Honey Ch. 03

'It was.' Hanna handed Cassidy a black ceramic mug, the tea appearing as water.

'I was hoping you'd enjoy it.'

'We've not said anything about it since. Not that I'm upset. He was very sweet, though I take it he's not always like that.'

'Only if he cares,' Cassidy said dryly. 'Just because I do what I do, doesn't mean I don't want the same from someone. Anyone. I know he won't, but I'll find someone who will.'

Hanna felt Cassidy's bitterness. 'What's your ideal? Who's your dream?'

Cassidy's answer wasn't as superficial as Bridgett's when she'd rattled off Brandon's type. 'Someone kind and tolerant who's able to deal with me at my worst because I can be an egregious cunt at times. Someone who won't control me or let me control them. They don't have to be beautiful or handsome. Just decent.'

'Can I ask how you how you ended up on the streets?'

'My mom was a pro, ran her own game from home. My dad could've been anyone. She was very discreet, I'd stay in my room when her Johns were over, but social services didn't give a shit, they took me anyway. Never saw her again. I ran from my foster placement out of fear, the mother was a bitch. Then I was on the streets. It's not like they sent out a search party.'

Had she been any more weary, Hanna would've wept for Cassidy. 'That's horrible. You must hate so many people... People like me.'

'Why? People like you aren't all bad, Hanna. It's just how it is. I have it better now.'

She wasn't convinced in the slightest. 'Do you, Cassidy? Is this all you want from life?'

'When I find the person to trust who will stay with me, I'll give it up.' She picked up the cup and wandered off. 'Until then, I'm a whore for hire.'

Hanna was left depressed by this, lachrymose when Brandon finally returned.

'Hanna, what's wrong?'

'How can you let her live like that?' she demanded as softly as she could. 'Hasn't she suffered enough?'

'I can't stop her. She won't let me do anything for her.'

'Then I will. I'll take her in; give her a home.'

Brandon frowned, his sternness unsettling her. 'You do not want that. Don't bring her life into yours, do you hear me? The people she knows... You wouldn't be safe.'

'You could've given her a real job. Not just money to go whoring on her own terms.'

He was remarkably patient for her attack. 'She wouldn't have stayed in any job I gave her. I could've given her a salary and a health plan, and she'd still have quit within a week. And she won't go to school, so don't bother offering her that either.'

'Brandon...'

'I knew from the moment I saw her she lives by her own rules. Let her be.'

'I care for her.'

'Like a sister? A daughter? What?'

'A friend, at least. Don't patronise me. I am not an ingenue and I won't be treated like one.'

'You don't know her. Not like I do.'

'Would you save her from anything if she asked you? Would you save her from herself if you had to? Tell me that at least.'

'Hanna, I would. If I had to. If she'd even let me.'

Now she could see a trace of emotion in his eyes, Hanna was able to back down. 'You're both closer to me than anyone in my life ever has been. You've seen more of me in two days than even my own husband has in ten years. You matter to me, and so does she.'

Brandon took Hanna's face in his hands and kissed her. The want and romance were there, whether he meant it or not. 'You're the only decent person I know. You can see underneath everything, Cassidy has a good heart. She just doesn't feel she deserves any kindness.'

'She told you this?'

'She didn't have to. She's just like me.'

Hanna wouldn't let Brandon walk away. 'What did you do to feel that way?'

'It's what I didn't do. It's why I lost Harriet. Let's just leave it at that.' Brandon left her with another small kiss to her cheek.

Suddenly needing to be alone, Hanna retreated to her room to lie down. She was making plans to leave in the morning, feeling suffocated by Cassidy and Brandon's problems. She couldn't take them on even if she wanted to and she felt terrible for thinking that way.

Neither of them checked on her. Hanna packed her things quietly then called a cab company to collect her in the morning at five. She'd had to set her phone to locate the address since Cassidy hadn't given her any info, the notion of her having no idea where she was finally getting to her. Last of all, she wrote a note to thank Brandon for being so accommodating, and for him to tell Cassidy to take care of herself. She intended on leaving it on the bedspread as she headed out.

She made it to the morning, holding her breath as she went for the door. Halfway down the front steps, with the cab waiting not ten feet away, the front door opened behind her.

Cassidy was standing there in a flimsy black nightgown. 'Don't go, Hanna,' she said sadly. 'Please stay and talk to us.'

'I don't know if I can handle this, Cassidy. I want to, but...'

The taxi driver honked the horn and Cassidy scowled. 'It's not on you to fix anything. Just come inside.'

Hanna sighed and went down to the driver, handing him fifty dollars while apologising for wasting his time by not calling to cancel. This appeased the guy sufficiently; he drove off as Hanna went back inside with Cassidy.

She left her bag in the hallway and Cassidy took her to the living room where Brandon was sitting on the edge of the sofa, the note in his hands.

'I'm sorry I upset you last night, Hanna,' he said. 'I really didn't mean to.'

'You've done nothing wrong. Neither has Cassidy.'

'Then why leave and not say anything?' Cassidy asked.

'I don't know if I'm... equipped to deal with this.'

'No one's asking you to mend anything,' said Brandon. 'No one needs saving. This was purely for you to have a taste of what you'd refused to have your whole life. If you're done, if you're satisfied, then let that be the reason you're going.'

'Alright, I'm done. I'm satisfied.'

Cassidy stood in front of her, tucking Hanna's hair back as she smiled. 'No you're not, sweetness.'

Her seduction worked effortlessly on Hanna. Cassidy's kiss felt deliberately slow and calculated; her touch just the same. She was bringing Hanna into her embrace, and it was loving in a way but really more lustful. A blend of emotions rushed through Hanna's body; there was fear in her somewhere, but it felt distant. As Cassidy was kissing her neck, Hanna used her eyes to summon Brandon to them. He wasn't going to be the observer now. If she was to stay, she had to have more control.

Brandon was more than willing, moving in behind her and keeping his arms around her as his fingers unbuttoned her jeans. Cassidy knew exactly what was expected of her, there was no eye contact between them and Hanna was their prey once more.

Yet with Cassidy on her knees before her, prey wasn't a fair way to describe it. It seemed more like Hanna was being worshiped. Brandon's caress increased her pleasure immeasurably and Cassidy's mouth on her left her utterly blind. There wasn't a single thought in her head now that could distract her from what they were doing to her.

They didn't leave the living room, their indulgences lasting perhaps an hour or more. At first all attention was on Hanna, until she wordlessly managed to gain Cassidy's aid in pleasing Brandon when he was distracted. Hanna waited for him to stop Cassidy moving over him, expecting him to become irritated by this, but he was agreeing to it, knowing it was Hanna's bidding that had Cassidy trapping him now. Hanna stayed beside him and watched them, Cassidy appearing more than thrilled she'd finally caused Brandon to acquiesce to her charms. There was no jealousy in Hanna, just a quiet sense of satisfaction to see him enraptured.

His hand went down to touch her cunt, and Hanna accepted this as Cassidy became more relentless. Brandon's eyes were firmly shut, he wouldn't have seen Cassidy and Hanna gazing at each other the whole time. Cassidy seemed to be almost begging Hanna to come for her.

The silence they shared afterwards was unnerving. Brandon looked lost and Cassidy was beside him, trying to catch her breath. She was the first to get up and walk away without a word. Brandon opened his eyes but wasn't really reacting to her departure, and Hanna thought now she'd broken some cardinal rule in coaxing their coupling.

'I'm sorry,' she murmured, preempting his displeasure.

'Don't be. I wouldn't have allowed it had I not wanted it. And don't go after her. She needs space sometimes if things become too intense.'

'Did I hurt her by trying to go?'

'She was crying when she woke me up to tell me you were leaving. I told her to stop you if she could, but I wasn't prepared to chase you down for answers.'

'I was conflicted,' Hanna replied. 'I've taken on too much by being here. I felt like I should really be alone.'

'Because it's what you needed or what would be expected?'

'I'm not sure.'

He moved onto his side and traced his fingers over her belly. 'I understand, but I want you to trust me. I thought you did.'

'I'm more scared of what will happen now than I am of you.'

'It's better you don't think of the future, Hanna. I don't expect this to damage any professional arrangement we've made, provided we don't speak on what's happened here. You're a private person, I would doubt you'd tell anyone of this, including Bridget.'

'Of course I'd not say anything to her. As far as anyone at work knows, I've run off to some tropical island or expensive retreat. I told my mother the friend I was seeing was a woman who lived in the hills, but I didn't mention you. Apart from that, no one has a clue where I am and I really don't care.'

'Good. That's how it should be.'

'You have no one to answer to, do you?' she asked. 'At least, not personally.'

'My assistant knows I'm here, she doesn't know who I'm with or what I'm doing.'

'This suits you?'

'It always has.'

Hanna sat up to get dressed. 'Are you happy, Brandon?'

'I'm not miserable. That's the best I can do.'

She pulled on her jeans and left him alone. This was becoming a habit now, one of them exiting when things felt too intense to continue talking.

The door of the guest bathroom was ajar. Hanna pushed it back to find Cassidy soaking in the tub. She knew it was alright to walk in and close the door, and she knelt by the tub and touched Cassidy's wrist.

'Are you alright?' Hanna asked her.

'I think so...' Cassidy shut her eyes and rested her head against the wall behind her. 'I came so hard when I saw you watching me. Your eyes are so fucking beautiful.'

'Thank you,' Hanna said softly.

Cassidy looked at her almost ashamedly. 'I have to go. I'm leaving in an hour.'

'What? You not just two hours ago begged me to stay, Cassidy. Brandon said you were crying when I was leaving.'

'He won't continue paying to keep me here, Hanna.'

'Why not? Because you and he...?'

'I have things I need to get back to now.'

'Then let me pay you.'

'You're not a job to me,' Cassidy snapped. 'Not anymore.'

Hanna was completely confused. 'What am I now?'

'A lover. And I can't have lovers. Not in my line of work. Brandon and I are going to need some distance anyway. You've shifted the balance between us, not that I'm angry at you for that. It was worth it in so many ways, but he and I have to go back to how things were.'

'Of course. I can't keep you.'

'I'm sure he wants you to stay. I honestly believe you're right for him.'

'It's too soon. I only took my wedding ring off last week.'

'Maybe I'm being romantic,' she smirked ironically. 'That's so unlike me.'

Hanna picked up Cassidy's hand and kissed her knuckles. 'Just take care of yourself. Please. I'd hate to see anything terrible happen to you.'

'Depends what you mean by terrible. But thanks.'

Hanna was more respectful about leaving Cassidy alone. She went back to apologise to Brandon, finding him dressed and lying on the couch with his arm over his eyes, seemingly spent.

'Cassidy's leaving,' Hanna said tentatively. 'I'm not asking her to stay.'

'I imagined she would.' He dropped his arm. 'I'm sorry, I'm really distracted right now.'

'I can make you some coffee,' she offered.

'Sure, thanks.'

In truth, Hanna needed to keep herself busy so as not to pry on Cassidy as she was packing her things. She emerged and Brandon was about to show her to the door, speaking to her softly as Hanna forced herself not to listen in.

Cassidy walked into the kitchen, Brandon hovering behind her with his arms folded. She hugged Hanna tightly. 'Goodbye, sweetness. Thank you for everything.'

Hanna pulled away. 'Will I ever see you again?'

She only shook her head, her eyes conveying her sadness as if she had to keep it a secret from Brandon.

Brandon had dictated this and Hanna prickled internally to realise it. She stayed at the front door to watch Cassidy slip into the cab she'd called. Once she was gone, Hanna closed the door and turned back to Brandon.

'She's fallen for you,' he said before Hanna could speak. 'She and I agreed it was better she keep her distance.'

'Without asking me?'

'You can't be intimate with her and not have her problems affect you. Please trust me this is for the best.'

She went to get by him before she lost it. He took her by the arm and stared her down.

'Do you really think she's in love with you enough to stop doing what she does?' he asked.

Hanna shook her head. 'No. My infatuation isn't deep either. I'm a mess now, I can't think straight.'

Brandon held her and stroked her hair, Hanna folding to this easily once more as her arms slipped around him.

'What is this?' she whispered.

'I don't know,' he answered. 'Are you staying?'

'Yes. I can't be alone right now. I thought I could...'

'So did I.'

They spent the afternoon talking on moments in their past; mutual memories as well as their own thoughts on certain people.

'I faked my way through a lot of friendships,' Brandon said. 'I learned how to mimic people rather than let them see me in any way.'

Hanna smiled sympathetically. 'I still do it. My friends weren't the nicest people, I didn't keep in touch with many of them. And Richard's friends are made up of his associates and their partners. I'd be stuck with the wives mostly, talking about nail salons and where to get the best imported Italian leather purses, all the while bored out of my mind and wanting to leave.'

'You were starved of intellectualism,' he replied drolly. 'I could tell you hated being around vapid people.'

'I did. Besides that, Richard seemed to underestimate my need to discuss things beyond our own jobs. He was always going on about a case he was assigned to, and he belittled what I did. He didn't seem to think it had any importance. But you were right... I work in the industry of lies. What I do has little meaning.'

'I wasn't saying that to diminish your job,' Brandon said amiably. 'I only meant you'd become such an expert at lying you were just lying to yourself in the end. I wouldn't stop you or demean what you do for a living.'

'How do you feel about what Cassidy does?'

'Would I have paid for her if I had an issue? I'm not involved in the rest of it, but I know she has to frequent some seedy places and deal with corrupt people. Though I have to admit I discredited her emotional maturity before today. I never saw her as someone who could be patient with a lover, or even caring. She has to operate with detachment, and she didn't with me. Or you.'

'Which is why you let her go.'

'Exactly. She has a lot more to process now than you or I. I don't think she's as accustomed to being distant as we are. There's a tiny part of her that genuinely hates to be alone.'

'It would be a lonely world to live in. I've never set foot in a strip club, I've only looked at things online when Richard wasn't around. He disapproved of me wanting to have a woman in our bed, even for one night... I was shocked he didn't like the idea.'

'You thought all men wanted that?'

'Shows how ignorant I am.'

'It's not something you should do that often. This is a seldom thing for me. If it's opened a door for you and you step through it with someone else, I won't be offended.'

Hanna had yet to go down the path of considering other women, or men. She couldn't see herself in bars waiting for someone to talk to, or answering ads from suspicious places. Maybe this was the end of it.

'Is that what you wanted?' she asked him. 'To open a door for me?'

'To help you open it. Before you had any regrets.'

'It's too soon to tell if I'll regret any of this.'

'No it's not, Hanna. You'd feel it instantly, and you haven't, have you?'

She couldn't help smiling as she gently shook her head. The night wore on in much the same fashion. When she was tired, Hanna excused herself to go to bed.

'Did you want to sleep alone?' he asked her.

Hanna glanced back to see Brandon looking more vulnerable than he had that morning.

'Are you asking me to sleep with you?' She tried to keep any kind of mocking tone out of her voice.

'Only if you're willing.'

She put out her hand to him, more than happy to be asked. But it proved one thing she didn't want to say then -- they were both in deep denial about their tolerance towards loneliness.

Brandon waited for Hanna in his room, and she tested herself by wearing the negligee. She brushed her hair out in the mirror, looking at herself in an entirely new light. She was standing taller, and she felt an odd sense of confidence that wasn't the same as when she'd headed meetings or seduced new clients. Something new and powerful was growing within her core, she saw she had a better sense of self; there were fewer questions in her mind as to whether she was a strong as people suggested. She wasn't meant to be a mother and she wasn't going to explain her reasons to anyone. She wasn't going to cower in the face of their disapproval anymore.

Brandon was still awake in the dark when Hanna slipped into his bed. His fingers brushed over the satin of the bodice.

'You never wore this for him.'

'How could you tell?'

'The way you walked in just now. He'd have made you ashamed had he seen it. Or embarrassed at least. He won't know you the next time he sees you.'

'Good.'

To be in someone else's arms so soon, with Richard's side of the bed barely even cold, Hanna wondered if she was supposed to feel guiltier than she did. She wasn't the one who betrayed him by refusing to have his child, but she felt betrayed by his change of heart.

She didn't do anything with Brandon that night but lie beside him and listen to him talk about his sister. He made confessions Hanna knew no one else had heard, and she was thankful in a way he'd chosen her to hear them. He asked if she was hurting from her divorce. She said it felt distant now. She'd not touched her pills the entire time she'd been with him.

'I thought this situation might make you more anxious,' he said.

'I did too. They've been in my bag, I've not even thought of them.'

Hanna decided to go home the next morning. She had to return to her life at some point, Brandon understood this.

'I'm leaving next week for Seattle,' he said as he walked her to the door. 'Business trip. I'm not sure when I'll see you again.'

'Brandon, it's fine. I wasn't expecting to see a lot of you. I figured you'd be sending some rep if need be.'

'I'll keep in touch, if you'd like.'

Hanna gave him the most innocent kiss on his cheek. 'I would.'

Brandon watched her leave, just as she'd watched Cassidy, raising his hand while he stayed on the doorstep.

Hanna was listless in the back of the cab, and even more so when she was home. Going about her menial chores of checking messages and emails made her feel bored and empty. Thoughts of Cassidy's lips invaded her mind if she was careless.