Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 099

The smell of her dinner reached her first, and she spun eagerly in her seat to begin shoving fries into her mouth, suddenly aware of how hungry she was. She was almost halfway through her food when she caught the smell of cinnamon and sunscreen and then Lily plopped down into the seat next to her.

"Hell of a place you've got here." The intern's breath reeked of booze, and she slid two empty wine glasses across the counter. "Also, you guys don't water down the drinks like the places I've been to, so good on you!"

"Maybe we should start," Ingrid muttered around her burger.

"You're funny. I like you." Lily leaned forward in her seat, her breasts nearly spilling out of her bikini top. "Do you know what your problem is?"

"No." Ingrid picked up a nearby bottle of ketchup and poured it onto her plate. She was horrified when Lily grabbed some of her fries and dunked them in the sauce.

"You're too uptight. You get to use magic and coexist with monsters, and that's cool. Yet on graduation day from wizard school, the first thing you did with your wand was shove it straight up your ass."

Ingrid choked on her food. Lily smacked her on the back, then handed her something to drink. Ingrid swallowed the offered glass, then coughed again when she realized it was the most alcoholic mai-tai she had ever experienced.

"There we go," Lily cheered. "You stick with me, I'll loosen you up."

"I don't need to be loosened up!" Ingrid dumped what was left of her drink and slid her plate away. "And I definitely don't need advice from someone dumb enough to work as an intern for a millionaire!"

"Billionaire, actually." Lily raised an eyebrow. "I'm surprised your people missed that."

"B...billion?" Ingrid wiped her mouth with a nearby napkin. "He doesn't have a billion dollars."

"I want to set something straight with you." Lily leaned forward and placed her hands on Ingrid's bare knees. The intern leaned in close enough that all Ingrid could see was those shimmering eyes. "I am capable of things you couldn't even imagine. But the one thing I will never do is lie to you."

Ingrid's mouth felt dry and a familiar rush of warmth traveled through her groin. "Just because you would never lie doesn't mean you won't mislead me."

"Ooh, you're a smart one, aren't you?" Lily slid off her stool and stumbled on the heels of her sandals. Giggling, she wandered over to the edge of the pool. "But I guess you'd know about deception, wouldn't you?"

"You're drunk." Ingrid felt a twinge of pain between her eyes.

"Perhaps. Or maybe I just want you to think I am." Lily looked over her shoulder and grinned. "Your mysterious Order is like a stage magician, waving with one hand to get everyone's attention while the other is pulling a rabbit out of a hat. So I have to ask you. What trick are you all trying to pull here? This," she gestured at the building. "This is the hand wave. I want to know about the rabbit."

"There's no rabbit." Ingrid shook her head and laughed. "Though I have to wonder about somebody who expects to be deceived."

"Oh, my dear, dear Ingy." Lily turned her attention toward the pool. "You think you're playing chess, but you're just the pigeon who shits on the board."

"Bedtime," Ingrid declared. "You're embarrassing your bo--"

She was interrupted by the sound of tinkling water and turned to see that Lily had arched her back and was peeing in the pool. The stream traveled horizontally, which could only mean one thing. Lily did a little squat and shake at the end, then adjusted her swimsuit bottom before turning around.

"Everybody pees in the pool," Lily declared with a smug look. "But only I have the balls to do it in the open. Next move is yours, Ingy." The woman sauntered off toward her room, her balance suddenly impeccable.

There was a moment of silence before Ingrid heard the bartender clear his throat.

"Should we, uh, drain the pool?"

"No. Let the chlorine take care of it." Ingrid turned to look at him. "Also, let the staff know that the intern's drinks are to be watered down from now on."

The man nodded and walked away. Ingrid looked at the pool with longing and sighed.

"Wasn't like I was going to get a chance to swim this trip, anyway," Ingrid muttered. She hoped things were going better for Master Cyrus.

It was evening now, and Cyrus stepped around the corner of the house to see that the small building had been completed. It looked very much like a traditional Japanese tea house, only the windows had been papered over so that the interior was concealed and it had been built on risers, leaving a three foot gap in the bottom.

"Are you sure about this?" Laurel demanded from right next to him.

"We're about to find out." Cyrus moved to the porch and knocked. The door slid open, to reveal Death wearing a white apron.

"Master Cyrus." Death stepped aside to reveal a small room with a table and cushions to sit on. "Lady Laurel."

"I'm not here for tea," Laurel declared. "I'm here to make sure Master Cyrus remains safe. And so is he." She jerked her thumb at Mads.

"But of course." Death gestured around the room. "I would ask that anyone not having tea remain outside, but feel free to examine the room first. Once you are satisfied, you are more than welcome to wait for Master Cyrus by the fountain. There are chairs there."

Laurel stepped inside the house and did a quick scan of the room. "You seriously built this just to have tea with him?"

"Yes. It's called a teahouse for that very reason." Death turned to Cyrus and smiled. "Ah, you brought the biscuits."

"I did. Sister Laurel? I'll be fine." Cyrus tossed Laurel a gemstone, which she snatched out of the air. He held up an identical one. "I'll signal you if something happens," he said, knowing it wouldn't be a problem.

The mage looked dubious, but wandered over to the fountain with Mads to sit. Cyrus shook his head and followed Death inside. Once the door was shut, Death gestured to a cushion where Cyrus took his place.

"This is all very nice," Cyrus began. "But if you were trying to avoid suspicion, you failed."

"The walls of this place are enchanted to prevent anyone from listening in. This also includes scrying. We needed a place where you could speak at length without fear of discovery." Death knelt across from Cyrus and pulled out an antique Japanese tea set. He carefully poured some tea into four of the mugs and slid one across to Cyrus.

"Who are the other two for?" Cyrus asked.

"Us." As if by magic, Mike and Kisa appeared on the other side of the table. Cyrus' eyes went wide and he almost fell backward off his cushion.

"How?" he demanded, looking at Mike. "I heard you landed in Hawaii!"

"I did. The resort is very lovely." Mike picked up his tea and sipped delicately at it. A wicked grin crossed his face. "But I forgot my lucky underwear. Thought I'd drop by and grab it, check in with the family, have tea with a friend. So...how was your day?"

Cyrus chuckled and scooted closer to the table. Of course Mike Radley would figure out how to cross the world in a matter of minutes. Picking up the tea, he grinned. "Let me tell you all about it..."

When you have magic portals that can take you anywhere, you don't even have to pack!

Thanks again for dropping by and checking out what's new with Mike and the gang. Don't forget to click some stars, leave some nice words, and do something nice for yourself after. How can you love others if you don't know how to love yourself?

Annabelle Hawthorne, out!