All Comments on 'Hinn Ch. 18-21'

Great story so far. Thank you for sharing

However....

I sometimes feel like the keyboard isn't keeping up with the author's thoughts. Details sometimes seem to be implied but are never quite revealed.

The dialogue seems reminiscent of Heinlein, which I like, but having to figure out who is speaking greatly detracts from the flow of the story. Visual cues (as text) about the person speaking would also help I believe. This chapter is better about it than earlier ones.

Overall, writing is definitively superior to a lot of the unedited garbage other authors on this site have put out. Don't misunderstand - this site has a lot of great authors.

Please, keep up the good work!

Nony #1 - thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it - I know I am, thus far!

Nony #2 - Valid critiques. There's just so much detail that I'm glossing over some of it in order to get to other, IMO more important, portions. As to the quoting, I'm just tired of the He said "blah", she said "blah" explicit assertion of who's saying which for every block of quoted text. Apparently I've more growing to do as a writer - what a shock! ;) I'll try to do better going forwards, I'm still looking for an editor willing to take a shot at this monstrosity - we're not even 48 hours into the tale yet!

Sorry, I found this quite boring. Having to have definitions of 'magic' and how it works takes the fun out of it. If this is critical to understanding what is going to happen down the road, please let me know now because I'm not getting it. The story concept is cool with magic, talking AI, government trying to capture the players for the powers they hold. But rwh, jawher and samun still mean nothing to me after all the explanations to date.

Sorry it's not your cup of tea, PileatedWP - I hope you find other stories here that are more to your taste.

I'm enjoying the overall storyline, however it's difficult to hang on to the complexities described. In all honesty, there are some few parts where my eyes roll back in my head. That said I still really am enjoying the tale. Thank you!