really interesting expand of trickle truthing! So, please:

1. The cross examination discussions are unrealistic. No one in real life could avoid scoring cheap points on their opponent for that long. These would be better phrased as internal monologue.

2. Is Susan meant to be an audience insert character? How long is this lady going to stare at the car crash? (that's the priviledge of readers here!)

3. The essential story points are solid, but more editing would benefit the story. You should be able to edit out 20% of this and still hit everything that needs to be hit.

So, overall, please keep writing. It's an interesting plot line that seems to existing in real life but be poorly represented on this site.

OldGuy1946OldGuy19468 months ago

My head is still swimming from all the analogies and metaphors. Almost need a scorecard to keep track of them.

OG

KaeyoKaeyo8 months ago

Good premise, but far to much repetition.

Xzy89c1Xzy89c18 months ago

It makes sense. This author wrote the absurd cheating astronaut story. Not sure which one is worse but I am out.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

This could have been 1-2 pages long. Repeating the issues over and over again makes this guy seem like a crying boy. Men don’t act nor sound like this. The storyline is actually good and different.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Far to repetitive and way to long, Far to repetitive and way to long, Far to repetitive and way to long and now for the Perry Mason moment, Far to repetitive and way to long

Frank66Frank668 months ago

Oh the arrogance- of the writer, not the characters. The male character, the MC, is more proud of himself and his ability to put words together (Perry Mason, really?) than his respect of his wife. He doesn't love her, he loves his brilliance, as noted by his constantly looking over at Susan to make sure his audience is getting it. HDK said it best- "almost impossible to read".

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Too many words to tell too little story. Add the self-indulgence of bringing out the thesaurus to use uncommon terms to give the impression that the author is smarter than he is, then this is a train wreck. Forget part 4. I don’t really care.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Good god, this is too long. The constant rehashing of the same conversations over and over is ridiculous, could have been half as long and much better.

wonder203wonder2038 months ago

I just can't take any more of this reputative tripe

MattblackUKMattblackUK8 months ago

Oh, dear. What happens next?

dragonmann72dragonmann728 months ago

The more I think about this story, the more mt brain hurts.

So, just like 'Splashdown', only in five less chapters, Barry will end up with Susan, Kari will end up in a mental ward for 'Heroine Addiction'. So the series goes from a 370-380 point range to, if your lucky, to 350. At least Gary got to spank the Russian on TV.

katibkatib8 months ago

Thought of Will Shakespeare's comment: "Brevity is the soul of wit." Chopped Liver—You aint got it!

King_MacAulayKing_MacAulay8 months ago

Dude! What are you doing?? I couldn't get through this because I couldn't listen to them say the same paragraph 3-5 times in a row, just in a slightly different way! It's too much man!!! I'm not joking, please find an editor here to have your characters thoughts and conversations be chopped by a half if not two thirds. I like your ideas, I like the dialogue too, BUT NOT THE SAME PHRASE A DIFFERENT WAY OVER AND OVER.

Please, please take that to heart. I follow you, I look forward to your writings, but on this story especially, you need to cut out repeated dialogue.

sloggerslogger8 months ago

Conversation is a writing of 5 pages that could have been done in 1 & 1/2. I look forward to the conclusion if only to end this poor bastard's problem. After the husbands beat the crap out of the slime bucket, their wives should have done the same to Kari.

cookingwithgascookingwithgas8 months ago

Okay, going to try to be as objective as possible. That's because I see great potential in you. Untapped potential. Somewhere near the top of page 3, Barry says, "I was almost finished." At the bottom of page 4 he says, "I was near the end..." There were about 2500-3000 words between that, all saying and meaning the same thing. I agree with many others about the dialogue used being too rich, as if the characters were practicing for a spelling bee.

But as I read, and thinking back to "Astronaut," I saw how melodramatic the stories are; meaning to say, it seems you're writing a play instead of a book. The extra words seem to be replacing the character's facial expressions, although you still take time to write those in there as well. Hence, the characters come off as unbelievable, then the settings come off that way as well. Where was the server in the restaurant scene with Susan? Surely, they would have returned, trying to move the table along, if, in fact, they didn't actually close for the night during the extremely lengthy discussion. Same with romantic "Jungle Book" grottoes in a public park. City officials just about everywhere keep the trees trimmed to 14' so kids don't climb them and fall, triggering a lawsuit.

Forget the faulty scenes for a moment. I challenge you, because I really like your creativity on the premises, to take this same story - change the names of all the characters - and then rewrite and submit it as a 750-word project. Don't change the premise, plot line, or arc. Just trim it down to what two normal people would say and do.

The thing is, that's good practice for you unless your intent is to torture your readers and take precious time out of their day. Your potential is evident in that the first parts of your stories score high, and then the scores go down steadily as we get deeper into the tale. If it's just your style to write in this manner, then so be it. It likely means you don't like my style or stories at all. I want to score some of your work as a five, and hope I can someday.

jlg07jlg078 months ago

I'd have to divorce her even if she didn't cheat. Her mission is just delusional. They could have just not invited him to their parties. Done

Regguy69Regguy698 months ago

Please carefully reread what CWG had to say. He has done you a great service. Like him, I see much potential in your work but you have to forgo the prose and write normal dialogue. That said, I look forward your next installment. I haven’t scored this, as yet. I’ll wait for the conclusion.

decathlondecathlon8 months ago

Something has been nibbling on my cerebrum about this author's writing style, and it finally came to me. This is written like a woman thinks: all emotion -- examining every trivial thought, action, and emotion endlessly on repeat, and still no assurance of a result. A man typically assesses the problem and develops a solution in as direct a course as possible with adjustments as needed. This leads me to believe the author is likely female. An author like dtiverson could take the same premise and knock it out in four pages or less and provide a more satisfying experience while covering every single element.

EastCoaster1EastCoaster18 months ago

Hanging on to the end, and hoping like he'll it's going to have been worthwhile...

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Thank you, CS! Your story has elements of repetitiveness, in a way, but I still find this repetitiveness necessary to be the eye opener it really is, at least for me. The MC trying to get a deeper and deeper understanding of Kari's actions and hidden motives and thus trying to lead his wife to understand herself is fascinating to watch. Thanks again!

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

I doubt a man like Lewis could be crushed by a woman. If he didn't become violent he would try to destroy her life and marriage. He probably kept momentos of his women and would have evidence. The dog shit analogy was perfect. Kari thought her husband would be proud of her actions and not notice the smell.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

very long and repetitive.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Good Lord is Kari one messed up female 🤗

.

Although still overly verbose, hubby’s interrogation of Kari in front of Susan elicited info that confirmed that she is not wife material…at least for him. We learned that she was a huge cock tease when single. We learned that she can easily justify any behavior in order to fit her selfish expectations. We learned that she lies. And we also learned that she is dumber than a box of rocks to think her husband would EVER not be affected by her “mission” — which she eagerly volunteered for because it gave her an excuse to reprise her cock teasing past….with enthusiasm.

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What is not clear is whether Barry really wants to reconcile with this nutjob or not. Although Kari has repeatedly claimed she never fuck Lewis, it sure does look like she did just about everything else….including at his house the night of the block party. Why would Barry want to remain with this IDIOT after learning that at the end of this chapter?

.

Got a bit better.

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3 ***

silentsoundsilentsound8 months ago

Spicy. Perry Mason and Bond.... good fun.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

She is a lieing slut and I smell a RAAC , not wasting anymore time on this.

Tomh1966Tomh19668 months ago

Brilliant story I am going to finish reading it. The plot was different than most stories and I appreciate this massively.

I didn't score it because I did not want to lower the score and I understand the 'fun' of the 1 bombers on LW.

Seriously as someone who wants you to keep writing... Chop the size down.

1 was fine if a bit wordy but not serious.

2 could have been a half to a page shorter.

3 could have been 1 to one and a half pages shorter.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

This story gives a prime example of "Trickle Truth" . This issue of a cheater lying to the faithful partner to either preserve the relationship, minimize certain aspects of the affair (or to deny it entirely), or -as is often claimed- to ‘protect’ the faithful partner from further pain. The term “Trickle-Truth” isn’t entirely honest, though, so let’s not dress this manipulative strategy up into something that sounds more palatable than the truth. Let’s spell it out: Trickle-Truth is a euphemism for Continued Lying.

The cheater withholds ‘damaging’ information and presents a façade of truth while the faithful partner whittles away at the story. The faithful partner begins to find that the details don’t corroborate, or their recollection is different to the new truth being presented to them, or they discover some tangible piece of evidence (emails, Facebook contact, strange earring in the bed…) that clearly unearths another lie. Driven by a need to piece together and process the real history of their lives during their partner’s affair, the faithful partner examines, re-examines and dissects every word, and lo and behold, yet more ‘truth’ comes oozing out.

Every discovery of every lie is replaying the emotional turmoil of when the affair was first discovered. It’s a repeat assault on their sense of safety, emotional well-being and self-esteem, but this time there is an added punch to the gut as they chastise themselves for being so stupid for believing the cheater at all.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago
The author does not learn

This author pays no attention to feedback.

Go read the comments for his other ungodly long and drawn out story series the Splashdown.

Could have copied and pasted many of the same comment there to this thread.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Do not lie to your readers. Characters can lie. Unreliable narrators can lie. The tactic in storytelling you have used does not allow for this. Therefore, either nothing but over the clothes stuff happened before the park fight or Kari's explanation of what was about to happen in the park makes absolutely no sense. That would mean she is lying about her plan or that you wrote yourself into a corner.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

As with the astronaut story, this is wordy, repetitive, and overwritten beyond belief. Yet it holds a certain compulsive fascination. Why do I—and lots of other readers apparently—continue following a story with so many faults? My guess is that behind the overwrought prose there is a genuine feeling of loss and betrayal that we sense is genuine. Why, after all, do we read Loving Wives stories in the first place? Isn’t a lot of it simply to share the pain the protagonists endure? Here the too many words inadvertently express that endless unremitting pain. Like the author, we wallow in it.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Sorry this is way too long and way too repetitive. We get it. Wife’s a secret slut and won’t admit. Hubby is a weak but thoughtful man who isn’t strong enough to walk away from a bad relationship. It is so redundant now that one has to wonder why? By now a real guy just walks away because there’s no going back to a lying ans cheating slut wannabe. Ridiculous

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Barry should walk away now. Kari revealed, unconsciously or not, her desire to play with other men when the opportunity presented itself. The character development, while, long, was necessary to conceal the facts Kari hoped to hide.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Choppedliver.....7 or 8 hours of emotional conversation at this lunch place. I bet the Staff was pissed.

Given enough words, you masterfully divide the layers of a cheaters brain, motives, actions, the anatomy of cheating, etc....fuck, do you think you could come have dinner with my wife? Take good notes to submit to my attorney.

Bye-the-way...Barry needs to punish Susan for ambushing his spiel outta him with Kari eavesdropping. He should probably hatefuck her in front of Kari.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Wow. That’s a long slog. A lot a work, for that non-ending. Ik.

WargamerWargamer8 months ago

Way too convoluted, way too turgid. Whatever you set out to do, you overcomplcated the story and made too difficult to read, too hard to follow.

And, it’s still not finished, God help me.

Don’t know if lll read the next chapter, see how l feel.

Scores 2/5

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

I hope Susan was introduced as a character to pick up the pieces of the broken man that tramp Kari produced. I don't see how the fuck the author can engineer a raac out of this bullshit setup and leave Barry with any dignity whatsoever. Barry should file right away after this admission of spending the night with Lewis.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

You're going deep into personal psychology here. It's so much more enjoyable than the neat BTB or RAAC bows. Thanks.

NudeInMaineNudeInMaine8 months ago

I’m skimming or skipping whole paragraphs. But I have to know how the story ends.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago
Crikey!

I held off scoring hoping this would get better. But i had enough of the redundancy and scored it for what it's worth. Deuce stars for a deuce story.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

The overall plot and the negative readers response, remind too much the previous astronaut looong tale: a slut wife, a cuck husband and a loooot of words.

sbrooks103xsbrooks103x8 months ago

"Kari explained what the intent had been with the ladies' "Lewis Plan" and how it was supposed to play out." - So why can't we be told?

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The resolution is SO simple, and isn't being used simply to drag out the story. 1) Have the guys get together with Barry, then bring the other wives in, and explain EVERYTHING to Barry, then bring Kari in. I STILL think she's in big trouble, if they all hated Lewis so much, just tell him to get lost, that he's no longer welcome at their gatherings.

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"Kari now had Barry's best interest at heart." - Did she have his best interest at heart when she started this whole plan?

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"I wasn't aware" - This is Barry's POV, it should be, "She wasn't aware."

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"All it would take to make him scarce was a nasty glance and a curt sentence." - Yep.

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"There was no way you just left, which some are saying." - Who is saying that? Their immediate circle knows better, is Kari telling others?

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The story is taking too long to tell US (and Barry) what the plan was that couldn't be better accomplished by what the guys could do.

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"Especially because I knew you'd never allow it if I asked you first." - Anytime a spouse does something that they know their partner would say no to if asked, they're asking for trouble.

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"I consoled myself thinking the extra time would really reinforce to him that he was making headway with me. I never thought it would reinforce the same message to you." - Why would she want Lewis to think he was making headway, and why WOULDN'T she think her husband wold get the same message, especially after he TOLD her exactly that?

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I got the impression that Lewis enjoyed spewing his tales, and wouldn't need any encouragement from the ladies.

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"They'd lost the power to do it themselves," - Let me see if I've got this right: The women can't tell him to fuck off, because they've already been sucking up to him, so the solution is for Kari to suck up to him?

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I don't believe that any intelligent adult who KNOWS they're being fed a line, will fall for it.

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I'm still waiting to hear the details of this great plan that would be better than the group simply telling him to fuck off.

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"If you'd come in maybe two minutes later you would've seen him with his pants down, two minutes and ten seconds later you would've seen me leaving laughing." - THAT'S her great plan?!?

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"You ... went to work getting the job done that we'd botched." - Didn't she just say that the job WASN'T done, because Lewis still knows that he can seduce women?

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"Barry, I need to save the day for us, especially for you." - No, especially for herself.

\

These long monologs are getting tiresome.

\

"Was she partially deluded and partially not?" - It doesn't matter! The whole plan was unnecessary.

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It's easy after SHE'S done something for a wife to say that she'd forgive her husband if things were reversed.

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There's another whole chapter plus, the case is cracked, yet there's more?

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I love the comparison to James Bond! It's very apt.

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"The women gave your conscience cover." - I still don't understand why one of the woman who had already flirted with Lewis couldn't have been the one to close the deal.

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"How often was it me?" - The fact that she tried to beg off the question puts her answer in doubt.

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"Though it was a lot easier to understand the notion that if she thought of me while she made out with another guy it shouldn't count as cheating." - It shouldn't?

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She went to Lewis's house and expects ANYONE to believe they didn't fuck?

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Still WAY too much monolog, and the entire plot makes ZERO sense.

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This is probably the third time I'm saying this, but if the whole group hates Lewis, why don't they go up to him as a group and tell him that he's no longer welcome?

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

What a bombshell!! He's slowwly drawn out her lies and just when I thought she understood his point of view and they would get back together, she drops it!!!

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

What a waste of time reading this. Would rather watch paint dry.

WetheNorthWetheNorth8 months ago

This story was over two parts ago

FordF150guyFordF150guy8 months ago

I ended up skimming some paragraphs in the middle because the story wasn’t going anywhere and was being dragged out. So now that we are at the cliff hanger hopefully it will tie up nicely, but I doubt it.

AnonymousAnonymous8 months ago

Dear me !

I've enjoyed far better stories maybe 3 pages long , and wished it was longer . This is just going on and on . It's painful , not entertaining at all .

Whatever it is that makes you want to write such looooong draaawn ooouuutttt dialogue, don't give in to it .

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I started reading on Literotica in 2013 after a small case of what was supposed to be terminal cancer. I had a lot of chemo, radiation, and surgery. Yet (obviously) here we are. My body had been though the ringer and simply didn't function in all sorts of ways. I married my hi...

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