His Guiding Light

She touched the side of his face with her hand. "I understand that, but your choosing not to do anything is still seen as a choice by others."

"Thank you, Mrs. Ortiz. Thank you for coming. Tell Sam that I will see him on Monday."

"I will. And Cassie?"

"I'll call her."

"Okay. Take care of yourself young man."

As he watched her drive away, he didn't feel very young.

_______________

He tried to call Cassie the next day, but she didn't answer. He tried again the following day, but she still didn't pick up. At the office on Monday, he waited until after lunch to swing by her office. Her door was open, and she was sitting at her desk when he knocked on her door frame. He could see the snow globe on her desk, which brought a smile to his face.

He started, "Hey."

Coolly she replied, "Hey."

"How's it going?"

"What do you want, Zach?" Ouch.

Clearly, she was still perturbed. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry. My head hasn't been in the right place since you left, and that's my fault, not yours."

She said, "I really enjoyed our time together and was looking forward to Barcelona. Unless I misread the situation, I thought you were too. Then you completely changed. Can you tell me why?"

"I can, but not right now."

"Oh. Well, until then, I guess we don't have anything to say. Now, I have some things I need to finish." It was killing her to dismiss him that way, but she did not want to get involved with someone who couldn't figure out his own feelings towards her because that would just lead to heartbreak.

Zach stood up to leave. "I really did enjoy our time together."

She asked, "Would you mind closing the door on your way out?"

He did. She didn't want to take a chance on someone seeing tears in her eyes for the next few minutes.

_________________

Two months passed, and little was spoken between Zach and Cassie. Zach couldn't bring up the subject of what he did to Gerald, because he knew that when he did, Cassie would surely reject him. Then again, until he discussed it with her, she was rejecting him anyway.

Every time Gabriella looked at Zach, she felt a little sadder. It was hurting her to watch two people that she loved so much build up a wall between them before they ever gave each other a chance.

The company scuttlebutt was that Cassie had gone out with a doctor, someone to whom her older brother had introduced to her.

Zach was beginning to wonder how much longer he could keep working for MCDI, one year? Two? It saddened him to think that he may have to leave a company that he had been with for twelve years, his entire professional life, which started while he was still in college.

Did he want to continue to invest himself in a company with which he thought his future was likely to become more and more uncomfortable? As Cassie and Tom were likely to be given more responsibilities over time, he didn't think they would ever hold anything against him, but his time around Cassie lately had been short, curt, and obviously uneasy.

On a Wednesday afternoon in early May, Gabriella stopped by Zach's office. "Honey, can you come to Sam's office at five o'clock for a few minutes. We'd like to talk to you."

"Sure, Mrs. Ortiz. I'll be there." Now he wondered if the axe wasn't about to fall.

At 5:00 pm, he walked into Sam's office. As he was walking in, Cassie was walking out. She was dressed very nicely, too nice for work. She either had an event or a date. The very thought depressed him.

"Hello, Zach." She said as she passed by him in the doorway.

He replied, "Hi Cassie." Then he thought, "Less than a year. Definitely." He didn't think there was any way he could last a whole year. He would have to get his resume together.

Sam said, "Please close the door, Zach."

He did, and like almost four years ago, they sat around the coffee table. Gabriella did not look like her normal take-no-prisoners self. Mostly, she looked sad.

Sam started, "Zach, as your employer I cannot ask you to do what I'm about to say. As your friend, I hope you will. You know Gabby is a board member with a local charity, which helps women who are homeless get back on their feet. It gives them a place to stay, food and clothing while they pursue their education or some kind of skills training. The first group of women to go through this new program is graduating this Saturday afternoon. That evening, the charity is hosting a small event in their honor as a celebration of their accomplishment.

"All of the senior managers from this company and their spouses are invited, and Gabby has also invited all of our children to attend. She and I consider you a part of that group and would like for you to attend as well. It isn't black tie, but it would be preferable if you wore a suit or sport coat with a tie."

Gabriella smiled and said, "Your best suit, please." Sam rolled his eyes. She continued, "A couple of months ago, I had hoped that Cassandra would have been your date. To my disappointment, it hasn't worked out that way. Most single people will probably bring dates, but I've already stopped Cassandra from bringing one. I hope you won't either, but based on our conversation a couple of months ago, I suspect you won't.

"What Sam and I are asking you to do is to talk to her on Saturday night, after the event. I know it's going to be hard for you, but please do this for me. I'm afraid I'm going to lose you if you don't."

He tried to interrupt, "Mrs. Or..."

She continued, "No, Zachariah. I know it's true. You don't look at me the way you used to. Before you left for Germany all I ever saw in your eyes were love and admiration. All I see now is sadness. It kills me to see that. Can you honestly tell me that you haven't been thinking about leaving the company?"

There was a long pause before he answered. "No. I haven't started looking yet, but it's crossed my mind."

From her pocket, Gabriella pulled a handkerchief and dabbed her eyes. "I suspected that." She let out a long sigh. "Do you remember sitting here a little over four years ago and your showing us that lovely ring you purchased for Lisa?"

He nodded.

"What was my reaction?"

He replied, "It wasn't what I was expecting."

She said, "It wasn't because I wasn't happy that you had found love because I was happy for you. My reaction was because I thought, well, I had hoped, that you would take a little longer so you could fall in love with Cassandra. She's so special and you're so special. I know you would make a great couple. I thought I had run out of time back then, and now I fear once again that time is up. I don't think she is serious with that doctor, but I worry that the gulf between you two continues to widen. So, we are asking you as your friend, as my family, please talk to her. Please."

"Mrs. Ortiz, what if she doesn't want to talk to me? And what if she rejects me because of what I did?"

"Then you will have done everything you could, but it didn't work out. At least you'll be able to look back on this time in your life and know you did the right thing. Can you say that's what you've been doing? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that for the last three months you've been doing the right thing?"

He felt shame when he whispered, "No."

Sam said, "Zach we still think that what you did with Gerald was the right thing. I suspect you still had such heat and anger at the time that it wasn't that hard to do. Even now, almost nine months later, I'll bet we could all sit around and look through your PI file at the destruction he left in his wake and make the same decision. We don't know what the outcome of your conversation with Cassie will be, and I can imagine you have some trepidation because of that. But compare that decision and this. If you can do that, then I know you can do this.

"I don't want to see you go to work for someone else, Zach, but if you do, I'll understand."

Zach said, "You may think I'm crazy for asking this, but I feel like I need to. You guys know your daughter. If I tell her everything, and I do mean everything, if she reacts badly, or I should say, if she thinks I did the wrong thing, do you think she would tell the police? I would prefer for none of my accomplices to get brought into this."

Gabriella was about to answer, and Sam made the extraordinary move of speaking over her while squeezing her hand. "I cannot say definitively Zach, but I hope that we raised her well enough that she will see that you did what you thought was right; what we all though was right. Even if she doesn't agree with it, she should respect it enough not to turn you in. I suspect that if she told the police everything, it would still be hard for them to prove anything with your strong alibi, lack of evidence and no scene left to investigate further."

The Ortizs had said what they needed to say, now it was up to Zach.

Zach stood to leave and said, "I'll do my best. I can promise you that. I have no idea how it will turn out."

Sam stood and shook Zach's hand. "I know you will. I have every faith in you. I have for a long time."

Gabriella stood and hugged him fiercely. "I love you, Zachariah. I always will."

He replied, "I love you, too." He felt so sad at that moment. It was like he was expecting to lose a part of his family, and maybe he was.

___________

He spent all of Friday evening hashing it out with Daniel and Gina. Even though he tried to tell them that she was not like her mother and would be unlikely to accept what he had done, they continued to tell him that he needed to do this so that he could move on. Six months of misery in Germany and then one week of hope, followed by three more months of pain. He couldn't keep going on that way. He definitely agreed with that.

Zach was incredibly nervous on Saturday. He arrived a few minutes early to the event. It was being held in a hotel near the shelter where the women lived. The large ballroom was divided into a smaller space and there appeared to be ten tables with up to eight chairs at each table.

When he arrived, Sam was waiting for him. "Hi Zach, I'm glad you could make it."

"Me too. Is everyone already here?"

"No. We're just over half full but expecting a full house shortly. We have assigned seating, so the graduates are dispersed through the crowd. Otherwise, we were afraid they would all huddle at the same table. Let me show you to your table." Sam walked Zach into the ballroom and towards a table near the speaker's podium. The only person at the table he recognized was Cassie. Zach's chair was two away from Cassie, and the chair next to his contained a booster seat, which he thought was odd.

"Hello, Cassie." She was wearing a very pretty navy dress.

"Hi, Zach." While not exactly warm, it wasn't the cold, curt greetings he had been receiving. He didn't know anyone else at the table. A few minutes later, Gabriella brought a cute young woman, in her early twenties he guessed, and her little girl, who looked like she was three or four, to the table. The woman was in a pretty black dress that came to her knees and the little girl was wearing what looked like a pretty, new, colorful dress, too.

Gabriella said, "Everyone, I'd like for you to meet this table's star for the night. This is Melody, she just graduated with her associate degree in accounting. And this beautiful, little, precocious cherub is her daughter, Bella. Quite a fitting name isn't it? Zachariah I'm putting them in your care." Bella was the only child at the event.

He was surprised at the request but would do his best. The mother was seated next to Cassie and Bella sat next to him. He introduced himself to both of them, as did the rest of the table.

Bella, in her booster was NOT shy. She told Zach all about her momma, and where they lived, and the new shelter they were building nearby, and her momma had a new job, and they got the new dresses they were wearing, and some more new clothes, and a new used car, and....on and on.

Zach loved it, though. She was a fun little girl. She kept most of the table cracking up. Cassie said, "Quite the salesperson you've got there, Melody."

"Don't I know it. I used to try to reign her in, but I've discovered that it is better to let her wear herself out." The rest of the table laughed at that.

For entrees, everyone had their choice of chicken parmesan, spinach and cheese manicotti or filet mignon. Soon the food and drinks were brought out and Bella was ready to eat, too. She was working on her breadstick when they brought out her manicotti, which she loved until she saw Zach's filet. She tugged on her mother's sleeve and said, "Momma, can I have some steak." Her mother had selected the chicken and Cassie had the manicotti.

Before Melody could reply, Zach offered, "If it wouldn't bother you, I could give her some of mine. I don't mind."

"Please, Momma! Please!"

The look Melody gave Zach communicated, "I'm sorry." She said, "Just a couple of bites, Bella. He needs to eat, too."

"Okay." Then turning towards her new friend, she said, unsolicited, "Thank you, Mr. Zach." She was too adorable.

Zach gladly carved off a nice sized piece of meat and began cutting it into tiny, munchkin appropriate bites like he had seen his sister do for her kids many times. She did very well with her fork and had good manners for her age. While her mother may have been one of the stars for the night, Bella was definitely the hit at the table.

After dinner and before dessert Gabriella took to the podium, and she asked the new graduates to join her. She gave a short speech where she uplifted the achievements of the eight graduating women there that evening. Each of them had been either homeless or abused less than three years previously. Each woman standing next to the podium was recognized and applauded for her efforts. Almost all of them had already found employment. There were several races represented, and except for Melody, most of the women looked to be in their thirties, but some looked older. One of them looked Gabriella's age.

After the ceremony, the dessert carts were rolled around, and Bella's eyes were as big as saucers. Melody allowed Bella to select a dessert for herself. When the coffee was served, Bella asked, "Can I have a drink?"

When the waiter told Melody the selections for children, Zach asked, "Could your chef whip up a hot chocolate or two?"

That had Bella's attention. Her puppy dog eyes pleading with her mom had everyone but Melody snickering.

Melody sighed, "One hot chocolate, please."

Zach added, "make that two, please, and I have a request." He motioned the waiter over and whispered a few instructions to him. The waiter nodded his understanding and returned to the kitchen.

Zach told Bella, "Be patient a few minutes because it takes time to do a good job. Does your mother ever braid your pretty hair?" She nodded. He continued, "For it to look nice, that takes time, right?" More nodding. "This is just like that. It takes a few minutes, but the hot chocolate should be worth the wait."

In the meantime, she was enjoying her warm chocolate and peanut butter brownie covered with hot fudge and whipped cream.

While waiting for their hot chocolate, some slow dance music began playing softly and Sam had Gabriella up and dancing. Before long, several of the other senior managers were out dancing with their spouses. Zach wondered if that was a command performance or not.

Zach leaned towards his new partner in crime and asked, "Bella, ask your mother if you and I can go dance."

Melody gave Zach a strange look but let him take Bella to the floor. He had her put her feet on top of his and he held her hands while they danced around the floor. They had quite the audience, including a smiling Gabriella, Sam, and those at his table. After being out there a few minutes, he whispered into her ear again and she nodded her head in return. Zach picked up Bella and put her on his hip to return to the table.

He told Melody, "She wants you to come dance with us."

Melody smiled at this man who had taken a sudden interest in her daughter. Zach had watched his brother-in-law do this with his sister and their daughter one time. He hoped he could too. Basically, with Bella on his left hip and Bella holding Melody's right hand, he only had his right hand on Melody's waist and her left hand on his shoulder. They certainly weren't Fred & Ginger, but Bella seemed to enjoy herself. Zach spent most of his time chatting with the adorable Bella. Melody spent most of her time looking at Zach.

They talked while they danced, and he found out that Melody was going to be working for MCDI in their accounting department. She was extremely excited and nervous. Zach said, "Did you know that Gabriella used to work in the accounting department there?"

"I do. She and Mr. Ortiz interviewed me together."

That caused Zach to smile. "Yes, they are two of the most wonderful people I've ever known. I think you'll like working there." He was lost in his own thought for a moment wondering how much longer he would be there.

He also discovered that Melody was looking for a daycare for Bella that would be close to MCDI. Zac was certain Mindy's Montessori school could help with that. He might even be able to get the company or the charity, or some combination of the two along with himself to help out. The school also gave 'scholarships' to help with those that had more difficulty paying.

After several minutes of dancing, they heard, "Do you mind if I cut in?" It was Cassie.

Zach told Bella, "I can see our hot chocolate on the table." That had the desired effect, and she happily led her disappointed mother back to the table.

After they had been dancing together silently for a minute Cassie, asked, "Are you trying to make me jealous?"

"What!? No. I...um...I wouldn't do that. I was just being nice to Bella, so her mom could relax."

"I know. I'm teasing. You've been very nice. I think you've made too good of an impression."

After a few seconds of thought, he dove in headfirst, "I don't understand. I've not received any indication during the past two months that you would be jealous, anyway."

She paused before replying, "Well, I am. I like seeing this side of you." Zach was stewing. Another moment passed and she continued, "You hurt me, Zachariah. It was only one weekend, but I cannot tell you how much I was looking forward to the next one. When you closed yourself off to me, I was crushed. If you don't believe me, you can ask my mom and dad."

It took him a moment to figure out how to respond. "I know, and I knew it while I was doing it. I'm so sorry. I was hating myself the whole time, but I had a reason, which I'd like to tell you about later, after this event is over, if you'll let me. Everything. The whole sordid truth, and then you will have a reason to not speak to me."

"I'm a big girl, Zachariah. I think I can handle it." So, he was Zachariah again.

"I desperately hope so."

She squeezed the hand she was holding and pulled him back to the table, where Bella had a chocolate and whipped cream mustache.

Gabriella was eyeing the two of them dancing, reveling in the appearance that her scheme was working. Sam said, "That was rather clever putting Bella and Melody next to Zach. Feeling rather proud of yourself, Gabby?"

"Oh, shush. We haven't won the game yet, but it looks like the momentum has shifted in our direction."

Sam gently kissed his cunning wife, briefly, knowing that she wasn't crazy about public displays of affection. She was in such a good mood that she did not complain.

Continuing to entertain, Zach made a point of sipping his syrupy thick hot chocolate to have a mustache of his own which caused Bella to giggle. As the night wound down, Bella began to get drowsy which was Melody's cue to leave.

"Thank you, Zach, for entertaining Bella tonight. I can tell she had a great time."