All Comments on 'High School Fuck Club Ch. 01'

Pretty good start. Please continue.

5*

Tc

I found the idea interesting. But very soon got fedup of "you and ""your". So much that I stopped reading.

For me it stoped the flow of of my reading. I think you should continue writing as you do have ability and imagination

Wow what a pathetic story imagination of a 10 year old

I gave you a four for the concept, The story episodes need to be longer with a lot more story and character background development. Otherwise this will die of boredom based only on sex,

Not bad but somewhat shallow. A lot can be said for character development. Keep it up; you’ll learn. One more piece of advice: learn the order of adjectives. You probably speak in the correct order but write it wrong. You would describe he hair as “beautiful long brown hair” and that is how it is written. You used brown long hair rather than long brown hair. Makes it flow better.

Great start. Would love to see you edit the story and fill in more content of scene, back story, anticipation. etc. Thanks for sharing.

Concept good. Tenses are mixed. Grammar appalling.

Stories in the you/your mode (2nd person) are extremely difficult to pull off without alienating half of your audience. You failed. You are not talking to me.

A bit juvenile, too.

Not a fan of the PoV writing. Simple narrative might work better.

Thanks for your feedback, there is a edited version of this story, however it has not been accepted for 5 days or so now, and also not rejected. I've tried resubmitting, not sure what is going on here.