All Comments on 'Homerun'

What was this story? In what century the action took place? Didn't she knew about the next day pill? Didn't she knew about abortion? What happened to the husband? This was about the cheating, but the important part is missing...the aftermath...Where she finds herself alone, divorced, with one child to support, and lover boy running out of the city fast...1*

I think he was inferring that the guy left with her clothes and without a ride home, so it got obvious to the husband. Could have been clearer.

Also, who was Mark and why is forth not the same as fourth.

I mean, what's the point? There's no actual conclusion.

1/5 for that.

Ken: "Yes I'm sure. You finish the game and I'll see you at the house later."

Marie two months after she fucked Tony: Marie stands alone in the bathroom of her apartment, hands shaking.

She once lived in a house, now alone in an apartment.

Author inferred Ken kicked her out, or she left. Not the best ending to sure. 3 stars

go for the Morning After Pill. TK U MLJ LV NV

Marie Stands Alone In HER Apartment!

Ken was no pushover, He was a Man!

Not one story worth reading. At least the cucks are happy.

The best ending line to this story would have been that the divorce papers were sitting on the table.

The grammar and syntax was a bit distracting. You can't please everyone with the subject and content so don't even try. Write what you like and find someone to edit for you.

The new king of the run on sentence! The tense mistake in the first paragraph let us know right away that this author doesn't proofread. Take a writing course. Then a decent plot, then smarter characters, then... No, just quit.

LOL, one out of five words misspelled in the very first sentence.

This has to be a parody of the typical retarded LW cuck poster.

do these people come from terrible story. I have no interest in being rude but really.

1*, remember dead wives tell no lies

Jessica A says it best - story & content survive a severe need for editing and proofreading. As a volunteer editor, I encourage you to get assistance & keep writing.

WS

what a whore, hope she gets caught and divorced!!!

good LW story, gave it a 5

I want a rebate on the moments it took me to skim over this story.

Definitely in need of a good editor.

Also, the woman depicted is a complete twit; does she have a single brain cell?

Well, I guess it goes to say there are really two types of adulterers; those who are smart enough to plan it out (to include contraception...) and, those who don't have the mental capacity to foresee the obvious consequences of their actions.

Not a bad effort. One spelling mistake stood out above the others because you used it so frequently. You need to learn the difference between staring and starring.

The ending also lacked clarity as we're not sure whether she's alone, kicked out or.....? 3*

Hey nothing wrong with being an "asshole". Everybody got one, including you. What say you flamer? Am I right? Gave it a one, because it didn't deserve better. Nothing erotic about this tale.

Yes, Ken and Barbie - oops, Marie - are both terminally stupid. Yes, the Tonys of the world take advantage of stupid people. Yes, the grammar and spelling and usage aren't world class. But if you eliminate the stupid people and the predators and the mechanically imperfect writing, what's left in LW? :)

Pleasant read . Keep working at your craft .3*s for encouragement. Thank you Lone9653.

AMerryman

Great story. Marie acts pissed at the end, but you know that she is loving every bit of it. I think she is totally trying to entrap Tony by trying to get knocked up with his baby. There is no doubt about it. Ken is a bit of a loser, but damn, he married a hotwife, and he will soon find out once their new addition to the family arrives in nine months. With a little child support coming from Tony, Marie and Ken will be raking it in.

Nice job.

Loved the writing, the storyline, the characters. I so want to be Marie and love the Tonys of the world, go girl. xoxoxoxo Annette

-Marie stands alone in the bathroom of her apartment, hands shaking.-

Did Ken leave her?

but no characters to like or respect, so it's hard for me to really enjoy the story overall. Ken is like a throwaway, or a trusting idiot, Marie is just a remarkably stupid slut, and Tony is just a narcissistic asshole.

So for me, I'd need some character I was actually interested in. A bartender dispensing sage advice, a sister trying to talk sense into Marie, someone.

Are you for real to cheer such behaviour? You want to swing, fine, if you are single and want to shag around, fine. I assume you have heard of STDs. But cheating, is that what you advocate?

And dumb too. Nobody heard of the morning after pill? Would have taken care of everything but the stupidity. No cure for that. 1 star.

....it looks like you lost interest, or got rushed, but left out a great deal of the telling in the last 1/4 of the story.

Please learn to conjugate your verbs. "...he seen her come out of...." should read, "...he saw her come out of...."...you missed that one two or three times. And sentence structure, as well as numerous issues with spelling, continue to plague your stories.

Your best bet is to approach one of the volunteer editors here and GET HELP.

It would be instructive to you to compare what you sent them with what they returned.

As to story, I'd also suggest you work out an outline, make it thorough and complete, then go to rough draft from that. It will help your stories be more complete and tidy.

Thank you.

I guess you went in with the ending in mind but it just doesn't work. Come on, it is 2015. The only reason for any adult woman to have an unwanted pregnancy is that she is too stupid or too religious (same thing).

It was a great story until the end. I think you should rewrite the story and put in a great ending. Not just a so so ending. I agree the only reason for any adult woman to have an unwanted pregnancy in todays world is that she is too stupid or too religious. She should take the day after pill. either way I enjoyed the story and think you rushed the ending.

You really could have developed this story with a continuing rivalry between the men and how Marie treats both. But you took the easy way out to end your story.

I won't comment on the content of your story, other than to say it takes more than some kid with a big dick to make a happily married woman cheat. Anyway, there are SO many errors here, including punctuation, numbers that should be written out, changes in tense from present to past, poor grammar, spelling, typos, etc. that I couldn't finish this. If you can't be bothered to find a way to clean up all the mistakes, I can't be bothered to read it.

Oh, and " white pasty goo of girl come." If white, pasty goo is coming out of her, she needs to visit her gyneocologist right away as that is normally a sign of an infection. One*

Try finishing this and I may give more than the one star it presently deserve.

This was mostly a well constructed stroke story with an intense albeit abbreviated looming payback on horizon . The consequences weren't defined , but none of the realistic alternatives to the positive result of preggo test were remotely pleasant. That's enough for me but apparantly not most of fellow commentators.

Law and Order and affiliate series has seemed to whittle people's ambiguity threshold to zero with concrete sentences issued at episode conclusion. . The author has deft skills for describing core attraction, progressively increasing intimacies and tawdry but heated culmination . No transcendent observational nuggets or character exposition attempted, few readers would appreciate or notice anyway.

The author appreciates baseball so I rate this a double off the wall , with this reader advancing to third because of kickback ending due to cheating twosome making error of assuming the other party would be responsible & cognizant of bun in oven risk. Nice !

FINISH THE DAMN STORY

OK writing so far, but not very appealing plot.

More like a strikeout. Marie better find Tony for the paternity test very soon.

OK, the wife's an easy lay and hubby is dumb enough to encourage her to flirt with the Tarazan-like bad guy. Tony, yeah, that's his name. So, what's next. Does hubby divorce his prego wife? Does Ken shoot off Tony's balls? You should consider writing a sequel and finish the story.

why is it all these cheating whores never use protection , and get;s upset after the fact

Why is it you clearly troll around and get so upset reading a story that’s clearly labeled and feel the need to comment absurdly and get upset? Oh... and anonymously at that??

Ken needs to do a "Hey Joe" on her cheating ass. I just don't get the fascination of cuckoldry that all these writers have here.

I was hoping that toward the end of the fucking in Tony's car, Ken would've made an unannounced trip to see the game & caught his cheating wife. Oh well. However, the story what it was, it should've been lengthened somewhat to show what happened when Marie had to tell Ken she's pregnant with another man's baby. Too many authors on this site feel that the story doesn't have to be completed. Otherwise, I liked the story but downgraded it due to the unresolved question.

Hot Hot Hot story! I liked it a lot. I really liked that the hot wife got stretched by Tony. And that he knocked her up. I think she should confess to Hubby how she fucked Tony to turn on her hubby! The only thing that would make story better is if Tony was black!

0 star - just a really bad idea. Your writing skills are decent, it is just your plot choices. Instead of promoting unprotected sexual FANTASY, why not include a little common sense self preservation in your stories? Oh by the way, I gave you a 1 star above, just to lower your average score, to encourage you to be a bit more responsible with any future stories.

However, an abortion would probably save this skanky slut's ass, until she finds out she has HIV and dies a horrid death. STDs are societies most prohibitive means to control unprotected casual sex. Eventually, every single abuser will be removed from the gene pool, according to Darwin's theory. It is only a matter of time.

@nixrox Your one star vote to “lower my average score” is your choice and why I have left any kind of voting open on a story I published more than six years ago.

I’m not here to judge anyone’s kinks (even yours of incest) but to preach hell and damnation on an erotic literature site only shows how big of hypocrite you really are.

Carried too far .

Where was the rest of the story, nothing to describe what happened when she got home and the lead up to her pregnancy test, this could have had a great ending with consequences to her actions, but leaving the end short has cost you an extra star rating.

so unless Tony looks like no one else in her family or her husbands family what does she care? She got Tony, a kid, and keeps her husband and job. Even if her husband finds out she wins. She is young and hot and guys will she bang her at the drop of a hat, she will get alimony and child support and 50% or more of what else the poor husband has.

As for love? Well she will find love again just not with her soon to be ex.

To the Anonymous below: "so unless Tony looks like no one else in her family or her husbands family". It does not give her a free ride. I don't know where you're from, but I know a lot of Southern boys who would make Tony and Marie vanish and that kid wind up in some backwater orphanage. All it takes is her husband getting a DNA test and not being the father. Speaking for myself, there is a mesa 5 miles from where I live, at the base is a huge snake den full of western rattlesnakes. Anything that falls in dies painfully. And there are human bones at the bottom already. No need of a gun, baseball bat, knife, low friends, ECT. Just doctor some whiskey with sleeping pills. Even if the pills don't kill them, those snakes will.