Holiday Return

I was so angry! When the kids mentioned the next neighbourhood barbeque, I insisted to Samuel that we were going; I had as much right as Mark to be there.

When we arrived everyone was already there including Mark and the kids. Jane immediately asked us to leave.

"Some friend you are, I've split from Mark not everyone else."

Jane wasted no time with her curt reply, "Maybe Kirsty, but do you really want to rub your family's faces in the fact you have left them are here with your new boyfriend."

Samuel was trying to drag me away. Mark and most of the others just seemed perplexed.

It was Jake who brought me back to my senses, "Just go mum, your upsetting Chloe."

I turned horrified to see Chloe crying and then running to jump on Marks lap, burying her small face into his chest.

Everyone else was staring at me; I let Samuel lead me out. I was so upset, it felt like I was losing everyone not just Mark.

Mark:

She didn't waste any time filing for divorce. I was worried about losing the kids and friends. Jesus I'll be one of those weekend dads, gradually losing touch, desperately trying to find things to entertain them, anything but take them to a dreary flat. I'd heard all the horror stories and her new man had enough money to bury me legally and to impress the kids. I'd dreaded waiting to hear about the kid's first trip on his fucking yacht.

Thankfully Tony and John had been great friends, and to my surprise Laura, Shona and Jane were fantastic, helping with child care, even coming around with meals and checking I was ok.

The divorce was going through, financially it looked like an easy 50:50 split, but the kids were the sticking point. Kirsty was expecting primary custody and to live in the house with them. They were happy to buy me out, money was no object with her new man. His lawyers were so arrogant they expected me to accept what I was given and be thankful.

Things changed when my lawyer highlighted that Kirsty had in effect abandoned the kids for her extended holiday. Then left them again when she swanned off with Samuel for several weeks on his yacht. They tried to argue she knew the children were being cared for.

My lawyer agreed adding, "Exactly cared for by their primary care giver and the one consistent presence in their lives. Furthermore Jake is insisting he lives with his father and Chloe is adamant about staying with Jake."

I hadn't put the kids up to it. I was really proud about how Jake was looking after Chloe through the whole sorry process. I'd tried to keep them away from the worst of it but couldn't protect them fully. They spend a lot of time with Tony and John's kids which was great for them. Tony's house had a grannies annex where we often slept over. The kids always had a great time, the routine and ease of close friends helped a lot.

His lawyers must have been worried as the next proposal was joint custody. I thought about pushing for sole custody through the courts but it would be risky and it was better for the kids if we could agree a compromise. In the end we agreed to have the kids half a week each, I got them Wednesday night through to Friday and kept them if it was my weekend. I also insisted that either of us could attend school and sports activities with them. It was never Kirsty's thing so I knew it would provide more access and I loved being involved.

The house became the sticking point; I refused their offer to buy me out and insisted it was sold. I think Samuel was happy with that but I knew that it would upset Kirsty which was a shame... no it really was... honest.

I wasn't concerned about where to live, as Tony had invited us to use the annex for minimal rent for as long as we wanted to. It was a lot less than our previous mortgage and I thought I could use the money on other things before we sorted something permanently.

On the day we had to sign the divorce papers Kirsty came to see me. She reminisced about past times and how good we were together; I suggested that wasn't helping either of us. Then out of the blue she said it...

"Maybe we shouldn't do this."

I was losing my patience, "You are the one who left our marriage and rushed to a divorce and now you aren't sure. Are you crazy?"

"Maybe I am. I left because I thought you would never forgive my actions. I made a mistake and just kept digging a bigger hole."

"What's the matter, aren't things a bed of roses with the new man."

"He's not you; I miss us and our life together."

The idea of a happy life with Kirsty flashed before me including all the things we planned and talked about. It wasn't real though, she wasn't who I thought she was... shallow was the word that sprang to the forefront of my mind.

"Just sign the papers and go Kirsty."

I was back in the pub to 'celebrate my divorce' with the lads when John prompted:

"We're happy to get pissed with you, but maybe we can do something more constructive. What is you want, you know from life, the bigger picture. The meaning of life and all that shit."

Woa that was deep for John. I had no idea but it dawned on me I might have options, ambitions, do the things I loved. The kids were obviously the priority but maybe I could do things other than just survive.

On the days I didn't have the kids I had time on my hands. I got back into cycling, jogging and hiking and started to feel better about myself. Being dumped for another man was a massive blow to my ego. Fitness and losing some weight came naturally from doing activities I loved and restored some of my self-confidence. The kids even started joining in with some of it.

Shona tried lining me up with dates but I wasn't ready and definitely felt gun shy. I dreaded starting from scratch with someone new.

Shona and Jane often asked us around for dinner with their families and Laura kept bringing us a meal every Thursday. The kids were thankful, I could manage most things in the house but my cooking was an acquired taste, still I was getting better... marginally.

I asked Jane why they were being so nice to me; after all they were Kirsty's friends more than mine.

She laughed, "The great thing about you Mark is you have no idea how much people like you. You've always been there for us and our kids without even a seconds thought, we're just repaying the favour."

I really was touched and blushed like an embarrassed teenager.

I started organising trips for the weekends with the kids, lots of sports and outdoor activities; they loved it, so did I. We often went away with the other families and Laura.

When Kirsty had the kids I went on big hikes and rides; getting away to the mountains. I had the bug back and contacted some old friends I use to climb with and got back into that as well. It was great meeting back up with them, we slipped straight back into old friendships which I regretted letting lapse when marriage and kids came along.

Living in the annex meant I had less maintenance to do and I even found myself with some spare cash. I saved up and took the kids on a trip to the Andes in the summer, including a trip to Machu Pichu. They absolutely loved it and started planning our next trip, maybe the Alps, my climbing buddies were looking at options there as well.

Things got a bit weird after that, I was sure Laura starting flirting a bit and Kirsty was hanging around talking more every time we were handing over the kids.

Kirsty:

The kids called from their holiday and sounded so excited even Jake overcame the usual teenage attitude. I saw Mark's social media pic of him and the kids at Machu Pichu; when I checked the kid's pages there were hundreds of photos of amazing places, swimming, flights and adventures. I wondered if it had been me that stopped him doing those things previously, his life now seemed anything but boring.

Mark's pages had some scary looking climbing photos with some faces I vaguely recognised from our wedding day. The worst photos though were the camping and barbeques with Jane, Shona and Laura and their families. I couldn't reconcile my feelings until I realised it was jealously, which seemed inexplicable as it was me who opted out of that life.

When I suggested a holiday on the yacht, the kids weren't that interested. They still hadn't warmed to Samuel. I asked what holiday they would like and they said it was better with dad because he 'did stuff.' I suggested just me and them going to Disney, at least they perked up to that, but I don't think Samuel was too pleased.

Living with someone is very different to meeting them occasionally. Once the novelty wore off, I realised Samuel was very similar to my ex-husband. He was nice but no better than Mark, both were essentially good men. Samuel was struggling to adapt to a life with children and the amount of time it took up. We couldn't just swan off on trips at any time and leave them. And they weren't interested in the city breaks, elegant restaurants and the hotels Samuel was used to. He tried hard but began to resent having to fit everything around my old life.

I was missing my friends and being together as a family and I was missing... Mark. I thought about him often, remembering the quiet comfort of being in each other's company. I missed him just being there, my best friend who always gave great advice and would always find a way to make things better. My gut feeling was it was Mark was who I truly loved, the person who had seen me through rough periods of my life. This was a terrible time but Mark wasn't there to help me out. I'd thrown him away, tears quickly followed that realisation.

I went to drop the kids off and Laura was there. It was good to see her, of everyone she had been my closest friend but it had been so long since we talked. The kids ran inside.

Laura mentioned dropping off a meal and I thanked her for helping Mark out with the kids, saying she was a good friend. I joked that he was always a terrible cook. We asked how each other were and answered politely.

I saw her hesitate before saying: "I don't understand why you did this; I was really protective of you until Mark came along, but you guys were perfect together. Then the kids made you complete, I was so jealous you had everything I always wanted and then you threw it away."

I struggled to answer, "I don't know, I got confused pulled into something and couldn't get out of it before I realised I was in too deep."

"Well I hope your loss is my gain!"

"What do you mean?"

"I always joked that if I had seen him before you, I would have picked him up. Well I meant it, we've always got on and had fun. He's still hurting but I'll help him come back."

"You mean... you and Mark?"

"Absolutely if he will have me, he is so much better than any of my previous boyfriends, you were crazy to let him go."

"But, but you can't. I... I..."

"I can and I will; we're going camping next weekend. Listen this might be better for us all. We're friends and we can sort the kids between us. It will be much easier than some evil step mum slagging you off at every opportunity."

I felt tears of frustration and jealously in my eyes as I watched Laura walk away, was that a skip in her step?

I dried my eyes and walked into the annex. The kids had shot to their rooms no doubt buried in phones or laptops. I smiled, Mark was trying to heat Laura's meal in the kitchen, he looked trim and handsome and totally bewildered by a microwave.

I asked if we could talk, he looked a bit puzzled but nodded toward the table.

"Mark, what would you advise a friend if they had made the biggest mistake of their life and couldn't see how to fix it."

"It's hard to say without knowing what the mistake is."

"Isn't it obvious?"

He shifted uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry, sorry for it all. I, I want to come back."

He looked truly shocked.

"To be honest Kirsty, you did me a favour; I lost myself doing things for you and our marriage. I love my life now, the travelling and connecting with the kids and friends. I had been working to provide for our family, now I have started pursuing my passions and it's only the beginning, anything is possible. What was you said, you needed to find yourself, well I guess that's what I've done. I've found something... me maybe."

"But what if you can have all of that and have someone special to share it with?"

"And does Samuel know about your sudden change of heart?"

I shook my head.

"So still hedging your bets. I thought I was too boring for you, did the excitement with him wear off already?"

"I never meant that and you've certainly made a mockery of that now. If anything I regret holding you back and not giving you everything. That passion for life you have, it shines through. I'll beg you if it would help."

Mark took a deep breath, "No it wouldn't help, the impact for the kids and on me. I realised I didn't know you and could never trust you again. We can be civil for the kids but that's it."

I tried to get out before the tears became a flood. Despite my best efforts I got upset again when I returned to the apartment. Samuel saw how upset I was and asked what happened.

All I could manage through the tears was ... "Mark."

If I was expecting some consolation I was sadly mistaken.

Samuel stared through me, "You still love him don't you?"

I couldn't think of any reply it was all I could do to slow the tears.

Samuel picked up his coat and quietly left. He came back a few days later but only to collect his things. He never did come back again and I never tried to contact him.

Before I had the chance to try with Mark again it was obvious he and Laura were a couple. She was there every time I dropped the kids off and I had never seen her happier. Mark looked at her the way he used to look at me. He and the kids were all over her, I couldn't even hate her, she was a lovely person and they made a great couple. I tried my best to be happy for them but fell back into despair, it felt as though Laura was stealing my life.

The lease expired on the apartment and I moved back into my mums, talk about living life in reverse. Meanwhile my ex-husband was now living the life I had yearned for with my best friend and I had a front row seat to see it all.

I was alone in the world and felt totally lost. That girl's holiday, the decision to go out, being talked into going to the party, the extra drink, talking to Samuel... any one of a hundred minor decisions could have prevented it all. I can blame a million things but each one was my own decision, it was all my own fault.

Mark:

So there it was, betrayed by my wife and expecting the worst; in the end things couldn't have worked out much better. Why hadn't it been the disaster all those literotica stories suggest? Well good friends and family who stuck by me and made all the difference. I was amazed by how well the kids handled things; hopefully we have instilled good values in them that will guide them through life's ups and downs.

I was lucky to find Laura, but she insists it's the other way around, describing us as her fairy tale ending. There is also something I found within myself as well, a quiet strength, remembering who I was and that wasn't dependent on another person's view or actions. I also managed not to hate Kirsty, not for long anyway. I certainly didn't like her for a while but even that feeling has passed, gaining revenge would have damaged me or the kids in the long run. Laura is adamant that I got the ultimate revenge... a life well lived.