Homeward Bound Ch. 11

The morning after, all went as usual. Even the other girl looked like she got used to walking, without wailing and crying. Maybe it was because Yuri took care of her, talked with her, and so he distracted her from the boring fatigue of traveling. Well, it was good for all, since they all had to traveling... The medic stopped looking at the girl and Yuri, who talked with each other, as if they was on a trip, at home, and thought about the risks they could still meet on the road. Not people, maybe. More likely, mines.

The medic recalled how Yury, by pure chance, had swiped some mines from their road. Well, they could not be the only mines remained on the roads of Afghanistan after almost a decade of war... And besides mines, there could be other booby traps. He had read that, in Viet Nam, "Charlie" used put some heavy machine gun rounds in the ground, the tip above, and a pebble below, as a firing pin. A dirty, little mine. Someone put his feet there, bang, farewell to the feet, no matter if the grunt wore steel-toed boots, all the way round, it could be worse that way. Dust-off, chopper, medevac, sanitary evacuation, SNAFU: situation normal, all fucked up...

Yes, they were jungle tricks, and there was no jungle there. And however, why bother? there were plenty of mines available, paid by the American taxpayer. National mines too. You can chose what you step on. No risk, no glory. Yeah...

The only thing to do was doing by purpose what Yuri did by chance. So the medic went ahead of the group and started to throw pebbles and rocks on the road ahead, trying to give them curve parable trajectories, to increase the impact on the ground. Katya noticed it and ask him what he was doing and why. He snorted.

"My good deed for today is to prevent all of us from stopping on a mine..." he said. Katya snorted too.

"Our saying goes: living longer means not living more... "

"Maybe. But my grandfather died at 93, and I am stubbornly intentioned to break that record... " the medic stated.

Katya snorted again. She looked behind her, at the other girl and Yuri, still chatting with each other.

"Why do you think she came here?" the medic asked.

"For her job, for the money. Just like me... " Katya snorted. Then she started singing: "A ya yèdu, a ya yèdu sa dengàni, sa tumàni yèdut tòlko durakì... "

"What's that?" the medic asked. Katya shrugged.

"It's the parody of a song about the building of the BAM, the Baykal Amurskaya Magistral ,a new railway in Siberia. The original song said "a ya yèdu sa tumàni", I go there for the mists, and other romantic things. The parody said "sa dengàmi", for the money. And for the mists only the fools go there... "

"For the money? It means, who went there were volunteers?"

"Yes, volunteers. Most were students, organized by the Komsomol, but always volunteers." Katya answered. Then she turns to look the medic in the eyes. "No Gulag prisoners. The Channel of the White Sea was another deal, of another time... "

"I have said nothing" the medic stressed.

"Hm. But you thought about it... " Katya nodded. She started walking again. "Did you see other soldiers of ours, while you were with the "Dushmani"?"

"Just another one. He accepted to fight for them, but this did not bring so much fortune to him," the medic said: Katya looked at him "He died," he specified. No need to give her the details. They were not stuff for girls.

"Why you did not help him to run away?" she asked nervously. "Because he had not a girl? because he did not speak your language?"

"He spoke English, though quite broken. He was a Baltic guy. But he did not ask me to help him: he decided to change the flag. And however, I had not the baggage packed. I was not ready to go..."

"Ah... " Katya nodded. Of course: if the medic had helped anybody to run away, he could not remain there with the "dukhi". Not alive, at least. And if that guy had changed flag on his own... Well, he had got what he was looking for: a heroic death against the evil Russians. Good for him!

"What would they do to you, and to Yuri... if they take you?" she asked, worried for both of them.

"I'm doing all I can for NOT to know it... " the medic said, throwing another rock.

And they kept walking.

Around noon, the group arrived at a point where he road passed beside a small wood. It was a hot day, and Yuri insisted for an extra stopover in the shade of the trees, to make the other girl have a rest. So they all got into the wood, and when a group of "dukhi" passed on the road, they did not see anything, until it was too late. Now the group was bigger, and the need for food and water too, so no talk of letting the "dukhi" pass by. They all opened the fire, except the girl they had found the day before. And the girl saw Katya shooting just like the men, and even the medic was shooting, as he had never done anything else in his life. And he felt for the "dukhi" something, quite close to mercy...

When all was over, Katya, Yuri and the medic hit the road and looked for ammunitions and food. The soldier found a bag full of grenades close to a corpse. It was not food, but they too could be useful. They had killed "dukhi", not civilians. All for the best. He raised the bag over his head, smiling, looking at the girl, who was still in the wood.

And she walked out of there.

One of the "dukhi" was still breathing. He raised a bit on his elbow and shot a volley. The girl twirled with her arms wide open, while the bullets passed her through, breaking her backbone and making her heart explode. Katya reacted immediately, and the head of the "dushman" exploded too, before the girl fell on the ground. But she was dead already.

The medic and Yuri ran to her. face was serene ,he did not even notice to die. Her blouse seemed painted with red flowers, but the flowers were too red, too big and in the wrong places. The medic looked at Yuri.

"I am sorry... " he said.

Yury stood up and moved, in the most total silence. Took his rifle, changed the mag, aimed between the leg of the dead "Dushman" and pulled the trigger. Changed the mag, aimed at the chest and pulled the trigger, changed the mag and pulled the trigger. Changed the mag and pulled the trigger...

"Stop!" the medic said. Youri turned around, aimed the assault rifle at the medic, but he did not shoot. His jaws were trembling, his eyes were like two slits.

"Why? Why stop?"

"Don't waste your bullets for him. There are many others... " the medic said.

Yuri nodded, breathing, lowering the gun. Katya came and took him away.

"Ublyùdki... Svòloci... Gàdy!" mumbled Yuri. Bastards, scoundrels, piece of...

"Tìkho, tikho... "said Kaya. Calm down, calm down...

"Svòloci... "

"Tìkho... tìkho... "

They buried the girl in a ditch on the side of the road. Yuri covered her face with the Afghan jacket he stole to the man who had to kill him in the "aul", before they covered her with all the grunt and dirt and dust and sand and grass and clothes they could find. Nobody commented, nobody gave speeches.

For the rest of the day, they travelled fast, making almost no stopover. Yuri could not stand to stop for a while. He did not even eat anything. No, thanks, share it between you, really.

At night, the medic chose to watch first, and then came Katya to replace him. But he fould that Yuri was not sleeping. He sat down, silent, totally awake. Of course.

"She felt no pain," the medic said, without looking at him. "She did not even notice... "

"If you want to console me, Katya did it already," Yuri said, bluntly. "Such things come better, among Russians... "

""Okay, sorry if I allowed myself... "

"No, no... excuse me... " Yuri said, waving a hand, as to scratch his last words. Why blame the medic? He had done what he could. he had shot as he and Katya... He nodded with his chin in the dark, to where Katya was. "She has been nice, with me, I did not believe... She has let me talk, she told me about her man... She has said that I could cry, If I felt the need, and she would have not thought that I am a wimp... But I am NOT a child... "

"I've seen lots of grown up people crying for very less than this... " the medic said. Yuri nodded.

"I have been a fool to cover her face with my jacket, right? What a difference can be, now, for her?"

"No, you have not been a fool... " the medic shook his head.

"I did not want that.. the grunt fell on her face... " Yuri said. He sighed. "And yesterday I told her that we all could die, here... But I was talking, just so.. .And instead... "

"Come on, that doesn't matter... You did not call the bad luck over her... And you make them pay, though, as dead men... "

"Yeah... " Yuri nodded, snorting. He looked down for a while, then he talked again. "Ah... Sorry if I aimed the gun at you... I did not know what I was doing, I was out of my head... "

"Never mind. Provided you did not shoot... "

"I would have done it... But the mag was empty... " admitted Yury.

"I know... I waited for that, before to speak... " the medic said. Yuri looked at him, and he shrugged.

"If I had a "Kalash" in my hands, when they told me Francoise was dead, I would have done the same as you... "

"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war... " Yuri snorted.

"Something alike. They would have killed me, at the end. But I would have not given a damn... " the medic recalled. Yuori nodded, with great relief.

"You are a friend... " he said.

When Katya came back, the medic said he could watch instead of Yuri, but Yuri refused to be replaced .He got his gun, mumbled something in Russian and went away.

"What did he say?" the medic asked.

""He said: "come on, bastards, make my day"... " answered Katya.

The day after, a big convoy of "dukhi" had the unhappy idea, or just the bad luck, to pass too close to where Yuri, Katya and the medic had made their sixth stopover. Yuri consumed all the grenades he had found the day before, and Katya and the medic just covered him with their rifles. The effect was a slaughter, even worse than all the previous ones, definitely not nice to be seen. After that, Yuri inspected all the corpses, and before to search them for food and ammunitions, he shot them in the head, one by one.

The medic got close to him, and he turned his face to look at him. The medic did not say a word.

"I had to do it yesterday, I have been a fool... " Yuri said. The medic sighed.

"We all have been fools" he said.

That night, Katya watched first, and the medic came to replace her. She found Yuri asleep, but his sleeping was troubled: he was squirming, talking, and more than talking, crying.

She came and knelt close to him. He woke up at once, but he understood who was looking at him, so he let aside the gun. Katya shook his head. Sense of guilt, sorrow, loss. The thing you have lost give more pain that those you have never had. She knew that very well.

"Mnyè normàlno... Mnyè normàlno... Niè bespokòysya... " said Yuri, trying to keep up appearances. I'm fine, no worry. She shook her head again. No, you are not. And she unbuttoned her blouse. It was dark, but Yuri knew what was in front of him. An almost naked breast of a woman. "Niè nàdo... Ty nyè obyàsana... " he said. No need for that, you are not obliged... "

" "Zatknìs" she whispered, lowly and calmly, but with authority. Shut your mouth. She lay on her side, hugged the boy, let his head rest on her cleavage. And he did not even try to get more than this, from her. He was tired, exhausted. And he just enjoyed her heat, her softness, her smell and sweat of woman, her regular breath...

"Tolko popròbui, trògat mnyè tuda, gdyè niè nàdo!" said Katya with a mockingly menacing tone. Just try to touch me where you don't have to... She knew the boy would have never tried. He kept silent, for a while, sitting better in her arms, against her body...

"Proshài, yesly yà skasàl tebyè " duratskaya blyàd"... " he said then. Excuse me if I told you "stupid whore"... She snorted.

"Bog pròstit... " she said. God will forgive...

When the medic came to wake up Yuri, wondering if it was right to impose a sentry duty to a boy so recently and hardly challenged, Katya and Yuri were still very close. When the medic called him, Yuri woke up again, quite embarrassed, and went to watch, without a word.

The medic laid close to Katya. She too was not sleeping: she lay on her back and looked at the sky, calmly.

"I did nothing, with that boy," she said.

"I have asked nothing," the medic said, in a tranquil tone, as if surprised from the words of Katya.

"He did not want. I was ready," she said, having fun in teasing the medic.

"And you would have done well," he answered, always calmly. Silence

"It's not true," she said.

"Is it not true that you would have done well?" the medic wondered.

"It is not true that I was ready!" she snorted.

"Why?"

"I've told you... he is just a kid, for me. There is a song of ours: "Zavlikàla yà malchìshku", I have seduced a boy... But it's not my kind of fun... "

"Is he STILL a boy? Even after today? And yesterday?"

"Oh... yes, between yesterday and today, he has grown up. Growing up is not fun, it's never so... And at war, you don't grow up, you grow old... But maybe, tonight, not even him wanted sex, really... Not tonight..."

"And you?" the medic asked. She turned towards him, caressed his face, smiled.

"I do. And you?"

She pushed her body against his own, over his own: a warm wave, soft and sweet and strong at the same time. She kissed his neck, his cheek... Her smell again, her head again...

"Listen... " he said. "You know I want to come back home... In the West... "

She looked at him.

"I know... "she said, shrugging. It's obvious, you want it.

"And you know you can't come with me... Not from Kabul, at least... "

"I know that too. So what?" ""So, maybe... It's not right... It's unfair... "

"It's unfair, what? it's not right what?" she asked.

He just lowered his eyes. She snorted, shaking her head. "Shto za chelovèk", what a kind of man... He could kill, almost without remorses, but he felt scruples for making love to her, just so... As if he was taking advantage of her... She raise his chin with two fingers.

"Of course it's right, doctor. Do you think to fool me, if you do it? Do you think I'm fancying God knows what? I don't fancy a bit. I am not even sure if one of our three will come back home... "

"But of course, we... "

"I don't know! I don't want to know! What's the difference? What can change the fact that I know that, if our fate is to die here? I just know, that poor girl is dead, and tomorrow could be my turn, and there is nothing that I can do, so I want to be fine, while I am alive, I want to feel a man over me, inside of me, a man I choose, a man I like! Maybe you are right, it's because there is danger all around and my scruples are lowered. Or maybe because we are animals. After all, we fight and kill to survive, to get some food, and for nothing else: this is being animals, ain't it?"

"Well... " the medic said. Katya smiled at him, kissed him.

"It's ME who wants to do it, doctor. It's ME who NEEDS it. Kiss me, touch me. Don't take me, if you don't want. But don't leave me alone. Heal me. I NEED it. And I need it NOW."

The medic kept silent, and he started to move over him, back and forth, her pubes caressing and pressing his crotch. His sex answered the call, getting hard against her soft, warm belly, and she noticed it, nodding and breathing harder. But she did not take her. He hugged her, kissed her sweaty body, groping her butts, and she kept nodding, her eyes closed. She was clinging to him, as if his body was the only reality in a world of nightmares. He could easily lower his own trousers and hers, and penetrating her... But he felt he had NOT to do it. Not then.

She kept moving all the same, always nodding, always enjoying the contact of his hard sex against her own. She was coming, "finishing". It was not necessary that the male sex was inside of her, after all. She felt his strength all the same. Her clitoris and her vestibule were stimulated all the same, in a proper way. His warm, big hands held her butts in a manly, virile, imposing way, and she liked it too. She was breathing harder and harder. It was happening again...

Her moaning breaths reached the top and then she kept silent, leaving her body collapsed over his own. It was clear, she had reached the "big O", without need of being taken by his sex inside. No need for stupid post-coital questions. And she was grateful to him for that, for the pleasure, and for the respect. He did not take her for that reason: he respected her. Even too much. But she enjoyed it all the same. So, why bother?

He looked in her eyes. Definitely, that girl, for him, was more important that all the Afghans, Communist and not Communist, alive and dead, all lined up. And he smiled at the idea of the line. And to the smell of her hair, of her body... to the heat of her body, of her skin...

"Sorry if I did not... " he started, but he did not complete the sentence. If I did not take you, he meant. "It was not for... I didn't feel like... "

""Nichevò"," she said, smiling. It doesn't matter... She lay on her back besides of him, and looked at the stars again.

"But why you did not do it with that boy? Just because he is so young and tender? I don't believe it." the medic said. She snorted.

"No... Even because I know how you touch my body... And because... "

"Because?" the medic asked. She looked at him.

"Do I have to draw you a picture?"

"Oh no, don't tell it... It cannot be... I don't want it... "

"What do you not want?"

"That you fall in love with me... " he said, and then he thought she would have laughed at him, But she did not laugh.

"If it has happened, then it has happened. Why you don't want it?"

"Because I don't want you to do some shit when I go away... " he said. She snorted. He was REALLY in love with her, if he was worried about that...

"Don't worry, I will not do... Anna Karenina is dead and gone... "

He breathed with relief. She had understood what kind of "shit" he had in mind. She was smart. And he was a fool...

"Better off that way... " the fool said.