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All Comments on 'Hosting the New Quarterback Pt. 01'

by kirsESS

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  • 3 Comments
donaldelliott11donaldelliott11about 5 years ago
Slow it down a bit

I love the MILF story lines, but this one raced to the bedroom. He barely harassed the son, I'm not sure if there's a husband to be accounted for or not, and the entire sex act was over in 3 short paragraphs.

You made a common mistake by starting in first-person perspective. That only works if the narrator is ever-present. The moment he went shopping, you had to flip to third-person.

Please keep trying - but get an editor to help you write better.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

Hot! I would have made the first move. I would have given Clyde the best blow job he ever had and let my mom and sister watch.

boolezboolezover 1 year ago

Love your stories and their game versions! Please keep making them!

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userkirsESS@kirsESS
5 Stories
141 Followers
Creating cuckold themed stories, games and images on Patreon. Check us out to see the images that go with our stories! https://www.patreon.com/kirsess Also, feel free to message us through Literotica if you're interested in commissioning something. Commission guidelines avai...