Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 095

Mike sent out dozens of streamers, which wrapped around the Krampus' torso. The Krampus let out a hideous shriek and bolted for the back of the room. If not for Lily and Tick Tock, he would have disappeared almost immediately. Tick Tock's bladed limbs kept tripping up the Krampus' legs, and Lily's tail was wrapped around the demon's throat, holding her in place as she punched the back of his head. Still, the Krampus disappeared through the cave mouth in the back of the room, taking his attackers with him.

"Shit!" Mike kept Santa's soul tightly bound with his magic and gave chase with Holly and Death right behind him. Yuki sprinted past him, her tails whirring behind her so fast that it looked as though she had five instead of three.

Mike really hoped he didn't have a concussion.

By the time he caught up, they were in the caves where Santa had fought the frost giants. Massive sheets of ice had been built into the cave walls, blocking off the available exits. Globes of foxfire illuminated the room, revealing that the Krampus had been pinned once more.

Gone was any vestige of humanity or thought. The Krampus' face had extended outward, like a crocodile's, and he snapped his fearsome teeth at his foes. Lily was actively trying to strangle him with her tail as Tick Tock ripped chunks of darkness out of the Krampus' legs.

Mike tried to loop his magic around the Krampus once again. The monster was squirming so much that he couldn't figure out what he was looking at.

"Hold him as still as possible!" he shouted, Santa's soul pulsing in his hands.

Lily looked like she wanted to say something, but she was too busy punching the Krampus in the back of his skull. Her features were twisted now, and her magnificent horns had become gnarled and brimmed with fire. Yuki put her hand on the ground and the stone beneath the Krampus twisted into thick chains that bound him to the floor.

"Noooooo!" The Krampus' cry reverberated through the cavern as he tried to break free of his earthen shackles. Yuki responded by freezing his limbs in ice, her eyes brimming with golden light as red lines manifested on her cheeks.

Tick Tock and Lily piled on, holding the Krampus down as Mike ran loops of magical energy all around the monster. The golden light in his hand sparkled as he pulled those loops toward him and placed Santa's soul inside. As if by instinct, Mike pulled the loops tight, causing Santa's soul to sink into the Krampus.

A foul energy permeated the room, and Mike was driven to his knees. Santa's soul swirled and expanded, trying to bond with the Krampus once again. The shifting mosaic of spiritual energy was painful to look into, but Mike didn't dare risk letting up. At times, he became disoriented, as if he had forgotten the task he was in the middle of. Losing focus, his thoughts drifted away until--

Holly took his hand and squeezed. The room came into focus once again.

"You can do this," she whispered. "You have to."

Mike nodded, wiping the blood from his lips. Pain blossomed inside of his head, but he willed it aside and weaved the Krampus and Santa back together. He felt guilty tucking that golden light away in skeins of darkness, but there was no other choice.

The Krampus shrieked and bucked his hips, but it was too late. Already, the extra limbs were dissipating into a dark mist, rendering him mostly human once more. His supernatural strength fled him, and both Tick Tock and Yuki backed down on their restraint.

Lily, however, gave no quarter. She grabbed the Krampus by his horns and yanked them apart, causing the base of one to splinter.

"You ready to make a wish?" she whispered. "Cause I'm about to wish so hard that you'll be nothing more than a stain on the earth."

"Lily." Mike put his hand on her wrist and winced at the heat. It was hot enough that it burned him, but he didn't dare let go. "Ease up. It's over."

"It's not over, Mike!" Her eyes blazed with fire as she looked up at him. "Don't you see? This bastard will always be a ticking time bomb, ready to go off! If it isn't our children today, who will it be next? What if Callisto had been taken? How would you have felt?"

"You're right." He moved close and touched the rough skin of her cheek. "And that's something we can figure out later. But..." he sighed and looked up at the ceiling of the cave. He was exhausted, and his nose was still bleeding. "There's gonna be a huge mess up there. We've all worked hard enough tonight. Let's get his better half back to at least lighten the load."

Lily contemplated him for several long moments as the Krampus cried out in pain. Snorting in disgust, she snapped off the Krampus' horn.

"He said to stop!" cried the Krampus.

"You're right, I did." Mike knelt down to stare the Krampus in the eyes. "And right now, that's the only reason that horn hasn't been shoved up your ass."

The Krampus stared at his captors, his face twisting up in hatred. He opened his mouth to speak when Holly knelt by his side.

"Santa, I know you're in there." She clutched the edges of her dress. "Properly, this time."

"He can hear you, but he isn't--" The Krampus went quiet as Lily wrapped her tail around his mouth.

"This was a terrible evening," Holly continued. "A lot of elves died, and the North Pole...I don't know how much of it is left. You're the cause of this, but I know now it's not entirely your fault. I've been thinking about what you said, about me being free from Christmas to make my own choices. You wanted something for me that you couldn't have. For a while, I struggled with the realization that you and the Krampus are the same creature, and..." She shook her head.

"It is our choices that make us who we are," Death said, kneeling behind Holly and placing a bony hand on her shoulder, causing her to flinch. "You see, mortals don't really have that many choices. They just appear, like moss on a rock. But you haven't had the privilege of making your own choices for a long time, and I think I understand why you've become so broken inside."

"We're different people, really. We can live entire lives in a matter of years," Yuki said, crossing her arms and scowling. "So yeah. You've done some really bad things tonight, and probably deserve worse. But all of us here, we know what it's like to need forgiveness." She looked over at Lily, who was almost back to normal.

"No thanks," she replied. "I'm not participating in this emotional circle jerk."

Mike shook his head and stared into the Krampus' eyes. "You owe us. No matter what you're feeling, or how deep you're buried, you need to come make this right. It's not what you do when you fall that matters, but rather what you do when you pick yourself back up."

Holly put her hands on the Krampus' temples, then pressed her forehead against his. "Father Christmas, please," she begged. "Please come back to us. The world still needs you. I need you. And...I forgive you."

Lily made a face and released her hold on the Krampus' mouth. He was breathing raggedly, his features stretched tight while he gasped for air. The demon shook as his features twisted, his long limbs shortening and filling out with muscle. The dark hairs of his beard brightened and turned white as snow with matching hair emerging from his scalp. The remaining horn slid into his skull, causing the dingy cap on his head to tumble free and land on the ground.

The Krampus grunted as rosy light flooded his face. Dark shadows detached from his skin, withdrawing into the folds of his jacket to reveal glowing red cheeks and a bulbous nose. Eyes blue enough to be mistaken for sea glass now looked out from beneath a furrowed brow, regarding them with relief.

Santa sat up straight, his large belly hanging free from the remnants of his coat. Tears were caught in the corners of his eyes, and he stood with Mike's help. Santa's beard wrapped itself around Mike's arm, but Santa smoothed the hairs away with his hands.

"So the fat man finally makes an appearance." Lily huffed, crossing her arms as her tail vanished behind her. "Do you have anything to say for yourself?"

Santa surveyed the room, his eyes red from crying. A small smile broke out on his face, and he wiped the tears away.

"You've all been really good this year," he whispered, then looked down at Holly. "And you never fail to impress me, my dear Holly. I am so proud of you."

Holly threw her arms around Santa. He patted her on the head affectionately, then looked at Mike. "The North Pole is unclaimed," he said. "Should you wish it--"

"No." Mike shook his head immediately. "This place, it's too big of a job for someone like me."

Santa nodded, then moved to go back through the caves. Yuki melted her ice walls as they went, the group walking in silence as they returned to the North Pole. The small bit of magic brightened at their approach, and Santa stared at the artifact in reverence.

"So, wait? We're just going to let this guy have it all back?" Lily moved between Santa and the North Pole. "Were none of you paying attention to me earlier?"

"I was," Mike said, pondering the situation. If they let Santa reclaim it, they were effectively setting a timer for when he went out of control once more. "But this is a better place to discuss our options. Last thing we want is to leave it unguarded."

Santa moved to sit in one of the remaining chairs. When he spoke, his voice was low and rumbly. "If given no other choice, I will resume ownership. But Lily is correct. As I exist now, I am a being outside of time consisting of a human soul and an outsider's body. It will not be a matter of if, but when I slip again. Nothing short of peace on Earth will rectify the issue."

Lily raised an eyebrow at Mike. "See?"

Mike ignored Lily. He needed to focus on the solution, not the problem, and he was exhausted from the fight. "Binding requires a human soul, correct?"

Santa nodded. "As it must be. And though I have existed outside the game on a technicality, the new owner will be caught up in the machinations of the Architect anew. I...will choose whoever you believe is fitting."

Mike contemplated Santa for several moments, rubbing his jaw. He looked at the others, then back at the North Pole.

"Shit," he muttered, causing the elf beside him to flinch. "Sorry, Holly, that one slipped out of me."

"Wait a second." Lily moved next to Holly and inspected the elf. "You're hot, kind of in a weird Oompa Loompa sort of way."

"Hey!" Holly took a step forward and jabbed Lily in the knee with her fist.

"I'm willing to bet Romeo played 'hide the Christmas pickle' with you, right?" Lily took a dramatic sniff over Holly's head. The elf turned bright red and covered her face. "Yo, fat man. What's the price for admission?"

Santa raised an eyebrow at Lily, then looked over at Mike. "I'm afraid I don't know what she means."

"I believe I do." Death stepped forward and put his hand on Holly's head. "You see, Mike Radley has likely engaged in rather vigorous intercourse with this woman, and it is likely that...oh dear, she must be tired."

Holly had crouched down and was covering her face in horror.

"Anyway, there is likely a piece of his soul residing in her now. Or rather, a piece of her soul that has been rewritten as human. I'm unsure how it works, perhaps Lily could explain more."

Lily's face had gone completely white. "What...do you mean by that?"

Death contemplated Lily for an unusually long time. "I am, of course, referring to your diet and knowledge of spiritual matters."

Lily bit her lip and looked at Mike. "Anyway, how much of a human soul is required? Because I know for a fact that what Romeo left behind will grow. So even if it's tenuous at first, maybe the connection will improve?"

Santa nodded. "It could work. If Holly chooses to become the new master of the North Pole, she will not be beholden to the shifting beliefs that have influenced my downfall. I would resume my role as guardian and be beholden to her commands."

"But only if she chooses." Mike looked down at Holly. "Because this is a pretty big decision. And once you make it, there isn't any going back."

Holly gazed into Mike's eyes as if searching for something. She looked over at Santa, then the others.

"This...isn't at all what I expected when I came to your home," she said. "And if you had asked me then if I would do it, I would have said yes without hesitation. I would have felt it was my duty, and would have been honored to accept. But after so many days together, learning more about who I am and what I'm capable of, I can honestly say that I feel differently."

Mike nodded. "I know how you feel. This is a big responsibility, and nobody here begrudges you for your decision. So, how do we go about finding a suitable replacement?" He looked at the others.

"Hey!" Holly grabbed Mike's coat and gave it a tug. "I never said I wasn't going to do it!"

He looked at her in confusion. "I'm sorry, but didn't you--"

"I said I feel differently now. I am free of outside influences, and this is a decision I get to make on my own. No matter what happens next, this decision will always be mine, and I have you to thank for it." She pulled hard on his coat until he knelt down, and she planted a big kiss on his lips. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm the woman who's gonna save Christmas."

She turned toward Santa, who led her to the North Pole. He had her place her palm on the shining surface of the artifact, causing the chamber to fill with light.

Mike didn't know what to expect once the light faded, but Holly looked no different. Santa, on the other hand, was in far better shape. He looked like he had stepped straight out of a storybook, wearing his trademark red and white colors.

Santa looked at the others and smiled. "HO HO HO!" He shouted with great cheer. "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

"Santa!" Death did a little dance that reminded Mike of a dog doing tippy-taps.

"If you'll excuse me, I've got some work to do." Santa slid his hands into his pockets. "There are some very naughty creatures up above that are deserving of some Christmas cheer!"

With that, Santa pulled his hands from his pockets to reveal chrome brass knuckles inlaid with gems. The words Christmas Cheer was carved intricately into each one, and he slid them over his gloved fingers. With a wink at them all, he placed one finger on the side of his nose and transformed into a glittery mist that circled the North Pole twice before disappearing through an unseen crack in the ceiling.

"What...on earth was that about?" Lily asked.

Holly smirked. "I was given a choice," she replied. "And so I made a few modifications."

Kisa walked behind the column of elves, holding her coat tightly against her skin. Ahead of her, thousands of elves carried hundreds of children, led by Alabaster and Christmas Present. They were climbing the ridge of what was either a snow-covered mountain or a massive glacier, she had no idea which.

At the top of the ridge, she found herself looking down into a small valley with an empty train station. Her vantage point made the structure look more like a model than an actual building. Christmas Present glowed like a distant lantern, leading the elves and the children to safety.

Kisa looked back at the North Pole and sniffled, her nose sufficiently frozen and runny. Smoke rose from shattered buildings, and she could see the Workshop in the distance. The roof had caved in, likely burying the Hot Cocoa Lounge. She smiled fondly at the memory of being bent over that jukebox as Mike railed her from behind.

"Hey!" Tink swatted Kisa in the butt. "Cat keep moving, Tink's feet freezing!"

"Sorry, weird headspace is all." She watched the eerie glow of the Northern Lights as they began a slow ascent toward the sky. They had encountered a few spirits wandering around about while on their journey, but had been left alone. She had no idea how that had even come about, but wasn't going to complain. On at least two occasions, Grýla had tried to ambush them. The giant had been no match for Christmas Present, who had torn each one apart.

Kisa watched another building fall, the sound of the crash reaching her several seconds later. Her ears twitched as she heard a faint voice carry over the divide.

"Did you hear that?" she asked.

"Hear what?" Tink looked around, then adjusted her goggles.

Kisa tilted her head back and forth, hopeful she would hear it again. It was faint, but she picked it up.

"Ho ho ho!" The distant voice cried. "Merry Christmas!" There was another crash, followed by the sound of a cat yowling. Another building collapsed.

"It's Santa!" Tink declared, pointing excitedly in the distance. Kisa couldn't see Santa, but didn't doubt that Tink had. "Santa come back, open big can of whoop-ass!"

Nearby, an elf flinched as he walked past, blank eyes on their destination.

"So does that mean it's over? The Krampus is gone?" Kisa looked at the elves as they trudged forward.

"Tink think so. Still keep going, before ass freeze off. Santa owe Tink big." The goblin adjusted her goggles and moved to rejoin the line.

Kisa contemplated the distant destruction, then turned to face their destination, untouched by the fighting. It would be hard work, but the North Pole would be restored, she was sure of it.

With an extra spring in her step, Kisa moved back into line and started humming to herself. It was nothing more than the tune to Jingle Bells, but the elf in front of her froze for a moment, her pointed ears twitching.

Before Kisa knew it, several of the elves were humming the song. Gradually, color returned to their skin and clothing as the humming grew louder and eventually transformed into open song. By the time they reached the train station, the elves were openly singing Christmas carols as they carried their precious cargo to safety.

Did you know that the copyright on Polar Express still goes out a ways? I thought it was written forever ago, and also made a legal blunder :P

Next chapter, we get to see about that special lady whose been waiting under Mike's tree this whole time. Will they? Won't they? Let's just say that Mike is absolutely going to have some Christmas ham when he gets home.

Don't forget those stars, and don't forget to show yourself some kindness. It's been a long day and you've earned it.

~Annabelle Hawthorne