Hopeful Sin Ch. 10

Filliandari

On her first morning out from the Yawning Giant, Filli prayed for spells and Asher immediately appeared before her. "You are going the wrong way, Chosen. In more ways than one. Wait here for the Inquisitors. We will help you, Fillindari, but you must let us. Stay." He commanded her before departing. That left her a choice, to stay like a good girl, and come to heel. Or run. Faster. She also learned that praying for her spells provided a traceable link, but apparently only outside the dungeons.

Anger flared, and for a moment, she considered remaining and giving all of them a piece of her goddamn mind, but common sense kicked in quickly enough for her to begin fleeing long before the paladins could reach her.

Life outside the dungeons was safe, almost ridiculously so. She did not need her spells to defend herself. However, that same time of day and action of praying was part of her tenants. It was not unheard of to skip a day or two if circumstances didn't allow it, but as angry and self-righteous as she felt, she didn't want to surrender her lifestyle completely, nor turn her back to the Goddess of Light and Life. So, she placed a knife beside her, unsheathed and easy to grab before she began her prayers. If the Nephilim wanted to threaten her, she would be prepared to threaten him right back.

As she completed her prayers, a golden light flared, and Asher appeared. "What are you doing, Fillindari?"

"Praying," she answered succinctly, opening her eyes to glare at him, "Does that bother you?"

He sighed. "You are being difficult. Half a millennia of good service to your fellow mortals, and suddenly you are a petulant child. Where are you going? You were called back to the town by an Emissary of the Powers you claim to serve. Or has service lost its meaning to you?"

"I have already tried to explain to you what I need right now, Asher, and you have chosen to disregard my thoughts, feelings and wishes. More than that, you've outright insulted me because of them. I have nothing more to say until you come to me with an open mind and fewer intentions to return me to a life of loneliness."

He closed his eyes, and she could sense he was communicating with his Goddess. Then he returned his gaze to her, his silver eyes burning. "I can see that unquestioning faith is no longer a part of you. Then let me be a little more clear. If you insist on becoming a demon's strumpet, you risk undoing everything you have done before." He crossed his arms, glaring down at her as he waited for that to settle in.

"YOU are the one making me question my faith, Asher!" she cried out in frustration, "I just wanted one thing from you, I wanted help. I wanted understanding! I want to not be alone forever!" There was raw emotion in her voice, carrying centuries of loneliness and isolation.

"I'm so tired, can't you see that? Tired of being an object instead of a person, of being watched every moment of my life, of always saying the right thing and looking the right way. I'm so tired..." her voice cracked, and she turned away to hide the tears in her eyes.

His light enveloped her. It was cool. Calming. Not hot, not warm like Eris...

"We are not perfect beings. But we strive to be. After everything you witnessed in your trials, it was believed that you would never be interested in such things. We should have anticipated your flaws and weaknesses. I would be honored to mate with you as needed. And if our relationship is so soiled at this point, you could have your pick of any celestial being.

There are, as I mentioned, spells that could also close that void in your heart. The heavens will bend to your needs to cure you of this affliction."

"There you go, insulting me again. Do you really think I want something so... meaningless as a dutiful copulation? Because that's all it would be to you, or to anyone else you approve of, because no one sees me as a person."

"It is mortals that look for confirmation of love, Fillindari. We feel love for all mortals of the Light. It is unspoken but ever true. So yes, I love you." He said coolly, and she found herself remembering Eris saying those words as his warm lips brushed her neck. All while his burning hands explored every inch of her.

"Your sincerity is overwhelming," this was said with a sigh, "I'm not coming with you, Asher, and I don't want you to do anything with me, so you can just go."

"If you insist on acting like a child, then I will have to treat you as such. You are too important to the world to throw your purpose away. Where are you going?" he demanded.

"You'll know when I get there." her hand slipped down to rest on her knife, not grabbing it, but bracing herself.

He noted her hand. "You would strike me? You must know that would not avail you. Come, I will take you back to Aglavrin, we can even travel through the Celestial Paths, that you might see the rewards of service."

"I'm not going with you. And the knife isn't for you. I'd rather be dead than keep living like this, Asher."

He sighed again, "We both know you cannot die. Just come, there is no sense in idling." He out reached to grab her, perhaps intending to pull her along like a naughty child.

Immortality was such a damned inconvenience when trying to make a point. "Right. Yet another choice that's been taken away from me!" Filli snapped angrily, and grabbed the knife, interposing it between herself and his hand as she scrambled to her feet. "Leave me alone, Asher."

Asher swatted the knife aside and grabbed her by the front of her robes. He seemed prepared to take her by force if she was unwilling to fight. His total disregard for her choices, opinions and feelings was absolutely enraging, and in a moment of true blind fury, she struck out, running the knife down his arm, yelling, "I said leave me ALONE!"

He hissed as light shone from his wound before it healed, nearly instantly. In reflex he released her robes then backhanded Filli hard enough to drop her on her rump.

Then, he gasped in shock, his silver eyes widening at what he'd done. "Forgive me, Chosen, I did not... You must return to the Light, Fillindari. If you couple with a fiend, you will doom the world! You will release the King of Sacrilege from his prison and everything you have suffered through will be for NOTHING!"

He vanished in a golden flare as her cheek swelled and tears filled her eyes. She had no words for him, although his departing statement was enough to shake her further. The only problem was she didn't know if she could believe him, or if it was just another attempt to persuade her to remain alone and chaste.

But... she owed him at least the chance to explain, right? She can't make a real decision, unless she has the whole story.

So, while she continued on her way to the Holy City, thoughts of Eris now competed with fear of what she could be dooming the world to and she found she was ready to listen to Asher's reasoning the next time she prayed.

Filli was about a day from the city, and a day from her reunion with Eris, when she prayed again. Sure enough, Asher appeared in a beam of light.

"I wish you had simply told me you were going to Aurevail. I would fully condone you seeking the wisdom of all the Light's faiths."

She didn't correct his assumption, of course, tersely cutting to the point. "Why would it release the Great Evil if I laid with the child of a fiend? And he's only part, by the way, diluted by several generations."

"If I tell you the reason, and you believe me, will you swear to forgo your... dalliance?"

"Now you sound like a demon, trying to get something from me before I have all of the information I need."

Asher sighed. "You are clearly poorly influenced...

The Demon is Sealed in Darkness but for Flame. One Hundred Pure Keys, turned upon by the turning of Trust to Betrayal. By the Hand of a Believer without Faith, wielded by the Love of the Light to the Darkness.

Such is the prophecy of the Fiends Freedom..."

Filli was silent, staring at him. Which was her role? The Believer without Faith, or the Love of the Light to the Darkness?

"...Spoken by the Living Saint, Fillindari of the Fallen Champions.".

She blinked and recoiled slightly; taken aback by a prophecy she had no memory of. "What?" she sputtered dumbly.

"That is what you told me as I carried you from the Fiend's lair. You have faith, no matter how shaken. Could you be the one to love the Darkness?"

Filli's eyes closed. She'd wondered this, herself, between bitter musings about Asher and his determination to drag her back to her lonely path. She... didn't think she loved Eris, but she could love him with time. "It's not fair," she whispered, her heart aching with longing.

"Such is the duty of those who would shield the world from harm. Go to the Holy City. Find your answers. If you need me, you need only call." He vanished once more.

Before reaching the outskirts of Aurevail, Filliandari braced herself, taking a slow, deep breath. It was not that she needed to brace herself to see and give the worst news to Eris, but entirely to do with her inevitable reception. If just once in her life she could walk somewhere without being watched and whispered about, groveled to or otherwise... that would be a happy day for her.

After deciding she'd delayed long enough, she proceeded. Having her visit was almost like a literal godsend to the people of the city and everyone wanted her to bless them with her presence at tonight's sermon at whatever church they belonged to. Some even argued over which church should be so favored. Filli was able to shut those down fast enough, though. As a devotee to the Goddess of Light and Life, it was obvious that it would be to Her temple that she should go first. She may even have the opportunity to get a little privacy there, too, as they had a room within the temple dedicated to her use.

Movement toward the temple was slow, with the throng of commoners, soldiers and minor nobilities orbiting her. It was only when the High Priestess Genevieve, a grandmotherly woman whom Filli had known since the woman was a baby she said a blessing over, ordered her Paladins, not of the Inquisition, to hold back the tide. As Filli passed, she kissed her warmly on the cheek. "Your room is ready, dear. I had a bath drawn when I heard of your arrival. I only hope it is still hot after your slow march here."

Filli's smile was genuine for the first time since... well, since parting with Eris, a realization that sent a pang of regret and longing into her heart. "My thanks, High Priestess." She was more than happy to use the woman's name in private settings but was always so careful to do the proper thing at the proper time in public settings.

While Filli towel dried herself after her somewhat lukewarm bath, she heard her chamber doors open and Genevieve entered with a steaming bowl of her favorite chicken and vegetable soup, calling informally, "Filli, are you hungry? I hope you didn't take whatever food the people had in their pockets to suddenly thrust at you on the way here. You'll catch worms that way."

"I learned that the hard way many years ago, Eve," she smiled in jest, but the woman who had known her for so long was easily able to see the pain and sorrow she was suffering, even though she hid it well. "Thank you for the soup."

The woman sat down at the table, waiting patiently with her eyes politely averted as Filli pulled on a robe. She then took out two spoons and a knife, making Filli smile once more. She remembered asking why the knife for soup, so long ago, and just like she did now, Eve hurled the knife suddenly at the door. She heard teen voices yelp in terror and quick footsteps run down the hall. Word that she was roomed here spread fast.

Eve took a spoon of the soup, blowing on it before asking, "So, what's wrong?"

Her eyes were on Filli's neck where she'd tied the high-collared robe, and her gaze let Filli know that she did not do a good job at hiding the collar around her neck.

Filli reached up, grasping the cloth at her neck together, then sat and dipped her spoon in and out of the soup a few times, not bringing it to her lips. More than Eris, certainly more than Asher, she knew she could tell this woman anything, without fear of judgment, without fear of persecution or tattling to the Inquisition for political prestige... This was a woman who understood her better than even the Goddess they both served, the Goddess that had Chosen her.

"...I'm lonely, Eve," Filli said softly, not raising her eyes to look at her friend.

"Oooh, who is he?" she asked, as if they were still teenagers, "Before you ask, you have never once been depressed about loneliness. You can't miss something you never had. But you have had something. Who, who?" she demanded impatiently.

A deep inhale, and despite her faith in Genevieve, Filli braced herself, "His name is Eris. He's a tiefling... and no we haven't... gone there... we can't for... obvious reasons..."

"Is he cute? Oh, by the Light, is he descended from a 'bus?" She sounded downright wistful. "Did he make it to second bell??*"

*Base. Touchy feely. Based on how far a horny teen could get as the bell tolls noon, as everyone is too busy listening and watching the bells to notice.

The utter lack of judgment had Filli pausing with surprise. Sometimes it was just so... bizarre to be treated like a normal person, even if she wished that was what she was all the time. "He's... incredibly handsome. Flattering. His skin is like... like living fire."

The eighty-year-old woman sagged wistfully in her seat. It occurred to Filli that the head of the Church of Light and Life may very well know the prophecy... She stared at her for a few long moments... then everything came pouring out. Meeting Eris, his infuriating comments to begin with, tempered by the way his heat made her feel and how it was... beyond wonderful to be treated as a person, as a woman, rather than an untouchable idol. She repeated what he'd said of seeing her in the crowd and thinking that she looked so sad and alone... Then her voice choked with grief and anger as she talked of Asher, his attempts to control her, and finally the prophecy.

"Hogswaddle, that's what the prophecy is. Are you planning to murder a bunch of people, hmm? One hundred souls. Not a soul that dies in the Light goes unaccounted for, our Lady sees to that. And how can someone be a believer without faith, hmm? And I doubt your man is so deep in evil that he is of the Darkness. If he was that evil, you would not feel a damn thing for him. Just plain racism. That's all it is. Lady have mercy, to have one night with a pleasure demon..." Her eyes glazed over again, giving Filli time to think about her words.

Maybe she was right. It was not like Asher spoke without extreme bias about such things, he'd been surrounded by Angels longer than she'd been alive and they were nothing, if not incredibly judgmental about anything that wasn't as perfect as they.

But...

"But if the prophecy is true and I'm just... falling for some elaborate game... demons and devils have been known to pull worse tricks... Eve, can I be so selfish as to take that risk?"

Eve looked at her with fondness and love, "Can the world be so selfish as to ask you not to take that risk?"

The term "Devil's Advocate" flashed through Filli's mind. But maybe Eve was also right in her own way, too. Hadn't Filli given enough? Maybe it was her time to step down as Chosen, to stand aside for a new hero to rise to greatness.

"So, what brings you to the City? Surely not just to talk about boys, good and bad."

"We had an idea... or I guess a couple of ideas. I need to enter the Halls of Repentance. My hope is that the more... neutral and chaotic celestials may be able to offer a solution to the issue of my aura... or failing that...." she sighed, "Eris knows a potion to brew from the essence of one."

"You want a lantern. They make a good reagent for continual light spells too. Don't give me that look. They are like celestial fireflies. Not even intelligent. But yes, the Alluvials may be able to help. More victims of racism. I cannot stand racism, intolerance, bull headedness, or gypsies."

Filli shook her head, finally taking a bite from the bowl of mostly cooled soup. "Thank you, Eve... For caring more about Filli than Filliandari the Chosen of Light..."

"Oh, I care about both equally. But I like Filli far more than that other stuck-up girl. Honestly, do you know how long it takes to go shopping when she is in town?" Eve shuddered.

Now Filli groaned, telling her friend about the absolute nightmare of a time she'd had while shopping for... personal items.

"By.The.Goddess... Have you used them all?!?!"

Now Filli was blushing, but also grinning. "Um... Well... Not all, not yet, but... yes, we've used some and...." she pulled aside the neck of her robe to show her collar and tag in full.

"You have a boyfriend!" Eve leapt up, cried out and grabbed her back, healing herself, then rushed over to pull Filli to her feet and hug her. "You, my beloved Chosen of Destiny, are a slut. I am so proud!"

Filli returned the embrace... empowered with her own aura of healing as she held the elderly woman close. "If anyone but you called me that, I might be offended. But... I suppose I'll just have to suck it up and let you live vicariously through me."

"Oh, please do. Even the priests who desire my position do not hit on me anymore," Eve sighed, "And I trust there is at least one other person who can call you a slut. And I should be very disappointed in him if he has not," she kisses her dear friend on the cheek, "You know, there's a passage to the Halls below the temple... we of the Goddess use it to beg forgiveness of the imprisoned for the actions of the Church of Light and Law."

"I doubt they'll be happy to see me. The one who put the Inquisitors in a position of power to begin with." she sighed. So many things went wrong because of her.

"Go to them. Be kind and patient. And on your way past the kitchen, be sure to pick up a juicer."

Filli winced at the mental image. Even if they were "basically fireflies".

"Thanks. I should probably get going, though thank the Goddess you have a better way for me to go than through town..." her internal conflict seemed to be resolved... at least for the moment.

Filli left her friend and traveled unmolested through the temple. As she headed for the reliquary, she passed the kitchen and after a moment of hesitation, she ducked in, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, though she still got strange looks from the kitchen staff as she grabbed a juicer and left without anything else.

She made her way down a long tunnel that ended at a door. Opening it, she found a square room of white marble, threaded with black veins. To her left stood a staircase up to the Inquisitor guarded main entrance, the ornate marble door at the top, she knew, would be magically sealed. Directly ahead of her was a staircase down to a golden door. And nestled in the corner of the room was a ratty little tent. The remaining pain in her heart eased at the sight of it, and there was no hesitation in her gait as she rushed toward it, throwing open the front flap.

Entering the grand hall, a tux waited to take her cloak, bag, and traveling gear. Another arrived to handle the juicer. A third patiently waved her toward the stairs. Filli had only just opened the door to the bedroom when Eris almost bowled her over in his rush to sweep her up in a tight embrace. She threw her arms around her tiefling, burying her face in his neck, feeling the warmth of him on her face and against her body, even through the thick cloth of her robe and she squeezed tighter.

I don't want to give this up... Her mind screamed as her heart swelled and, in that moment, she knew. If hers was the role of Light loving Darkness... she was already lost.