Honor Thy Mother & Thy Father Ch. 17

"Go on, I don't want to start pulling your teeth."

"Payne and I were out one evening, casually dressed, and I decided to stop here for dinner. I didn't know there was a dress code after 6 o'clock, but when we walked in, the owner saw us, and treated us like beggars. I asked for his name, and thanked him for his courtesy turned around with Payne, and left. Sunday morning, I went into work and ran his name through M&M. 12 seconds later that darling machine of ours gave me enough information to bankrupt him. I called a meeting of legal and finance the next morning, told them what I wanted to do, and how I wanted it done. I didn't want the bastard to know what hit him. I purchased all of his outstanding debts, including the mortgage on his estate. It took all of two weeks to get everything in order. The following Saturday evening we booked every table at the club, and made sure the owner knew that Mister Dycke Schneider was going to be in attendance. It guaranteed he would be there. That Saturday afternoon, while the owner was playing golf, our lawyers advised his lawyers to be at the country club that evening, because their client was going to need them.

At 6:30 PM, our entourage began showing up in shorts and T-shirts, plaids and stripes, torn jeans and old shoes. The owner was having nightmares, especially when I walked in. I was wearing a tuxedo jacket and no pants. Payne was wearing torn leotards.

The only reason he was not able to throw us out was because our agents were armed and told him to keep his distance.

Fiona Short, my Chief of Western Hemisphere Operations, called the meeting to order. She called Broderick Hungate, the owner, to the center of the room and said, "Sir, you have no money left to your name. You no longer own your car, your home, your golf club, your restaurant, your businesses in Savanna, Charleston, and Myrtle Beach, or your condominium in Hawaii. The IRS is investigating your last seven years of taxes. Your accounts in the Virgin Islands are frozen. Your accounts in the Dominican Republic, Costa Rica, and Switzerland are under seal. Your credit cards are no longer valid. You have access to no money, except what you have in your pocket. Your mortgage is due and payable in eight days. You have a 15-day grace period afterwards. Be prepared for your furniture to be taken out of the house on the 16th day.

I want you to look at the lady, and the gentleman seated to my left. See if you remember them walking into this restaurant three weeks ago. Remember how rudely you treated them, because they were, unknowingly, improperly dressed."

Hungate looked at Dycke and Payne, and remarked, "You did this to me?"

I said, "Mister Hungate, no one insults my wife. You did, and you paid with everything you ever had or will have in your lifetime. If you are not in jail for tax evasion, I hope you enjoy working for minimum wage. That is kind of work you will ever be able to find, because my people will make sure of it. Your lawyers are here to look over the paperwork. It is all-legal and signed by the appropriate authorities. I know you can no longer pay them, so I will.

Angela, take every key from this man except the key to his house. Then walk him off this property, it is now part of Schneider Enterprises, Inc."

Angela took his arm and said, "Come with me, Mister Hungate, you have a very long walk home."

"Payne's dad came over to me and asked, "Does this mean I get to play golf for free?"

"Yes, dad, every Monday through Friday, between 10 AM and 4 PM."

"Dycke, those are my working hours."

I said, "I know dad, that way I will save my golf course from divots, and if you show up at work like that on Monday, I'm going to take pictures."

He walked away saying, "Everyone's a comedian."

Harold said, "Dycke, you are priceless."

The final building for the afternoon was Dycke's. They started at his apartment, so Harold could see all the views, and decide which one Harold wanted. Dycke reminded him all he had to do was set aside one room; put a phone, DSL line, a computer, a printer/fax machine and a desk, to make it a home office; thereby making it tax-deductible.

Harold kept looking at the sea. After a few moments he said, "Dycke, I could live here."

Dycke respond, "Remember Harold, you would be taking Callie away from everything she has ever had. It will be a big decision for the both of you. Buy the apartment, it's a down market, and you will be able to make a great deal. However, don't think you will be living in it all the time. Bring her here; bring her mom here with her. Let them see what's here. Let them debate the pros and cons of her moving two thirds across the continent. Don't start your marriage off on the wrong foot. Marriage is a series of compromises; we can set up our business in Cottonwood, just as easy as we can here in Charleston. I would love to have you both as neighbors, but I don't want Callie to dread every day she's here."

"When did you become a marriage counselor, Dycke?"

"I have listened to Payne's mother, for over 12 years. I guess some of that has sunk in."

"Let's go see what apartments are available."

"I can tell you that right now."

"How would you know that piece of information, Dycke? No, don't answer that. I think I know the answer already. You bought the building."

"It wasn't me. Payne bought the building; I just cosigned the loan."

"Who did she get loan from, Dycke?"

"Greenwise Exploration gave her the loan at very favorable rates, because of market conditions."

"What do they explore, Dycke?"

"Deep-water oil and gas reserves."

"How long are you going to beat around the bush, Dycke?"

"I am answering all your questions honestly."

"I am getting ready to smack you like Payne does. Who owns Greenwise, Dycke?

"Why didn't you ask me that in the first place? I bet you thought it was me, and you would be wrong. I can't cosign a loan if I own a business Harold, even you should know that. Evan, Robert, and Zoie own Greenwise Exploration."

Harold started running after Dycke, yelling, "You lying sack of shit. I should kill you for this. I have never met anyone that could lie as well as you, and keep a straight face on."

Dycke yelled over his shoulder, "Harold, I run 10 miles on my treadmill every morning. How far do you think you can go, before you keel over?"

"How much did you pay for this building, Dycke?"

"It was in foreclosure with the three banks, and it was behind on taxes. The banks wanted $120 million. Fiona and I got up from the table, and thanked him for their time. Fiona said, "When you come up with a realistic number, call us and we will listen. Until then, we hope you enjoy eating the loss of this buildings revenue."

The senior agent from Bank of America asked, "What were you thinking as a decent number?"

Fiona replied, "Considering the building is not even 50% occupied, and the recession shows no sign of improvement, our top bid would be $52 million."

The agent replied, "If we rent the bottom two floors for offices, at the current rate, for a guaranteed 10 years, could you up your offer to $70 million?"

Fiona said, "We need five minutes to run the numbers."

Fiona called finance, gave them the numbers for the rental of the first and second floor for 10 years, and adjusted the price at $70 million.

M&M came out with a price of $68,500,000.

Fiona walked back into the room and showed Dycke the numbers. He said to the bankers, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, we are $1,500,000 apart, and my computer does not lie. I know you tried your best, and I appreciate it, but I don't like losing money either. I wish there was a way we could come to an accommodation, because I liked that you dealt with me in good faith. Good day, gentlemen."

"Mister Schneider, what if we took the third floor, under the same terms, and conditions?"

Fiona looked at the man and said, "I have to make another phone call, but I think that will work."

Fiona made her call, received what she knew would be a favorable answer and went inside to inform Dycke.

Dycke said to the agents, "I am not in the habit of lying, so I will tell you upfront, if you take the third floor, and you accept the deal at $70 million, I wind up making a profit of $750,000."

The three bankers looked at each other and smiled. "Mister Schneider, I have never had an adversary admit that he was making money on a deal. We will draw up the paperwork for $70 million on Trident Towers. You have just bought yourself a building. Congratulations!"

Harold asked, "How much did it cost to build this building?"

"Harold, you are a good friend, and I don't want you to get sick in my apartment. Let's find an apartment for you and you can get sick in there."

"Dycke, I will start throwing knives at you shortly, if you don't tell me how much it cost to build this building."

Dycke started moving slowly towards the door to his apartment. He opened it and said, "$685 million, and ran for his elevator. He pushed in his code, and waited for the door to open. A wild-eyed Harold exited his apartment.

"You bought a $685 million building for $70 million?"

"No Harold, Payne did; don't you get angry with me."

The bell to the elevator rang. Dycke ran in, punched in his code, but he was too late. Harold was in the elevator with him. 100 square feet, and nowhere to run. Death was imminent, until Harold started to laugh.

"Have you stolen any other candy from babies, lately? You have a golf course and a building, are you going to buy the airport next?"

"I tried Harold, but it's a military base also, so they won't give it to me."

They stopped at the 19th floor and walked towards the east and south facing apartments. The East faced Fort Sumter, Sullivan's Island, and the Atlantic Ocean. The Southern view overlooked the Ashley, and Stono Rivers, and multiple islets and bogs that made perfect nesting grounds for thousands of sea birds every spring. It was half the size of Dycke's apartment, 9000 square feet.

"Howard, the apartment next door is vacant. We can knock down the adjoining walls, and you can have an apartment the size of mine."

"Dycke, what would two people do with 18,000 square feet?"

"You would do the same thing Payne and I am doing; grow into it. There aren't a lot of places around here for children to play outdoors. Nearly half my apartment is a playground for the kids, and they love it. They have their friends come over after school to play games, and race on the Segway's. The sliding glass doors to the balcony are hurricane resistant. We put up a net for them, and they can play baseball in that half of the apartment. The kids think it is very cool. We have the standard stuff, the Xbox, and computer games for them, but mostly we want them to run around and get exercise. Evan was a little out of shape and I forced him onto the treadmills. He is getting better now. He is up to 3 miles in 15 minutes. I am not going to let him run any further. I am just going to make him bring his time down. He is only 11, and I am not going to ruin his knees at such an early age."

"How much do you want for the entire floor, Dycke?"

"I am going to make you a deal you are not going to believe it. Instead of having me knock down the walls on this floor, the 23rd floor is also available, and has no obstructions. I am going to make you pay exactly what I paid 12 years ago. $1.2 million a year, plus the maintenance fees which everyone, including me, pays."

"That's $50.50 a square foot, Dycke. You are not going to be making a penny off me."

"I don't want to make a penny off you, Harold. I want to make a several hundred million dollars off you. I want you to have the best, so you can work and play in the best."

"Dycke, you are an idiot."

"I bought a $685 million dollar building for $70 million, Harold. Not too many idiots can do that on a regular basis."

"I think I'm getting a severe case of penis envy. It took me four and one half years to get that program working correctly, and Microsoft bought me out the next year. You go around finding all these awesome deals, and somehow you make the people you take them from say, "Thank you."

"Harold, do you remember when we met at that convention in Las Vegas. We were really young, and no one paid attention to us. It worked to my advantage. Many of my competitors thought I was a gopher for some bigger fish, who were making the deals. They talked about their negotiation tactics right in front of me. It gave me the edge in my negotiations. I blindsided them in two ways:

I was able to tell the sellers how other buyers were going to try to negotiate with them to lower their prices, by using subterfuge and lying to them, about the amounts of units they would order, and the timeliness of their payments.

I told them up-front the price I was willing to pay, how many units I would buy, when I wanted delivery, and when and how I would make my payments. If they were able to meet my demands, we had a deal, because I did not lie to them. They would write up the contract at that moment and I would sign it. If they wanted to listen to my competitors, and have them yank their chain, I would go to another vendor. More often than not, I left with a signed contract in my hand, and my competitors would leave scratching their heads."

"You do the same thing with your startups, Harold. You don't take someone off the street and offer him money. You look at his business plan. You look at his five-year projection. You look at the project; but most of all you look at the product. Is it the next Hula-Hoop, or is it the next Pet Rock. If it's the Hula-Hoop you fund the guy to the sky; if it's the Pet Rock, you throw it at him.

In your business now, you hope to make millions, and pray only to lose thousands. You don't belong there, Harold. Put your mind back to work and let me take care of the details. Your windows and doors will be locked, and no one will ever know what you're working on, except a select few who I trust implicitly. If you stay in Cottonwood, you will not be guarded. If you come here, you and Callie will be. Both of you will have to get used to that. Do you still want the apartment?"

"Yes Dycke, I want the apartment, all 18,000 square feet of it. Call your rental department and have them bring up a contract so I can sign it."

"I have your contract in my apartment waiting for your signature."

"You set this up, didn't you Dycke? You took me to buildings you knew were not acceptable. Two were too close to the flight path of the airport, and the other one only had views of the land. If you wanted me in your building. Why didn't you just say so?"

"Harold, you had to make this decision of your own free will."

"Bullshit! Where was my own free will when you set up the entire scenario?"

"You wound me, Harold. Those are three outstanding buildings, under exceptional management."

"Oh God, don't tell me, you own them too."

"No, I do not, and you keep accusing me of owning things that are outside of my purview. My mother owns one, Payne's mother owns one, and six of my dearest friends own the other one."

"Dycke, it really pays to be your friend."

"Those people saved my life on more than one occasion, Harold. It was the least I could do to repay them."

Harold signed the contract and he and Dycke headed for the golf course.

Harold said, "You're sure about this?"

Dycke replied, "I told the head groundskeeper to stay late today. I told him two of the worst golfers in the world were going to chew up his golf course, and be prepared for anything."

He said, "Don't let them on my course."

I told him that's the problem. "It's not your course, it's my course, and I am one of the worst golfers in the world."

He said, "I understand Mister Schneider. I'll keep some of the guys on hand, also."

Four hours later, they made it to the seventh hole, and it was getting dark. They decided they had had enough fun for one day. They walked back to their cart and headed for the restaurant. Even though the grounds crew worked feverishly, as the two duffers worked their way from hole to hole, they worked an additional two hours after Harold and Dycke made their approach shots to the seventh green to fix the mess they made out of the fairway and sand traps. They did not believe any to humans could play golf so poorly.

Harold and Dycke played golf the next day, also, but they fared much better. Miniature golf was more their style. They had a great time, and Harold even had a hole in one.

Monday morning, Dycke called a meeting with Fiona, Marti, Steven Watkins, a former CIA cryptologist, and Morgan Childs, the head of M&M programming. He introduced Harold, and told them of his agreement with him. He also told them that information about this association was restricted to the people in this room. If anyone became curious about it, they were to be told to become un-curious immediately or their jobs would be forfeit. He said to them, "This rule goes from vice presidents of this company down to maintenance workers. We will use the World War II invasion code for this project. "Operation Overlord." If you are under duress you will answer, "Dwight Eisenhower," if everything is okay, you will answer, "The Invasion of Europe." You do not need to know what Howard is working on, only that it is above my pay grade, which makes it above yours. Are there any questions?"

The question and answer session lasted nearly 2 hours before the four people involved were satisfied they could fulfill their obligations. Each had demands that Howard and Dycke had to fulfill. The cryptologist and the head of programming for the M&M nearly came to blows over what type of computer they wanted Harold to have, and who was going to install the software programs. It almost got bloody. Dycke had to separate the two of them.

Marti wanted Harold in Charleston, full-time, under guard. Dycke overruled her and said there may be a way to protect him with local talent. He had to wait for Bob to come back to be sure.

Marti grumbled, but she liked the man she had turned the boy into, and she trusted his instincts.

Fiona told Dycke that financially, it was easy to cover any expenditures made for Howard's project. It could get lost in multiple projects for years, before anyone knew the money had been diverted.

As the meeting adjourned Dycke said to Harold, "Stay close to the wall and be ready to duck."

Harold looked at him and saw the devil in his eyes. He moved swiftly towards a wall, and away from Dycke.

Dycke said, "Marti, when is the wedding?"

Marti turned, picked up the nearest chair, and threw it at him. "God damn you Dycke. I am going to kill you one of these days. We just met, and I'm not getting married."

"Marti, either you are senile, or I can't count. You met Brock 15 months ago. You have been living with him for nearly 6 months. It's getting to the point that the people in here wonder where your frown went. Put the guy out of his misery and marry him already."

Marti reached for another chair, and Dycke said, "If you throw that chair at me, I am going to give Brock a diamond ring to put on your finger."

"Dycke, you wouldn't do that to me."

He smiled. "How many years have you been wearing dresses to work Marti?"

"You cheated, you little prick. You didn't tell me you installed that gym on the fourth floor of that building to train in."

"My darling wife warned you not to bet with me. She begged you several times, not to bet with me. Hubris is a sin, Marti. The Greeks used to banish people for years because of it. You were warned, but you were above everyone else, because you knew I wouldn't, no couldn't win. I can't wait to see you in a wedding gown."

The chair missed him by less than a foot, because he was laughing so hard he forgot to duck.