Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 090

"Beg for it," Lily demanded, waving her pseudo-penis. She even made the penis curve for a moment to emphasize the design.

Christmas Present was in a state of dishevelment. Her hair was a mess, and her robes were soaking wet. There was a frantic look in her eyes, catching Lily by surprise when she rolled forward and tackled the succubus to the ground. Christmas Present pinned Lily's hands over her head, then stood up just long enough to line herself up on top of Lily's penis. When she sank down on it, her eyes rolled up in her head.

Lily, unable to do anything else, expanded the penis some more. When she thought she was at Christmas Present's limit, the ghost expanded to become bigger.

It became a game of who could outgrow who, and Lily finally had to give up when Christmas Present had become large enough that her back pressed against the ceiling. Lily's penis was easily two feet long now, absolutely unusable for anyone with a normal anatomy. It was plenty big enough for the massive woman who now humped the succubus like a single college girl with a stiff body pillow.

The grunts and rhythmic slamming made a noise like thunder. Lily felt her body reach the limits of mortality so many times that she lost count, but she didn't care. This was silly, unrealistic, and a total parody of any sex she was used to.

And she loved it. Breasts twice the size of her head smashed into her as Christmas Present came so loud it sounded like a foghorn, rupturing Lily's eardrums.

The giant clutched the succubus as if clinging to a life ring in the ocean, the world silent through deaf ears. Lily regenerated her eardrums and was surprised to hear Christmas Present crying again.

"Uh, hey. You good up there?" she asked.

Christmas Present nodded, her thighs quaking when an aftershock struck her. The spirit diminished in size, deflating like a balloon until she was only ten feet tall. Lily accommodated the transformation by removing her tail, and was surprised when the giant shifted her position and just held her for several minutes.

"This will be my favorite memory this Christmas," the spirit whispered in Lily's ear. "I'm just so happy that I get to live in this moment forever. Thank you."

Lily said nothing. Instead, she leaned up and kissed the tears away from the giant's eyes, and then held her as if they were lovers. It was the least she could do.

Nearly half an hour later, the two of them separated. The spirit cleaned up in much the same manner Lily did, her robe reappearing on her body and her hair now tidy once more. Lily swatted the giant on the butt as they went back to the sleigh to face the music. There was no way that Death hadn't heard them.

When they got back to the sleigh, Lily was stunned to see that Death was wearing a massive pair of star-shaped headphones. When he saw the two of them, he waved in delight and took the headphones off.

"Look what I found in the sleigh!" he exclaimed, shaking the headphones around. "Santa has a bunch of audiobooks by someone named Tom Clancy stored on these headphones. I never once considered the benefit of having a book read to me! I can pilot the sleigh while listening to a story, isn't that wonderful?"

Lily and Chrismas Present looked at each other, both of them grinning.

"The book I'm listening to right now is about a spy." Death set the headphones down. "It was far more interesting than listening to the two of you having consensual sex. It sounded like a construction zone. I was worried you were under attack, but Cerberus explained it to me."

The Christmas Spirit turned an impossible shade of red. Somehow, all three of Cerberus' heads (in dog form) looked at them smugly.

"So you aren't mad that we stopped working?" Lily asked. "Abandoned you to watch the toys?"

Death tilted his head. "Should I be? You two are my friends. If you needed a break, you should have just asked. I may be the Grim Reaper, but I'm not heartless." To illustrate his point, he opened his robes and knocked on his sternum. "Metaphorically speaking."

"Death?" Christmas Present leaned forward to inspect the Reaper. "Your robes aren't wet anymore."

"They certainly aren't." He chattered his teeth. "Perhaps I just wanted a break of my own."

Stunned at this revelation, Lily just shook her head and asked for the next round of gifts. She and Christmas Present worked double-time trying to get them placed. On the odd occasion that they ran into each other, they exchanged smiles. Perhaps Death would allow them to have another break in a day or so. It had certainly been good for morale.

Eventually, they were done with the island of Barbados. Taking to the sky, they turned southwest toward the Grenadines. As they flew, Death listened to his audiobooks while Christmas Present sat on top of the presents, leaning forward to play with Lily's hair.

Lily felt warm inside. Maybe it was that she had finally let her hair down for a bit, or maybe it was getting laid, but she was actually looking forward to the rest of the trip. It certainly helped to know that she had a bone buddy and a buddy for boning.

She tried to rip off the hat for perhaps the thousandth time. Being unable to curse was awful, but thinking in puns was crossing the line. Stupid fudging hat.

"What's that?" Christmas Present tapped on Lily's shoulder, then pointed north west.

Lily squinted. At first glance, it looked like a shooting star that had broken apart in the atmosphere, but she knew that couldn't be true. Even if frozen in time, they would have seen it several islands ago. Currently it hovered over the island of Saint Lucia.

"Tick Tock. Telescope." Lily held a hand out, and felt the mimic hop into her palm. She lifted the gilded scope to her eye and focused it on the hovering lights.

"Mother fudging snack eater!" She nearly dropped the telescope. It was another sleigh, one that looked cobbled together by spare parts. In front, a team of seven warped reindeer pulled it. "Death, land, hide!"

With the snap of the reins, the sleigh descended with Dancer flying hidden behind them. Lily spread her wings, taking to the sky as Death landed the sleigh. Using the telescope, she watched in horror as the mad figure whipping the reindeer flew low over a group of buildings and then vanished. Within a minute, he had returned to the sleigh, clutching the spare bag they had lost earlier. It was the Krampus, his mouth open wide with laughter as he moved across the island of Saint Lucia in record speed.

"No, no, no..." Lily flew down to where Death had hidden the sleigh. "It's the Krampus. We need to get off this island, maybe fly out over the ocean before he spots us."

"The Krampus? Here?" Death stroked his chin. "I don't suppose we could just beat his ass?"

Christmas Present put her hand on Death's shoulder. "I would rather go back to Russia and be forced to deliver presents by myself while fighting the Yule Lads, their cat, and an army of snowmen than to try and tackle him even with you all by my side. Lily is right, we must flee."

Death kept the sleigh low to the water. Dancer flew along the side of the sleigh, and Christmas Present jumped onto the reindeer's back.

"If he spots us, we'll try to lead him away," the spirit told them.

"I'm going up to keep watch." Lily leapt from the sleigh, telescope still in hand. She would have no trouble tracking Death down with the assistance of her hat, so she spiraled high into the sky, shifting her clothing until it blended with the starry night above her.

The Krampus was fast, visiting the entire island in a quarter of the time it had taken them. When he left, he headed straight for Barbados. Lily was concerned that he would correct his course for Death, but the Krampus disappeared in the shadows of the island.

Lily watched for nearly an hour before descending. She was worried that the Krampus had spotted her and was just waiting to strike. She flew north, able to meet up once again with Death and Christmas Present. They were hovering in between a pair of massive swells, largely hidden from view.

"What is he doing?" Death asked. "Is he coming for us?"

"If he was, we wouldn't be able to get away." Lily looked at Dancer. "The reindeer are much faster than Cerberus."

"I think we should go see what he did on Saint Lucia." Christmas Present pointed in the general direction of west.

"It may behoove us to travel even farther north to a different island." Death tapped a finger against his teeth. "I do not wish to run afoul of him during take-off or landing. Whatever vile deed he had committed will surely be evident there as well."

In agreement, they took the long route, flying low to avoid notice. More than once, the runners of the sleigh skimmed the waters of the Caribbean, sending a fine, salty spray into the air behind them.

They settled on Puerto Rico, landing on the north side of the island. Death stayed behind with the sleigh as Lily, Dancer, and Christmas Present went to check on the homes they had delivered to.

In the first house she visited, it was immediately apparent that the Krampus had stolen the gifts from Santa, even the ones the parents had bought and gifted in his name. Stunned, Lily wandered from home to home, checking underneath each tree she had left gifts.

"He's stealing Christmas," she muttered. How cliche was that? Jerk may as well be wearing a green body suit.

"He isn't just stealing Christmas." The ghost of Christmas Present startled her, and she spun in place to see the spirit holding a plate of cookies. "We've been making sure to either take them all, or at least eat a few, but this plate is full. All of them are."

"What? Why?" Lily grabbed a cookie and inspected it. "I don't understand the purpose of doing this."

"When these children wake up in the morning, they will find no presents from Santa, and the cookies will be untouched." The giant shook her head, her features suddenly angry. "This will damage belief in unimaginable ways. The Krampus is stealing our gifts, and he will know soon that we are nearby. We must flee."

Lily inspected the cookie, then took a bite of it. It tasted fine at first, but there was a strange pepper aftertaste.

"I think these are poisoned!" Lily spat the cookie on the floor, her mouth tingling. "What kind of monster is he, we can't just leave these here!"

"And we won't. But for now, we must keep our freedom." Christmas Present took Lily by the hand and led her outside. The two of them hopped onto Dancer's back.

"I just hope that man of yours has a plan," the spirit said as Dancer flew them back to the sleigh.

"If I know Romeo, he probably doesn't." Lily clenched her teeth together, fighting the rage that was building up inside. It wasn't just that months of work had been taken away from her. The innocence of a child was precious. It wasn't something she had appreciated until she had held and helped so many of them in the guise of Santa Claus, listening to their troubles and reassuring them that there was still good in the world. Each of the children they had visited personally would be ridiculed and mocked by their peers when they bragged about Santa's personal visit. Parents would feel like failures, thinking they had forgotten to get gifts for their children.

The Krampus was out here now, with them, and it sounded like there wasn't anything they could do to stop him.

"But when he does come up with one," Lily continued, staring straight forward. "It will be something completely unexpected and brilliant."

"I hope you're right." They got back to the sleigh and gave Death the bad news. The Reaper said nothing, lifting the reins and guiding them all into the sky once again.

The mood remained dark as they fled the Caribbean, heading north toward the United States.

"How...can you see me?" Mike stared at his son, all grown up. It was impossible to determine how old he was. Based on looks alone, he could easily be in his thirties. However, there was a certain confidence he projected that made Mike believe he was much older.

"To answer your first question, no, I can't see you." Callisto walked along the edge of the room and picked up the clock. Mike immediately noticed how smooth his son's gait was, and could even see the thick band of muscles pressed against the inside of his pants. What sort of man had his son become?

Callisto flipped the clock over and looked at the back. "It's important that you remember the number twenty-three."

"Why?"

"Also, I can't hear you. Think of this whole situation as a pre-recorded message that hasn't been, well, recorded yet. Sure, we could have prepared a better means of communication, but you'll understand why we didn't in just a minute." Callisto took a marker out of his hands and started walking around the room. He paused at certain intervals, then drew odd lines on the various surfaces that didn't appear to be letters or symbols that Mike recognized.

"So how do you know I'm here?" Mike asked.

"If you're wondering how I know you're here, it's because you've told me all about what happened at the North Pole, including this." Callisto stuck his hand in the air and pulled a book out of nothingness. "I'm about to dump a bunch of information on you. Some of it might not make any sense, but you need to pay attention and remember as much of it as you can, because, well, you're gonna have to tell it to me later."

"I...okay." Mike looked at his son in awe. It was weird seeing a version of him that was so grown up. "Maybe I'll remember to tell you that a chair would be nice."

"Oh, right. Almost forgot." Callisto stepped into the sitting room, revealing a thick horse tail pulled through a hole in the top of his pants that matched his ponytail. His shirt had been tailored to drape around it without catching, which made it essentially invisible from the front. When he returned, he was holding a chair. "You're going to want to sit right...here." He set the chair down in the center of the room. "Oh, and once you're there, try not to move."

Mike had so many questions for his son, but the first one was the most important. "What happened to everybody?" he asked, sitting in the chair.

"I suppose you're worried about everybody, but you should rest assured that they're fine. Everything you see here is a precaution." Callisto had gone back to making marks around the room. "You see, you're in the true future, which shouldn't make any sense. The future is malleable, correct? You and I watched Terminator enough times that the lesson sunk in.

"So why is the house empty? Well, that comes back to what's happening now. Aunt Ratu came up with a whole theory about how it worked, actually. You see, this isn't the first future you experienced."

"What?" Mike tilted his head in curiosity. "I don't follow."

"She believed that in the first iteration of the future, you found some way to make it home. Regardless of what happened between you and Christmas Future, you still made it back." Callisto turned to face Mike, tapping the marker against his chin. "But time travel is a fickle mistress. Even the act of sharing what transpired worked to change what happened today. For instance, maybe Aunt Ceci found you a month after you got stuck, then sent you back after weeks or months of researching a spell that could do it. Well, once we knew what happened, she found you even faster on the second go around. Why wait and make you suffer when she knows you're already here? You will always return to roughly the same time you left, because the method by which you get sent back is likely the same."

"I guess I follow." In a way, it made sense. It was a temporal butterfly effect. Anything that went wrong could be easily fixed the second time around.

"So for everyone else right now, time is a straight line, but your timeline has a circle in it. With each permutation, more details get leaked, and the process by which we send you home becomes simpler. So instead of a massive circle, you're going to get a tiny one instead where you spend just a blip of time here. We're expecting you, we know how to send you back, and it's going to happen very soon.

"Which brings me to why the house is empty. You see, Aunt Tinker had this theory that time itself is a form of energy. Unless disturbed, it wants to rest in its ground state. It will always tend to the path of least resistance, meaning every other timeline where you get sent back is destroyed before it even exists. Spooky, right? I could try and explain the math she showed me, but it was all above my head. The best way to describe it is kind of like how the first three Terminator movies are deleted by the reboot, which I won't even go into right now."

"Agreed." Mike chuckled, and then they spoke the next sentence at the same time.

"They should have stopped at T2."

Joy flooded through him. Whatever was going on with his son in the past, they were going to overcome it. They still had a future where things would work out.

"Anyway, the empty house is the path of least resistance. You see, it's so important to preserve the timeline that we moved all of the furniture out of the house to prevent any sort of temporal tampering. Even knowledge that a lamp may get broken could cause you to be careful and avoid breaking it. I'm the only one here because my skills will allow me to activate the spell my sister put in place. Honestly, she would be a better fit for it, but felt it was important that you two meet properly the first time around. Since I was only a child when last you saw me, any physical changes you see in me won't gain you information that could further change the timeline. The nymph magic in my blood has kept my appearance youthful, so I could be eighty years old and you wouldn't even know it.

"Also, I'm far less likely to blab. For me, history must take its course, requiring only that I survive to see you through this process. The radio, the mimic, and myself are all that are allowed to be here. Well, and the chair, too. Oh, and the dining room table. Not that we could even get that out of the house if we wanted to."

Callisto let out a heavy sigh, then made a couple more marks on the wall, double checking his book. "I will admit some hesitancy to complete the spell to send you back. It was created over the span of several years, tapping into the power of the house itself to send you back where you belong. We worked on it for a long time. We even found the clothes you lost after the incident with Christmas Future! Those were used as proof of concept, so no, you won't see those again. They're in a display case in the library. My sister was so proud of herself.

"Anyway, my hesitancy in this act is knowing that you're actually here. I have an extra chance to say goodbye. You see, you have been gone for some time, and... I won't tell you how long. In fact, we waited until after your passing to devise a means to discover the year, using a random number generator. Hence the number twenty three. It will be meaningless to you, but we'll know what to do with it in the future."

"Wait, I'm dead?" A chill ran through him, and he hugged himself. "How did I die?"

Callisto frowned and hung his head. "If only you had seen that herd of elephants."

"I was trampled by elephants?" Mike almost stood from his chair, then noticed the stupid grin on Callisto's face.

"Man, I wish I could see your face right now." Callisto laughed, then wiped a tear from his eyes. "It wasn't elephants, Dad. I'm just fucking with you."

Though the joke had been funny, Mike made a mental note to avoid elephants in the future. Just in case.

Callisto drew another line on the wall, and then the daylight was sucked from the room as the spell was completed. Instead of the office, they now sat in darkness, the space lit by an elaborate series of spinning runes that occupied each direction. Light flowed through symbols that Mike hadn't seen before, but he recognized that most of them contained the shapes his son had drawn on his arrival.