All Comments on 'Hostile Witness Ch. 05'

I would love to see Susan try to kill herself since she doesn't have anything else to love for. But the bull whip seems out of character for her. I know you tried to make it seem in character, by saying that other police officers do it, but this was a little out of character.

I would love to see her figure out how to blame that on Mr. Luther and see her kill him, Mercy, and number 2 or finds a way to call into the FBI and bring down the whole thing.

She still has to take him down. Got to happen

Excellent ending to this chapter. I was wondering how you were going to speed things up and get Susan promoted.

As another commenter noted this was out of character and that’s because it was planned by Susan and she out played her caretakers in this chapter.

Susan is learning the game quickly and the reasons I believe the end of that chapter occurred the way it did is because Susan needed it to end that way.

First, she’s a cop, and clearly according to the text, a good one. If your going to be a good one you have to be willing to make snap decisions and live with the results. Remember she didn’t kill anyone. She only hurt someone and they are going to recover just fine in “the other” facility.

Second, I believe that she did that act of hurting (again not killing, disfiguring, or maiming - just pain) to 21 intentionally, not as a reaction to the stimuli of the moment throwing her into it violently. I was a planned reaction by Susan.

When Susan discovered the psych profiles on every new arrival, she noted that she never had a chance. In other words, those who were watching her knew exactly what to watch for in her both hanging onto the past, and her finally breaking free of it. So she began psycho analyzing herself and identifying what acts it would take to enable her to move to the next rung of taking Luther and his whole universe down. She knew it had to be drastic, reactive, and completely out of character. Not to mention feel real to everyone watching and analyzing her.

Susan also knows that she needs to get Victoria as far and safely away from her as she can. And the small argument scene and her new legal role helped setup up her next actions to separate herself from Victoria fully.

Then when the lights went out, and 21 tried to escape, in a place where events like that could never happen because everything is predetermined down to the Nth degree (except random emotional reactions), Susan knew it was a setup. Something meant to trigger her.

And when the moment occurred she acted as she had prepared herself to act. Playing the role and reacting like they all hoped she would. She gained the needed deeper separation from Victoria in the dungeon room. Task one completed. And then acted on her plan using 21 as the seemingly unnecessary victim of her violence. Task two completed.

Lights go out. Lights turn on. Everyone is promoted. No one is really damaged. And Susan has a clean slate to work from in…taking it all down.

I hope there will be more of this.

Please. More. Very good.

Sorry, but I think this story is done. It was always about Susan's fall and acceptance of her new role in Luthor's training stable. There was never any plan for a redemption arc or her pulling it out of the fire for a happy ending. My original storyline had her believing that she choked Madissyn to death and that there was no way back, but that was too extreme for Literotica standards.

Thanks for the feedback and feel free to develop your own fan fiction as you see fit. I doubt I will revisit this story any time soon.

This looks more ending of act I than ending of the whole story. Maybe one day you will be inspired to write the second act. Could be about another character as main protagonist, or Susan, but there's threads you can follow, the world you created can be explored in other ways.

You do know that doctors stopped using silicone in breast implants in the 90s, right?

Yeah author props for your righting grammar etc. but I just don’t like this grim main protsgonist stuck in a grim dark situation especially since she is written in as a good person. I mean you could Ague moral of the story is life sucks but that’s about it

Something feels so off about how this wrapped up.

Are we supposed to believe this man cares for one second whose blood is on his hands? He traps women in a life of slavery where they are under constant threat of being disposed of or being some psychopath’s road kill. (Poor, poor Emma.) Men like this have absolutely no conscience and no believable moral code.

These women are made to compete against each other, trick and manipulate to survive and to keep other women alive—if they care to do so. They’re ultimate “reward” is to be treated like a person and allowed to do work other than whore. (Poor, delusional Veronica.) Except, no matter how high they get, they can at anytime be made to sexually service anyone or restart at the bottom of the pecking order if that’s what Luthor or Mercy want.

10 tried hard to sell that better-life BS of being a real-life-sex slave/fucktoy rather than attempt to survive outside as a free person because they’ve been tossed away by or kidnapped because of some man. Gods that annoyed me. Stories that disappear women without a trace give me such anxiety there is almost never any pleasure in reading them. Might as well open a newspaper and just count up the news stories about how many women disappeared and can’t be found.

(I must say I often forgot which character was what number, and had to keep re-reading to keep them straight. Annoying.)

Then, Susan, with childhood trauma pushing her for over a decade to trust in the power of hard work and the law to help her avenge her father, half kills some woman for causing Veronica’s status to drop? In a matter of weeks? Months? That makes no sense to me. I think it was foolish of her not to shoot that dickhead when she had the chance—what about the good of the many?—I understand her choice.

Her completely falling under the sway of that effed slave system and giving up on ever watching Luther’s house burn is hard to swallow.