All Comments on 'Holly's Grand Tour'

You need to give more respect to your readers. Please proof read aloud your work before you post it. Look for simple typo mistakes (to instead of too, he instead of she or the).

Your knowledge of geography, the customs and language of the characters are not quite on target.

I personally am put off by "non-consent" or rape that ends up with the woman enjoying the experience--esp. for a "first time." I kept being so distracted by erroneous details and loose plot descriptions that I couldn't enjoy the sexual scenes!

Since I have had only a very limited experience of Morocco, Spain, Gibraltar, the desert and the straits, and because you really tell a good story, I felt obligated to extend to you the benefit of the doubt and score this a "5" to encourage you to write more.

But do show more pride in your future work and take the time to do the research to present a correct background. Period pieces are difficult and strange-but-real settings are even trickier. Thanks for a promising read.

Oh that's just TASTY!

Kain

Well done Jenny, an enjoyable read.

One never know when beginning a story just where the author might take us and this one led me to totally unexpected places, which a good story is supposed to do of course.

I wonder have you read Wilbur Smith? Some of his early Courtney saga novels have a flavor and style you might appreciate dealing with tribal people and the African desert.

I am quite impressed with the scope you chose to write about but being somewhat of a prudish writer myself, I never use the common words describing the act in quite so vivid a style but I suppose for Literotica, it is acceptable, perhaps essential. Although, with less explicit descriptions, this could well be extended into a full length mainstream novel, (which is why I mentioned Smith, for a wider audience.

I have also done some sailing and while your description of ship board events is fairly accurate, your understanding of wave motion, 'pitch-poling', and the actions of a vessel in distress, could be done better. And as was pointed out the work is in need of a close edit, but then, most of mine are the same way, I seem always to miss a few mistakes here and there.

Regardless, you held my attention as a reader and gave me an interesting journey when I did not expect one.

Thank you.

amicus...

but if you are going to add facts and figures to a story then make sure they are correct and not a load of bull shit - it is so irksome when writers get it wrong especially having been there and so on. Do your research before committing such errors to print as they detract from what was otherwise a fairly good story.